Night Fires

by D H Sidebottom

  Carter’s firm discipline was rewarded instantly and I reached down with my good hand and scratched behind Mack’s ear. “You’re a good boy.” The memory of him defending me from Niall made me scratch harder. Already the silly dog had found a place in my heart, and I knew the feeling was mutual. He looked up at me with so much adoration in his deep brown eyes and I swore he was grinning at my praise.

  Carter sat down beside me and handed me a cup of tea. “He knows who’s boss. Discipline works every time.” He grinned at me with a glint of wickedness in his eyes and I had to stop myself from biting into my poorly lip. “A bit like you, really.”

  I narrowed my eyes and scowled at him as I tried to clear the lump from my throat. “Uhh, I don’t think so.”

  Twisting his lips in humour, I braced myself when he pressed his mouth to my neck. Goose bumps erupted over my skin and a shiver trickled down my spine. “Are you sure about that, sweetheart?” There was that endearment again, yet this time, it didn’t make me giggle. This time it made my body hum beneath his sensual touch.

  I just nodded, unable to find my voice.

  Another soft chuckle from him lit every part of me. My body begged for his mouth to become adventurous and take on a journey that would soothe the ache between my legs. My mouth dried when his teeth gently grazed over my ear, his hot breath tickling my sensitive skin. His thumb ran along my jaw and then down the centre of my throat as his kiss on my skin became firmer and more deliberate. Then his fingers splayed across my throat and he secured my gaze with a deep, wild stare. His grip wasn’t strict yet it made my heart stutter as a slither of fear and lust burrowed inside me.

  “Discipline, Alice,” he whispered in my ear. “You know I will punish you if, for any reason, you don’t please me.”

  His words, his touch, his promise; each one fired a shot of need through me. My mind conjured images of his punishment, and shamefully my cheeks heated when I felt myself grow more excited with each image. “How?” My voice was tight and I closed my eyes with embarrassment.

  Carter didn’t seem to notice my shame. Instead his hold on my neck tightened ever so slightly. “How?” I coughed to clear my throat when the restriction made it difficult to speak. “How will you punish me?”

  His mouth moved across my jaw and up over my cheek until he placed a tender kiss over my eye. His kiss was such a contradiction to the grip he had on my throat that my mind couldn’t differentiate between the two, sending my senses into a frenzy. My chest heaved when he pressed another gentle kiss to my other eye. “Although I’m sure you’ll never give me reason to punish you, Alice, I promise to deal with any bad behaviour with a firm hand.” His caress found my mouth and he laid a gentle kiss to the side of my lips that wasn’t sore.

  His other hand rose to my breast and his thumb stroked delicately over my hard nipple. Groaning, I pushed out my chest, begging him for more stimulation. I could feel the weight of my cast when I tried to lift my hand to his hair. My fingers brushed the soft strands but I grumbled when it became impossible to fist it in my grip.

  Taking my hand, Carter gently set it down beside me. “No touching, Alice.”

  I grumbled something rude under my breath and Carter moved back so he could look at me. “Your leg in plaster will not stop me from bending you over this chair and giving you the spanking you’re aiming for.”

  I couldn’t hold back the grin as glee made me jerk with anticipation. Carter scowled at me but I could see the hint of amusement in his glare. “You’re not supposed to be pleased.” He tutted. “Try and play along, darling.”

  I nodded. “Sorry… sir.”

  He nodded stiffly and I was rewarded for my quick yield by his hand sliding up my loose skirt. Suddenly, wearing a skirt because of my leg seemed quite a good idea.

  His touch was feather light but my senses prickled with awareness the closer he got to the top of my thighs. Allowing my leg to relax, I covertly moved it aside for him. He quirked an eyebrow at me and I pouted, realising my stealthy move hadn’t been quite so concealed.

  A smug smile lifted his lips and I grunted ungracefully when he pressed his finger along the crotch of my knickers. “God. So wet.”

  My head sank back into the chair cushion when he pushed the material aside and the tip of his finger rubbed over my clit. I was finding it hard to breathe and my body was hyperaware of every single one of his touches.

  I lifted my hips, meeting his touch when he slid a finger inside me. The sound of my arousal filled the silence when Carter started to drive in and out of me, pressing another finger inside me and building the pleasure. I could feel his eyes on my face, watching me as I gave into the pleasure he was giving me. I didn’t care that he saw me at my most exposed. I found that I liked him watching me, loved that he was witnessing what he was doing to me.

  My fingers found his fly and I deftly unzipped him, my touch eager for him and the firm muscle of his cock. He groaned my name when I fisted his erection and started to stroke him, the feel of his velvety skin making my lust grow all the more ready for the explosion I knew was coming.

  “That’s it. Fuck me with your hand, Alice.”

  My mouth fell open as bliss curled through me and he took the opportunity to force his tongue inside. I didn’t care that the intensity of his kiss grazed my lip, I didn’t care that my broken leg had started twitching with the excitement that raced through my body. I didn’t care that my aching ribs struggled to cope with the frantic beat of my heart. All I cared about was the fast and hard movement of his fingers inside me, the tip stroking over the part that shot a bolt of ecstasy into me. All I felt was his touch, all I heard was the growl of my name on his lips, all I smelled was the aroma of our arousal, and all I wanted was to come, to come hard on his hand and for him to come just as brutally in mine.

  “It’s mine, Alice,” Carter snarled before his teeth sank into the tender flesh of my neck. “It’s all mine.”

  I pushed into him as my climax floored me. Rapture overtook every sane thought and I cried out his name in reverence when he made my orgasm shake the very roots of me. Warmth coated my hand when his ejaculation shot across my tight fist, covering me with his spunk as I gripped him hard and tight and stroked him slowly but firmly.

  He kissed me softly as I came back to Earth, my trembling body shaking beneath the tenderness of his touch. “You amaze me, you know that?”

  Giving him a wide smile, I reached up and touched his cheek. “And you make me feel really good.”

  He stared at me for a moment before he laughed and shook his head. “I’m pleased.”

  “You should be,” I told him earnestly. “It’s not easy to make me feel good.”

  Quickly giving me another kiss, he walked into the kitchen and then came back with a cloth to clean me up. “I’m nipping to yours to pick up a few things. Is there anything specific you need?”

  Uneasily I nodded.

  Carter frowned. “What?”

  “I need my journal.”

  “And why is that a problem?”

  Heat flamed my cheeks and I looked away, unsure how to say what I needed to.

  Tenderly, Carter moved my face back to his with a gentle finger to my cheek. “I know it’s private, Alice. I won’t look. You needn’t worry.”

  I was amazed by his perception. He seemed to know me inside out. Giving him a nod, I smiled. “Thank you.”

  He nodded in reply and shouted to Mack as he grabbed his lead. “You promise to stay there until I get back?”

  “You should learn to trust me,” I said indignantly.

  He gave me a look that explained everything. Slowly I nodded and sighed. “I promise.”

  His answering grin made me glare at him.

  “You seem to forget I have a solid object now.” I waved my arm cast threateningly. “This will hurt, you know?”

  He nodded. “Thing is, darling, you have to catch me first.”

  With a wink he disappeared out of the door leaving me struggling to get out o
f the chair.

  “Damn leg!”

  When I heard the door close, I jolted awake. For a moment I was confused by my surroundings, the unfamiliarity of strange objects making me panic, but then I remembered where I was.

  “Did you find everything?” I shouted to Carter when Mack came bounding back in.

  He didn’t answer as I fussed over Mack.

  “Carter?”

  He appeared from around the door. It wasn’t his silence or the fierce look on his face that startled me. It wasn’t the way he stood rigid and furious, nor was it the flush of rage in his eyes that scared me. It was the paperwork he threw at me that made me freeze.

  “Oh yeah, I found everything!”

  I gulped, lowering my face to the floor. “You had no right, Carter.”

  He scoffed, his fury eating up the oxygen in the room. Mack, sensing the encroaching argument, scurried into the kitchen. “I didn’t quite get it at first,” he said slowly and carefully. “I mean, why would a woman in her twenties already have her funeral planned out and paid for?”

  I closed my eyes, my heart speeding into dangerous territory.

  “Didn’t make sense,” he continued. He was pacing now, his strong, wide strides eating up the floor as he moved to the window then back to the door and then over to the TV and back again. “And then I found your health records. You can imagine my confusion at the words ‘DO NOT RESUSCITATE!’”

  I flinched at the anger in his voice. “Carter…”

  I scrambled back when his hands encompassed the tops of my arms, his grip as strong and fierce as the rage on his face. “And then I found your stash!”

  Tears escaped my eyes and I gulped at the look of disgust on his face.

  “So tell me!” He dropped me and moved back again. “What it all adds up to, Alice? A funeral plan, a strict order that if anything were to happen you don’t want to be resuscitated. And then a stash of heroin big enough to wipe someone out in minutes!”

  His fury was suffocating and I remained still, fear clawing at my chest when he threw my journal at me. It smacked me in the ribs and I winced.

  “And then I read that!”

  I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t give him the explanation he wanted to hear because it wouldn’t have been true. Shame and horror rendered me frozen. The room blurred under my tears and I swallowed back the vomit that scorched my throat.

  “Come on, Alice. At least come up with something pathetic and fictitious!”

  I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say or do.

  “At least try to explain!”

  Keeping my gaze on the floor, I shook my head slowly. “I can’t.”

  “You can’t!” he roared. “Or you won’t?” His grip was on me again, his furious glare inches from my face. “When? At least tell me that?”

  I looked at him, unable to see his handsome face through the curtain of tears. “I thought you of all people would understand.”

  He froze. My truth had cut through his rage and stumped him. His face paled, and he looked like I’d struck him. His mouth opened but for a long time he seemed to struggle with the words.

  “Why should I understand?”

  As if his question answered itself, he fell backwards and a choked sound left him. Pain crossed his face and he stared at me with agony. “Because it’s just like history repeating itself,” he said quietly.

  I frowned.

  He stared at me like he wasn’t completely seeing me and his head shook from side to side. “You make me fall in love with you, then you take it all away.”

  I stiffened.

  “You’re just like her. You give me your heart then you snatch it back.”

  I was one step behind. “What did you say?”

  His head shook harder. “Why give me something and take it all away? Why? Why would you do that?”

  “No… I…”

  “WHY?” he cried as his hands seized my face gruellingly. “Do you think this is funny? A game? Are you that fucking cruel?”

  “Carter, I…”

  “Why make me fall in love with you, Alice? Why, if you’re planning on taking your life, would you make me fall in love with you?”

  A low growl made us both stiffen and turn. Mack was snarling as he slowly approached Carter. The hairs on his back were stood on end and he was showing off his teeth in warning.

  “Let me go,” I urged quietly. “Please. Just listen to me.”

  Mack seemed to snap him from his fury and he slumped beside me on the floor, resignation heavy on his face as he stared at the floor in front of him. Mack, realising there was no threat, sloped away into the bed Carter had placed to one side of the room for him.

  Reaching out, unsure if he would allow me to touch him, I took a section of his hair and linked it through my fingers. The feeling grounded me, just touching him steadying the furious rage of my heart.

  “I was lonely, Carter. So damn lonely. My world ended the day my family died.” I turned towards the window, watching the light outside fade as if the day was mourning with me. “I lost the very reason I got up in the morning, the only thing I had in this life that loved me back. Josh was my world, my soul, and when I lost him my soul went with him.”

  Carter turned to look at me. His eyes were the mirror image of my own, his understanding comforting me. Grief was so lonely, but now I could share that with Carter, because he understood the depth of its cruel torment.

  His hand found mine and his fingers threaded through mine. He nodded, urging me to go on.

  “Every single breath I took seemed like it was mocking me, torturing me because I could still take breath when my family couldn’t. It was unbearable living. Life became so bloody hard that I just didn’t want it. I wanted my family back. I wanted normality. I wanted to hold my baby in my arms and bury my nose into his hair again. I wanted to hear him shout ‘Mummy’. I wanted to see my little brother’s smile and to share his laughter. I wanted to feel the arms of my mother holding me close when it hurt. But she couldn’t hold me this time. She couldn’t tell me it would all be okay. She couldn’t make it better again.”

  Carter knelt up and wiped at my tears. “I know, Alice. But suicide?”

  “It was the only way out.”

  He shook his head, both of his hands now framing my face as he made me look at him. “No. Death took your family. How can you even condone reciprocating that?”

  “It was the only way out,” I repeated.

  “Then why wait? It’s been a year, Alice. If you are that determined, why wait?”

  I licked at my dry lips and stared straight into his beautiful eyes. “Because I promised them retribution before I joined them.”

  He blinked, the horror on his face making me pull away from him.

  “Don’t judge me, Carter. If someone had killed Elizabeth I have no doubt that you would do exactly the same thing.”

  “No.” He shook his head firmly. “You’re wrong. You’re so wrong. You think killing Niall would make any of this better? You think taking a life balances out what happened to your family? To Josh?”

  “Yes. Yes I do. He doesn’t deserve to live when he decided to play God with the only people who loved me! Do you want to know why I planned and paid for my own funeral, Carter?”

  He stared at me but didn’t answer.

  “Because no one would be here to bury me. No one would pick hymns. No one would put flowers on my coffin. No one would shed a tear, because there is no one left. He took that from me. I don’t want the government coughing up for a goddamn pitiful funeral. I don’t want a cardboard coffin. I had to do it myself because there’s no one left to do it for me!” And that horrifying truth hit me once again. “Loneliness is cruel, Carter. It’s cruel!”

  He scooped me into his arms and held me, his hold on me as strong as the force of my despair. “But I’m here now, Alice. I’m here now. I’m never going to let loneliness eat you up again. I will shed a tear for you. I will hold you and tell you it will be okay. I’ll take a
way all your hurt, and I promise to share so much laughter with you.”

  I cried harder, burying my face into his firm chest as I nodded.

  “I love you.” His whispered words broke something inside me, and the pain, the suffering, the grief all left me in a surge of emotion that took my breath away. I had never expected anyone to say those words again. My ears had never anticipated hearing those three little words again. My heart had never expected to feel the strength of those three little words again. And my soul had never relied on hearing those three little words again. And when they came they fractured the pain that had been locking down the last part of my grief and liberated all the emotion that came with it.

  I pulled at him, needing him closer. “Say it again.”

  “I love you. I love you. All of you, Alice. I love your wild red hair, I love your stunning smile. I love your scars, and I love the random shit that comes out of your mouth. I love hearing your laugh, and I love seeing the way you look at me.”

  I leaned up, kissing him as each word burrowed inside and chipped away at the hardness inside me.

  “I love the ecstasy on your face when you come for me. I love the way you feel underneath me. I love the soft feel of your skin next to mine. I love to feel the beat of your heart under my palm when I press my hand to your chest.”

  I kissed him harder, whimpering as his reverence tore me apart.

  “I love your stubbornness. I love your fight. I love your determination. I love your compassion. I just love you, Alice Bird. Every – single – bit – of – you.”

  His arms slipped around me and he kissed me back, taking over until I was putty under him. His passion and adoration brought me back to reality with a softness that made my heart beat properly for the first time in a year.

  “I love you too,” I whispered.

  He closed his eyes as if my words gave him the utmost pleasure. A long sigh left him and he smiled softly. “I wasn’t sure whether you were going to hit me.”

  I giggled.

  “I mean, you did let me go on a bit before you said it back.”

  His humour was much needed and after the seriousness of the last hour, it was very welcome.