The One You Fight For (The Ones Who Got Away)

by Roni Loren

  She wanted to hear. She needed to know.

  He shifted and took her wrist in his hand. He guided her palm down and pressed it against him, letting her feel the steely length of his cock behind the fly of his jeans. “It makes me crazy for you. It makes me want to hear you lose it completely. It makes me so fucking hard.”

  The word hard had never sounded quite so illicit, and it sent a rush of liquid heat straight downward. She let her hand map his erection, stroking him just enough to make him grunt. He eased her hand away. “Easy, professor. You said it’s been a while for you. Last time I was doing this, dinosaurs roamed the earth.”

  She snorted and opened her eyes. He was smiling down at her, a flush high on his cheeks. She traced her hands up his chest, taking his shirt with her. He helped her pull the shirt over his head and then tossed it toward the coffee table, giving her an eyeful of that body she’d been drooling over since the day she’d met him. Her tongue ran over her teeth as she let her fingers explore his bare skin. “I’ll go easy on you.”

  “Don’t. We have all night.” He dragged his fingertips down her sternum, making her shiver. “The first time will be like the bread we had on the table tonight.” He leaned down to kiss her. “Delicious but just the appetizer.”

  He shifted down her body and removed her boots and socks. Then his hands were gliding up her thighs, his thumbs brushing precariously close to where she ached the most. She arched her hips and moaned, no longer worried about the sounds she made. He unfastened her jeans.

  He peeled them off as though he were opening a present he wanted to savor. After he tossed them aside, she was left naked except for her simple black panties. Kneeling between her legs, he stared at her with a look of delicious intent. He traced the edge of her panties, making goose bumps race over her skin. Self-consciousness tried to edge in again. Normally, she felt pretty comfortable with her body, but this Olympic athlete thing was messing with her head.

  Her body wasn’t perfectly honed like his or the women he’d see walking through his gym. She had curves and swells. She was soft in places meant to be hard. But when she looked up at Shaw’s face and saw the rapture there, all the ugly, useless thoughts scattered like scared mice. He hadn’t been lying to her out on the street.

  “You are so goddamned sexy, it’s making me hurt,” he said, an actual look of pain on his face. His hand tracked over her and slipped inside her panties, finding the wet, tender place that was pulsing with her heartbeat. She gasped. He groaned. “Fuck, baby. I apologize in advance. I’m going to break land-speed records when I get inside you.”

  She laughed, a hot tremor moving through her. “We’ve got all night, remember?”

  Dark satisfaction crossed his face. “Yes. Yes, we do.”

  He yanked down her panties as if they were now offending him, and he shifted further down the couch. He pressed his hands to the back of her thighs, opening her like a book, leaving her as exposed as one could be. Before she could process what was about to happen, he leaned down and kissed the very center of her with his hot, wet tongue. Her eyes tried to roll right out of her head. She gripped his hair, afraid she might just levitate off the couch, and he grazed her clit. Electricity shot up her spine and fanned out to all her best parts, tightening everything in its wake. She let out a choked sound. “Oh God.”

  He made a satisfied noise, the vibration of it moving along her skin like a mini-earthquake as he continued to taste her, sucking and licking and kissing, his tongue far more skilled than that of any lover she’d had before. Her feet flexed, her muscles tensing involuntarily as the pure, sharp pleasure moved through her. She cried out—too loud for an apartment.

  But that revved up Shaw more. “Yes, baby, let me hear you. Let me hear you come for me.”

  “Too loud,” she gasped. “Neighbors.”

  “Don’t care,” he said, easing a thick, callused finger inside her and making dots of light appear behind her eyelids. “I don’t care if Rivers hears you upstairs. I don’t care about anything right now besides making you feel good.”

  He put his mouth back on her, sensation enveloping her, drowning her. His name came out as a prayer. “Shaw.”

  He eased another finger inside, slowly and skillfully stroking her until he found the place she craved. Her mind went blank. Thoughts gone. Her fingers curled into his hair, gripping so tightly that she was afraid she’d leave him with a bald spot. But she couldn’t stop. She had to hold on to something because it felt like she was about to break apart into a million pieces, just shatter into dust on his couch.

  Then the rush rolled through her like a thunderclap, sharp and breath-stealing and nothing like the orgasms she gave herself. There was nothing quick and to the point about this. She screamed, literally screamed, and couldn’t find it in her to give a damn that she was being too loud or too much or too whatever. A sound rumbled through Shaw, and his grip on her thighs tightened, letting her know he was getting off on it, her abandon, and that just set her off more.

  When she collapsed back into the couch pillows, gasping and sweating, her mind in a blender, he finally eased away and lifted his head. He looked like a devil, his now-messy hair hanging in his face and curling at the ends, his eyes burning with sordid intentions, and his lips slick and swollen. He braced himself over her body and looked down at her as if he were going to devour her bite by scrumptious bite.

  She reached up and grabbed him around the neck, pulling him down to kiss her. He tensed in surprise at first and then sank into the kiss, climbing fully over her and pressing his still-clothed bottom half to her nakedness. She dragged her fingers up the nape of his neck and into his hair, gripping the locks and holding on.

  “Need you,” he said between kisses. “Now.”

  “Yes.” She kissed him back, writhing beneath him, urgency pulsing through her.

  “Shit,” he groaned and pulled back. “Protection. I didn’t—”

  She quickly pressed her fingers over his mouth. “Condom. In my purse.”

  Relief descended over his features. “Bless you. Because I don’t know where the hell mine are. And they might’ve dry-rotted.”

  She laughed, silly with pleasure. “I was a Girl Scout. Taught me two things. You can never have too many cookies. And always be prepared.”

  He grinned. “Of course you were a Girl Scout.”

  She shoved his shoulder playfully. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing bad.” He bent and kissed her again. “Always trying to make the world a better place. The do-gooder, my warrior princess. Be right back.”

  She watched him as he headed toward the front door where she’d dropped her purse somewhere along the way. The do-gooder. She didn’t know how to feel about that opinion, but she was too lust-drunk to dissect it. Plus, Shaw shirtless and heading back her way with a condom was far too distracting for her to think straight.

  Shaw returned with lightning-quick speed, and she plucked the foil packet from his fingers. “Take off your jeans. I’ll take care of this.”

  He smirked and unbuttoned his jeans. “I can put it on. I haven’t forgotten that much.”

  “I know,” she said, reaching out for him. “But give a girl one of her dirty fantasies.”

  His gaze went hooded. “You’ve had fantasies about rolling a condom on me?”

  But she couldn’t answer because at that very moment, he shoved his pants and underwear down, leaving her with a view that had her body revving like a muscle-car engine. Hot damn. Shaw’s body was enough of a wonder that she wanted to stare at all the things, but following the v-shape of his pelvis and finding herself with an unencumbered view of his cock, hard and thick in his hand, was enough for her to lose her power of speech for a second.

  The tip was glistening, and she wet her lips as he stepped closer. Shaw rubbed his thumb along the head, almost an absentminded move, as if this was how he touche
d himself in private. That image struck Taryn as unbearably erotic. After all these years without a woman, Shaw had probably become quite an expert at giving himself pleasure. She could imagine him in the shower, fist around himself, muscles straining as he stroked his cock and fantasized. Had he thought about her in the past two weeks when he did it? The image was almost too much for her to take. She reached for his hand and brought it to her mouth, sucking the salty fluid off his thumb and looking up at him.

  He groaned, the muscles in his jaw flexing with restraint. “Taryn. Please…”

  She knew he was asking for the condom, knew he was already on the brink, but she couldn’t help herself. She scooted to the edge of the couch, and instead of rolling on the condom, she set it aside and took off her glasses. She could feel Shaw watching her, sense the tension rolling off him. She reached out and wrapped her hand around his erection.

  He let out a long, hissing breath but didn’t move away. His fingers flexed at his sides. A man on the verge. She loved it—all that leashed need pulsing between them. She wanted him to feel as good as he’d made her feel. So she did what she’d only done a few times in her life, always as a favor to the guy. This time, it wasn’t about favors. She craved him, his taste, his desire. She put her lips over the head of his cock and took him into her mouth.

  Shaw made a strangled sound, and his hands went to her hair, his fingers pressing against her scalp. “Taryn.”

  She closed her eyes, waiting for him to tell her to stop, that it was too much. When he didn’t, she took her fill, sliding her mouth and tongue along his length, tasting his heat, the salt of him, the velvet skin. Rolling the condom on hadn’t been her fantasy. This was. Making this strong, beautiful man weak in the knees. Giving him pleasure, feeling her own feminine power.

  “Baby.” His voice was cracked, ragged. “Won’t last like this. Too…good.”

  She heard the ache in his voice, the warning. He was trying so hard to not be that guy who couldn’t hold it together, but she loved that he was so undone, loved hearing the strained sounds he was making. He’d waited a long time for some pleasure. They had all night for more.

  She slid her hands up his thighs, massaging, as she gave herself over to the art of making him feel every bit of her tongue and lips, providing pressure and easing back, teasing and torturing. But when she trailed her hand higher and cupped his balls, letting her nails gently track over the delicate skin there, a hard tremor rumbled through him. His grip went punishing against her head, and the gritty sound he made rivaled her own level of noise. He moaned her name and then he was lost to her, his body pulsing and filling her, letting her have every last drop of him.

  When he finally released his grip, she collapsed back onto the couch, her own heart pounding hard. He touched her face with reverence and slid her glasses back on with care. When her vision sharpened, she caught him looking down at her in wonder. A look that made her breath stall. A man had never looked at her like that. As if she held his world in her hand. She knew not to read anything into how a guy looked at her after she gave him head, but the effect still made her blood go fizzy in her veins. Shaw dropped to his knees, parking himself between hers, and kissed her hard. Kissed like he was afraid she would dissipate and this had all been just a dream.

  He pulled back, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I’m aware.” She smiled and put her hands to his shoulders. “I wanted to. Plus, we only have one condom. I couldn’t have you breaking that land-speed record our first ride out. I need a little more time with you than that. It was a calculated plan to extend the pleasure. Perfectly executed, I might add.”

  He blinked, and then he laughed big and loud. “I always knew I liked smart women.”

  “That wasn’t about being smart. This is about being greedy.”

  He kissed her again. “I like greedy even more. Or maybe I just like you.”

  The simple words warmed her.

  This could get complicated. This could get messy. He made her feel greedy for more than sex. But right now, those words were what she had to focus on. They liked each other. They were now friends who kissed. That would have to be enough.

  Because that was all this could be.

  She smiled up at him. “Take me to bed, Shaw.”

  Chapter

  Eighteen

  Shaw’s heartbeat was still thumping hard in his ears as he led Taryn into his bedroom. They’d gone from zero to a hundred since walking through the door, and he hoped their night would continue, but he could tell the second Taryn walked into his room that something had shifted in her. Her brow was slightly furrowed, and she was biting her lip. The buzz of her orgasm had worn off and now she was thinking, thinking, thinking.

  On instinct, he walked over to his dresser and pulled out one of his T-shirts. He held it out to her. “It’s a little cold in here. Wanna borrow this while we take a little breather?”

  She gave him a grateful look and smiled, some of the pensiveness leaving her face. “Thanks.”

  He grabbed a soft pair of sweatpants for himself and watched Taryn tug his old T-shirt over her naked body. Something about seeing her there in his bedroom, bare-legged, mussed from orgasm, and wearing his clothes made him want to freeze-frame the moment. Hold it in his vision longer than time would allow. How had he gotten here? He still wasn’t convinced he wouldn’t wake up from a dream soon.

  Taryn glanced up from beneath her lashes, catching him staring. She smiled, and he was happy to see the flirtatious glint back in her eye. “Guess Rivers didn’t hear us. No knock on the door wondering if someone was injured.”

  Shaw chuckled and took her hand, leading her to his bed. “No. I doubt he’s even home. He told me he was going out tonight.” He folded back the covers, and she slipped beneath. “But I wouldn’t care if we disturbed him. We were college roommates. I had to listen to his nighttime escapades more than any friend should. He owes me a few.”

  She laughed as Shaw climbed into bed next to her. “He’d bring dates over with you in the same room?”

  “Nah, not that bad. Athletes got the good dorms. We had a suite that had two small bedrooms and a shared living room. But the walls were thin, and apparently Rivers is a rock star in bed.”

  “Ha.” She rolled onto her side and propped her head up on her hand, an amused expression on her face. “That must’ve been awkward. My college roommate just listened to a lot of death metal without headphones and always reeked of pot. I thought that was bad enough.”

  Shaw settled back on his pillows, liking the feel of her warmth next to him. “Nah, it wasn’t a big deal. It became sort of a joke between us. I think at first he was testing me.”

  “Testing you?”

  He frowned. “Yeah, making sure I wasn’t lying about not caring that he was gay. He’d had a shitty roommate situation before me. Guy who wanted the nice suite but turned out to be a serious homophobic douche bag.”

  Her nose wrinkled. “Ugh.”

  “So yeah, probably testing me at first, but he eventually opened up to me when he realized he could trust me. He’d had a rough go before college. Had come from a small town and was closeted during high school. He was a swimmer, so a student athlete, and all the locker-room situations that go along with that made him feel like he had to hide who he was. He couldn’t be himself.” Shaw looked over at her. “So I figured he’d earned some loud, don’t-have-to-hide-it sex, you know?”

  Taryn’s eyes went soft. “You’re good friends to each other. He was very protective of you tonight. He really didn’t want to let me in. Made me work pretty hard for it.”

  Something tightened in Shaw’s chest. “He’s the best person I know. No one else stood by me when everything happened. My family didn’t rally together. We fell apart. My so-called friends abandoned me like I was contagious. But Rivers never flinched. He was there for me in a way that pr
obably saved my life. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I’d been left alone during all of that and what followed.”

  Taryn frowned and reached out to put her hand on his chest. “It’s everything to have a friend like that.”

  Shaw blew out a breath and lifted his arm to gather her in. She settled into the crook of his arm, her hair tickling his chin. He traced his fingers along her arm. “It is. Seems like you have a few of those, too.”

  He could feel her smile against him. “I do. Now.”

  “Now?” he asked.

  “Yeah. The four of us lost touch for over a decade. I think we all needed space away from everything that had happened. Well, they did. I never left Long Acre, so I didn’t get space. But Liv, Rebecca, and Kincaid were there for me right after the shooting when I needed it most. And I think the universe brought us back together now because we were all feeling a little lost in the world. We’re compasses for one another.”

  Shaw stared up at the ceiling, her words falling over him like cold rain. He didn’t want to imagine Taryn and her friends running for their lives, his brother turning a gun on them. He didn’t want to picture what she’d been through in losing her sister. He swallowed past the burning in his throat. “How are you lost?”

  She exhaled slowly. “I don’t know. I didn’t think I was. We all wrote time capsule letters that summer after Long Acre. We dug them back up and read them when we got together for the documentary. My friends all had things in those letters they hadn’t done, paths they hadn’t followed, action plans they could use to improve how they were feeling now. Like Liv changing her career. And Rebecca leaving divorce law and focusing on at-risk youth. But mine…I’d pretty much stuck to what I’d planned. Be a researcher. Find answers. Make it better.”

  “But?” he asked when she didn’t continue.

  “But have I really? I haven’t made any difference at all yet. And I feel like I’ve been in this holding pattern. Like I put my life up on a shelf so I could get this other stuff done first. I need to get what I set out to do done, but”—she nuzzled closer—“I shouldn’t be in my thirties and in the hospital with chest pains. I shouldn’t have a guy think that I’d sleep with him just to get a charity event locked down.”