Better Off Dead: The Lily Harper Series, Book 1

by H. P. Mallory

  The clown pouted as it brought its palm toward Tallis. When Tallis lowered the vial over the glowing orb, the thing eagerly moved into the vial. Tallis quickly recapped the vial and placed it directly into his sporran again. He glanced at me and motioned for me to stand behind him, which I did. Bill immediately fell into line behind me. We started forward, away from the hurricane of souls and toward the rear of the tent, the wall of which was now visible again.

  “We miss you, bladesmith,” the clown called out behind Tallis’s retreating back. “You should visit us more often!”

  I thought it a strange thing for the creature to say, but was even more floored that both clowns had not only recognized Tallis, but also knew the nature of his business, that he was a bladesmith. It was a level of intimacy I didn’t imagine Tallis sharing with creatures of the Underground City…

  “So was that glowing ball the soul?” I asked, once we emerged from the tent.

  “Aye,” Tallis answered dismissively.

  “Amen to that!” Bill called out behind me. “Now we can get the hell outta this shithole!”

  Looking around myself, I didn’t know where we were. Although I could say we were definitely still in the amusement park, judging by the flickering neon lights of the various hideous attractions; but we sure hadn’t come in this way. I could only hope that Tallis knew where he was going.

  No sooner did the thought cross my mind than someone or something dropped from the ledge of a building right in front of us. She landed on her toes, and in the next instant, held the blade of her long sword at Tallis’s throat. He stopped short and I nearly walked headlong into him, but caught myself just in time. Bill, on the other hand, walked straight into my butt.

  “Frickin’ walk blocker!” he yelled into my ear. “Don’t just stop walkin’ when I’m right behind you!” Any further arguments died on his tongue as soon as he realized we weren’t alone.

  “Tallis Black,” the woman purred, the lilt in her voice a direct contradiction to the sword she held at Tallis’s throat. “Bet you aren’t too happy to see me.”

  In the reflection of the brilliant lights, I could just make out her features. She looked like she was in her late twenties, maybe. She was tall, probably my height of five feet eight inches, and appeared quite slender in her dark blue jeans and zipped up leather jacket. Her skin and hair were the same shade of dark chocolate, and her large, round eyes and full lips made her very pretty. Her lips parted into the semblance of a smile as she beheld Tallis. Even with the smile, I couldn’t tell if she was happy to see him or not.

  As for Tallis, I could only wonder what his reaction might be to having her sword parked precariously over his throat. I waited in heated anticipation for him to say or do something. When he chuckled and shook his head, I was more than a little surprised.

  “Ah admit Ah am nae happy tae see ye, lass,” he said with genuine amusement.

  The woman’s smile fell and she frowned instead, cocking a well-manicured eyebrow with obvious irritation. “Well, when you steal other people’s belongings, it’s best to lay low.”

  “Steal?” I heard myself ask out loud.

  The woman turned her attention from Tallis to me and nodded. “That’s right.” Then she glanced back at Tallis. “You want to tell your friends the story? Or shall I?”

  “Be mah guest,” Tallis said, with the same lilt of amusement in his tone.

  The woman nodded and faced me. “First off, introductions, I’m Sherita Eaton, and I’m also the unlucky SOB who fell victim to this jerk.” She inclined her head in Tallis’s direction.

  “That isnae fair,” Tallis said, shaking his head and, apparently, finally standing up for himself. “We baith happened tae be efter th’ same sool. It coulds hae happened tae anyain.”

  “No,” Sherita snapped at him, shaking her head as her eyes boiled with anger. “I was on AfterLife Enterprises business, and it was my mission to rescue that soul! Furthermore, you knew it then just as you know it now.” She took a breath and continued to glare at him. “You were just going after an easy win.”

  “You’re a Retriever?” I asked, surprised.

  Sherita nodded. “That I am and a damned good one.”

  “Ah can attest tae that,” Tallis offered, still chuckling.

  “Compliments aren’t going to get you anywhere,” Sherita said. She held her sword a bit higher so that it rested at the base of his chin. “You know what I want, Black.”

  Tallis said nothing, but reached inside his sporran and produced the vial with the glowing soul inside it, handing it to her.

  “You’re just going to give it to her?” I blurted out incredulously. Anger welled up inside me at the very thought that I was risking my own life in the bowels of this godforsaken place to save a soul that he’d just handed over to a stranger! It was bad enough that I’d allowed Tallis to take the credit for the mission!

  “Aye, she’s reit. Ah owe ’er oone.”

  Sherita held her palm out and Tallis dropped the vial into it. Snapping her hand back, she placed the vial in her jacket pocket, being extra careful to zip it up.

  “Mah debt is paid,” Tallis announced to her. She just nodded and removed her blade from his chin. In the same moment, Ragur the clown popped out from behind a nearby wall and threw himself on her.

  “… I swooned away as if I had been dying, and fell, even as a dead body falls.”

  — Dante’s Inferno

  FIFTEEN

  First, I screamed, then Bill screamed. That was all I remained conscious of for at least the time between two heartbeats. I suddenly snapped back into reality and watched Tallis hoist his blade above his head. He screamed something indecipherable before launching himself forward. First, he kicked the clown off Sherita, who crab-crawled backwards towards the wall. Although she gasped for air and the shocked expression of fear was still very much in her eyes, she didn’t look too much the worse for wear.

  “Are you all right?” I yelled to her.

  Bringing her wide eyes to mine, she simply nodded. Clearly, she was still caught in the web of surprise. After shaking herself off, she glanced down at her body, as if taking stock to make sure she wasn’t wounded. As far as I could see, she wasn’t bleeding, so I assumed Ragur hadn’t hurt her. A split second later, she was on her feet, standing alongside Tallis, her sword above her head.

  Tallis and Ragur faced off, each waiting for the other to make the first move. Tallis’s back was towards me so I couldn’t see his expression, but Ragur wore an obscene smile. The blood from its stitches dripped into its mouth, making its grin all the more sinister. Ragur wasn’t armed as far as weaponry, although it was armed with incredible speed and the ability to materialize and dematerialize at will. Tallis made the first move and wielded his blade at his opponent, but Ragur simply disappeared into the ether, only to reappear a few feet away.

  Sherita took the opportunity to throw herself forward, thrusting her sword directly in front of her, where Ragur stood. She lost her grip on the sword, however, when it merely penetrated the air and, consequently, dropped into the dirt. The sound of Ragur’s hissing laugh haunted my ears as the hideous clown materialized just five steps away. Sherita was quick to regain her balance and grabbed her sword, thrusting it forward again. But Ragur vanished just as quickly.

  “Bastard!” she yelled out in frustration, looking at Tallis, her face filled with exasperation.

  “Keep ah watch oan ’im!” he reprimanded her.

  She immediately faced forward again as Ragur materialized behind Tallis. The bladesmith was unnaturally swift on his feet as he spun and plunged his sword at Ragur. Again, only the air suffered the blow.

  It soon became obvious that Ragur was doing this little game of cat and mouse on purpose—to tire Tallis and Sherita out. Once exhausted, they would be much less of a threat. It was a good strategy, but I guessed Tallis was already onto it. I mean, he was possessed by that warrior, Donald (or someone), right? So that had to mean he was gifted when it came
to combat … right?

  Thinking it wouldn’t do anyone any good for me to just stand on the sidelines and watch, I lifted my sword, along with my courage, and took a step forward.

  “Oh, fuck to the hell’s no! You aren’t goin’ out there!” Bill chided me as he gripped my collar, firmly yanking me backwards. “You die the second time around on my watch an’ I’ll prolly end up cleanin’ toilets.”

  I frowned at him, saying nothing because it was more than obvious that I couldn’t add much to the fight. I’d probably just end up getting in the way. So, instead, I stood by and watched Ragur continue its disappearing act while Sherita and Tallis tried to take the clown out. After another few seconds, during which time neither Tallis nor Sherita could get the upper hand, I felt my heart climb up into my throat.

  What if one or both of them get injured or killed? Or worse, what if other creatures in this awful place get wind of this battle and come en masse, to fight us? The thought of Shade suddenly flashed into my mind and I had to consciously banish it.

  “What if Tallis and Sherita don’t win?” I whispered to Bill, never pulling my attention from the two in question. “What happens if Ragur wins?”

  Bill’s eyebrows reached for the night sky as he shrugged. “You better pray Conan and Conette win.”

  Gulping down the acidic taste of panic, I faced the three of them again. As Ragur pulled another invisibility stunt, Tallis took a few steps back and rested the blade of his sword on the dirt. Sherita immediately frowned at him, shrugging her shoulders in an enactment of “what the hell are you thinking?” His simple nod hinted that he had a plan. She exhaled a deep breath and shook her head, but the small smile at the ends of her lips intimated her trust in him. I could only hope her intentions were right on.

  Sherita faced Ragur again, who materialized directly in front of her. As she heaved her sword and leveled the blade, the clown again dematerialized. Tallis, meanwhile, closed his eyes and dropped down to one knee. Gripping his sword with both hands, he seemed to be in some sort of trance. The seconds ticked by like hours as my heart pounded through me. I couldn’t understand why Tallis would risk so much by closing his eyes. It just seemed like an open invitation for Ragur to attack him. Biting my lip, I suppressed the need to either yell at him, or throw myself into the fight. Instead, I merely watched. Tallis opened his eyes and reached over to his right side, pulling his sword back against his outer thigh. He immediately drove it forward, into thin air.

  The sound of a grunt followed before a few flashes of what looked like lightning traveled up Tallis’s sword. The flashes of lightning made a popping sound as they danced along the steel. Ragur appeared again, only this time at the end of Tallis’s blade, the look of sheer surprise visible in its red eyes. Tallis stood up, lifting his foot and placing it against the clown’s thigh. Using Ragur’s body for leverage, he pulled his sword free. A black, oily goo bled from the enormous wound in Ragur’s stomach as the awful creature fell backwards onto the ground. Then its body began to spasm, as if in the midst of a seizure.

  Tallis approached the dying abomination, the expression on his face revealing nothing. Aside from the beads of sweat along his hairline, he didn’t even look like he’d just been in mortal combat. Without a word, Tallis raised his sword above his head and narrowed his eyes on the clown. He swiftly sliced Ragur’s neck, severing the clown’s head from its body in one quick, clean stroke. A spray of inky, gooey blood issued from Ragur’s headless corpse, which started to twitch. Ragur’s head, meanwhile, rolled away from its body, its eyes still wide open with surprise. The debris on the ground got caught in its stitches and the sticky fresh blood at the corners of its mouth. The head came to a rest in front of Bill, who glared down at it.

  “Snap!” he yelled at the head, doing some sort of little hop-jump thing before breaking into a reverse lunge, while thrusting his palm out. It was a move that I imagined was supposed to look like something from the martial arts. Losing his balance, however, he had to pull his leg forward again to narrowly avoid toppling over. With his hands on his hips, he stared down at Ragur’s head. “How you like them apples, you ugly, motherfuc …”

  Ragur’s mouth suddenly opened and exhaled a dying hiss. With an exceptionally shrill, girly scream, Bill doubled over on himself trying to get away from it. When he was far enough away from the repugnant thing that it could no longer be considered a threat, he turned his stricken expression to Tallis. “Dude! What the hell? Isn’t it dead yet?”

  Tallis crossed his arms against his chest, shaking his head while chuckling. I wasn’t sure whether it was Bill’s lack of coordination or his girl scream which Tallis found so amusing. “Aye, ’tis dayd.”

  “Finally!” Bill exhaled, appearing annoyed. “Can we get the hell outta Dodge now, please?” he continued, shaking his head, running a beefy hand through his hair. “I’ve had enough of this crazy ass shit!” He yelled the last bit and reached for my hand to lead me around Ragur’s head. He glanced down at it and sighed. “Frickin’ clowns … this shit’s gonna start makin’ me wet the bed again.”

  “Interesting friends you’ve got there, Black,” Sherita said. Her eyebrows furrowed in the middle as she motioned to Bill.

  “Aye, ah ken,” Tallis replied, smiling at her. When his eyes found mine, he smiled more broadly. Feeling fairly sure his response wasn’t meant as a compliment, I just frowned at him.

  The smile fell completely off his face a split second later, just as I felt an arm across my chest. I was yanked backwards so suddenly and quickly, all the air was emptied from my lungs. I faced Bill, who first gaped at me and then at whoever was holding me. The sickening scent of rotted meat suddenly turned my stomach as I felt a bony hand closing around my throat.

  My heart pounded so intensely, it felt like a jackhammer behind my eyes. But the headache wasn’t my biggest problem. Nope, the only thought to occupy my mind was whether or not I still held onto my sword. I couldn’t look down, since whatever had me by the throat wouldn’t allow it. Instead, I flexed both of my hands, and felt the welcome grip of my sword in my right one.

  “An eye for an eye, bladesmith,” Kipur, the other clown we’d encountered at the amusement park, yelled right next to my ear. Its words echoed so much, it sounded like it was at the bottom of a well. “A tooth for a tooth.”

  “Nae,” Tallis said, shaking his head and taking a step forward. Kipur immediately tightened its hold on my neck, prohibiting Tallis from moving any closer. Tallis’s eyes narrowed as he focused on the hideous creature, whose smell would have made me gag if its hand weren’t constricting my throat so much I couldn’t inhale. Its bony fingers felt like a chain wrapped around my neck.

  “Ragur attacked oos,” Tallis continued, his expression completely unreadable. Was he nervous? Angry? Or relieved to be done with me? I couldn’t tell. “We hud naethin’ tae dae wif it.”

  “Your word against his,” Kipur snapped back, pointing to Ragur’s head where it lay on the ground with its tongue hanging out of its mouth. “And, unfortunately for him, he’s dead and can’t defend himself.”

  “Don’t go there, Kipur,” Sherita said in an icy tone. “You know we’re here on AfterLife Enterprises business and you don’t want management looking into this, do you?”

  Kipur didn’t say anything for a second or two, but the frigidity of its skeletal fingers still threatened my neck. “I don’t give a shit about management!” it suddenly burst out. “You attacked one of ours so we attack one of yours.” Kipur thrust me forward a few steps and I could feel its other bony hand running through my hair.

  “You hurt one hair on her head, you fugly ass bitch, and I’ll …” Bill started, but Kipur’s mocking laugh interrupted him.

  “You’ll do what, angel?” Kipur demanded, snickering again. Apparently, the clown was well educated as to Bill’s shortcomings when it came to protecting me in the Underground City.

  “Yoo’ll hae tae answer tae me,” Tallis finished for Bill. With his arms crossed against h
is chest and his sword resting against his thigh, the Scotsman appeared quite intimidating. The deadly look in his eyes, though, took him far beyond intimidating, more like completely terrifying. For as scary as Ragur and Kipur were in their horrific goriness, Tallis was easily more daunting.

  “Answering to you is nothing new, bladesmith!” Kipur spat out as I wondered what the comment meant. The clown’s grip around my neck tightened again, and it started pulling its fingers through my hair, yanking out the tangles until the strands of hair broke free and my scalp stung.

  “Ah am losin’ mah patience,” Tallis ground out.

  “I’ve weighed my options, bladesmith, and I’ve decided I’d rather take my chances with management …” The creature paused for a moment or two. I could tell it was examining me, studying me. “So I can dig my fingernails into her throat and rip out her windpipe.”

  A scream began growing inside me at the same time as Kipur’s sharp fingernails threatened to pierce my skin. A split second later, Tallis’s eyes burned into mine, somehow flooding me with the urge to loosen the grip on my sword. I released it slightly, until I was only holding it with my fingertips. Then I felt the sword shifting beneath me, moving, although I wasn’t the one maneuvering it.

  That was when I understood. Looking up at Tallis, I found his eyes fixed on my sword. I felt the sword rise maybe a foot or so, while my hand simply rested on it. In a flash, it buried itself into Kipur’s toes. With a bellow, the clown immediately released me. I darted a few steps away from the loathsome creature as Tallis yelled: “Dinnae let go!”

  I figured he must have meant not to let go of my sword. I gripped the hilt more firmly and felt my sword freeing itself from Kipur’s toes. Raising itself up into the air, the sword pulled my arm along with it. In a second, it slashed Kipur from its right shoulder to the left of its waist. Black goo, just like what came out of Ragur, rained down on top of my sword and me.