Alive Again

by Emma Tharp

  She let it all go. Is she going to come back for it? And if she does, where does that leave me?

  I’ve got to stop thinking like this. I’ll lose my mind if I keep Maggie in the background, just over my shoulder.

  Relaxing my head on my pillow, just for a second, I rest my frustrated mind.

  A gentle kiss on my cheek wakes me from sleep. “You needed to rest. I’m glad you slept, but now we’ve got to go to Brae’s house.”

  Moaning, I stretch and open my eyes. Patrick is hovering over me with a sexy grin on his face. “What time is it?”

  “Quarter to six. I let you rest as long as I could.” He brushes my hair out of my face with his finger. I must look a mess.

  “I’ve got to freshen up. Do I have a minute?”

  Peering down at his watch, he says, “Sure, but just a minute. Come down when you’re ready.” He places a peck on my forehead and I’m grateful it wasn’t on my lips. I’ve definitely got to brush my teeth.

  We’re in Patrick’s truck on our way to Braeden and Lettie’s house after I cleaned up in record time. Little nerves spread through my belly. I don’t know why I’m nervous, but I’d like to impress Braeden. The McLoughlin brothers are a tight-knit group of guys, and I know how much their opinions mean to Patrick. I met Braeden when I stopped by McLoughlin Contracting, but it was a quick meeting, as he was busy and only stopped to say hello. I’m not sure how much Patrick will tell his brother about me, but I want to make a good impression. We show up at their front door only a few minutes late.

  Patrick knocks and Lettie comes to the door wearing a cute pink polka dot apron and fluffy white slippers. “Hi, guys, come in.” She puts her arms around me for a hug and then does the same with Patrick. “Come here, pretty girl, and see your Aunt Lettie.” She takes Maeve from Patrick and kisses her cheek so many times, Maeve ends up in a fit of giggles.

  Their house has a similar feel to Patrick’s dark hardwoods and nice mix of rustic and contemporary. I wonder if they had the same interior designer. It’s beautiful and the furnishings look expensive. It’s got equal parts masculine and feminine design elements. I’m impressed.

  “Hey, guys,” Braeden calls from the kitchen.

  We all head toward the back of the house to see Braeden. The smell of garlic and spices make my mouth water. Braeden is cutting up a red pepper into slices that he sprinkles onto a large bowl of salad.

  “Thanks for having us,” I say and set the bottle of wine we brought over with us onto the counter.

  Wiping his fingers off on a towel, Braeden comes over and shakes Patrick’s hand and then comes over and kisses my cheek. “Glad you guys could make it.” He walks over to Lettie and blows a raspberry on Maeve’s belly which throws her into another fit of baby laughter.

  “What do you guys want to drink?” Lettie asks as she hands Maeve back to Patrick and he straps her into her high chair.

  “Let’s open the wine,” Patrick suggests. “It’s the kind we found in Italy that we like.” He pours baby puff snacks on Maeve’s high chair tray.

  Perfect, I could use some liquid courage to loosen up. “If you have a wine opener, I can open it now,” I say.

  “It’s right over here.” Lettie leads me around the island and pulls the opener out of a drawer. “Here you go.”

  Taking it from her, I press the end into the cork, unscrew, and pop it out all the while attempting to keep my hands from shaking.

  Lettie pulls four wine glasses out of the cupboard and sets them in front of me.

  Pouring red liquid in the glasses, I’d like to pick mine up and take a few calming swallows, but I wait until everyone is served first. I hand Braeden and Lettie their glasses and give Patrick his last. My hand grazes his and he flashes me a kind reassuring smile, but it’s flirty, too, like he’s saving it just for me. It’s the kind of smile that you don’t just see, you feel it, too. I don’t know if Patrick realizes how much that smile impacts me, but it does. I have a sip and suddenly I’m calmer now, happy.

  “Sit down, guys. Let’s eat,” Lettie says, scurrying around the kitchen, stirring something in a huge sauté pan.

  Patrick takes the seat next to me and Braeden across from him. Maeve’s high chair is positioned next to Patrick. They have a large farmhouse table that I’m sure could fit at least ten people around it comfortably.

  Lettie ambles over to the table with the oversized skillet in hand and sets it on top of a trivet. “Hand me your plates, I’ll serve it up.”

  She piles a generous portion of green pasta on my plate and hands it back to me. “Is this pesto?” I ask.

  “Yes, it’s a recipe that Brae and I love. If you like it, I’ll pass it along to you.”

  The food looks and smells amazing; it’s bright fresh basil pesto with shrimp and linguine. The flavors are bold and delicious. “This is so good,” I tell Lettie as soon as my mouth is empty.

  “It’s my favorite dish that she makes,” Braeden says with pride as he beams at his fiancée as she passes him his plate. “I knew I had to marry her when she started cooking for me.”

  “Oh, it was more than my cooking.” Lettie raises her eyebrows at Braeden and takes her seat next to him.

  We all laugh. They are cute together, with a fun banter back and forth. “How did the two of you meet?” I ask.

  Braeden smirks at Lettie and says, “Do you want to tell her or should I?”

  She’s just about to put a shrimp in her mouth when she shakes her head and points to him. “You can.”

  “Of course. My version is better anyway. We’ve known each other for years. I always thought she was beautiful and sweet, but I dated one of her friends.” He smiles, a hint of mischief in his eyes. “But things didn’t work out between this friend and I. Fast forward to Ireland. Patrick, Jax, and I decided to take a trip around Ireland on Harleys. One night, we went out to a pub and guess who was sitting there all alone? Yup, it was Lettie.”

  “Wait, you guys didn’t know that the other would be there?” I ask.

  “Nope. And when I saw her sitting there, let’s just say she didn’t look too happy to see me.” Braeden spins some pasta onto his fork and piles it into his mouth.

  “Well, wait just a second. That’s not really true,” Lettie says, her voice getting higher.

  “So you’re telling me that when you saw me walk into the pub, you were happy to see me?”

  Her smile is a cross between playful and serious. “I was torn between being happy to see you and not wanting to be happy because Janessa called you an asshole. That’s all I had to go on. Clearly, she was wrong and I couldn’t be happier that you were there to save me.” She turns toward me. “You see, when I got to Ireland, I didn’t have my luggage. The airlines lost it and I left my purse in the cab, so I had nothing with me, no ID, no clothes, and only a few dollars in my pocket to eat with. I was a mess and Braeden swept in and saved the day.” Lettie reaches over and grabs Braeden’s hand.

  They are cute together and have the type of relationship I’d love to have. Could that be Patrick and me? It’s impossible not to wish for it, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. “And the two of you have been together ever since?”

  “For the most part. We had a few bumps in the road, but we overcame it all. And now we’re getting married in less than a week.” She lets out an excited squeal. “I’m so happy you’re coming, Carsen. It’s going to be magical.”

  “I can’t wait. I love weddings.” I’m excited to be a part of it all. Seeing Lettie walk down the aisle in her gown, there’s something so fairy-tale-like about it. And I know the McLoughlin brothers will look dapper in their tuxes. I can hardly wait to see Patrick all dressed up; my body warms up even thinking about it.

  “Your face is all lit up. It’s great you’re going to be there.” Lettie brings her glass of wine to her lips and takes a sip.

  I’m probably blushing, too. It’s best to change the subject and get the heat off myself and my dirty thoughts about Patrick. “Braeden, you’ve
got to tell me some stories about Patrick when he was younger.” I peek at Patrick and he raises his brow at me.

  “There’s nothing to tell. I was the good brother, the responsible one,” Patrick says, shaking his head as if he’s trying to convince himself as much as the rest of the table.

  Braeden wipes off his mouth with his napkin and sets it back on his lap. “That’s only partially true. Yes, you are the most responsible of the three of us, but you got in your fair share of trouble.”

  Patrick puts his hand up and waves it in the air. “Hold on a second. Let’s not go crazy, there are women and children here.”

  Woah, Patrick seems like he’s got something to hide. All this time, I thought he was a bit of a goody-goody. It’s good to hear that his halo is tilted.

  “Remember that time when we all wanted to sneak out to go to the party at the state park, but we were all too afraid to take Dad’s Cadillac? Not you, you took the keys right out of Mom and Dad’s bedroom while they were asleep and started it up like you owned it. Dad was so pissed when he found out and didn’t believe us when we told him it was you that took the keys.” Braeden holds his stomach as he laughs. “The look on Dad’s face when you finally convinced him. And we all got grounded for a month. That party was worth it though. Who was that chick you were…”

  “That’s enough of that story,” Patrick says, laughing with an amused look on his face.

  “I bet all the girls had crushes on the McLoughlin boys,” I say as I load my fork up with another bite of pasta. They’re all good looking with their dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. The girls must’ve been eating right out of their hands, at least until Patrick started dating Maggie.

  The rest of the meal passes with more laughs and stories about the McLoughlin family adventures. It sounds like they had a wonderful upper middle-class upbringing full of trips and sports and memories.

  When the meal is over, Braeden helps clean up the table and Patrick takes Maeve to get cleaned up. I help Lettie with the dishes.

  “So, you’ve got to tell me how things have been working for Patrick,” Lettie asks as she dries off the serving plate I handed her.

  Looking down into the soapy sink water, avoiding her scrutinizing gaze, I say, “I can’t complain.”

  “He seems happy. And lighter since you’ve been around.”

  That’s nice to hear, especially if I have anything to do with his happiness. I scrub the salad bowl as if it’s had melted cheese in it. “I’m sure it’s good for him to not have to worry about Maeve anymore.”

  Placing her hand on my arm, Lettie says, “If I’m crossing the line, tell me, but you and Patrick seem to have chemistry.”

  My hands stop moving and I stand still. When my eyes meet hers, I don’t see accusation or anger, they’re kind and seem to hold no judgment. I’m surprised that she noticed. Of course, I know it’s there and feel it every time I’m around him, but I’m taken aback that someone else noticed. Is it that obvious? And what do I say to her? I don’t want to lie, but Patrick and I are just starting to explore our feelings for each other. “We do get along really well. And I enjoy spending time with him and Maeve.”

  “Right.” She nods slowly and sets down the plate she’s drying. “I understand that you’d like to keep your privacy, I get that. But I want you to know that I’m pretty good at reading people and situations and at one point tonight there seemed to be steam rolling off the two of you. It’s not every day you see that and I’m happy for the two of you. All I want is for you two to be happy and if it’s with each other, that’s great. So if you ever feel like talking about it, you’ve got my number.”

  Wow. I didn’t realize how obvious the spark between Patrick and me is. My mouth goes dry as I say, “Thank you. I don’t know what to say. Patrick and I are trying to figure everything out now. I might take you up on that phone call soon.” I give her a genuine smile, appreciative that she’s supportive.

  “You know, when Brae and I first got together, I was so afraid that Janessa, my friend that used to date him, would be so upset that she wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. “

  Drying my hands off on the dish towel, I turn and lean against the counter. I’ve got a perfect view of the guys on the couch watching a soccer game on TV, Maeve on the floor playing with her baby toys, and I can see it clearly, this being something we do as a family on a regular basis. All of us getting together, having a meal, and bonding with one another, like families are supposed to do. My chest fills with hope. “What happened when she found out?”

  “We went for coffee and I was terrified, literally shaking in my shoes. And you know what, she was fine with it. She had moved on and wasn’t mad at all that Braeden did, too. It was a huge relief.”

  “I can only imagine how good it felt to get that off your chest.”

  Picking up her glass of wine, she says, “You’ve got no idea. But once you get things figured out, it’ll feel good to talk to someone about it.” She gives me a wink and we both go into the living room to join the guys.

  I wonder if she’s going to say anything to anyone else about what she knows.

  9

  Carsen

  The evening with Braeden and Lettie was perfect. It couldn’t have gone any better, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about tonight and if Patrick and I will be finishing what we started last night.

  He’s putting Maeve to bed now and I just finished brushing my teeth. I go into his bedroom and have a seat on the edge of his bed. My heart thuds in my chest. He told me to meet him in here, and he kissed me after he said it, so who knows why I’m nervous. Maybe it’s more excitement than nerves. Or a healthy combination of both.

  Emotions were high after Cole showed up here and Patrick escorted him out. Patrick wants to protect me and the way he took care of me afterward was something I won’t soon forget. I can’t imagine how good it would feel to have him inside me. Want takes over my thoughts and pools low in my belly. It’s silly to get my hopes up. What if he reconsidered and doesn’t want to take things further? I take a few calming breaths to center myself.

  Walking into the room, Patrick comes to the bed and sits down next to me. It’s impossible to look away from him. He’s tall and commanding and his mere presence brings a calm over me.

  “Hey,” he says and lays his hand on my leg. “Did you have fun tonight?”

  “I did. Your brother and Lettie are good people.”

  “Good, I’m glad you think so. My family is very important to me and I like to spend as much time with them as possible.” His eyes always light up when he talks about the people he loves. It warms my heart.

  Nodding at him, I say, “I know. It’s one of the things I admire about you, your connection to your family. My brother and I share it as well, and even though he’s off to New York soon, I know we’ll still stay in touch and hopefully one day we’ll live in the same city and we can have dinners together like you guys do.” I get a pang of guilt thinking about how much time I haven’t spent with my brother lately.

  He’s gazing at me, giving me his full attention. I’ve never seen a pair of eyes more honest and open before. “You will have that because you’re so close. Even if you have to Skype to do dinner together. Do whatever you’ve got to do to stay close. There’s nothing more important.”

  “When you and Braeden were talking, did he mention anything about me?” I ask.

  Cocking his head to the side, he says, “What do you mean?”

  I hesitate for a second, not wanting him to worry that Lettie suspects something is going on, when in fact, I still don’t know what’s going on between us. “It’s something that Lettie said to me,” I say, looking down toward my lap.

  He lifts my chin up so I’m staring at his deep pools of blue. “What is it?”

  “Lettie mentioned that she noticed we have chemistry.” I can’t believe I don’t see a look of concern or shock in his features. “She must’ve read our body language.”

  “She is percep
tive. What did she have to say about it?”

  “That if you and I got together, she’d be supportive because she wants us both to be happy.” I bite at my lip, unsure how he’s going to take any of this. Maybe he doesn’t want anyone but us to know about what’s going on between us, and to have our cover blown by someone in his family could upset him.

  “Wow, that was good of her. My family is tired of seeing me mope around. I’m sure tonight was the first night in forever that they’ve seen me let loose.”

  “Lettie thinks I’m the reason you seem better. Is that true?” I ask, apprehension in my tone.

  Patrick leans in and kisses my cheek, a soft breath of a kiss. “What if I said you were the reason? Is that too much to put on you?”

  “No,” I say, my voice shaky. “I want to make you happy. Does that make me a bad person? That I have feelings for a married man?” I cover my mouth as soon as the words are out. How did I let them tumble out like that?

  Clasping my hands in his, he says, “Carsen, don’t do that. Don’t take the words back and don’t be afraid of your feelings. My life is complicated, but you’re the first thing that’s made sense to me in a long time. Thank you for that.”

  “None of this scares you?” I ask.

  “Are you kidding me? Of course, I’m terrified. From the moment I laid eyes on you, somewhere deep inside, I knew my life was going to change.” His gaze is fixed on me with eyes clear and full of admiration. It warms me up from the inside.

  “When you opened the door, the first day we met almost a month ago, I had an instant attraction to you. And I realized while we were talking that we had a connection, an unmistakable chemistry. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” My cheeks warm, but I can’t stop myself. He needs to know how I feel. I can’t hold it inside anymore.