A Seat by the Hearth

by Amy Clipston

  Jamie folded his arms over his wide chest and pressed his lips together.

  “What are you thinking?” Mark asked, hoping his brother held the answers.

  “You’ve never had this problem before, have you?”

  Mark rolled his eyes. “That’s all you have to say? You want to rub my nose in my failure?”

  “No, no. It’s not that. I’m just surprised.” Jamie grinned. “You’re asking me for advice after all those years you taunted me and told me to get married. How does that feel?”

  “Forget it.” Mark walked over to the stall and picked up the pitchfork. “Danki for stopping by.”

  “Hold on.” Jamie followed him. “I’m sorry.”

  Mark glared at him.

  “I’m just a little stunned.” Jamie paused. “I think you should give her time. Don’t give up on her. Let her come to you. I have a feeling she will.”

  Mark nodded as hope lit within him. “Okay.” He set the pitchfork against the barn wall. “So let her kiss me first, then?”

  Jamie shrugged. “Or at least let her give you the cues that she’s ready. You’ll know when it’s time.”

  “That makes sense.” Mark smiled. “Danki. Would you like some lunch?”

  “Do you think Priscilla will mind?”

  “No, but will Kayla worry about you if you’re gone too long?”

  “She’ll be fine.”

  “All right,” Mark said, teasing. “But I don’t want to hear about it if you get into trouble.”

  Priscilla climbed out of the shower and dried off before dressing in her warmest nightgown. Now that it was November, the temperature had dropped, and she shivered as she pulled on her pink terrycloth robe. She stared at her reflection in the bright-yellow light of the lantern and then combed her waist-length, darkbrown hair.

  After brushing her teeth she opened the bathroom door and was greeted by the pop and hiss of the fire in the fireplace. Her eyes adjusted in the dark, and she spotted Mark sitting on the sofa, staring into the flames.

  Regret settled over her as she recalled the two weeks since she’d rejected Mark when he’d tried to kiss her. He seemed to be pulling away from her ever since that day, and she had longed to go back in time and replay that event with a different ending. But the thought of allowing Mark to kiss her also frightened her. What if a kiss wasn’t all she’d imagined? What if a kiss turned into more and she wasn’t ready for it? Would he have stopped if she’d asked him to slow down?

  “Come sit by me.” Mark had seen her, and his voice was gentle. “There’s a seat by the hearth for you.”

  “Okay.” She crossed the room, and instead of sitting in the rocking chair, she sat down on the sofa beside him. She stared into the fire as its heat surrounded her like a soft blanket.

  “I see why your mammi wanted a fireplace.” Mark shifted on the sofa, moving away from her. “It’s not only warm but soothing after a long day.”

  “It is.” She looked toward Ethan’s bedroom door.

  “He’s asleep,” Mark said as if reading her thoughts. “I checked on him while you were in the shower.”

  “I can’t believe Thanksgiving is in three weeks.”

  “I know.” Mark rested his elbow on the sofa arm. “Florence wants to know if we’re coming over for a meal.”

  “Do you want to?” She turned toward him. His handsome face was lit by the glow of the fire, making his chiseled features, coupled with his sprouting light-brown beard, even more striking.

  “It’s up to you.” Mark shrugged. “Your parents could come too. Florence loves being surrounded by family.”

  “I’ll ask mei mamm if she and Dat would like to have Thanksgiving dinner at your dat’s haus.”

  “Okay.”

  A hush fell over the room, and Priscilla felt a tug on her scalp. When she turned, she was surprised to see Mark fiddling with a strand of her hair.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, trying not to laugh.

  “Sorry.” He grinned. “I just wanted to touch your hair. It seemed to be taunting me when it hit my hand.”

  She suddenly felt the wall around her heart crumbling as she looked into her husband’s kind eyes. She longed to let him in and tell him everything about her past. She needed to let him in. Was it time to trust him?

  “Are you all right?” He anchored a tendril of hair behind her ear.

  “Ya.” She nodded. “I want to tell you something.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s about Trent.”

  A muscle tensed in his jaw. “Go on.”

  “I didn’t tell you everything when we were in the barn that day,” she said, her voice trembling. “When Trent lost his job, he changed. He became angry and agitated.” She took a ragged breath.

  “Take your time.” Mark moved his fingers across her back and over her shoulder, and his touch gave her the strength to go on.

  “I kept working. In fact, I took double shifts and filled in for my coworkers to try to keep food on our table and pay our rent. One night I came home and found Ethan sleeping on the sofa. I think he was about three years old. Trent was drunk and sitting in his recliner. There were dirty dishes in the sink and the trash was overflowing.”

  Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears, too shaky and high-pitched. “I was furious, and I told him I was tired of both working and taking care of the haus. I said it was time for him to do his part. That was the first time he hit me. He smacked me so hard I fell backward and hit my head on the wall. I’d never been so afraid in my life.”

  Mark blew out a deep breath and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “How dare he hurt you like that.” He pulled her against his chest, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

  “He was volatile, and I never knew what would set him off. I felt like I was walking on eggshells every time I walked into the room.”

  Mark kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry.”

  She stared into the fire as she spoke. “Trent never hit Ethan, but he used to yell at him. The day I realized I had to get Ethan away from him was the day I came home from work and found Ethan alone. Trent had gone out drinking with his buddies. He’d chosen alcohol over our sohn’s safety.”

  Her lower lip quivered. “I couldn’t believe he had done that. That was when I decided I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there and give him the chance to hurt Ethan.”

  She took a trembling breath. “I knew if I stayed, not only was Trent likely to endanger Ethan again, but he could turn his violence on him too. I couldn’t put mei sohn in danger. It’s my job to protect him. I can take it, but I can’t let someone hurt mei kind. If I had been a better mutter, I would have escaped with Ethan before I finally snuck out one day when Trent was out with his buddies. But I was afraid. I should have been stronger and left sooner.

  “That was when I came home and found you here.” Tears splattered down her cheeks as sobs racked her body.

  “Shh. It’s okay.” Mark pulled her against him, and she cried onto his shoulder, soaking his white T-shirt. “You’re safe now. You and Ethan never have to deal with Trent again. I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I promise you. I’ll protect you and Ethan for the rest of my life.”

  She sniffed as she rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Danki.”

  “Why are you thanking me?” He looked down at her. “I haven’t done anything.”

  “You’re wrong. You’ve done everything. You’ve given Ethan and me a safe home.”

  “I’m froh to do it.” He released her from the hug, and she remained beside him.

  They stared at each other, and her breath hitched. She suddenly felt closer to him than she’d felt to anyone in her life. Mark had become important to her. He had become her closest confidant.

  “I should get to bed.” He stood and then gestured toward the fire. “I put a big log on it, and it should last awhile. I’ll set my alarm and check on it in the middle of the night so we don’t freeze.” He started toward his bedroom. When he reached the
door, he turned and faced her. “Gut nacht.”

  “Gut nacht,” she said before he disappeared into his bedroom, leaving her alone by the hearth.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  MARK HUMMED TO HIMSELF AS HE FINISHED FEEDing the horses. He thought about how Priscilla had seemed to warm up to him in the month since she told him about leaving Trent. Jamie’s plan of allowing her to come to him seemed to be working.

  Last week Priscilla, Ethan, her parents, and Mark had eaten Thanksgiving dinner at his father’s house with the rest of his family. Priscilla had seemed to enjoy being there, and she’d smiled and laughed as the Riehl siblings told stories about their childhood.

  She had also taken his hand when they walked to his buggy, and after they arrived home and put Ethan to bed, they had sat in front of the hearth and talked until late into the night.

  They still hadn’t kissed, but they were slowly getting closer and acting more like a couple.

  If only she’d allow him to kiss her, but he was determined to let her come to him first.

  When Mark heard Yonnie’s phone ring, he jogged into the office and picked up the receiver.

  “Allgyer’s Belgian and Dutch Harness Horses,” Mark said. “This is Mark.”

  “Mark!” His stepmother’s voice was loud in his ear. “It’s Florence.”

  “Mamm,” Mark said as alarm gripped him. “Was iss letz?”

  “Kayla is having her boppli,” Florence gushed. “The midwife is at their haus now.”

  “Really?” Mark realized he was grinning. “That’s wunderbaar. Would you please call me after the boppli is born?”

  “Of course.”

  “Danki.” Mark hung up the phone and jogged to the house to tell Priscilla the news.

  “Priscilla!”

  “Ya?” Priscilla looked up from her sewing machine when she heard someone running toward her former bedroom. Her mother had been happy to let her use it until she had her own sewing room in her new house.

  Mark burst through the doorway, leaned against the wall, and panted to catch his breath. “Kayla is having her boppli.”

  “Really?” She jumped up and closed the distance between them. “She’s in labor right now?”

  “Ya. Florence is going to call back after the boppli is born.” He gave a little chuckle. “Mei bruder is going to have two kinner before the day is over.” He scrubbed his hand over his short beard. “I can’t believe how much life has changed this year. I’m married now, and mei bruder is going to have his second kind. It seems like just yesterday that Jamie and I were kids, fishing together at the pond.”

  She studied him, admiring how his beard made him look even more handsome and mature. What would it be like to have a child with him?

  That will never happen. Let that dream go, Priscilla! Just because you and Mark are getting closer as friends doesn’t mean he’ll ever love you.

  She looked away and cleared her throat. “Let me know when Florence calls you back.”

  “I will. We can go visit them in a few days after things settle down.”

  “That sounds gut.” She went back to work as Mark disappeared into the hallway.

  As Priscilla, Mark, and Ethan climbed Jamie’s porch steps three days later, Priscilla held a gift bag containing diapers and the pink baby blanket she’d made for her new niece. Despite a cold breeze, Jamie sat out on the porch with his father, Roy, and Allen.

  “Congratulations.” Mark shook Jamie’s gloved hand. “How does it feel to have two kinner?”

  “I’m not sure yet.” Jamie’s eyes widened. “Ask me in another month.”

  Everyone laughed.

  “Congratulations.” Priscilla shook his hand, and Ethan followed suit.

  “Is Mollie here?” Ethan asked.

  “Ya.” Allen pointed toward the front door. “She’s playing in the schtupp with Calvin. Cindy, Sarah Jane, and her mammi are there too. You should go join them.”

  Ethan looked up at Priscilla. “Is it okay?”

  “Of course,” Priscilla told him.

  “Laura is upstairs with Kayla,” Allen said.

  “Danki.” Priscilla looked at Mark. “I’m going to go see them.”

  “I’ll be out here,” Mark told her before sitting in a rocking chair next to his older brother.

  Priscilla climbed the stairs and found her way to the nursery, where Laura sat in a rocker feeding the newborn a bottle.

  “Hi,” Kayla said as Priscilla stepped into the room.

  “Congratulations.” Priscilla handed her the bag. “I brought you a little something.”

  Kayla opened the bag and pulled out the pack of diapers and pink blanket. “Oh, danki.” She hugged Priscilla.

  “Gern gschehne.”

  “Give me your coat,” Kayla said, and Priscilla slipped it off. Kayla set it on the changing table.

  “How is she?” Priscilla asked, leaning down to see the baby’s little face and shock of golden-blond hair, just like Kayla’s and Calvin’s.

  “She’s precious.” Laura held her up. “This is Alice Dorothy.”

  Priscilla smiled as she looked between Laura and Kayla. “Dorothy after your mamm?” she asked Laura.

  “Ya.” Laura eyes grew bright with tears.

  “That’s beautiful.” Priscilla’s eyes stung with her own threatening tears.

  “Would you like to hold her?” Laura held up the baby.

  “I’d love to.” Priscilla took the baby and the bottle as Laura stood.

  “Sit.” Laura gestured toward the chair.

  “Danki.” Priscilla sat down, and Laura slipped a burp cloth onto Priscilla’s shoulder. As she fed Alice, the baby made little grunting noises and stared up at her.

  An overwhelming sense of longing and regret swallowed Priscilla whole as the reality of her pretend marriage gripped her. She would never experience having a baby with Mark. She’d never pick out names with him or see his reaction as he held his child in his arms for the first time. They would never watch their child learn to walk or speak or give them hugs.

  She craved those things and more. She wanted to have all of them with Mark, and only Mark. She couldn’t imagine being another man’s wife. She enjoyed sharing a home with him and eating her meals with him. She cherished his smile, his laugh, his sense of humor. She loved how he interacted with Ethan. He was a good man, a wonderful father, and a fantastic husband.

  He had become important to her. He was her first thought in the morning and her last thought before she fell asleep.

  And then it hit her. She’d fallen in love with Mark. She truly loved him to the depth of her soul.

  An ache opened in her chest and spread until she had what felt like a gaping hole in her heart. Tears, hot and swift, flowed down her cheeks.

  “Priscilla.” Laura touched her arm. “Are you okay?”

  “Was iss letz?” Kayla asked.

  Priscilla tried to catch her breath.

  “It’s okay.” Kayla’s voice was caring. “You’ll have one soon. Sometimes it takes time to get pregnant.”

  “That’s right.” Laura smiled. “I’ve had two miscarriages since Allen and I got married, but everything has turned out fine so far with this one.” She touched her protruding belly. “I’m due in the next few weeks. You’ll be next. Just pray about it.”

  “No, no, I won’t be.” Priscilla held Alice out toward Kayla. “Please take her. I’m sorry.”

  Kayla took her baby, and Priscilla started for the door. Her hurt ran so deep that she feared she might drown in it.

  “Wait.” Laura took her arm and stopped her. “Talk to us.”

  “What’s going on?” Kayla asked, her blue eyes wide.

  “She doesn’t know?” Priscilla asked Laura.

  Laura shook her head. “I never told her.”

  “What don’t I know?” A thread of annoyance sounded in Kayla’s voice.

  “My marriage is a sham. We got married to avoid being shunned.” Priscilla quickly shared the events that led to her
marriage to Mark, and Kayla listened with her eyes wide. “We don’t live as a married couple. We’ve never even kissed, and I stay in Ethan’s room at night.” She pointed to Alice. “I’ll never have the joy of having a boppli with Mark.”

  “This is all a joke, right?” Kayla’s gaze bounced between Laura and Priscilla.

  “Why would I joke about this?” Priscilla asked before wiping her eyes and blowing her nose with a tissue.

  “Because Mark adopted Ethan, and you two are obviously in love.” Kayla sank into the rocking chair. “I can see it when you’re together.”

  “What?” Priscilla asked.

  “Just last week at Thanksgiving dinner, I noticed how you and Mark smile at each other, and I saw you holding hands when you walked out to his buggy together.” Kayla lifted Alice to her shoulder and rubbed her back. “You love each other.”

  Priscilla shook her head. “We’re just freinden who got married. He married me so he wouldn’t be shunned. And he wanted half of mei dat‘s business and a haus too.”

  “That’s not true.” Laura’s expression was serious. “He wanted to save your reputation. When he told me he was going to marry you, he never mentioned his own needs or wants. He talked only about doing what was right for you.”

  Priscilla shook her head as irritation overtook her. “I can’t believe that.”

  “It’s true,” Laura said, insisting.

  “No. Mark told me he wasn’t ready to get married. He puts on a show in front of your family so he can convince you he’s froh.”

  “No, Kayla is right,” Laura said. “Mei bruder never would have asked to adopt Ethan if he didn’t love both of you. He is in love with you. He’s just too dense to realize it and tell you how he truly feels.”

  Priscilla shook her head as her eyes filled with fresh tears. “He doesn’t love me. Except for gaining land and a business, his life is ruined. I ruined it by trapping him.”