You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Book 2)

by Roberta Kagan

  “I agree. Let’s not do that again,” Isaac said as a small smile came across his face. He’d tried to tell her this in the first place. Now he was glad that she’d realized it on her own.

  She started to cry.

  “Shhhh… It’s all right,” he whispered into her ear.

  “I love you so much, Isaac. You came into my life and made me realize so many things I’d never known before. I mean, there were other boyfriends and all. Once I even thought I was in love, but I didn’t know what love really was. I do now. You…you are my true bashert.”

  “And you are mine. Do you remember when you used to come to buy bread and I would be sitting in the back of my mom’s bakery?”

  “I do remember. You were so fat.”

  “Yes, I was,” he laughed. “I could never get enough of that warm bread with butter fresh from the oven.” He wiped the tear from the side of her cheek. “But you know what? I’m going to tell you a secret.”

  “I love secrets.” She smiled through her tears.

  “I loved you even then. I would look out through the back door and watch you. I thought you were the prettiest girl in the whole world, at least in Warsaw, which was our whole world at the time.”

  She smiled, her eyes lighting up with the memory.

  “We did believe that Warsaw was the entire world, didn’t we? When I was a child I could never have imagined all that has happened.”

  He nodded watching a butterfly light on a yellow flower. Then he smoothed her hair with the palm of his hand.

  “I knew you never noticed me when were children, but I used to go to sleep at night wishing that somehow I would grow up to be handsome. And somehow, someway, God would bless me and you would marry me. Of course, I hardly expected it to turn out the way that it did. Still, this may sound crazy, but even with all that we have gone through I wouldn’t change it, because if things had been different you would probably never have been mine. And I would gladly suffer any pain in trade for the joy of having you as my wife.”

  She felt shivers run down her spine. Then she hugged him close to her. She felt his heart beat against her chest, through his shirt, and the tenderness of it brought fresh tears to her eyes.

  “Oh, Isaac, you say the dearest things.”

  “Well, in a way, God granted my wish, even if he didn’t make me handsome,” Isaac said, winking.

  “Oh but you are, handsome,” Zofia said, taking a blond curl out of his eyes.

  For a moment, their eyes locked. Then he gently put his hand on the back of her head and drew her towards him.

  Just as they were about to kiss, Shlomie appeared running through the trees. He was shaking. His face was flushed with angry red blotches and perspiration ran down his forehead.

  “They’ve been to the cabin. The Nazis have been here. Everyone is dead.”

  “What, Shlomie? Slow down,” Isaac said. Zofia got off his lap and Isaac stood. “What’s going on?”

  “I went back to the cabin.” Shlomie’s words caught with his ragged breath. “They are all dead. Everyone. Shot. Their bodies are all over the inside of the cabin. Sarah, Ben, Moishe, Rivka, Seff…all of them. Dead, dead, I tell you. It was horrible.”

  Isaac took a deep breath. “I’ll bet they were looking for Seff.” He glanced around him, instantly alert. “We must get away from here, as far as possible. They are probably still somewhere nearby. But first I have to go back and get the weapons.”

  Zofia looked into Isaac’s eyes. “I’m scared.”

  “I know, darling. I know.” He looked at Shlomie. “Watch her. Stay hidden. You understand me?” Isaac said.

  “Yes.” Shlomie nodded.

  “Isaac, please don’t leave me.”

  “I will be right back. I have to go, we need the weapons.”

  “I want to go with you.”

  “No. I forbid it. Wait here. Please Zofia, just this one time, do as I ask.”

  She saw how firm he was, and she nodded.

  “Watch her, Shlomie.”

  Isaac ran through the opening in the trees, toward the cabin. He kept turning back to watch the spot where he’d left Zofia to see it if Shlomie had been followed. It looked safe. The Nazis must have thought that they got everyone. With God’s help they were long gone by now. Still he must hurry. There was no telling what would come next. They could be waiting, or worse they could have followed Shlomie, and that would bring them to Zofia. But he doubted that. If they’d seen Shlomie, they would most likely have shot him on the spot.

  Isaac’s heart thundered in his chest as he approached the log cabin. He looked around quickly from his hiding place in the trees. Then he took a deep breath and entered. The bodies of his dearest companions, the only friends he’d known, and come to love, lay strewn like rag dolls drowning in pools of their own blood. He wanted to cry out to God, “Why?” to scream, to question, to kick down the walls, to kill a Nazi or two, or more, with his bare hands. He shook with rage, his face flushed with anger. Stop looking, stop thinking, he told himself. There is no time for this. Find the guns and the food, and get back to Zofia. You can’t do anything for these poor souls now. They have left this earth. He went to the corner of the room where the group had kept the weapons. The entire area had been cleared out. He stared in disbelief at the empty dirt floor as a spider sprinted under the wall. The Nazis had taken the guns. All he had left to defend the three of them was the single gun he’d taken when he’d left and his bow and arrow.

  Then Isaac raced to the tiny workstation where they had kept the food. Nothing left. Even the rabbit he’d shot earlier that morning was gone, no vegetables, no rotting fruit, nothing. They took the blankets.

  And all that the Nazis left in their wake was the dead bodies.

  “I’m sorry, Ben” Isaac said aloud as he went to Ben’s side. Quickly he undressed him and took his clothes. Then he whispered a prayer for the dead, walked out of the cabin, and closed the door on that segment of his life forever.

  Chapter 71

  “Put these on,” Isaac said to Zofia handing, her Ben’s clothes. “You’ll be able to move better in pants than in a skirt.”

  “They are all dead? All of them, dead?” she asked, unable to keep the shock and horror from her voice.

  Isaac nodded slowly.

  She knew her face had gone pale, she’d felt the blood drain out of her earlier when Shlomie’d told them what he saw. And she knew by the look on Isaac’s face that he was worried about her.

  “It’s all right, sweetheart,” Isaac said, giving her an encouraging smile. “Come on… put them on.”

  “Ben’s clothes,” Shlomie said aloud, but mostly to himself.

  Ben was the heaviest of the men except for Isaac, and Isaac hoped that Ben’s pants would be large enough when Zofia grew into her pregnancy.

  She took the pile of clothing with a lump in her throat and went behind a tree. A few minutes later, she emerged wearing the pants and shirt. For some reason Isaac had overlooked the large spot of blood on the shirt and now it bothered him to see it on Zofia. However, he said nothing.

  “You look adorable.” He gave her a smile. Be strong, Zofia, he thought. It must be hard for her to wear the clothes she’d seen Ben wear for all those months. If only he could take the strength from his own body and transfer it into her, he would gladly do so.

  “Isaac, how are we ever going to survive the winter?” She asked.

  “We’ll manage. You’ll see. Don’t you worry about anything. Just let me handle it all, all right?”

  “Should we try to build another cabin?” Zofia said

  “I don’t think we have enough manpower,” Shlomie answered “And we don’t have the axe. Isaac did you look for the axe?”

  “Yes, it was gone. All of the weapons except for a single gun and my bow and arrow are gone.”

  “Oh, Isaac, I think we’re done for,” Zofia said, and she sank down onto the ground, almost as if she could no longer find the strength to stand.

  “Silly
girl, we are not done for.” He lifted her up into his arms. “Do you trust me? Have I ever lied to you?” Again, he tried to make light of things for her sake.

  “No and yes.”

  “No, yes, yes, no.” He tried to laugh, hoping his laughter would sound sincere. He didn’t want her to know the truth, to know how worried he actually was. “Trust me, please.” He touched her face. She could see how hard he was trying to assure her, and for his sake, she mustered a small chuckle.

  “There now, that’s my girl,” he said. “Now, let’s begin walking.”

  “What direction?” Shlomie asked.

  “I don’t know. Let’s try going west. From what Seff said the Allies landed somewhere in France, they should be coming in through the west.”

  “And the Russians will come from the east.” Shlomie said.

  “Yes, but I think I would rather be rescued by the Americans and the Brits than by the Russians. I have heard that they are not too crazy about Jews.”

  “You are probably right. Let’s go west,” Shlomie said. Then he walked over to a thick-trunked maple tree and looked for the green moss. Once he spotted it, he indicated with his finger. “That’s north, so it’s this is the way we want to go.”

  “I realize that we are all saddened by what happened, but we should give thanks to God that we were not there at the cabin with them. We could be dead. We could all be lying on the floor of that cabin right now. But somehow, for some reason, God saw fit for us to be alive, and so we are alive, and we are here and we are together. It is a blessing,” Isaac said.

  The other two nodded in agreement.

  Again, Isaac smiled at Zofia. He took her hand in his and kissed it. Then he wrapped his arm through hers, and three of them began to walk.

  Chapter 72

  “How long is the waiting list? How many months before I can expect to have this surgery done?” Manfred asked Dr. Schmidt.

  “Everyone seems to want it, and all of you want it immediately, especially all of the lower-ranking officers. I’ve committed to doing this, but I can only perform one, maybe two per day. So we are looking at about a year.”

  “A whole year? I thought I was coming to have it done now, today.”

  “No, I sent for you to explain exactly what you should expect once I performed the surgery. How long the recovery will be, what kind of pain you will experience, and also, how striking the change will be when you see your new face.”

  “You called me all the way here to discuss this?”

  “This is best not discussed on the telephone. It is top secret, as you know. Now, please understand that what you are considering is a life-altering experience.”

  Manfred nodded. Then for the next two hours, he listened as Dr. Schmidt explained the procedure. When he’d finished, Manfred asked if Goebbels, Hitler, or any of the others had made a reservation to be operated on.

  “I’m sorry but I am not at liberty to disclose that information, even to you,” Dr. Schmidt said, stretching his arms.

  “Now, once it is done, you will stay at our makeshift clinic until you have recovered sufficiently to travel. As soon as I remove your bandages, you will be on your way to South America.”

  “Where exactly will I be sent to in South America?”

  “I don’t know. I am assuming, due to security issues, you won’t be told until the last minute. This is a tough time for us, Manfred, a tough time indeed. We must all do what we can to save the Reich, even if it means personal sacrifice. ”

  Manfred nodded, taking a deep breath. The surgery would be painful and life-changing in every way. He would have to learn to live with his new face, the face of a Jew, his new name, the name of a Jew.

  “Do you think there is any possibility that Germany will pull herself back up and recover?” Manfred asked the doctor, although he already knew the answer.

  “We have already lost the war. We are just holding on now, but I don’t know for how long,” Dr. Schmidt said lighting a cigarette. “Would you like one?”

  Manfred shook his head. “No, thank you.”

  “This is going to be very bad for all of us. We are going to have a hell of a time once the Fatherland falls.”

  Manfred nodded, he saw the worry lines in the doctor’s face.

  “Do you think we will be able to get out of Germany in time?”

  “I don’t know. If you want the truth, I am afraid. The American’s are powerful, and they are coming at us full force. It’s hard to say. However, I can tell you this, they won’t understand what we have tried to do, and if we are captured, it will be a dark day for the Aryan race.”

  “Perhaps I should leave the country now, without having had the surgery…”

  “I expect that the Americans or the Russians will find you. There are just too many prisoners still alive who’ve seen your face. They’ll probably hunt you down.”

  Manfred nodded. He felt the anxiety rise in his chest. His heart skipped a beat and the pain shot through him. What the doctor said was true. He’d earned the hatred of the prisoners he’d lorded over, and once the war was ended, if they were able, they were likely to retaliate. There was little choice left to him. He would arrange to have the operation.

  Chapter 73

  Surgery to alter Manfred’s face, a new life in South America…it was overwhelming. Christa was too weak to cope with all that was coming at her. For just a moment she closed her eyes and her mind drifted to a ball she had attended with Manfred before things had gone wrong. Without thinking about where she was, she began to hum a waltz.

  “Mama, are you all right?” Katja asked.

  Christa had been laying in bed with Katja at her side reading from a book of fairy tales.

  “Yes, dear, I am fine.”

  “You scared me. You were reading, and then all of a sudden you just started singing. It was very strange. And your eyes were closed. Are you sure you are all right?” Katja squeezed Christa’s arm.

  Christa saw the alarm in Katja’s little face and she felt so bad to have caused it.

  “Yes, I’m sorry. Something in the book must have jogged my memory,” Christa said and hugged the little girl to her side. Christa’s felt the warmth of Katja beside her. What would become of this child when she died? Every day she grew weaker. Every day the child grew older. Sometimes she believed that she stayed alive purely out of love and concern for her little girl, who’d been her only glimpse of happiness for years. Could she trust Manfred to care for Katja? He’d never really taken to her the way Christa had. She hated to reminisce about the man she had believed she’d married. It hurt far too much to remember the dreams they’d shared when they had gone to Munich to adopt a child. Those were the days of light, she thought. Those were the golden days.

  If only she’d been able to keep Zofia with them when they left Treblinka… She’d begged Manfred, but he rejected the idea, becoming angry and refusing to discuss it further. However, she had insisted that he did not send Zofia to the gas chamber. As weak as she’d been, she’d fought him on that point. She knew what was going on at the camp. She’d heard the SS men talking. It sickened her, horrified her, that her husband was a part of all of it. She’d yelled and screamed with every ounce of energy she had in her broken body until, finally, he’d agreed. Zofia could go free. Christa had kissed his hand, thanking him. She couldn’t bear the thought of Zofia’s murder. But if only Zofia were with her now, Zofia would have cared for Katja. Christa knew she could trust Zofia. She had come to love her. She was a good woman. Sadly, fate had not favored Zofia. She had been born a Jew in Hitler’s Germany and for that reason, and that reason alone, she had suffered a terrible fate. Christa had done what she could to make Zofia’s life better, but there was little that she could do. Sadly, Zofia had probably died by now or been captured and sent to another camp. The poor woman had been set free, but she had no place to go. Chances were good that the Gestapo had found her. Christa sighed. A deep sadness and guilt came over her she clutched her chest and thought of h
er father. How angry she’d been at him in the beginning. All he’d had to do was remain quiet about his opinions and follow the rules. That is what she’d told him. But he was not one to be intimidated, not the good doctor. He had told her many times that a man’s character was his most prized possession. And he’d proved it. He’d died because he’d stood up for his beliefs. Her father had ruined her marriage, but she’d realized later that her father had been right. If only she’d been stronger, healthier, she might have found the courage to stand up and fight for Zofia. She wished she had.

  Chapter 74

  Even now, several months after the event, Isaac refused to discuss what he’d seen that day in the cabin. Zofia didn’t ask, but she knew it had affected him deeply. His usual optimism was clouded.

  Winter had invaded the land, her frozen heart destroying all evidence of the previous summer’s abundance.

  Isaac, Zofia and Shlomie found warmth in tool sheds and barns, but they never stayed more than a night, settling in after dark and leaving before the sun rose. They’d stolen winter coats along the way. Isaac had made sure that Zofia had the first one. But still, the cold and lack of food took their toll. Within two weeks of the onset of winter, Zofia turned weak and pale, and she had begun to bleed. She was sick to her stomach and vomiting.. Isaac was terrified.

  He said nothing, but held her tenderly in his arms, blaming himself for her predicament. Zofia trembled, and her teeth chattered with the cold and loss of blood.

  “We have to stop running. I know it’s a risk. But we must. The farm we passed this morning has a large tool shed. We’ll settle there. With God’s help, the farmer won’t be going out to use his tools any time soon,” Isaac said. God how he loved her… If only he could take her pain, he would gladly do it. Her suffering was worse to him than dying.