Going Long (Waiting on the Sidelines)

by Ginger Scott

  We had practice in the morning, and things were going to be pretty busy for me until the semester finished. We were getting ready for the bowl announcements, though we were pretty sure we had the Rose Bowl all sewn up. I told Nolan that we would pick up where things left off as soon as the semester was done, and that this was just the first of many dates like this, at least, I hoped. She grew quiet as the night ended, I think still unsure of where we stood. I knew we had to get our trust back in one another, and I knew she still worried about Jenny, and how I felt about her. But I planned on earning every piece of her back, and rebuilding her to be whole again, starting with her heart.

  Chapter 13

  Nolan

  I called Sarah as soon as Reed dropped me off, spilling every word about our date, just like I was back in high school and had just received my first kiss. I couldn’t believe I’d stripped naked in a public pool just to challenge him in some bet, but Oh my God it was the best bet I’d ever blown.

  Reed’s touch had the power to erase so many things. For one night, I didn’t think about Gavin, or grades, or scholarships, or tuition. But when I tried to sleep that night, I did wonder about what Reed was thinking. He still hadn’t brought up the miscarriage, but neither did I.

  When I didn’t hear from him at all the next day, I slipped back into my old habits, my room dark, and my fire instantly diminished. By the time Sarah and Sienna came to pick me up for our girls’ night dinner, I had convinced myself that he was playing me, while seeing Jenny. I was hesitant to tell them my thoughts at first but, since I really didn’t have anyone else to lean on, I found myself blubbering over burgers and fries at the sports bar we all went to.

  “Nolan, you do realize that you’re crazy, right?” Sienna said, leaning forward and forcing me to look her in the eyes. “Reed is about to get a bowl bid, he had practice all day, he’s working with Dylan, and scouts and business people and, lord knows Buck’s probably involved.”

  I smiled a little at Sienna’s words forcing myself to consider everything with a fresh perspective. She was right, and I was automatically assuming the worst. It was something I needed to stop doing, and I was about to declare it publicly, when a glimmer flashed by my eyes briefly, but long enough for me to register what it was.

  “Holy shit, Sienna. Is that what I think it is?” I said, pointing to her hand. She blushed a little, and then brought her hand to the table to reveal a giant diamond engagement ring. Sarah and I just stared at it with mouths open before reaching over and hugging her, screaming so the entire restaurant turned to our table.

  “You bitch, you held out on us,” Sarah said, slugging her on the shoulder a little. Sienna just rubbed it, and elbowed her back.

  “No, I just couldn’t seem to find the right time. He just asked me last night,” she was beaming. I took her hand in mine and studied the ring even more while she told us the story about how Micah had led her on a treasure hunt around their apartment for what she thought was a special dessert. She said he had called her parents and got down on one knee and everything. My heart was soaring for my friend and racing with hope at the same time that maybe, someday, I would be the one my girlfriends were screaming over.

  My worries from earlier in the day were laid to rest later that night when I got a string of texts from Reed.

  I’m so sorry I was so busy today. Didn’t have any time to call. But I missed you. No swimming without me ; - )

  XXOO

  He had signed every message the same, and I was a giddy teenager all over again. We texted or talked every night until the end of the semester, and we made plans for our second, second-chance date when I got home. I still couldn’t seem to get myself to ask Reed about his date with Jenny that night after the game, or if it even was one. I seemed to be caught in this strange place between wanting to just trust him, and also being bitterly jealous.

  I was heading to Sarah’s with most of my clothes and shoes packed in a giant rolling suitcase, when I ran into Gavin in the elevator. He seemed to flinch a little at seeing me, and I wasn’t so sure how to react to him either. We hadn’t talked much since I quit going to psych, dropping the class under emergency with the promise of taking it again next semester—hopefully with much better results.

  Uncomfortable, but also not wanting to be rude, I smiled at him faintly and motioned to his bag of belongings. “Heading home?” I asked, going for the obvious question. This was clearly polite conversation.

  “Oh, uh…yeah. I’m driving out. It’s good to have a car at home, ya know?” he said, nodding a bit at my bag. “You heading out with the girls?”

  “Yeah, I’m driving in with Sarah. Calley took their car, and I like having someone to ride with,” I said, letting the rest of the elevator ride go silent. We were both staring at the floor now, working hard not to make eye contact with one another. I don’t know what made me speak up as the doors were opening and we were both wheeling our bags out, but something made me, like I needed closure. “So, see you in January?”

  Gavin just nodded slowly at first, stopping in the lobby and looking down at his feet. “Yeah, uh…probably not, Noles. I’m moving into Cortez Hall. It’s just a better spot for me, closer to the psych building and all,” he said, sucking in his bottom lip a bit uncomfortably.

  “Oh,” I said softly, a little confused by this information, but also a little grateful that I might not have to see him again. “Well, maybe I’ll see you on campus, or in another class sometime.”

  “Yeah…that’d be nice. I mean, I’d like that,” he said, backing up with his bag and pulling his beanie on his head. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

  I just nodded in return and let him walk out well before me so I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. Our final exchange was strange, but there really was no way around that. I’d made it that way the moment I kissed him. But the thought that I might get a chance to earn back all that I’d lost, gave me hope, and there just wasn’t room for Gavin in any of that.

  Sarah and I were driving back to Coolidge on Sunday evening because of some dance recital she had managed to squeeze into for the weekend. Sarah’s dance had really evolved. She was constantly being requested for senior choreography projects and being put in showcases at the arts college. I loved to watch her. The things her body could do were truly amazing. It was odd to think of her tough and rough personality when watching her bend and twist in ways so beautiful they almost brought tears to my eyes.

  Sarah was packing the rest of her things late Sunday afternoon while I texted back and forth with Reed. He was at some fancy hotel in Tucson with a television crew waiting for the Selection Sunday announcement for the Rose Bowl. Our conversations were playful, and our texts were flirtatious, but never anything more since our skinny-dipping make-out session. I still hadn’t asked about Jenny, but Reed also never brought her up.

  I was so anxious for our next date, and for being home with Reed. I knew he’d have to leave right after Christmas for the Rose Bowl, and we probably wouldn’t get to spend New Year’s together, but there was something warm and full of possibility about the holiday season. Coolidge always had a holiday festival in the streets of the downtown, where every historic building was wrapped in lights, and families came out to share desserts, cocoa and popcorn. It was one of the best things about being in a small town.

  The news cut in for a live shot where Reed was sitting with Trig and a few other players along with their coach. I texted him—teasing him a little, just to make him sweat.

  Uh, so I just saw you on TV. You might want to check your hair.

  The camera was still on him, and I saw him look in his lap to read my text. He immediately brushed his hand through his hair and bumped Trig’s shoulder to ask him if he looked okay. I laughed out loud.

  You are such a girl. I was just kidding : - P

  I saw a smirk spread across his face next, and he looked directly into the camera, right at me, before he snuck his phone into his lap again and shot back a quick message. The st
ation went to a commercial break just then.

  That was not nice…but funny as hell.

  My small prank had my mind spinning a bit, and it gave me an idea. I texted him back right away.

  Hey, so…wanna make a wager?

  I waited, and he wrote back in seconds.

  Hmmmmm, I’m curious. What are the terms?

  I grinned and slid down into the sofa so I could hide a little from Sarah, who was busy tidying things up in her kitchen.

  When they interview you after the announcement, if you can work the word ‘coconut’ into your response, I will spend tonight in your room.

  He responded instantly.

  Tonight? In my room? All for coconut?

  I wrote back:

  Yes.

  Reed was fast again.

  Deal. You better have your PJs packed, Princess.

  I giggled silently to myself. Truth was I was winning in two ways. I’d give anything for more time to reconnect with Reed, and seeing him work an absurd word into a national TV interview was priceless. Sarah had finished her packing and cleaning and was sitting on the corner of her sofa next to me. I looked up and told her we could leave as soon as Reed’s school was announced; there was no way I was missing this.

  The Rose Bowl committee made their announcement right after the commercial break, and the camera turned to a room full of cheering UofA students, and then settled in on Reed, Trig and his coach.

  “We’re here with Reed Johnson, whose name is being thrown around in a lot of Heisman conversations lately…Reed? How excited are you to face Ohio State in the Rose Bowl?”

  Reed was wearing his modest grin, his dimples deep, and his eyes squinted a bit from the attention. He was so amazingly talented, but he always hated being singled out as the reason his team was doing so well, even though he was precisely the reason they were. “Thanks for that, Wendy. Well…it’s pretty awesome being in the Rose Bowl for a second year in a row. Ohio State is a great team, but I feel pretty good about our chances,” Reed said, leaning sideways in his chair to get more comfortable.

  “And what about the Heisman hype? Does that distract you at all?” the reporter questioned him again, pushing him for more. But as always, Reed was so cool in the face of big-time pressure. He just smiled again and chuckled to himself.

  “I mean, I’d be coconuts not to be a little excited about the idea of winning a Heisman,” he said it. He looked right into the camera after his answer, right at me, and winked a bit with a smile, before he continued on. He was adorable, and I was as in love as I’d ever been. “But it doesn’t take away from the game. The game is my first priority. I worry about one game at a time. It’s worked out pretty well for me so far.”

  “Well, alright then. Congratulations to you, and the Wildcats, Reed. We look forward to seeing this great match up,” the reporter said as the camera angle swung wide. I was dizzy with giddiness one instant, and then suddenly lost it all the moment I saw Jenny standing in the background, her eyes bright and focused on Reed, while she clapped and cheered—all for him.

  “Why was she there? And what was she to Reed?” I asked myself.

  “Steve, I’m sending it over to you to give us a little insight into what Ohio State thinks about this match up, as well as quarterback Ian Herring. Steve?” the reporter signed off and the coverage shifted. I picked up the remote and turned the TV off only to find Sarah smirking at me, standing with her arms crossed.

  “What?” I said, shrugging and trying to brush her attention off.

  “You know what? You two are so syrupy sweet. It would be disgusting if I didn’t love you so much,” she said, punching me lightly in the arm. I had to smile at her words.

  “Yeah,” I paused and sighed a little. “It feels like we’re almost back…I just feel like there are these big clouds out there floating over us, though, know what I mean? I still feel weird about Jenny. Is he dating us both? Was she just a one-night stand? And he still hasn’t brought up my miscarriage, Sar. I mean, that’s weird, right?”

  Sarah turned away from me, refusing to make eye contact, and immediately my suspicion rose. “What? What do you know?” I questioned her, crawling over the back of her sofa to run into her, and force her to look me in the eye. She pushed her lips into a hard line and then exhaled heavily.

  “Noles, Reed didn’t know. Not at first. This whole time, when you thought he was ignoring you, ignoring what happened. He didn’t know,” her words were so foreign, they seemed impossible. I just shook my head, not understanding. She slumped her shoulders and grabbed mine to look me in the eye. “He never listened to the message. Not until I told him to.”

  My eyes went wide, my mind playing back memories of the last three months, trying to fit this new information together with everything I had done, everything Reed had thought, and where we were now. “When? When did you tell him?” I stuttered, my body shaking a bit with adrenaline and renewed understanding.

  “The night we all went out…after Thanksgiving. He called me and said you mentioned it in your drunken stupor. You were a nightmare, by the way,” she paused to point out before continuing on. “Nolan, he was crying and upset. He was devastated.”

  My heart broke a little thinking of Reed’s reaction. “Was he angry?” I asked, suddenly feeling sick and leaning into Sarah’s counter to hold my weight up.

  “No. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Nolan, he was so upset over you and everything you were going through,” she said, stopping herself short when I snapped my eyes to hers.

  “What do you mean what I’ve been going through?” I asked, praying she hadn’t told Reed every detail of my crumbling life.

  “Yeah, Nolan. Reed and I, we’ve been talking. A lot. You’re going to get pissed and find this out eventually, so you might as well know now. I’m worried about you. Sienna’s worried about you. You’re flunking out, losing your scholarships. You’re a mess! And I told Reed. He knows everything,” she said, her shoulders sagging again with the weight of it all.

  I held my hand over my mouth just listening to her words, embarrassed and ashamed. I knew it was all true, but I still didn’t like hearing it. I was the together one. I didn’t fall apart. And the thought that Reed was just being nice to me, showing me attention, because he felt bad for me also ran through my mind.

  “Nolan, stop that. You’re getting ahead of yourself, I can tell,” Sarah said, forcing my eyes to hers. “Stop it. You and Reed are figuring things out. It’s not pity.”

  “Sarah, how do you know? What if it’s all just guilt?” I said, my stomach twisting and my heart sinking a little more.

  “Because, I know. I’m never wrong. Like…ever. Now grab your shit; we’re going home,” she said, turning on me and not letting me get another word in. It was her style. Tough and to-the-point, and I knew I was better off following her directions. I also knew I’d continue to worry silently.

  Sarah and I were just turning onto the main desert highway when my phone buzzed, bringing me out of my self-pity funk for just a moment. I reached into my console and pushed until I found the talk button and put the phone to my ear.

  “Hello?” I asked, not sure who was calling.

  “Hey, honey,” my mom said, her voice sounding a little flat and depressed.

  “Oh, hi. I didn’t see the number. Sarah and I are on our way. I just have to drop her off then I’ll be home,” I said, excited to be going home.

  “Honey, that’s the thing…” my mom started, my mind taking over and going in a million directions over what her next round of news could be. I was slowing down on the highway now, and Sarah was staring at me, worried.

  “Oh God, what is it?” I said, choking a bit with panic.

  “No, no…honey, don’t worry. Everyone is fine. Everyone is just fine,” she continued, knowing that I was imagining the worst. “It’s the house. We…we had a small fire this morning. It was the laundry room, actually. Something about the dryer vent.”

  I relaxed immediately, my hom
e being damaged—nothing compared to what my mind was conjuring. “Oh, thank God. Well, do I have to sleep on the sofa or something?” I asked, knowing I shared a wall with the laundry room.

  “Well…it’s a little bigger than that, I’m afraid. The fire destroyed your entire room. Honey, I’m so sorry,” my mom was crying a little, giving me the news. I was just so relieved that everyone was okay, and that it was only a fire, only stuff.

  “It’s okay, really mom. I have most of the things I need at school. I’m just glad you and Dad are okay,” I said, trying to calm her. She let out a big breath and seemed to settle again when I spoke. “Well, what’s the plan then? Are we going to a hotel for a bit? Do they just board it up?”

  “Ohhh, nooooooo. Honey, it’s bigger than that,” my mom said, and I could almost visualize her eyebrows rising as she spoke. “We’re going to need to live with grandma and grandpa for a while. Your dad and I have the truck packed, and the insurance adjusters are coming out next week to figure things out. Work will be slow over the holidays, but we should be back in by spring.”

  Suddenly, the gravity of everything hit me. But it wasn’t my home and my things—it was Reed. I wouldn’t be near him, and I didn’t think I could live without that right now. “Do…do we have to?” my voice broke a little as I spoke.

  “I know it’s really awful timing, Nolan. But the house, it just isn’t livable right now,” my mom said. “Hold on…” I heard her muffle the phone and could hear my father and her talking in the background. At this pause, Sarah slapped at my leg to get my attention. I just grimaced at her and mouthed “Hang on.”