Should've Been Us

by Jess Bryant

  The Connor Shaw that she knew was only nice to her for one reason. He was working an angle. She just hadn’t figured out what it was yet.

  Chapter Six

  “Lucy Lee Nichols, we’re officially late.”

  “Connor Asshole Shaw, you call me by my full name one more time and the only thing you’ll be on time for is your funeral.” Her voice drifted back to him from her side of the bungalow and Connor couldn’t contain a laugh.

  Not many grown women preferred their childhood nickname to their full name but of course Lulu wasn’t most women. She’d been Lucy when they were in Kindergarten. He remembered because there was a joint art project where they’d finger-painted their names side by side in a photo album somewhere at his parents house. But sometime between then and finishing grade school she’d gotten the nickname and it had stuck.

  He’d always assumed she liked it because Derek was the one that had come up with it. A flare of annoyance slid down his back as he shoved the cell phone he’d been playing on while he waited for her in his pocket. She’d called him an asshole but he was so used to that it barely registered but one thought about the connection she and Derek shared and he couldn’t sit still any longer.

  “That is not my middle name.” He crossed through the open doorways between their rooms that he had been proud to see she hadn’t closed when he’d gotten out of the shower.

  It wasn’t much but it was something. She hadn’t shut him out despite whatever weirdness had been going on with her down at the beach this afternoon.

  He’d thought they were having a good day. They’d managed to get through sandcastle building without too much drama. They’d fought like cats and dogs but that was par for the course for the two of them. They’d had fun together. He’d gotten to see her smile. He’d heard her laugh. He’d even caught her checking him out a few times. He’d thought he was making some progress in getting her to finally see him but then he’d suggested volleyball and she’d pulled away from him.

  He had no idea what had happened but she’d very carefully avoided him the rest of the afternoon after that. She’d stayed in the shade, sunglasses shielding her eyes, while he played. When he’d claimed to need a break and collapsed in the chair beside her, she’d said something about needing to cool off and gone for a swim. She’d stayed in there until they’d all decided to head back to the resort and get out of the sun.

  She’d gone to her room. He’d gone to his. But she’d left the doors between them open and he had to take that as a good sign.

  “Your middle name isn’t asshole?” She stuck her head out of the bathroom with a mock look of shock and he laughed again.

  “You know my middle name the same way I know yours. Stop pretending otherwise.”

  She tapped a makeup brush against her lips, appearing thoughtful before she shook her head, “Nope. Sorry. Asshole is all I got.”

  “Do you seriously not know my middle name?” He paused, the question one that he was certain shouldn’t bother him, but did. Because that flare of annoyance was back. She damn well knew Derek’s middle name. “We’ve been friends since we were kids.”

  “Friends?” She winced though her eyes twinkled with amusement, “Is that what you’d call it?”

  No. That wasn’t the word he’d call them if given the choice, but he didn’t dare tell her that he’d never once thought of her as his friend. She’d been the annoying little girl that tagged along whenever he and Derek went fishing. She’d been the overachieving annoyance that ruined the curve on every test he’d taken in school. She’d been the most frustrating aspect of his universe since the moment she developed breasts and hips and had started making his cock hard. But mostly they hadn’t been friends because he’d spent the last two decades watching Derek break her heart, helping her pick up the pieces and then been forced to watch as she gave it right back to the wrong man to do it again and again and again.

  Connor had been kind about it at first. He’d been sweet and understanding. He’d tried to talk with her rationally and reasonably back when they were still kids, but she hadn’t listened to him then any more than she listened to him now. He’d gotten frustrated, agitated and then angry. He’d started taking it out on her for treating him the same way Derek treated her. His pride had been hurt but so had his heart and he’d turned to snide, cutting remarks to try and protect himself from caring even though he knew he still did.

  So no, they weren’t friends. She was right. But they were… something.

  “Fine, but we’ve known each other since we were like four years old, you seriously don’t know what my middle name is?” He put his hands on his hips, and wished he could see her through the crack in the bathroom door when she snorted.

  “Jeez, Connor. I’m just giving you hell. Of course I know your middle name.”

  “What is it?” He demanded, still uncertain she was being honest.

  “James.” She leaned over to poke her head out and shot him a look, “Connor James Shaw. You’re named after your uncle, Jim, on your mother’s side. Happy now?”

  Connor let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. She knew. Of course she knew. Everyone in small towns knew each others full names because at some point or another their parents had yelled at them in public using those names. Or at the very least they’d been spoken during the graduation ceremony. Still, he felt a rush of relief that she’d only been teasing him. That she wasn’t so completely unaware that she hadn’t cared enough to catch his.

  But no, he still wasn’t happy. Relieved. Not happy. He wasn’t sure he’d be happy until he was certain she knew all the tiny, insignificant details about him that he’d collected and stored in his brain about her over the years.

  “Sure. Whatever.” He looked at his watch and sighed, “But seriously Lu, hurry up. We were already late this morning. Now we’re gonna be late to this stupid dance lesson Aubrey set up for all of us.”

  “Fine. I’m hurrying.” Lulu retreated back behind the door where he couldn’t see her at all.

  “This is you hurrying? You’ve been getting dressed for nearly two hours.”

  “It has not been that long.”

  “It has been that long and I know for a fact it doesn’t take that long to make you pretty so get out here and let’s go already.”

  “I’m not ready yet.” She completely ignored the compliment he’d just given her and he rolled his eyes as his patience wore thin.

  “We were due at the ballroom ten minutes ago.”

  “So go down without me!”

  “Not a chance. We’re buddies this week, remember?”

  Lulu flipped the bathroom door open with a hiss and stomped out to face him, all trace of her earlier good mood gone as she glared at him, “Stop saying that. We are not buddies, Connor. I figured it out, you know? It took me a while but I figured out that you’re watching over me so let me put you at ease. I’m not going to fuck things up for the happy couple so you can back off and go mess with someone else’s head for the rest of the week.”

  He wanted to say something. He knew he should have a response to her newest little tirade against him and why she didn’t want him around. But when he got a glimpse of her, his mind shorted out because once again she was wearing nothing but a bra and panties only this set was like nothing he’d ever seen before.

  “Are those Star Wars?” Is what came out of his mouth and Lulu faltered, her anger seeming to fade as she looked down at herself and realized what she was wearing too.

  The red and white undies were cut to look like little boy shorts. They covered more than the bikini had and more than the sexy lacy lingerie had. But he still felt himself growing hard behind his fly and his fingers flexed, wanting to strangle her for being so oblivious.

  “Yeah.” Lulu shrugged, a slight blush lighting up her pretty face as she shook her hips playfully, “Chewbacca. Rawr!”

  Connor didn’t laugh. He couldn’t. There wasn’t anything funny about Lulu in that moment. She was beautiful.
Sexy as hell. She had a fire and a spirit about her that called to him. And yeah, she had a weird sense of personal boundaries and a little bit of a nerdy sci-fi streak but dammit why did she also have to be so damn stupid?

  She wasn’t. That was the thing. He knew she wasn’t stupid. She was a smart girl. But she was completely ignorant to what should have been as obvious as the nose on her face.

  He wasn’t watching over her for Derek. He wanted her as far away from Derek as possible. He didn’t even want her thinking about Derek. Connor was the one that wanted her and she either didn’t know or didn’t care that she was teasing the hell out of him with these brief flashes of skin and vulnerability.

  He grit his teeth. His cock was hard. His patience was gone. His fingers itched. His throat was tight and he knew if he said something, anything, that she was going to take it the wrong way so he didn’t say a word.

  Still, her smile fell as silence buzzed through the room, “Jeez, Connor, did you lose your sense of humor in the last five minutes?”

  “Yeah, I lost it, apparently in the same place you keep losing your fucking clothes.”

  Her eyes flashed wide at his rough voice and she stepped back from him as hurt crossed her pretty face, “Wow, ok. I didn’t realize you were such a prude. You’ve seen me dance a hundred times and I barely wear more than this on stage so I don’t understand your problem, but I’m sorry. You came into my room not the other way around so if you have a problem with what I’m wearing, maybe don’t come in here uninvited.”

  “I’m not a goddamn prude.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “I came over here because we were supposed to go to dinner together and now I can see you’re still not dressed.” He growled, his own anger rising as she continued to play dumb, or be dumb, he couldn’t decide. “What I don’t see is why you think it’s okay to parade around in front of me in your underwear all the damn time! Do you think I want to be picturing you naked? Do you think that’s a good thing for me?”

  “I wasn’t aware you were picturing me naked but since I can see the thought makes you physically ill, I’ll be sure to put some clothes on.” Lulu’s voice cracked on the words as she spun towards the dresser to grab up a shirt laying on top and Connor cursed some more.

  He hadn’t wanted to fight with her. Not tonight. Not anymore. But damn if he could help himself now that they’d started. He couldn’t let it go now, especially not when she had the completely wrong idea about why he couldn’t be picturing her naked all the damn time.

  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to but considering she was oblivious to how much he wanted her it didn’t exactly make his life easy when he had to walk around with an erection every time he thought of her naked and in his arms.

  “Dammit, that’s not what I said! Stop twisting my words.”

  “No problem. No more twisting because I don’t want you to talk to me ever again.” She snapped at him over her shoulder but he had snapped too.

  He was sick of waiting for her to figure it out. He was sick of pretending this spark between them wasn’t real. He was sick of her taking everything he said and did as an insult when he never, ever, really meant it that way.

  “You only ever hear what you want to but you’re going to hear me. Now.” He grabbed her by the arm and spun her to face him, forcing her to meet his gaze, “Imagining you naked makes me the opposite of ill. You make me hard all the damn time. You, naked, wrapped around me is pretty much the only fantasy I ever have. You’re gorgeous and you’re sexy and you drive me fucking crazy. I don’t know if you really just don’t get that or if you’re playing dumb because you don’t want to get it, but I’m done playing games with you, Lulu. Stop walking around half-naked in front of me unless you want me to take it as an invitation to touch you and kiss you and fuck you until you don’t know which way is up or how you ever existed without me inside you. You got that?”

  His words were harsh. Dirty. A rough threat threaded with promise. They were all true though and he couldn’t keep them to himself anymore. But did they garner the reaction that he’d hoped for? No. Instead of responding, instead of saying something, anything, or even just pulling him closer, Lulu simply stared up at him with a dumbfounded look on her face as if she’d truly never expected him to utter anything along those lines to her.

  “You… want me?” The confusion in her pretty dark eyes nearly gutted him and he groaned at the self-doubt that Derek had put inside of her over the years.

  A woman as beautiful as Lulu, as smart and strong and fierce as Lulu, should have known that she was wanted. She should have thought every man in the world wanted her because to Connor, they did. Only he wanted her more. He always had and his biggest regret in that moment was not telling her so before now when he saw the doubt in her eyes.

  He softened his voice, “I’m not immune to you. I’m not him, Lu. I see you. I’ve always seen you. He never did but I do.”

  “Don’t.” Her confusion turned to wariness and she shook her head.

  “Don’t what? Tell you for the millionth time that you’re wasting your life pining for a man that doesn’t want you?”

  “Don’t.” She repeated but her voice caught and he refused to drop this now.

  “How about I tell you something you don’t already know? This man does. I want you and I’m fucking sick of pretending otherwise because you’re not ready to let go of him. I want you. I’ve always wanted you. Maybe I should’ve told you that before now. Maybe it would have helped you let go of him sooner and we might have gotten a chance before all of this but… I’m telling you now. I want you. I want all of you. The good and the bad and the crazy. That’s the truth so please see me. I’m standing right in front of you. See me.”

  Lulu was still shaking her head. Confusion and disbelief warred on her face. She looked at him as if she’d never laid eyes on him before and it nearly killed him when she spoke so softly it sliced like a knife.

  “You don’t want me. That’s not true. You don’t even like me. You fight with me and…”

  Connor couldn’t take it another second. Being this close to her. Feeling her smooth skin beneath his palm. Seeing the look of confusion on her pretty face and hearing her tell him that she didn’t believe what he was saying, that she didn’t believe what he felt was real, it was too much.

  He was done. So done. He’d told himself that he would wait until she was ready to hear what he had to say but she’d pushed him too far this time. He’d told her and she still didn’t believe him. So he’d show her instead.

  He tightened his grip on her, pulling her against the length of his body, and kissed her. Hard, it was too hard. She gasped against him at the contact but he didn’t give her a chance to push him away. He slid his tongue along the seam of her mouth, tasting her as her lips parted and the small little moan she made shred every last bit of his sanity.

  Her taste was like nothing he’d ever experienced. He’d wondered. He’d dreamed. But he’d never expected this. She tasted like sunshine and honey, sweet like candy, and he wanted to inhale her.

  His tongue stroked deep as he raised a hand and twisted it in her long, dark hair, pulling until she tilted her head back to give him more space. Her hands came up to his chest and his breath caught as he waited for her to shove him away. Instead, her arms traced up and over his shoulders, wrapping around his neck and when she pulled him even closer he groaned and shoved her backwards, pressing her against the wall as he took her mouth with all of the passionate emotions she’d always evoked in him.

  Love and hate. Fire and ice. He wanted to punish her and pleasure her all at the same time. His feelings for her had always been so conflicting but they were strong and now that he’d set them free, his head spun with the wonder of what it felt like to kiss this woman that he’d wanted in his arms for so long.

  She didn’t reject him.

  She kissed him back. She held him close. She moaned as he meshed their bodies together, running his hands over all the war
m flesh she’d left open to him. She moved against him as he rocked his hips into her and stroked his tongue in and out of her mouth in the most filthy, suggestive way. She was right there with him.

  Lulu was his in that moment.

  She was liquid heat in his arms; all movement and need as she grasped at him, pulling him closer, rubbing her body against him. He slid his hand down to her ass and shifted her slightly, just enough that he could notch himself between her legs and she opened for him. She wrapped her calf around his, arching her hips so that he could press his aching cock against the mound between her legs.

  They both groaned at the contact.

  She was wet. He could feel her heat and dampness through the thin barrier of her panties as he slid his hand around her hip and down between them. He wanted to touch her. Needed to touch her. Needed so much more of her, all of her, everything she would give him.

  But just as he was finding the edge of her panties, about to slip his fingers inside and feel all of that hot, wet heat that was just for him, his phone buzzed in his back pocket.

  He jerked, surprised by the vibration and the sound. Lulu snapped back from his kiss so hard her head collided with the wall and she winced. He automatically loosened his hold on her hair, reaching up and back to stroke the spot that no doubt stung, but he knew as soon as she tensed that the moment was over.

  The real world had interrupted them and she had slipped from his grasp.

  Thinking not to upset her, he casually stepped back. He removed his hands from her and felt the loss of her heat. He took a deep breath, trying to put himself back together, to figure out what to say or do next but when he met her gaze again his heart crumbled.

  Lulu looked scared. Of him? Of this situation? Of his feelings or of hers? He didn’t know but he didn’t like it.