Enough

by Pacheco, Briana

  We walked down the stairs and said thank you.

  When we got back in the room, we let out our excitement and jumped up and down. “I told you!” Taylor said hugging us.

  We threw on our clothes and headed back into the room with the guys. When we opened the door, they got quiet and looked us over. Taylor walked over to the coffee table and poured herself a cup.

  “You’re looking at the three new faces for the Victoria’s Secret show. I just need your addresses to send the final check.” We wrote them down for her and headed for the guys. Everything feels like a dream. How is this happening?

  The guys congratulated us and we got to jump and down like idiots because come on, this is huge! We spent some time doing this until Taylor walked back in the room and handed me an envelope.

  “They’re giving you half now and half after the show. There’s a small contract that states you’ll be present during the show and if you cancel, you need to let us know, yadda yadda yadda. It’s harmless.” She said. “It’ll be in New York so I’ll take care of the flights and hotel. Is it just you guys? I can save spots. It’s in late May so prom and graduation shouldn’t get in the way. And the limo is downstairs so when you guys are ready, I can take you down.” She said taking a breath. I whistled to get everyone’s attention.

  “The limo’s downstairs.” I said.

  The girls signed the contract and then we grabbed all our things and headed down. I told Taylor it’s just us. We can’t bring our whole families, right? I don’t know how big this thing will be.

  Taylor didn’t come back to school with us. We were dropped off and left to cheer by ourselves. I texted Scarlett as soon as we got in the car. She replied with, YES! I knew it. I told her we’re going to be at Alex’s house for a while or maybe the night and not to worry about me. Mom already left with Garrett for New Hampshire so she and Declan would walk Gizmo any minute for me.

  We got to school in less than five minutes.

  “Thank you.” We called out to the driver. Bryan’s car was parked next to mine and it didn’t look like anyone’s car was there.

  “I picked them all up.” Bryan said.

  “Anybody coming with us?” I asked.

  “No.” Tiffany said.

  “Is there something wrong with us because I always ask and nobody says yes?” I said looking around, confused.

  “Em, when we’re around you two…it feels like we’re interrupting something special.” Bryan said.

  “You act like we’re going to have sex while driving.” I said.

  “That’s what it feels like.” Sophie said.

  I looked at Alex and shrugged. “Fine, follow me there.”

  Alex and I got in the car, alone. I backed out and waited for Bryan.

  When we parked in Alex’s driveway, I got a text.

  Christy: Hey…remember that video I did for school???

  Me: Yeah

  Christy: I won…and they put it on YouTube…

  Me: That’s great…right?

  Christy: It is. But it’s about you. I don’t want you to hate me.

  Me: I’ll watch it and don’t worry, I can’t ever hate you

  I did the good thing and asked if she wants to come to New York with us. She said no because she’s spending the summer with Mark and because she doesn’t want to be around skinny girls that might get Mark’s attention. Like that would ever happen. She is the only girl Mark sees.

  As for the video she’s talking about, Christy took photos during the summer…a lot of photos. Of me and Ty. She didn’t know we were into drugs, she just wanted to get her project for school right. It was about anything they wanted. She chose me. But after what happened, she changed it to how drugs can affect you. She implied that no one was hurt during the making of this and no real drugs were used. That’s a lie. She just didn’t want us to get arrested or worse…

  I have to see this video in order for me to move past it. I have to. Right? That would help me. See what the fuck I did and never do it again.

  We headed up the stairs where Liam was debating whether or not to go home but I convinced him to stay. Tiffany better make her move soon. He might feel like the seventh wheel.

  The lights were on and we heard noise in the kitchen. I panicked because no one should be here. “I called the chef.” Alex said as we dropped our stuff on the couch. I pulled the envelopes out of my purse and handed the girls their checks. We opened them together and our mouths dropped.

  “This is half?!” Tiffany asked wide-eyed.

  “That’s what Taylor said.” I said. One hundred grand seems like a lot of money and if that was half then this show must really be worth it.

  Sophie comes from a family with money but this came from her. That’s what she always wanted. She wanted to do things for herself. Now she can. Wait…now that I think about, if she has money…wouldn’t see help Justin and his treatment?

  Sophie was staring at me and I think she knows I was thinking it.

  “We really needed this.” She said softly, holding the check.

  “Soph…” Ohmygod. Is she broke? “Are you guys okay?”

  She nodded slowly. “We will be. Don’t worry, Em.” She said. “Come on, we’re going to eat then it’s pool time.” She said smiling. I couldn’t move as I processed that. The Woods’ are struggling? I don’t know what to say. I always assumed they’d be set for life.

  The girl put their checks away and we headed into the kitchen to eat. There was a homemade pizza, spaghetti and meatballs and my favorite, crème brûlée.

  After we finished eating we sat on the couch for a while for the food to go down. An hour later and I got up because I couldn’t sit still. “Can I ask you guys something?” I asked. Everyone turned their attention to me. I hesitated. “I’ve been keeping secrets…about this summer.” My heart’s pounding. Don’t do this! You can do this. “And I think I need to see what happened to fully understand it. Do you guys want to know what happened?” Holy shit. I really asked.

  Alex looked me over. “Do you want to tell us?” He asked.

  I shook my head. No, I don’t but I need people to see it. I need to see them react to it. I need to know I was wrong. “I can only show you.” I said. I set up Alex’s TV and switched it to computer mode. “It…I don’t want to talk about it so please don’t ask any questions…or say anything about it period. Just watch it. People already saw this and they think it’s fake.” They nodded. “This isn’t everything that happened but it’s enough for you to know what happened…and understand why I never talk about it.” I said.

  I sat down on the coffee table and hit play.

  There was a message to the viewers. Mature material is showed in this video. Please be advised. No one was hurt during the making of this video, all substances are fake and everything is legal. Thank you to the participants of the video. And thank you for the amazing acting on your behalf. You know who you are.

  The screen went black and then And the World Was Gone by Snow Ghosts played in the background. Then the photos showed up. There was a caption. Be above the influence. Don’t hurt the people you love…don’t hurt yourself.

  Some personal photos from my phone were on it, and the rest were taken by Christy. There were photos of Ty and I. Just starting out, holding each other, everything a couple would do, smiling and being happy. Most of them were in black and white. There were photos taken at parties, drugs being handed out–faces were blocked out in those ones.

  The photos were taken every second of this moment. I walked over to Ty’s house and stood under a window. He dumped a bucket of water on me, I stood with my jaw dropped then I smiled. I stood on the hood of his car and made my way up. I took off my shirt and called him down. Smiles were everywhere. Ty wouldn’t come down. I unbuttoned my shorts. That’s when Ty left the window and came down a second later. He grabbed me by the legs and put me on his shoulder. To anyone looking, it was a normal thing happening. But to Ty and I, it was more. I reached in his back pocket and took
out a tiny clear bag with cocaine. I slipped it into my back pocket and let him hold me. We stared into each others eyes when I got up. I blew a kiss to Christy and held onto Ty. Whispering unknown words to him.

  The next were me and Ty in Marks place. Spread out on the couch, bed, and kitchen. The next few were of me and Tiffany. We got into a fight and I stormed off. Tiffany holding her head in her hands, hurt.

  The last few were tough. It was the beginning of August. Ty and I were spread out on his couch, me on top of him. Sleeping. So it looks. Mark walks over, takes the alcohol out of my hands and studies my face. Then he looks at the table and finds a syringe. He checked my arms. He checked Ty. Ty woke up and stared off into space. Mark was back to me. Talking, moving me, opening my eyes. I was passed out. Drunk and high. Mark looked into the camera with worry. Looking at Christy. He picked me up in his arms and left Ty there.

  The photos stopped there because Christy left with us.

  A few days past and that’s when that something happened. I was almost raped by the drug dealer that Ty worked for. Christy doesn’t have pictures of that and I’m thankful.

  Then came the end of the video. Tears were already in my eyes.

  I was back at Ty’s place. He was leaning against his car looking at me. My face was…so sad, angry, and disgusted. It wasn’t his fault but it almost happened.

  One of the last photos was of Ty reaching for my hands and mine slipping out of his. I walked away and Ty tried to follow. Mark backed him up to his car and talked to him. Ty covered his eyes and threw his head back. I didn’t turn back. I walked up to Christy with tears falling out of my eyes. The last photo, I was lying on the tattoo bed. My hair was pushed to the side, covering my face. Mark was holding an iced coffee towards me with a smile. A hand was stretched out on my back, the tattoo artist was hidden.

  How could I have done this?

  I stared at the TV. It’s bad. This summer was bad. I was crazy and I didn’t care if I got in trouble or if I got hurt. Looking at that video…how could I do that to myself? How could I do that to my family and friends? How could I not give a shit about anyone, not even myself?

  I turned the TV off and stared at everyone. They’re giving away nothing. I want to know what they think but I’m afraid I’ll crack more than I already am. I glanced at Tiffany.

  “I’m sorry…Tiffany.” I said. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” Tiffany stood up and hugged me. “I’m scared that I’ll go back to that. Everything I do always falls apart. I’m scared what I do won’t be enough.”

  “Look at me. I’ll help you.” Tiffany said holding my face. “We’ll help you. Em, you are a strong person and nothing can stop you. You won’t go back to that. We’ll help you.”

  “If you say rehab, I will kill you.” I said sniffling.

  She started laughing. “You can’t kill me.”

  Alex stood up and held me in his arms. “Anything you need, I’ll be here.” He said. “Tiffany’s right, Em. We’ll help you. Don’t ever feel like you’re alone because you’re not. You have us.”

  I won’t go back to that. I won’t.

  After crying for so long and letting my friends comfort me, we headed to the pool. No one talked about the video but I know they have questions. I have questions for myself to that will probably never get answered.

  The boys were throwing around a football when Sophie, Tiffany and I walked out in bikini’s. I have to deal with my scars sooner or later. They’re going to be a part of me.

  We jumped into the cool water and swan over to the guys.

  Everyone’s happy.

  I’m happy.

  I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

  And right now, I’m just a normal girl who is having fun.

  29. Four Months Later

  Alex’s arm is draped over my stomach like it always is when we wake up together. I love when Mom goes on vacations and I love that Declan and Scarlett are back in college. We have the house to ourselves most nights.

  The sunlight coming in through the windows was blinding when I opened my eyes to glance at Alex. Damn, last night was hot! He makes me forget about the bad things. He makes me think about the future. A future where I’m safe and nothing bad can happen. A future where I’m enough and my baggage is a part of me.

  Mom’s spending the weekend with Garrett so we don’t mind one bit at the moment. After a few weeks of never finding someone following me, my family started to stop worrying all the time. Alex is always around so they backed off too. But we have to spend nights away. Mom’s orders. Alex has to stay at his house during school nights. But we make it up when we can. It’s always fun.

  Today Scarlett and Declan are coming home for the summer. I can’t wait. I miss them. But that means no more fun nights here.

  Mark and Christy made up for my missed birthday, Christmas and New Years. They went big and it’ll be the best party I’ve ever went to. They’ve been hanging out with my friends too…a little. They’re still on the fence, they don’t want to overstep. It’ll all work out soon though.

  The last four months were the best so far. Scarlett and Officer Blondie, as she called Trey, started dating. Liam and Tiffany started going out, Sophie and Zach are still going strong and Justin is doing so much better…he’s officially cancer free. It was fast and I’m happy. Everyone’s happy. And me and Justin, we feel like life is better. He won’t stop mentioning the date we’re suppose to have soon but I don’t mind. He deserves it. And Bryan has been seeing a lot more girls lately but none of them work out. He’s picky.

  Alex and I have been spending more time at his place. Gizmo even has his own room there. We worked through the rough patches together. The last time Ty called, it was bad. Alex helped me through it. Ty called and said hi. Hi. He said hi and I freaked out. I didn’t know what the fuck I was suppose to do so I panicked. Alex helped me and I ended up calling Ty and telling him I needed him to stop calling me. He’s not using but it’s still fresh on my mind. All of it. I need time. I made an improvement though because I actually called him. Pats myself on the back.

  Alex’s naked body is semi-covered by the sheet beside me. He’s so…damn, words can’t describe it. I love this guy so much.

  Gizmo nuzzled my foot so I sat up. He wants attention.

  On my way to the bathroom, I grabbed Alex’s t-shirt, a clean bra and panties and took a quick shower. I grabbed my hamper and called Gizmo to walk with me.

  I sat on the couch in the basement and brought Alex’s t-shirt to my nose. I am crazy, I know. I love wearing his shirts. They’re comfy and smell like him. I’ll never get tired of his scent.

  “Declan and Scar are coming back today.” I said to Gizmo as I scratched under his chin. He barked and licked my hand. I miss them.

  Alex’s shirt rode up my leg and I stared at the scar on my thigh.

  The wounds are all healed up now and only left a small reminder of what happened in December. I don’t like to think about it much anymore. Just like Ty, I need time to deal with this. No one gets over something like that in a blink of an eye.

  May is a busy month for me. There’s prom, graduation and the Victoria’s Secret show. They are only a few days apart from each other and sometimes I wonder how seniors can deal with all the stress. It’s hard. But high school’s going to be over. Finally.

  I finished all of my laundry and brought the hamper up to the kitchen. Everything’s different at home. Mom renovated the whole house and I’m still not use to it. The living room and kitchen were made bigger for the fact that my friends are always over. They don’t stalk me, they just come by to visit and do homework.

  My dad–Bryan’s dad–and I have been spending more time together, getting to know more about his side of the family. I like it. He’s like Bryan…except older. We went to dinner the other day and it was nice. We got to the topic of Alex and he told me he approves of him. Who wouldn’t? He mentioned how he likes that Alex treats everyone with respect and how he cares about me then we go
t to a point where he told me to be safe with him. I wasn’t comfortable talking about having sex with my dad so I changed the subject to anything that came to mind.

  If he found out the truth…I don’t know what he would say.

  I was on the pill but sometimes things happen.

  When I was putting the dishes away, Gizmo ran upstairs. I cleaned the countertops and made sure the house looked spotless. I want Mom to come home and not do a thing. That’s the way she left it for me…

  “Gizmo nudged me down here.” Alex said. I turned and watched him walk toward me only in sweatpants. I don’t see boxers. Yum. He yawned and leaned on the counter of the island. “I thought he hid my shirt but I was wrong.” He said eyeing my body. I crammed my way in between him and the counter. I’ve come to terms with my Alex obsession. I need to touch him, so I’ll touch him. He doesn’t seem to mind.

  “If you want it back, you can take it. But I think it looks better on me.” I said wrapping my arms behind his neck. He lifted me up and sat me down on the counter then kissed me hard. I knew that would work. “My family’s coming back today.” I said pulling back a bit. He held my eyes. “We still have some time alone.”

  I saw the smile forming on his lips. He’s going to savor every second.

  I wrapped my legs around him and let him lift me up to my room. He even brought up my hamper. Who does that? Amazing men.

  When he set me on my bed, I was already excited. His hands ran over my body, making the muscles under my belly clench a few times. Alex planted kisses all the way down my body until his hands ran down my thighs and parted my legs. With each flick of his tongue, I was thrown even more into my own high. When he came back up and wrapped me in his arms, I couldn’t hold myself together. This is pure ecstasy.

  ***

  We laid in bed, wrapped up in each other awhile until I turned and started caressing Alex’s face. I have to tell him…he deserves to know. He needs to know. Come on. Just say it. Let it go.