All of My Soul

by Jenni Wilder

  “I will write you an outstanding letter of recommendation. Just let me know.”

  I nodded again, trying not to look too defeated.

  “Why don’t you take off early? I’ll see you Monday.”

  I had one week of my internship left, but it all kind of seemed pointless right now. I sighed, knowing I would be back here bright and early on Monday morning even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.

  After packing up my lab area, I left GenChem, only remembering after I reached the parking lot that I didn’t have my car. Shit, what was I going to do? Kennedy was supposed to pick me up, but since Scott let me go early, she wasn’t here.

  “Ms. Thompson?” A deep voice came from the end of the lot.

  I turned and saw a man dressed in a dark suit with a long trench coat approaching me. A black sedan with tinted windows sat idling near the entrance to the parking lot.

  “Yes?” I asked with caution as I took a small step back.

  “Mr. Monaghan hired me to drive you home.” He gave me a reassuring smile.

  “He—he did?”

  The man nodded and waved his arm toward the vehicle. It was just like the one Lincoln and I had in Boston.

  “How did you know I would be off work early?”

  “I’ve been here since this morning. Mr. Monaghan hired me to wait for you all day in case you needed anything.”

  Oh. Hmm…

  I turned my phone on as the man escorted me to the car, and I slowly walked behind him, slightly leery.

  “Did you hire a driver for me?”

  “Yes,” Lincoln texted back immediately. “I’m sorry I forgot to tell you. His name is Brody. He’ll take you anywhere you need to go. Please don’t go anywhere alone while I’m gone.”

  A wave of relief washed through me. I was being overparanoid.

  My phone beeped again. “Can’t wait to hear about your new job, baby. Love you.”

  His unfailing confidence in me made my heart hurt. Even though I knew it was only a funding issue, I still felt like a failure. I was disappointed and upset with myself, and I cried silently in the backseat the entire way home.

  Tabitha’s bus wasn’t due for another hour and a half, and when I walked into our house the dead silence was eerily comforting. I was so tired. I lay down on the couch with my coat and shoes still on and allowed myself a moment of grief.

  I woke to a small hand patting the side of my face.

  “Auntie Jilly Bean, are you sick?”

  I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. “Mm… Tabby Cat. Did you just get home from school?”

  “Yeah! Want to see the picture I drew?” She ran back to the entryway.

  My head throbbed as I sat up on the couch. Falling asleep while crying had given me a headache. Ugh. I needed some aspirin.

  Tabitha ran back into the living room and jumped onto the couch next to me, holding out a picture. There were three tall stick figures and one shorter one standing in front of a house. A giant rainbow and puffy blue clouds filled the sky, and a yellow sun sat in the corner of the paper.

  “Oh, it’s beautiful, Tabitha. Tell me about it.”

  She pointed to one of the stick figures. “This is Mommy.” She moved her finger to the smaller stick figure. “This is me,” she said, and then moved her finger to the last two stick figures that were holding hands. “And this is you and Mr. Lincoln.”

  My heart swelled as I realized Tabitha now included Lincoln in our family. “You did such a good job, Tabitha! Should we hang it on the refrigerator for Mommy to see when she comes home?”

  “Yeah!” she exclaimed and ran to the kitchen.

  I sighed as I checked my phone. I needed to talk to Lincoln. But instead of calling him, I typed a quick text. “Call me when you have a minute, please.”

  “Can I have apples and peanut butter?” Tabitha asked as I joined her in the kitchen.

  “Yeah. Get an apple, and I’ll cut it up for you. Then we’ll do your vocabulary worksheet, okay?”

  “All right…” Tabitha grumbled.

  Lincoln’s ringtone sounded from where I left my phone in the living room. Miley Cyrus’s “Adore You” played as I ran to answer Lincoln’s call.

  “Hello?” I said into my phone.

  “Princess.”

  “Hey… aren’t you busy with hockey stuff?” He had a game in a few hours.

  “I was waiting for you to call. What happened?”

  Fresh tears threatened to spill over as I sniffled a few times.

  “Jillian?” Lincoln prompted me.

  “I didn’t get the job,” I finally said in a shaky voice.

  “What? Why not?”

  “They said they didn’t have the funding.”

  “Oh, Princess. It’ll be okay. You’ll find something else. Something better.”

  I sniffled again.

  “They’re going to regret ever letting you go, baby. You’re going to be amazing, and you’re going to do great things with your research.”

  I exhaled sharply into the phone. “Thank you, Lincoln. I needed to hear that.”

  “It’s the truth.” I heard him sigh. “God, I wish I was there to hold you.”

  I inhaled deeply and steadied myself. “I’ll be okay. You’re right. This isn’t the end of the world.”

  “You’re so smart, baby. You’ll find something soon.” He had such confidence in me.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too. So much. Are you going to be okay?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be better when you get back.”

  He sighed again. “Princess. I’d be there right now if I could.”

  “I know, baby. It’s okay. Go play.”

  “Are you going to watch?”

  I turned back to Tabitha. “Tabitha, Rebecca, and I are going to watch your game and paint our nails.”

  Tabitha popped her head out of the kitchen and shouted, “I’m going to paint mine green!”

  Lincoln laughed through the phone.

  “Did you hear that?” I asked him.

  He laughed again. “Yeah,” he said. “Try to convince her to do Blackhawks colors.”

  I laughed. “I should! I’ll send you a picture.”

  “Sounds good, Princess. I’ll talk to you later, hmm?”

  “Okay, baby. Be safe!”

  ~~~~~~~~

  The last week of my internship was brutal. This was my last opportunity to accumulate any additional research I might need for my thesis. My two sisters and mother took turns watching Tabitha after school so I could stay in the lab later. I was working long hours and skipping lunch breaks. By the time Friday rolled around, I was mentally and physically exhausted, but I had gotten everything accomplished to the best of my abilities. I was proud of myself, and for the first time in a week, I had confidence that I would be able to continue my research elsewhere. Now I just had to compile my data, finish my thesis, and find a lab that would allow me to continue my research.

  That’s all, I thought with a tone of sarcasm.

  Lincoln hired Brody to take me to and from work all week since I was working such unpredictable hours and he didn’t want me leaving work alone late at night. So when I left GenChem labs for the last time on Friday afternoon I was surprised to find Lincoln sitting in the backseat of the hired car looking so handsome in a tailored gray suit.

  Without saying a word, I crawled into his lap and hugged him tightly. He had had several away games this week, and I had missed him.

  “Are you okay?” he asked as he rubbed my back. I’m sure he thought I would be upset on my last day.

  “I am. I’m fine.”

  He looked at me dubiously.

  “No, really. I’m proud of myself. I just kicked ass at an extremely challenging internship. My research went well. I have a lot of data to analyze, and now I have eighty-four days until my thesis is due to focus on it and my job hunt. And,” I added with a smile, “I have the best boyfriend in the whole city of Chicago.”

  “Well, damn.
I was shooting for best boyfriend in the whole state of Illinois.”

  I laughed and kissed him. “Well, that too.”

  “And this best boyfriend doesn’t have an away game until a week from tomorrow.”

  My smile grew even wider. “Now that is music to my ears. What are we going to do with all this free time?”

  Lincoln pushed my hair behind my ear and off my shoulder. “Well, tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate you rocking your internship.”

  “Mm… that sounds nice.”

  “And tomorrow everyone’s going to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade while I ride on the Blackhawks’ float, and then we’re going to drink green beer and eat corned beef and cabbage at Patrick’s. And on Sunday, we’re going to sleep in until I have to go to the rink, and you’re going to come watch my game. You’re not going to think about internships or jobs or your thesis at all this weekend. Okay?”

  I locked my arms around his neck and rested my forehead against his. “That sounds perfect.” I loved how Lincoln knew I desperately needed some time to relax and not think about schoolwork or my career.

  He tipped his head slightly until our lips met. “You’re perfect,” he said after kissing me quickly.

  “You keep saying that. You’re going to have a rude awakening one of these days if you honestly believe that.”

  “I don’t need to believe it. I need you to believe it.”

  I shook my head. “But it’s not true. I have flaws. I have faults. Everyone does.”

  “Don’t you see, Princess? Your flaws aren’t faults. They’re part of what makes you perfect to me.”

  I wasn’t stupid. I knew all the things about myself that were considered less than desirable. My scars, of course, were on the top of the list. My confidence level was also less than enticing, although that was getting better the longer I was with Lincoln. I was stubborn. I could be clingy, and I had massive trust issues. But I could almost—almost—see how Lincoln could think those things weren’t faults, considering his last relationship. Mackenzie had put him through a world of hurt when she used him to increase her celebrity status, and he knew I would never do that to him. I could see how that would be covetable.

  I sighed. “I still think you’re crazy,” I told him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “But you’re my crazy.”

  He smiled my favorite smile. “You got that right,” he whispered before dipping in to kiss me as Brody drove us to my house.

  ~~~~~~~~

  “You look so beautiful in that dress,” Lincoln said to me from across the restaurant table. We had stopped at my house to drop off my research stuff, and I had quickly changed into nicer clothes. Since he was wearing a suit, I wanted to dress up too.

  Normally our dates were pretty casual. I’d maybe wear a nice sweater dress and leggings. I hadn’t even dressed up for Valentine’s Day since we had been in Boston and attending a hockey game, but tonight I chose the nicest dress I owned. My sisters had given it to me as a graduation gift when I got my bachelor’s degree. It was a simple black dress, something they claimed every girl needed in her closet, and tonight I was grateful for it. The spaghetti straps and v-neckline were covered in very faint silver glitter that gradually faded out toward the bottom of the dress. The hemline fell just above my knees, and since it was cold out, I added a black satin shrug top and simple low-heel dress shoes. I couldn’t wait for spring to arrive in full force. Thankfully, the cold and snow were slowly disappearing. Winter just made everything so much more difficult.

  “You’re not looking so bad yourself,” I said, eyeing him over my wineglass as he smiled. It was odd to see Lincoln in a suit. All the players were required to wear them when they traveled with the team, but I usually didn’t see that. I was used to his jeans and T-shirt or sweatshirt. He was mouthwateringly attractive no matter what he was wearing, and as much as I loved how his jeans fit him, right now this suit was my most favorite outfit of his. He was just so strong; his muscles filled out his suit coat, and it was tailored to be flattering on his physique.

  I set down my elegant wineglass and looked at my plate again. For some reason Lincoln had taken me to an incredibly fancy French restaurant. I didn’t want to say anything, but I had to force myself to take the first few bites. I hadn’t understood a word on the menu and ended up ordering the same thing as Lincoln. Now I wondered if he even knew what was on his plate. Whatever it was, it was disgusting, and neither of us had eaten much.

  “Um…” I tried to phrase this delicately. I didn’t want to sound like I wasn’t happy with his meal choice. “Have you been to this restaurant before?”

  “No.” He sounded embarrassed, and I could have sworn his cheeks turned a little red. “I asked my mom for the name of the nicest restaurant in Chicago.”

  He looked so chagrined. It was really cute, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at him.

  I slid my hand across the table and placed it on Lincoln’s, rubbing the back of it. He turned his hand over and entwined our fingers.

  “You don’t like it?” he asked.

  I cringed slightly. He had clearly made an effort to try to have a nice evening planned for us, and I didn’t want to seem unappreciative.

  “Well…” I hesitated and poked at a dark gray blob on my plate with my fork. “I’m just not sure what it is.”

  Lincoln picked up his fork and stabbed at his own grayish blob. “Well, clearly, it’s a… velouté… poussin… pâté… of some sort.”

  I laughed as he stumbled over the words, butchering the French language. It was obvious he had no idea what he was talking about.

  “Oh, yes. Yes, of course. The flambé bisque really brings out the delightful overtones.” I tried to sound snotty and high class as I recalled the few words I understood from the menu.

  Lincoln laughed and squeezed my hand. “Do you want to order something else?”

  “Do you think they have burgers?”

  Lincoln chuckled. “No, but I know somewhere that does.” He lifted his hand to signal our waiter. “Check, please!”

  An hour later, Lincoln and I sat in his man cave in comfy clothes, eating burgers and fries from Patrick’s out of to-go boxes. He had eaten two burgers, his order of fries, and half my fries. I didn’t know a person’s stomach could fit that much food, but he burned a lot of calories every day during hockey season.

  I set down my now-empty to-go box next to Lincoln’s and curled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. Now that my stomach was full, my exhaustion was almost overwhelming, and I felt guilty for not liking the fancy French restaurant.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t like the restaurant.”

  He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. “Jillian, it’s okay. I didn’t like it either. I just wanted to treat you to something special. You worked so hard. You deserve the best.”

  He pulled my legs across his lap and began rubbing my right foot.

  “Mm… but this is all I need. I like simple. I don’t want anything else.”

  “And that is one of the many reasons why I love you. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be treated to fancy restaurants for special occasions.”

  “Okay,” I said, relenting. “But next time maybe we should bring a translator.”

  Lincoln laughed. “That sounds like the best idea yet.”

  I ended up falling asleep on the sofa with my head on his shoulder. He must have carried me into his bedroom, because when I woke the next morning, I was snuggled under his blankets and he was spooned up behind me. For a moment I panicked, thinking I was late to get to the lab, but when I realized it was Saturday morning and I had nowhere to be, I closed my eyes and smiled to myself. I was warm and happy lying in Lincoln’s arms, and we had a few hours yet before he had to report to the rink for practice before the parade. I was so accustomed to waking up early to be at the lab though. It was just natural for me to be awake this early.

  I sighed quietly as I thought about the lab. No longer did I h
ave to report to my internship every day, but that didn’t mean my workload had decreased. I had mountains of data to interpret and form into a cohesive thesis paper.

  Lincoln’s arm tightened around my waist. “Stop it,” he said in a sleepy voice.

  “Stop what?” I wasn’t doing anything. I wasn’t even moving.

  “Stop worrying. This is a worry-free weekend. It’s not allowed.”

  I smiled and rolled over to face him. His eyes remained closed as I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest.

  “Go back to sleep, Princess,” he ordered as he kissed the top of my head.

  I closed my eyes and let my mind wander, refusing to allow myself to think about school. My man was right. Besides, worrying about it didn’t help anything.

  I snuggled tighter against Lincoln and drifted back to sleep fantasizing about swimming in a warm tropical ocean with him.

  Chapter Five

  My sisters, Tabitha, and I stood on the street curb with Kennedy, Brian, and their kids, watching the St. Patrick’s Day parade go past us. Unlike the last parade I attended, no heated tent was needed today. It was warm enough outside that we wouldn’t freeze while watching. Plus Lincoln’s parents weren’t here, so Kennedy and Lincoln weren’t required to be with them in the VIP tent. So for this parade, we got to act like normal folks, watching the parade from the street curb surrounded by our fellow Chicagoans.

  My younger brother was here on duty somewhere. Every time a policeman walked past, Tabitha asked if it was her Uncle Elliot. His twin, Emily, had texted him to tell him where we were, but we didn’t think he’d check his phone while on duty. With how fast the green beer was flowing, I was sure he’d have a busy day keeping people safe and under control.

  The weather was getting warmer and warmer every day. Winter still had its chilly grip on the city, but there were signs of spring everywhere you looked. A large portion of the snow had melted and the rest of it was quickly turning to water. People dared to go without coats; a thick sweatshirt would be sufficient, and it felt so good to stand outside with the warm sun shining down on us.