Should've Been Us

by Jess Bryant

  “What?” She said again, putting her hands on her hips.

  Connor only smiled and clapped his hands together, shaking off the sand, “I said this is a complete loss. There’s no point trying to fix it. There’s nothing to do but get a drink and grab a lounge chair while these idiots finish this stupid game.”

  “It isn’t stupid! It’s fun!” Aubrey yelled from a few feet down the beach where she and Derek were putting the finishing touches on a castle that miraculously resembled the one at Disneyland.

  “You say that because you’re winning.” Connor shot back.

  “And Con hates to lose.” Derek laughed.

  “I’ve lost enough to you over the years.” He glanced back at Lulu, “I think it’s time we changed the game.”

  “What was that?” Dean yelled from the other side of his brother as he and Nikki tried to rebuild a turret on their castle that kept falling. “Can we be done with this shit? I feel like a fucking twelve year old girl.”

  “The game isn’t over yet!” Aubrey yelled, wiping sweat from her brow.

  “Sorry guys, the bride has spoken.” Derek leaned over and gave his fiancé a kiss and Lulu looked away, staring out at the ocean.

  “You guys finish up here then, I’m going to get a drink and a volleyball. We’ll play a real game when I get back, yeah?” Connor pushed to his feet, wiping more sand from his arms and legs. “Lu? You in for volleyball?”

  She turned back to him with a snort, “You want me to play volleyball with you? What? This little teamwork activity wasn’t adventurous enough for you?”

  Connor chuckled, “What can I say, I’m a masochist.”

  “Clearly.” She grinned but shook her head, “But no thanks, I’ll be a spectator. Volleyball isn’t really my thing.”

  “Afraid you’ll break a nail?” He teased.

  “Never been a big fan of balls flying at my face actually.”

  “Well that explains the sad state of your love life.” Connor snorted and she flipped him off.

  “You’re such an asshole.” She shot back but couldn’t keep the smile out of her voice.

  That only made him laugh harder, “Trying to break your record? I think we’re up to fifteen times you’ve called me that today.”

  “Must’ve been a slow day.”

  “God, you’re a brat.” Connor laughed.

  “And you’re an asshole.”

  “We’ve already covered that, Lu.” He motioned towards the lounge chairs, “Go get in the shade. You’re starting to look a little pink.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do.”

  She glanced down at her arms and chest and unfortunately realized he was right. She was burning in the hot summer sun despite the lotion she’d all but slathered on. She did need to grab some shade or else she’d be the color of a lobster by dinner tonight.

  “Take care of yourself so I don’t have to.” He shot back with a knowing glare.

  “I’m going to go sit in the shade but I’m doing it because I want to, not because you told me to.”

  “Whatever you say, Lu. Whatever you say.”

  She ignored him and headed for the line of lounge chairs that each featured a colorful umbrella for shade. Aubrey’s friend, Sierra, was already kicked back relaxing in one so she plopped down next to her. Sierra was fair skinned and the sun would have done a number on her if it was burning Lulu so it was probably a good thing she’d spent the day in the shade. The gorgeous blonde was wearing a red and white polka dot bikini, ridiculously oversized sunglasses and a gigantic floppy hat. She looked like a movie star and from the way she kept snapping her fingers requesting drinks and generally telling everyone why their castles sucked, she could have been one.

  She’d had an unknowable amount of margaritas at this point but she handed over a full glass to Lulu as soon as she sat down beside her, “Here ya go, lovely. Cool off.”

  “Thanks.” Lulu took the drink, “I’m not stealing yours am I?”

  “Nah, I got another.” Sierra picked up a second full glass and giggled, “I have them bringing me two at a time. Saves them a trip. I’m nothing if not helpful.”

  Lulu laughed with her and took a small sip of the frozen drink. It was refreshing but she mostly just held the cold beverage between her hands. The idea of getting drunk again didn’t seem like such a good idea after her pity party last night.

  “I get it now, by the way.” Sierra wiggled in her chair, resituating herself so she could see Lulu better.

  “Get what?” Lulu asked distractedly.

  Connor was trudging up the beach by himself to the little shack that had supplied them with their sandcastle building tools and drinks. His back was broad and tanned and flexed as he moved. It was hard to tell in board shorts but he had a nice ass too. She wasn’t the only one that had noticed. Half the women on the beach had turned to watch him.

  “Why you went running out of the room last night when we were talking about the boys and their… manhood.” Sierra snickered a little when Lulu whipped back to face her. “Oh come on, you think I didn’t notice that you couldn’t get out of there fast enough? Child, please.”

  Her words, while casual, felt like a slap in the face. Lulu fought to keep her face from giving anything away. Horror filled her veins and panic seized hold of her heart.

  Sierra had noticed. Sierra knew. It had taken this woman who was a virtual stranger less than a day to figure out the secret Lulu had managed to keep from those closest to her for years.

  She shot a look towards Derek but he and Aubrey were oblivious to this conversation. She almost snorted. Hell, when wasn’t he oblivious to her? She watched the happy couple making googly eyes at one another, sneaking touches and kisses as they worked side by side to build their ridiculous castle. Her heart ached and she had to look away when a thought she’d never had before entered her head.

  They were perfect together.

  Derek was happy. He was happy with Aubrey. He loved Aubrey.

  There were no doubts left to that. There hadn’t been in a long time. She’d known it but she’d failed to accept it. Here and now, she had to. After spending last night talking to the girl, she knew Aubrey wasn’t the devil or the enemy. She was just the woman that Lulu’s best friend had fallen in love with, the woman he’d chosen instead of her. To him, it hadn’t even been a choice.

  Lulu hadn’t even been on the playing field.

  “It’s not what you think.” She finally managed to choke out, glancing at Sierra from under her lashes.

  “Oh, I think it is.” The blonde smirked, “I didn’t get it last night but seeing you today… it’s totally obvious.”

  “It is?” Lulu tried to hide the flush of embarrassment that heated her face by taking a long drink of the margarita Sierra had handed her.

  “Of course it is.” Sierra lowered her voice conspiratorially; “You’ve got it bad for Connor.”

  Lulu choked on the alcohol that was in her throat. She coughed and spluttered. Heat lit up her entire body until she was certain she was beet red from head to toe. A couple of their friends turned to look at her but she shook her head and her hand at them, motioning them not to come over because she was fine.

  But she wasn’t fine.

  It took her a minute to get air back into her lungs and when she did the shock and horror of what Sierra had said seemed more absurd than ever, “What?”

  “You’ve got a thing for Connor. I get it. Hearing about him and Amber last night must have sucked. I’m sorry about that by the way, I didn’t know when I brought up the conversation and…”

  “No.” Lulu was still shaking her head, couldn’t seem to stop the movement, she was like one of those bobble dolls people put on their dashboard, “No. No. You’ve got it all wrong. I don’t… We don’t… It’s not like that.”

  Sierra dropped her glasses down her nose enough to shoot a disbelieving glance at her, “Uh huh. Suuuure.”

  “I’m serious. You’re wrong. I don’t…” She blinked and sho
t a glance around to make sure nobody was close enough to hear them, and that the man they were talking about was still up the beach at the shack before turning back to the blonde, “I don’t even like him as like… a human being. Haven’t you been paying attention? All we do is fight.”

  “Oh, I’ve been paying attention and what you two do isn’t fighting. That’s foreplay, honey.”

  “No. It’s just fighting. We can’t stand each other.”

  “If my friend Lane was here she’d totally back me up on this but since she’s not you’re gonna have to take my word for it. All that heat between you two, you might think it’s hate but there’s a thin line, baby girl. When you two hit the hay you’re gonna set the barn on fire the sparks are so hot.”

  Lulu opened her mouth, closed it again and then shook her head. Sierra wasn’t making any sense. None at all. If she’d figured out that Lulu had a crush on Derek that would have been hard to explain away but this? Connor? There wasn’t anything between her and Connor.

  “I do not have a thing for Connor.” She hissed as quietly as she could manage, “I am definitely not having sex with him!”

  “Well, why not?” Sierra raised her eyebrows. “Lordy, he’s hotter than a whore in church and he looks at you like he wants to make your insides melt and then lick all that goodness up.”

  “Jesus Christ.” Lulu put a hand to her face.

  Sierra was crazy. Aubrey had tried to warn them all of that when she’d said her matron of honor was coming from Montana. Lulu hadn’t believed her then. Even last night, she’d thought Sierra was just a little eccentric. This confirmed it though. The woman was a lunatic.

  “He does not look at me like that, not that I even know what that means, but trust me, he only looks at me like he wants to strangle me most of the time.”

  “Well, yeah.” Sierra shrugged, “Sometimes he does. But most of the time I think he’d rather kiss you than kill you.”

  “Because those things totally go hand in hand.” Lulu snorted.

  “He wants him some Lulu. Bad. You can’t tell me you really haven’t noticed.”

  “I haven’t because you’re wrong.”

  “I’m not wrong. I’m never wrong about these things. Well, hardly ever. He hasn’t so much as glanced at another woman on this beach all day.”

  Lulu frowned, “That can’t be true. Amber was…”

  “All over him like white on rice? Yeah. And what did he do? He told her that he already had a partner and dragged you out there to play with even though you pretty much fought with him about everything.”

  “I did not…”

  “You did.” Sierra cut her off, “It was like watching two kids on the playground pulling each others hair when the teacher wasn’t looking just to have a reason to be touching.”

  Lulu started to deny it and then paused. No. It wasn’t true. She didn’t even like Connor. He annoyed the hell out of her. They did nothing but argue. He couldn’t stand her either. He was always on her case about Derek and if it wasn’t that he was finding something else to fight with her about. Other than calling her beautiful this morning, which had been a total anomaly since they’d gone right back to fighting, they didn’t have a kind word to say to each other.

  Sierra was delusional.

  “You dumped water on him for no reason I can fathom, except that you wanted to see him all wet and sexy.”

  “I dumped water on him because he made a gross frat-boy remark that I refuse to repeat even to vindicate myself.”

  “Was it about sex? I bet it was about sex. Because when he looks at you, it’s right there in his eyes. That’s all he’s thinking about.”

  “You’re crazy.” She took another long drink from her margarita glass.

  “Oh, definitely.” Sierra shrugged, “But I’m the fun kind of crazy and I’m one hell of a matchmaker so humor me. If you get the chance, and I’m willing to bet you get the chance soon, you jump on that pogo stick, Lulu.”

  “Oh my God! Sierra!”

  “In my experience it’s only the rides you don’t take that you end up regretting and that, my dear, is some first class wisdom I’m sprinkling on you like your very own fairy godmother.”

  Lulu laughed because she didn’t know what else to do. Sierra was funny. She was funny because she was delusional.

  There wasn’t anything between Lulu and Connor. Not the kind of thing Sierra was talking about. It was tension but it wasn’t sexual tension.

  Did she sometimes catch him staring at her mouth? Sure. Did she sometimes find herself mentally undressing him? Occasionally. But he was ridiculously good looking so she couldn’t be faulted for that. Just like she was certain his fascination with her mouth was due only to the fact that she didn’t use it to kiss his ass like most of the women he knew.

  Lulu bit her bottom lip and watched over the rim of the margarita glass as Connor headed back towards them. He had a volleyball tucked under one arm and he was grinning that wide, dazzling grin of his at some buxom blonde that was trotting along beside him. Lulu snorted and sipped at her drink, ignoring the twinge of annoyance she felt.

  It wasn’t because of what Sierra had said. It wasn’t because for the first time all day she wasn’t the one he was smiling at and teasing good-naturedly. It was just the simple fact that the man attracted the dumbest, most obnoxious kind of women on the planet.

  Big Boobs McGee would be no exception she was sure.

  “Still think you’re right?” She rolled her eyes at Sierra but the other woman only laughed in response.

  “Oh, I know I am.”

  “He literally picked up another woman.”

  “All the better to make you jealous, lovely. The sun might’ve turned you pink but I’m sensing a little bit of green.”

  Lulu laughed, “Oh shut up. I am so not jealous of one of his bimbo groupies.”

  “Because you know it’s not really her he’s interested in?”

  “No. That’s not it.” Her laughter fell away and she shook her head, pulling her gaze away from Connor and the other woman, refusing to acknowledge that anything Sierra had said was making her doubt everything she knew about herself. “Please, change the subject. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “Okay.” Sierra gave in easily, maybe too easily, because she cocked a brow, “Can I ask you something serious, though? Girl to girl? Friend to friend? Because I do think we could be great friends, Lulu.”

  “Sure.” She shrugged, certain that whatever else Sierra wanted to talk about that it couldn’t be worse than the previous conversation.

  “When you get that far off look in your eyes, what are you thinking about?”

  Lulu blinked in confusion, “What?”

  “I noticed it last night and then again today, sometimes you seem to just drift away, like you’re not entirely here.”

  She hadn’t expected such a deep question from the woman that mostly talked about sex toys and orgasms. Lulu shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She didn’t think anyone had ever paid enough attention to her to notice those little moments but apparently this woman she’d just met had.

  But how could she answer? How could she tell Aubrey’s best friend in the world that most of the time, when she got lost in her thoughts, she was thinking about Derek? About how unfair it was that he’d never love her the way she loved him? That she sometimes dreamed of the life they could have had together if only he did?

  She couldn’t tell Sierra that. She couldn’t tell anyone that. So she took another sip of the margarita she hadn’t intended to drink, trying to think of something, anything, that she could say instead of the truth.

  Sierra didn’t give her a chance to formulate a response though, she just sighed, “It’s fine. You don’t have to tell me. That wasn’t my point anyway.”

  “It wasn’t?”

  “No. I just wanted you to know that I noticed and that I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.” Sierra gave her a small smile that was equal parts pitying and indulgent,
“And I’m not the only one that notices. He does too.”

  “Who?” Lulu felt a grip of momentary fear that Sierra was talking about Derek but of course she wasn’t.

  “Connor. He watches you and when you space out, when you disappear and you get that sad look in your eyes, that’s when he starts a fight. He pulls you back. He wipes away the sadness by replacing it with whatever he has at his disposal. The teasing? The fighting? He’s fighting for you.”

  Lulu started to open her mouth to tell Sierra that she was crazy, again, but the other woman held up a hand. It was a good thing. Because Lulu had no idea what would have actually come out of her mouth considering the jolt of pain that sliced at her chest when the blonde’s words sank in.

  He fights for you.

  “Just, think about it.” Sierra slid her empty margarita glass onto the table between them and then gracefully rolled to her feet, “I’m going to take a dip and cross getting fucked in the ocean off my bucket list.” She winked and then sashayed away with a finger roll before she called out, “Brenden Ramey, your wife is all hot and bothered come and do something about it.”

  Lulu watched the biggest man on the beach fall in line with a grin of pure love on his face. The two of them waded into the water and then disappeared beneath a few waves. Lulu could just make out their heads bobbing down the beach after a few more minutes and she looked away since Sierra had made it clear what they were going to be doing.

  Much to her consternation, her eyes trailed back to Connor. She watched him from beneath her lashes as he said something to Dean that made the other man flip him off. The new blonde at his side and Nikki both giggled. Then to her surprise, the blonde simply patted Connor on the arm and turned and headed back up the beach.

  His eyes found hers and he smirked when he caught her staring. She quickly looked away because something traitorous warmed in her belly. Something that she had never, ever, let herself acknowledge and still refused to accept now.

  Sierra was wrong. Crazy. Delusional. Connor didn’t fight with Lulu just to distract her from Derek. Did he?

  She bit her lip and closed her eyes, deciding that she’d spent far too much time and energy thinking about a man she didn’t even like today. She clearly needed to get some rest. She’d just take a little nap under the shade of her umbrella and when she woke up, she would remember that Connor wasn’t her friend no matter how nice he’d been being today.