Mrs Collins' Lover

by Bronwen Chisholm

  ***********

  Elizabeth startled awake as the carriage lurched to one side. She didn’t remember falling asleep. A glance out the window made her realize they were nearing Hunsford and she had not changed William’s clothing. Her heart raced as she frantically looked for her son. The boy sat contentedly against his father’s side, tapping his toy horse on Darcy’s leg. The soiled clothes had been replaced with fresh ones. Elizabeth’s gaze met her lover’s and he smiled.

  “Mama’s awake,” Darcy whispered.

  “Ma!” William cried as he dropped his toy and reached for her.

  “Ah-ah,” Darcy said as he held tight to the child who was ready to crawl down from the bench. “A gentleman sits still and stays clean.”

  The baby looked up at him, his lower lip quivering, until Darcy smiled and tickled him. Elizabeth was not immune to the shrieks of pure pleasure and found herself giggling. She glanced at Anne who attempted to shake her head in reprimand, but her smile was as large as Elizabeth’s. When the baby was settled once again, Darcy lifted him and settled him gently upon his mother’s lap.

  The carriage began to slow and finally came to a stop in front of the parsonage. The footman opened the door to reveal Mr. Collins rushing down the steps and through the gate. Darcy was about to step out when the parson reached inside to hand out his wife.

  “Mr. Darcy, Miss de Bourgh. How pleasant of you to deliver my family back safely. I am certain you do not wish to delay your reunion with her Ladyship.” He bowed to them both before turning his attention back to Elizabeth. “Mrs. Collins, come along.”

  Startled by his abruptness, Elizabeth sat still, uncertain what might have brought about such an occurrence. When Mr. Collins began to frown, she quickly handed the baby to Anne so that she could descend safely. The footman was already carrying her trunk into the house and William’s was sitting by the gate. She turned back and accepted the baby from her friend.

  “Thank you again, Anne, for including me in your holiday. We enjoyed it immensely.”

  Mr. Collins nodded repeatedly and closed the door to the carriage, waving them off even before the footman had regained his position beside the driver. When they were finally on their way, Elizabeth turned to him in disgust.

  “Whatever is the hurry, sir? It was quite impolite to rush our friends on their way.”

  The man was stunned silent, but quickly recovered and grasped her elbow in that annoying way he had and turned her toward the house. “Lady Catherine eagerly awaits their arrival and anticipates their announcement. I have drawn up the banns and will read them on Sunday. A copy will be sent to Mr. Darcy’s church in Derbyshire as well as London.”

  “But … there is no agreement between them.” Elizabeth shook her head. “Please tell me you have not already sent the notices.”

  “No,” Mr. Collins patted his breast pocket. “They are here ready to go when I have word from Lady Catherine.” He frowned. “What do you mean there is no agreement? You were told to allow them time alone. Did you not do as I said?”

  Elizabeth flinched away from his glower and William whimpered in her arms. “Neither Anne nor Mr. Darcy wished for time alone together. They both included William and I in all their activities.”

  “They were being polite.” Mr. Collins clutched her arm tighter. “Could you not see that?” He released her quickly and rung his hands as they entered the house. “Oh, what will Lady Catherine say? She will be most displeased.”

  “I am certain Anne will make her mother see reason.” Elizabeth turned toward the stairs.

  “Where are you going?” Mr. Collins demanded.

  “I must see to my baby. He has been in the carriage for several hours and needs time to expend some energy.”

  “Have Sarah see to his needs. I require your presence.” He entered his study, closing the door behind him.

  Elizabeth sighed and went looking for the maid. She found her unpacking the trunks, sorting clothing to be laundered and items to be put away.

  “Forgive me, Sarah, Mr. Collins insists I attend him, and William is needing to run. Will you take him out to the garden?”

  “Of course, Ma’am,” Sarah curtseyed. “Did you enjoy the seaside?”

  Elizabeth smiled as she kissed William’s forehead. “We had a lovely time. It was difficult to return,” she nearly whispered the last.

  “Mr. Collins missed you, Ma’am.” Sarah kept her eyes downcast as she accepted the baby. “He mentioned travelling with you in the future.”

  A shudder ran through Elizabeth’s frame as she picked up a shawl to cover her shoulders in an attempt to hide her displeasure. “I best return below.”

  Sarah curtseyed again and followed Elizabeth down the stairs. She continued past Mr. Collins’ study and Elizabeth watched them enviously as they exited the house. Squaring her shoulders, she knocked on his door and waited for his call.

  Instead, the door opened abruptly, and he grasped her elbow and drew her into the room. After settling her into the stiff-backed chair, he returned to his seat and templed his fingers before him. “Did you enjoy your time by the sea, my dear?”

  “Yes.” Elizabeth was uncertain what was occurring and fearful to voice too much enthusiasm.

  “Did the boy behave?”

  “Of course,” she snapped, but quickly lowered her head submissively.

  “Hmmph,” Mr. Collins grunted. Elizabeth heard him lean back in his seat. “You did not write to me to account for your time while you were gone.”

  “Was I supposed to do so?” Elizabeth’s irritation was coming to the surface. “Forgive me, sir, but I was under the impression that I was to act as companion to Anne. I had no idea that I was to keep notes of what was eaten and where we went so that I could fulfil your curiosity.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Mr. Collins stood, his fingers splayed upon the desk as he leaned forward over her. “It has been our habit since the day we wed that you account for your daily activities. I do not understand how you would think that would cease while we were apart. I see that I was correct to have doubts regarding your accompanying Miss de Bourgh. I will not disregard my concerns in the future.”

  “What do you mean?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes narrowed.

  “Though I doubt you will receive such an offer again, if the event arises, I will decline my permission.” Mr. Collins’ smile appeared vicious as his eyes widened revealing a cruel gleam.

  The Elizabeth who left for Ramsgate would have lowered her eyes and allowed his victory over her, but she had experienced joy and happiness for a fortnight and now understood it would never happen again. Her ire, which had been simmering within her since she woke that morning, found its rightful target.

  “Did I receive any letters while I was away?” she asked softly.

  “I beg your pardon?” His brow drew downward while his eyes moved rapidly back and forth as though searching for an explanation for her question.

  “Letters, Mr. Collins. Did I receive any letters from my family and friends? I was gone for a fortnight and none were delivered before I left. My family, though indolent in some ways, normally corresponds regularly. I have found it difficult to understand the lack of letters from them since arriving in Hunsford two and a half years ago. More so,” she stood and leaned toward the desk making him stand upright, “I have noticed the letters I do receive are so outdated as to make the information obsolete by the time I read them.”

  She straightened and crossed her arms before her. “I saw Jane yesterday.”

  “Cousin Jane?” Mr. Collins asked, clearly confused.

  “Yes. She was surprised to find me at Ramsgate and wondered why I had not written recently. Of course, I did write, did I not, Mr. Collins? I specifically remember writing a quick note and asking you to post it before I left.”

  Mr. Collins’ jaw worked like a fish gasping for air.

  “Jane also noted a decided delay in the letters she receives. I was forced to place the responsibility upon the postmaster. Do you
think that is fair, sir?”

  “I do not understand what you are suggesting, my dear.” Without meeting her eye, he began moving papers around his desk.

  “What is it you believe you can achieve by withholding my correspondence from me, sir? Is this an attempt to control me?” She realized she was shaking, her cheeks burned with her anger.

  “I resent these accusations!” Mr. Collins slammed his fist down on his desk. “My wife will not speak to me in this manner.”

  Elizabeth remained silent, but met his gaze directly, refusing to look away or cower.

  “I suggest you return to your room and consider your words.” Mr. Collins returned to his seat, not looking in her direction.

  Though she shook with words unsaid, Elizabeth turned and went to her room as he suggested. Sarah was minding the baby, so she finished unpacking both her trunk and William’s. She heard them climbing the stairs as she slipped the last bit of clothing into a drawer.

  “Ah, Ma’am, you did not have to do this. I would have seen to it.” Sarah said, though her gratitude shown in her smile.

  “Nonsense, you were tending William and I was idle. The Bible warns us against slothfulness …” She smiled without quoting the Proverb and reached out to her son who giggled happily as she drew him to her.

  “Of course, Ma’am.” Sarah dipped a curtsey and returned to her duties downstairs.

  William rubbed his eyes several times and snuggled against Elizabeth’s shoulder. She moved slowly to the rocking chair and lowered herself into it. A melody came to mind and she began to hum as she rocked. The baby relaxed and soon drifted off to sleep, leaving Elizabeth to her thoughts.

  Had they been at the shore, Darcy would probably have joined them. Once William was sleeping soundly, he would have lifted the baby and placed him in his cradle. Elizabeth would have stood beside him as they watched their child slumber and then one of them would have touched the other in such a way as to convey their contentment. From there, they would have moved to Darcy’s room and made love, finally falling asleep in each other’s arms.

  But they were not at the shore and Darcy was not here. No one would come to take the warm bundle in her arms or embrace her lovingly.

  She wiped away the tear which had traced a path down her cheek and slipped from the chair slowly so as not to wake the child. Once he was settled into his cradle, she moved to her writing desk and withdrew her journal. Though she was not a faithful writer, and more was left unsaid than recorded for fear of discovery, there were times she felt the need to relieve herself of her thoughts.

  We are returned to Hunsford, but not as we were. At the age of twenty, I was sold to protect my mother and sisters from poverty. I will soon be three and twenty and refuse to continue in a slave mentality. I am a wife and mother, but does that require I relinquish my spirit? For the sake of my son, I must be strong. If I am not and he grows up in the shadow of Mr. Collins, I risk him becoming the same.

  From what she had learned of her husband’s father, she imagined the late Mr. Collins had treated his wife and child in a similar manner.

  A shudder ran down her back as she thought of William behaving in such a pompous manner.

  Never! I will find a way to teach him how to respect and be respected in turn.

  Her hand hovered over the page until a drop of ink fell. She set the pen back in its holder and blotted the page before continuing, this time with a plea.

  Father God, I know I am a sinner, but have mercy on me for my child’s sake. Please, Lord, allow him to grow knowing love and acceptance. May he have wisdom to know how to treat others and may his life overflow with love.

  Elizabeth blotted the page, cleaned her pen, and returned her journal to its hiding place. The hours of tension and unease followed by confrontation settled upon her and she made her way to her bed. With her eyes on her son, she whispered, “God forgive me,” and drifted off to sleep.

  *CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR*

  Winter brought a bitter air to Kent causing all the inhabitants to stay inside. Elizabeth tugged William’s jacket over his arms even as he reached for another block to add to his tower. The first button was secured as the wobbly creation tipped and tumbled across the carpet. The boy clapped his hands and began again, pulling away from her as he ran to gather his toys.

  She suddenly regretted lowering herself to the floor and looked about to see what else was needed while she was there. Finding nothing, Elizabeth reached out to the closest chair and pulled herself onto her knees. After scooting closer, she managed to lift herself into the seat, then rested while she rubbed her hands over her swollen stomach. As if to add to her own complaints, the child kicked viciously at Elizabeth’s insides causing a groan to escape her lips.

  “Mama?” William stepped closer and hesitantly laid his hand upon her stomach.

  Elizabeth covered it with her own and moved it to where he could feel the baby’s kicks. “Your baby brother or sister is not happy with Mama right now.”

  “No kick. S’not nice.” William laid his lips against Elizabeth’s stomach and repeated the instructions louder so the baby could hear. In response, the baby kicked against his mouth. His lower lip quivered, but only until Elizabeth laughed, then he joined in and returned to his play.

  The door opened abruptly, and Mr. Collins entered the room. “Ah, here you are. I must go to Rosings. Will you accompany me?” He frowned as his eyes travelled over the toys scattered about the small drawing-room.

  “I believe I will remain here. It is far too cold for William, and I am feeling rather fatigued.” Elizabeth stroked her stomach again. “Please give Anne my apologies for not attending her.”

  Mr. Collins’ frown deepened as he continued to look at her child. “Must he do that?”

  “Do what?” Elizabeth asked feeling her irritation, which was now always just beneath the surface, begin to raise its head.

  He motioned toward William sitting amidst his toys. “Scatter things about. Can he not play more … neatly?”

  “He is under two, Mr. Collins.” She held her hands out to encompass the room. “This is how children play.”

  He pursed his lips but said nothing. After placing a kiss upon her cheek, he left the room. A few minutes later, Elizabeth heard the front door close. Releasing a long sigh, her hands unconsciously moved to her expanding girth. While massaging her stomach, she stared out the window at the branches waving in the fierce winter wind. She sighed once more. Summer seemed so long ago.

  For the first time, Elizabeth had been pleased that Mr. Collins had visited her bed the Saturday before she accompanied Darcy and Anne to Ramsgate. After returning, she had barred him from her room. When she found she was with child again, it was easily attributed to their last night together. Though Mr. Collins and Lady Catherine were certain this would be the spare heir, Elizabeth prayed for a daughter. As she would not allow Mr. Collins to return to her bed, this would be her last child and she dearly wanted a girl.

  Darcy had agreed when he visited after the harvest. His last visit. The weather since had been such that he was unable to travel to Kent discreetly. Elizabeth sighed, knowing it was for the best but missing him dreadfully. She hoped Mr. Collins would bring a letter from Anne when he returned. She would tell Elizabeth if she had heard from Darcy and that all was well with him.

  A block struck her knee, drawing her from her thoughts. “No, William, a gentleman does not throw things and particularly not at a lady.” She imagined Darcy adding ‘and never at your mother’ as a small smile tugged at her lips.

  William tottled toward her and kissed her knee, eyes wide with repentance. Unable to pick him up, she ran a hand over his hair. “Mama’s precious boy,” she whispered. He gave her a toothy grin and returned to his play.

  There was a familiar light rap on the door, and she called for Sarah to enter. The maid smiled indulgently at the child then handed a stack of letters to Elizabeth. With Anne’s assistance, Collins’ orders to keep the post from her had been rescinded,
and she now received her missives timely. The handwriting confirmed the arrival of her weekly letter from her sister Mary, but there was also one from her father and another from Charlotte.

  Laying Mary’s aside, she held the other two, one in each hand. Letters from her father were rare, but Charlotte’s were even more singular since Elizabeth’s marriage. Weighing the two, she determined something about the slant of her father’s letters appeared out of the ordinary and decided to read his first. She placed her friend’s letter upon her sister’s and broke the seal on Mr. Bennet’s.

  “My Dearest Lizzy,

  I am certain you are surprised to hear from me as I normally send my greetings through Mary, but situations have arisen which require I put pen to paper and address those issues inappropriate to your maiden sister’s eyes.”

  Elizabeth frowned, her mind racing over what might have occurred that her father would find it necessary to write her. “Whatever could Lydia have done?” she muttered as she continued reading.

  I am uncertain if you have heard from Jane recently. She visited me yesterday in some distress. Upon her return from Ramsgate, she had told us of encountering you there, but said little else. In September your mother began to suspect Jane was increasing. As you are aware, she visits Netherfield frequently and noted your sister was only eating the plainest of foods and complained of an uneasy stomach. By the beginning of November, she had lost the child.

  We have all feared for her well-being as her spirits were greatly depressed after her last loss. Mr. Bingley was in my study begging for any advice I could provide, but there was little I could say as I had never experienced this with your mother.

  When Jane visited me a few weeks ago, I was shocked by her appearance. There were dark circles about her eyes and her skin did not contain its normal luster. However, I was more distressed by what was said. Lizzy, I will be blunt. Your sister believes you to have made certain inappropriate decisions which she fears are bringing the Lord’s displeasure upon your family. In short, she considers your actions responsible for her inability to bring a child to birth. Of course, I do not support her stance, but I fear what she has said has increased suspicions I have held for some time.