Alive Again

by Emma Tharp

  Teasing, taunting, and tasting her until she clutches the rug underneath her, I know she’s close. The blood pumps hard in my veins and my only focus is on getting her off. Her body tenses and tightens with every flick of my unhurried tongue. Our eyes are locked, unable to look away from each other, sharing in the stripped down intimacy between us. Carsen’s muscles start to tighten and quake and my name falls past her lips over and over again. I don’t stop but continue to massage her clit with my tongue with soft gentle strokes, patiently waiting for her to climax again and again.

  “Patrick, I can’t.” Her voice is weak as she lies boneless under me.

  Kissing up her stomach and chest, I stop at her cheek, giving her one last kiss. I lie on my side next to her, basking in the sight of this beautiful woman.

  Stretching her arms up over her head, every muscle in her body is relaxed. “Where did you learn to do that?”

  Laughing, I say, “You liked it?”

  Turning to face me, she places a sweet kiss on my lips. “That was incredible.” Her hands come to my chest and sweep under my shirt. Sweet sensations work their way through me as her fingertips glide over my abs and down to the button of my jeans. Her eyelids are heavy and it seems to take her great effort to unbutton them.

  I take her hand in my own and say, “Carsen, let’s go to bed. You’ve had a long night.”

  Her eyes squeeze shut and when she opens them again, there are tears forming at the corners. “I want you, Patrick. Please don’t say this was a mistake.”

  Cupping her face in my hands, I make sure I’ve got her full attention and her gaze is trained on me. “No, this was absolutely not a mistake. I want you more than just about anything right now. I can’t wait to be with you, but let’s do it when we’re both feeling up to it.”

  As much I want her this second, my entire body aching with need, I know it’s not the right time; she’s drained. I wanted to help her relax and see her come apart. Now I want to take her to my bed and sleep with her next to me.

  “Promise me that we’ll pick up where we left off here.” Her tone is pleading.

  “You’ve got it.” I stand and get the blanket that’s sitting on the couch. Wrapping it around Carsen, I give her my hand and help her up.

  We walk upstairs together and I lead her to my room and to my bed.

  “Are you sure you want me to sleep here with you?” she asks, hugging the blanket close to her.

  I know why she’s apprehensive and don’t blame her. She’s asking me if I really want her to sleep where my wife slept. “I want to lay next to you tonight, if you want to.”

  A gorgeous smile spreads across her face. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Letting the blanket fall to the floor, she pulls back the comforter and gets in bed.

  I take my clothes off as she watches my every move. Pulling off my boxer briefs, I tug the covers back and take my spot next to Carsen.

  Snuggling in close to me, she tucks herself under my arm and places a hand on my chest. “Do have any idea how hot you are?” Looking down into her eyes, she’s got a playful grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

  “You think so?”

  Her fingertips come up to my temple and glide through my hair. “Yup, I’m going to show you how much.”

  It isn’t long before her eyelids start to droop and her breathing gets even.

  Tonight was completely unexpected, but I couldn’t be happier. I never would’ve let myself believe that Carsen and I would be anything more than employer and employee, or friends at best. Tomorrow morning we can talk about what happened tonight and who that guy was that was here in my house, but for now, I’m going to take this moment in because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Resting my head on the pillow with her in my arms, I let my heart have hope for a future with this woman.

  The clarity that comes in the morning light is perfection. I watched her sleep and since she wasn’t moving, I got up with Maeve and got her breakfast and made Carsen and I coffee. Last night, I slept the best I have in a year. Everything about last night feels good to me. Maybe I should have some guilt that I was intimate with another woman while I’m still married, but I don’t. What I do know is that it’s time for me to take action and call a divorce attorney.

  Walking up the stairs with coffee in hand, I go to my room and set the mug on the nightstand and take in her beauty before I wake her up. Her perfect pink lips are parted and her hair is askew across the pillow. The blankets are down to her waist, exposing the silky skin of her breasts. I want to touch her, to lie back down with her, and finish what we started last night, but that’s not on the agenda right now. Maybe tonight.

  Before waking her, I go to my dresser and take off my wedding band. I tuck it in the back of my top drawer. I thought it would hurt more and the pain in my chest would be unbearable, but all I feel is relief. It doesn’t fit like it did before; now it’s clunky and awkward.

  Kissing her forehead and stroking the hair out of her face, I begin the process of getting Carsen up. I know she’s exhausted, but we’ve got quite a bit to do today. I’ve got plans for us.

  Stirring around slowly, Carsen’s eyes flutter open and when she sees me in front of her, her face brightens into a smile. “Hey, handsome,” she says, her voice gravelly.

  “Hi, beautiful. How did you sleep?”

  “Mmm, so good.” She stretches her arms up over her head and lets out a sexy sounding sigh that makes me want to crash my lips into hers. “How about you?”

  Dropping a soft kiss on her cheek, I say, “Never better. You’re going to have to sleep in my bed every night.” It’s a risk to go there with her already, but I can’t help myself.

  Her brows rise high on her forehead. “I can do that.”

  My heart hammers in my chest hearing her say that she wants what I want. “Perfect. Now I hate to wake you, but Maeve is downstairs playing in the playpen and you need to get ready because we have plans today. But before we do anything, can you tell me about the guy that was harassing you last night?”

  Her face went from excited about the prospect of our plans to concern about the creep that was here. “His name is Cole. He’s my ex-boyfriend. We broke up a couple of months ago and he doesn’t want to accept the fact that it’s over.”

  “How did he know where you were?”

  She chews on her top lip, takes a deep breath, and says, “He was at the deli yesterday. I thought he didn’t see me, but apparently he did. He must’ve followed me here. And I guess I didn’t lock the door behind me because he just walked in. I’m so sorry that he came into your home.”

  I wondered if it was someone she dated. Thinking back to yesterday, I remember Carsen wanting to get out of there fast. This guy has balls walking into someone else’s house. “This isn’t your fault. I can’t believe he just showed up here. It takes guts.”

  “He’s an alcoholic. And when he drinks, he does stupid things. Hopefully after meeting you yesterday, he’ll take the hint.” She sits up and gives my thigh a squeeze.

  “I think he will. He shouldn’t come back here.” He looked like he was going to piss himself and then ran off. I don’t think he was expecting me to come back. If he does, I don’t know what I’ll do to him. “When I’m gone, we’ll turn on the security system so he doesn’t make an unannounced visit again.”

  “Okay, that makes me feel better. I don’t want him showing up here again, especially with Maeve in the house. He was usually harmless when he drank, but as time went on he got more and more out of control. That’s why I finally pulled the plug and broke things off with him.” She swallows hard and shakes her head.

  “You made the right decision.” I clasp her hand in mine and look into her blue-green eyes; she’s so receptive and open. It takes my breath away how quickly I’ve developed emotions for her. “And I feel very protective over you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  Throwing her arms around my neck, shivers move down my spine when her breath skims my skin. “Thank you, Pat
rick. Hopefully he leaves me alone now. I don’t want to cause any problems for you, but I appreciate you so much for taking care of me.”

  Even though I’d rather not, I pull away from her embrace. “Why don’t you take a shower and get ready to go?”

  “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Her eyes are gleaming with excitement.

  Standing up to leave her to get ready, I say, “Nope. Not a chance.”

  Once she’s ready, we buckle up Maeve in the car seat and I drive us downtown. There’re restaurants and shops along the tree-lined streets. This area has a small town feel, even though Charlottesville isn’t.

  The sun is shining; it’s the perfect day to have lunch outside when we’re done shopping. We’ll have to play it by ear and see if Maeve is in a good mood or if she’ll need a nap.

  “What are we doing downtown?” Carsen says, peering out the window.

  Without saying a word, I only flash her a grin. I find a parking spot close to the boutique I’m taking Carsen and Maeve to. Pulling into the spot, I kill the engine and get out to set up the stroller. Carsen meets me at the back of the car with Maeve in her arms. “Are we shopping? You don’t seem like a shopping kind of guy.”

  Letting out a laugh, I say, “Oh, really. Why do you say that?”

  She sets Maeve in the stroller and straps her in. “Well, you know. You’re so manly. It doesn’t sound like shopping would be a pastime you’d be into.”

  The truth is, she’s right. There’s a hundred things I’d rather be doing, but I want to spoil her today. She’s been going above and beyond for Maeve and me, and she deserves a little something. “Well, I don’t love to shop. But I don’t hate it either. And we’re on a mission.” Pushing the stroller up the curb and onto the sidewalk, I lead her to the boutique.

  “We’re going to Sophia’s?” Her mouth and eyes are wide open. “I can’t afford anything in here.”

  I put my hands on her shoulders and stop her before we go through the doors. “Today is my treat.”

  “No, I can’t let you…”

  “Carsen, today we’re going to find you and Maeve something to wear to my brother’s wedding. I need your help finding something for Maeve. You’re spending your Saturday with us when you could be taking the day off. Not to mention the amazing dinners you’ve been cooking us. That wasn’t in your job description. I’ve been relying on you and you’ve stepped up every time. Let me do this for you.” This is why I didn’t tell her where we were going. I didn’t want her to stress about money. I’ve been paying her a generous salary, but I know what she’s doing with that money. Saving every penny that she can for college. Her future is important to her and since she won’t be getting much help from her mother, she’ll be relying on herself. Not that she isn’t used to that. Taking care of her brother and herself she thrived. Some people might turn their fate into a reason to feel sorry for themselves and go down the wrong path. Not Carsen, she’s remarkable.

  Not for the first time, she looks at me like I’m the only man alive, the only person alive. Her eyes scan me with such wonder and appreciation and it disarms me. “Patrick, you’re so generous.” She throws her arms around me, pressing the full length of her toned body up against mine. I don’t want to let her go.

  “I want to do this for you. Now let’s go inside.”

  Draping her arm around my waist, we walk in the boutique together.

  8

  Carsen

  When I’m with Patrick, every single worry I have seems to melt away.

  Having Cole show up at Patrick’s house was terrifying. I didn’t know what he was going to do to me. The way he came at me, grabbing my shirt, I think he would’ve taken advantage of me or hurt me. It’s hard to say, the look in his eyes was possessive and demanding, as if he thought he’d be taking what was his. A shiver wracks my body thinking about it. I’m so grateful that Patrick came home when he did.

  And what happened last night between Patrick and me was mind-blowing. Maggie wasn’t kidding when she wrote in her journal that Patrick is an amazing lover. He blew my mind last night. And we connected on another level. I can barely wait to return the favor tonight. An ache builds between my legs even thinking about having him inside me.

  Now we’re in the most expensive boutique in Charlottesville. Patrick asked me to go to Braeden and Lettie’s wedding. Of course, I wasn’t going to say no, but I didn’t have anything to wear. My plan was to hit the second-hand store and hope for the best. He wants to spoil me, take care of me, and protect me. Am I dreaming?

  Standing in the dressing room, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The dress I have on is flattering. For as long as I can remember, people have asked me if I’m a model. Yes, I’m tall and thin, but I’ve never considered myself pretty enough to model. But in this dress, all of my assets are highlighted. It’s slim fitting and hits above the knee, highlighting my best feature: my long legs. The deep shade of blue brings out the paleness of my eyes and somehow makes them look even bluer. Its neckline plunges into a deep V, making my breasts seem larger than they are and I don’t even have to wear a bra. Bonus. I wonder if Patrick will like it.

  The drum of my heartbeat kicks up as I open the door. Patrick has Maeve in his arms and they’re looking at sparkly tiaras. Clearing my throat, I say, “What do you think?”

  His gaze starts at the top of my head and slowly travels down to my feet. Heat moves up the skin of my neck as he scrutinizes me. He doesn’t say anything, but the hungry look in his eyes tells me he loves it. With one look, he makes me feel beautiful, desired, wanted.

  Turning around, I let him see the back of the dress. I push my hair over my shoulder so he can take in the keyhole opening at the top and the way it somehow makes me look like I have an ass. “Well, you going to say something?” I ask in a teasing tone.

  “Wow, Carsen. You look incredible.” His voice is gravelly and his eyes never leave my body. The air prickles between us and he looks like he’d like to strip the dress off me right now. “I think you should get that one.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that. Let me change and we can pick out Maeve’s dress.”

  “Need me to unzip you?” His brows raise and he gives me a flirty smirk.

  Pointing at Maeve, I say, “Not right now, but if you’d like I can put this on again later and you can help me take it off then.” Not waiting for an answer, I wink at him and go back in the dressing room. I love our new banter and where our relationship is going, but a small part of me worries that I shouldn’t let myself get attached to him. I did notice that he isn’t wearing his wedding band today for the first time since I met him. Maybe that means he’s ready to take the steps to divorce Maggie.

  We pick out an adorable dress with a tutu skirt in a similar shade of blue to mine and a matching headband for Maeve. We both get a pair of shoes; mine are black heels that I can wear because Patrick still towers over me and a pair of black slip-ons with a cute little bow for Maeve. At checkout, my jaw nearly hits the floor at the total, but Patrick doesn’t even blink as he hands the cashier his credit card.

  We have lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant. Patrick orders chips, guacamole, and a fajita platter that we share and Maeve eats the lunch that Patrick packed for her before we left. With every passing moment, I’m falling harder and harder for Patrick. He seems to be into me, but I’m not sure what all of this means for him. If I were smart, I’d protect my heart and ease into this. Take my time and go in with baby steps. Maybe I’ll ask him where he sees this going, but there’s a part of me that’s scared to hear the answer.

  Lunch is amazing, as usual. Afterward, we walk the streets of downtown while Patrick talks to me about the architecture and how Thomas Jefferson had a major influence on many of the structures in C’ville. We stop into one of my favorite galleries where there’s a sculptural installation going on. Patrick and I discuss our takes on the sculptures and he seems fascinated when I talk to him about ceramics and metal and the materials used to d
o the carvings. Maeve holds out for most of the day, but she starts to get fussy around four o’clock. We head home and lay her down for a nap.

  Patrick announces that we are going to Braeden and Lettie’s house for dinner tonight at six o’clock and he’s going to hammer out some work before we leave. I’m inspired to start painting, but something is nagging in the back of my mind. I go upstairs to my room to be alone and fire up my laptop.

  Opening up a new browser, I type in the search bar, ‘Maggie McLoughlin’ and wait to see what comes up.

  She was a real estate agent. The agency she worked for has her picture up and listings she sold a couple of years ago. You’d think they’d update their site. Maggie is a pretty woman. She’s in a green silk blouse that highlights her emerald green eyes, her skin is pale with a beautiful peaches and cream glow, and her smile is wide, all pink lips and pearly white teeth.

  Next, I go to her Facebook page. It’s still open but hasn’t had any new posts in eight months. There are photos of when Maeve was a newborn, with over two hundred congratulations comments. Another post has shots of Patrick and Maggie in the Bahamas; they’re tanned and each hold tropical looking drinks. Pictures of her and an older woman that looks just like her, maybe her mother, somewhere on Martha’s Vineyard drinking Bloody Marys. Maggie with friends drinking lattes at a day spa. Halloween a couple of years ago they dressed up as Kylo Ren and Rey from Star Wars. A young handsome Patrick in his CHS basketball uniform is one of the pictures; he’s got his arm around a braces-clad Maggie. In every photo they look happy, with smiles from ear to ear. What could have gone wrong? Scrolling through I see a post where Maggie has checked in to a fertility clinic. I didn’t realize they had issues getting pregnant. A tinge of guilt comes over me as I look through her page, but it’s all public information for anyone with a Facebook account to see.

  Closing my laptop, I set it down on my bed and sulk. I don’t know what I thought I’d find when I looked up Maggie. Wouldn’t I see a woman with visible scars, major issues, someone with no friends? But that’s not what I saw. She looked beautiful, with a life anyone would envy, at least from the pictures. And adding that up with her journal entries you’ve got a woman with a handsome, supportive man that loves her, is amazing in the sack, a healthy beautiful daughter that they apparently had to go to infertility specialists for. Friends, vacations, overall what looked like a happy life. How could she up and leave it all? Doesn’t she miss it? Miss her family.