A Seat by the Hearth

by Amy Clipston

  “Priscilla, listen to me.” Laura placed her hands on Priscilla’s biceps. “Mark loves you. He’s never acted this way about any other maedel, and he’s had a group of them following him since he was sixteen. Mei bruder would lay down his life for you and Ethan. His feelings are real.” She touched her collarbone. “I can tell because we’re twins. We feel things for each other.”

  Priscilla cleared her throat and mopped her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional.”

  “It’s okay.” Laura released her arms and smiled. “Trust me. Everything will be fine.”

  Priscilla wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t. Yet she knew one thing for certain—she couldn’t stand another day in a loveless marriage. She had to find a way out before she suffocated from her growing loneliness and disappointment.

  “Where’s my new niece?” Mark asked as he stepped into the nursery.

  “She’s right here.” Laura walked over and held up the baby.

  “Aww.” Mark touched her little head. “Look at you.” He glanced at Priscilla as she stood in the corner with Kayla. Her eyes looked red and puffy. Had she been crying? His shoulders tightened at the thought.

  “Do you want to hold her?” Laura held her toward Mark.

  “No, no.” Mark shook his head.

  “You won’t break her.” Kayla chuckled. “You held Calvin.”

  “Ya, but Calvin is a bu. I might break a maedel.”

  Laura rolled her eyes. “Just take her.”

  “All right.” Mark held out his arms, and Laura situated the baby in them. He gazed down at her, taking in her little pink nose and pretty blue eyes. When he heard a sniff, he looked across the room and found Priscilla wiping her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  “Ya.” Priscilla gave him a watery smile. “Bopplin make me cry.” She ripped a tissue out of a nearby box and blotted her eyes.

  “Would you like to come downstairs with me?” Kayla asked Priscilla. “I have a kuche to share, and we can make kaffi too.”

  “Ya.” Priscilla seemed to jump at the chance to leave the room. She followed Kayla into the hallway without giving Mark a second look.

  Something was wrong. He could feel it in his bones.

  Once they were gone, he looked at Laura. “What’s going on?”

  Laura’s expression clouded. “You need to ask your fraa.”

  Laura’s eerie warning haunted Mark throughout the evening as they visited with Jamie, Kayla, and the rest of their family. Priscilla seemed to avoid Mark’s gaze as they ate cake and drank coffee in the kitchen. While she spoke to the women at the table, she gave him those same one-word responses to any questions he asked her. He couldn’t fathom what he’d done wrong, but he had to find out before the worry ate him from the inside out.

  When they finally climbed into the buggy to go home, he was determined to get her to talk to him.

  She shivered and covered herself with a quilt as Mark guided the buggy toward the road.

  “Are you okay?” Mark asked, lowering his voice as he gave her a quick glance. He didn’t want Ethan to worry about her too.

  “Ya.”

  “You don’t look okay,” Mark continued. “You’ve been quiet all evening.”

  “I’m just tired.”

  “It seems like more than that,” he said, prodding her.

  “It’s not.” She kept her gaze fixed on the road ahead.

  Frustration coursed through him. She was upset about something, and he needed to know what it was so he could fix it. Ethan started chatting about one of Mollie’s toys, but an awkward silence remained between Mark and Priscilla.

  When they entered the house, he set to building a fire while Priscilla got Ethan ready for bed. When Ethan was down for the night, she disappeared into the bathroom for a while. She emerged a while later dressed in her nightgown and robe with a scarf shielding her beautiful, thick, dark hair.

  “Did you have a gut time tonight?” Mark walked over to her.

  “Ya, I did.” She looked down at her slippers. “Did you?”

  “Look at me.” He slipped his finger under her chin and lifted her face so she had to gaze into his eyes. “Talk to me. Something is bothering you. I can feel it.”

  “I’m fine.” Her voice was hoarse, as if she’d screamed for hours. “I’m just really tired, okay? Please let me go to bed.”

  The desperation in her voice nearly sliced him in two.

  “Okay.” He studied her eyes, finding pain there. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

  She nodded, but she didn’t look convinced.

  “I’ll always listen, no matter how painful it is for me to hear.”

  Her lower lip trembled, and she pulled away from him. “Gut nacht.” She slipped through Ethan’s bedroom door and closed it behind her.

  Mark sank onto the sofa and stared at the fire. He turned toward her bedroom door and considered going in and demanding that she speak to him. But he didn’t want to frighten her or Ethan. He couldn’t lose her trust or risk her thinking he would become abusive like Trent.

  Still, he longed to know what was in her heart. He wanted to help her.

  Deep in his soul he feared she was building a new wall to keep him away, even after they’d come so far.

  TWENTY-NINE

  PRISCILLA STARED UP AT THE CEILING AS ETHAN’S soft snores filled the room. She tried to sleep, but her thoughts roared through her mind like a cyclone. Laura and Kayla were so wrong, and she couldn’t live like this anymore. She had to leave. She had to give Mark his freedom. But how? Where would she go?

  She had some money saved. If her mother loaned her more, she could find a place to live and a job. She could work as a waitress or a seamstress to support herself and Ethan, and then she could pay her mother back.

  Anticipation buzzed like wings of hummingbirds. That might work. She just had to talk to her mother.

  She turned toward Ethan. He was fast asleep. She could sneak out now and see if her mother was awake. Some nights her mother couldn’t sleep and sat in the family room to read for a while. She prayed that was the case tonight.

  She grabbed the lantern off the nightstand and slowly cracked the door. When she found the sofa empty, she pushed the door open, slipped on her boots, pulled on her coat, and set out into the cold night air.

  She spotted a light on in her mother’s kitchen and walked faster. She climbed the porch steps and knocked on the door.

  When the door opened, her mother’s eyes widened as she pushed open the storm door. “What are you doing here?”

  “I need to talk to you. May I come in?”

  “Ya.” Mamm waved her in, and they sat down at the kitchen table together. “What’s going on?”

  “I was wondering if I could borrow some money from you.”

  “Why?” Mamm eyed her with suspicion.

  “I can’t live a lie anymore. My marriage is a sham. There’s no love and no intimacy. Today I met Kayla’s new boppli, and I realized that this pretend marriage is slowly killing me.” When her eyes filled with tears, Priscilla grabbed a paper napkin from the holder in the center of the table. “I can’t stay with Mark without being his fraa for real. I know you have money saved up from your seamstress jobs. May I please borrow it so I can take Ethan somewhere and give him a stable home?”

  “You want to take Ethan away from us and Mark?” Mamm’s eyes filled with tears.

  “We can visit you.” Priscilla reached across the table and touched her mother’s arm. The pain in her eyes stabbed at her heart. “We won’t leave forever. I could never do that to you again. I just can’t stand to be here. It hurts me every day to live with Mark in a fake marriage.”

  “You love him,” Mamm said.

  “Ya.” Priscilla nodded as tears sprinkled down her cheeks. “I do, but he doesn’t love me, and it’s breaking me in two.”

  “Why do you think leaving him will make it better?”

  “If I leave, he can have the life he wants. He never wanted
to marry, but he can have his haus and his business, and I won’t be in his way,” Priscilla said. “I don’t belong here. I have to go. Will you help me?”

  “So that’s it, Priscilla?” Dat’s voice boomed from the doorway. “You’re just going to leave again?”

  Mark heard the front door click shut, and he rolled over in bed. Was he dreaming, or had someone just walked into his house?

  He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He turned on the lantern on his nightstand and pulled on a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of trousers. He stepped out into the family room and stilled. Only the pop and crackle of the fire in the fireplace filled the little house. He walked to the second bedroom door and pushed it open. He held up the lantern. Only one person was lying in the bed.

  Priscilla is gone!

  Panic gripped him as he slipped his feet into a pair of boots and hurried out the door and up the path. Cold air smacked his cheeks. Lights on in Edna’s kitchen alerted him that someone was awake. He hoped Priscilla was there and that she hadn’t left him to go back to Trent.

  There it was. The fear he’d tried to forget but never could.

  Mark climbed the back steps and opened the door. Yonnie’s angry voice filled Mark’s ears as he stepped into the house.

  “So that’s it, Priscilla?” Yonnie bellowed. “You’re going to just leave again? You’re going to walk out on your husband, and you’re going to break your mamm’s heart again, and be shunned again?”

  Mark stepped through the mudroom to the kitchen doorway as his pulse pounded in his ears. All his nightmares were coming true. Priscilla was going to leave him. She didn’t love him. How could she even care about him at all if she was willing to leave him for a man who’d hurt her and endangered Ethan? Maybe he didn’t know her as well as he’d thought. His heart splintered into a million painful shards.

  “You want to know what you are, Priscilla?” Yonnie continued, circling the kitchen table so his back was to Mark. “You’re nothing but a harlot.”

  “Yonnie, stop! That’s not true!” Edna yelled. “You need to stop treating her this way! She’s our dochder. Don’t push her away. I can’t lose her again!”

  Mark’s blood boiled as he walked up behind Yonnie.

  “You’re going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to you,” Yonnie said. “You don’t deserve Mark. You’re blessed to be here with us. You’re fortunate that he even agreed to marry you after what you did.”

  “I don’t deserve to be treated this way,” Priscilla said, seething as she stood. “You have no right to talk to me like this, and I won’t stand for it any longer. I came here looking for help, not more criticism.”

  Then the truth hit Mark between the eyes. Priscilla had two abusers in her life—Trent and her father. This was why she left the community eight years ago. She’d gone to escape this verbal abuse, which was worse than he’d ever heard or imagined. She told him that day in the barn that she’d fallen for Trent because she was desperate for someone to love her. But he hadn’t realized that desperation came not just from a lack of love from her father, but from how horribly Yonnie had treated her.

  Mark had to put a stop to this now! He had to be the one man who treated Priscilla with respect and cherished her. He had to save her from this endless cycle of abuse. He had to get her out of this toxic environment for good.

  “Stop it!” Mark yelled as his red, burning hot anger erupted like a volcano.

  Yonnie spun and faced him, his face twisted into a scowl. But he took a step back as Mark came into the kitchen.

  Mark’s body quaked as he shook his finger at Yonnie. “You have no right to treat her that way. She’s not a harlot. She’s your dochder, Ethan’s mamm, and mei fraa. She’s not fortunate that I married her.” He jammed the finger into his own chest. “I’m fortunate that she agreed to marry me. I don’t deserve a woman as kind, sweet, and lovely as she is. And you don’t deserve to even call her your dochder.”

  He pushed past Yonnie and made his way to Priscilla. She wiped tears from her face as she stared at him.

  “Let’s go, Priscilla.” Mark motioned for her to follow him.

  She hesitated. “Where are we going?”

  “I’m getting you out of here for gut,” Mark said. “He’s never going to treat you this badly again.”

  “Just wait a minute,” Yonnie said. “I was talking to her. You have no right—”

  “Actually, Yonnie, I do have a right to take her from here.” Mark walked over to him. “I’m her husband, and I will not allow you to abuse her any longer.”

  Priscilla went to Mark, and he threaded his fingers in hers. They started toward the mudroom, and then he stopped and turned toward Yonnie, who stared after them, wide-eyed.

  “Oh, one more thing, Yonnie,” Mark said. “I do remember that you own this farm and you’re my employer. Consider this my resignation. We’re leaving tonight, and we’re not coming back.”

  Priscilla felt as if her head was spinning as Mark held on to her hand and pulled her down her parents’ back porch steps.

  “Wait.” She stopped and yanked him back to her. “Where are we going?”

  “I was thinking of taking you to Jamie’s, but they have a new boppli. We’ll go to Laura’s. She has room for us.” He started down the path. “We’ll pack enough clothes for overnight and come back for more in the daylight.”

  She opened her mouth to protest, but then she closed it again. When they arrived at the daadihaus, she quickly dressed and then filled a bag with clothes for all of them while Mark gathered Ethan in his arms and covered him with a quilt. Then they hurried through the cold to the stable.

  Mark hitched up the horse and buggy, and they started on their journey to Laura’s house.

  They rode in silence for several minutes as Priscilla stared out the window. Only Ethan’s breathing filled the buggy as her father’s cruel words echoed in her mind and tears filled her eyes once again.

  “I’m sorry he did that to you.” Mark’s voice was compassionate. “He’s always talked to you that way?”

  “Ya.” She swiped her hand over her eyes.

  “Is that why you left years ago?”

  “Ya.” She shivered as her memories turned to the night that had driven her away from her childhood home. “I had been out with the youth, and we stayed out past our usual ten o’clock. When I got home it was after eleven, and he was waiting for me at the door. He accused me of being out all night, drinking and being promiscuous, which wasn’t true. We had gone to spend the day at Cascade Lake and stopped at a restaurant on the way home. We were having so much fun talking and laughing that we lost track of time.”

  “I remember that trip,” Mark said. “We all got home late that night.”

  “Exactly.” She took a tissue from her coat pocket. “I tried to explain to him that we had just lost track of time, but he was convinced I was out misbehaving, and he said I would bring shame on him with my actions. I tried to explain that I’d done nothing but swim and spend time with mei freinden all day. He refused to believe me, and it was the last straw. I couldn’t take the accusations and the criticism anymore, and it pushed me over the edge. I packed up my things and left after my parents went to bed that night.”

  “So for your whole life, he’s made you think you’re not worthy of his love. Or anyone’s.”

  She nodded and tried to clear her throat past a swelling lump of anguish.

  Mark halted the horse at a red light and turned toward her. “Were you really going to leave me?”

  She nodded.

  “Why?” The pain in his eyes was like a splinter in her heart.

  “I can’t live a lie anymore.” Her voice was thin. “I can’t stay in a pretend marriage. It’s tearing me apart. You can have the haus and the business. I know besides not wanting to be shunned, they’re the reason you married me.”

  After a moment he said, “Someone once told me there’s more to life than owning a haus.”

  “Mark, I don’t want to
ruin your life anymore.”

  “You’d ruin my life if you and Ethan left me.”

  She bit back a sob as she stared at him. He turned toward the windshield and guided the horse through the intersection. Then they turned on the road that led to Laura’s house.

  When they reached the top of Laura’s driveway, Allen came outside.

  “Is everything all right?” he asked as he jogged down the steps.

  Mark climbed out of the buggy. “Could we stay here tonight? I’ll explain everything later, but we had to get out of the daadihaus.”

  “Ya, of course.” Allen looked between them. “Let me help you with your horse and buggy.”

  Laura appeared on the porch, hugging a shawl to her middle. “What’s going on?”

  “They need a place to stay,” Allen explained.

  Laura waved them in. “Come inside out of the cold.”

  Priscilla leaned over the back of the buggy and nudged Ethan. “Ethan. Ethan, honey. I need you to wake up. You need to walk into Aenti Laura’s haus, okay?”

  Ethan rubbed his eyes as he sat up.

  Priscilla grabbed the bag of clothes, and then she and Ethan climbed the steps and into Laura’s house.

  “I can’t stay there,” Mark said to his brother-in-law after telling him what Yonnie said to Priscilla. “It’s too toxic for Priscilla and Ethan.” He rubbed at the knots of tension in his neck. “I’ve never been so furious in my life.”

  “I can’t believe how Yonnie talks to her.” Allen shook his head as they stood in the office of his carriage business. “I would never speak to mei dochder that way.”

  “I know.” Mark held up his hands. “I’m sorry to impose on you like this, but Jamie has a new boppli, and mei dat doesn’t have room for us. Could we stay here until I find a haus to rent? I’ll start looking tomorrow, and I’ll see if I can work for mei dat. We’ll be out of here before your new boppli is born.”

  “It’s no problem.” Allen shook his head. “You can stay here as long as you’d like.” He pointed toward his shop, where he repaired and rebuilt buggies. “You can even work for me if you want to. My business is booming, and I can hardly keep up anymore.”