The G.I. Bride

by Eileen Ramsay

  April swallowed. Oh, heavens, Crawford. She hadn’t allowed herself to think of him during the long night. It felt wrong, somehow, when she was grieving for Theo. What on earth would he think about her rushing off to London to visit another man? If he was half the man she thought he was, though, then she knew he’d understand.

  Chapter 27

  November 1942

  It was a long, tedious train journey to London and as usual the train was held up at various points, and so it wasn’t until seven o’clock that night that April finally arrived at Paddington. How different it was here. Compared to the verdant green Cornish landscape, London looked tired and grey in the twilight. It suited her mood perfectly. As she sat on the bus to Camberwell, she gazed out at the passing streets, many of them reduced to rubble. Had she really lived here once? She felt no sense of homecoming, and as she drew closer to the Osborne’s house, she felt no nostalgia. She didn’t belong here any more, she’d found a new home, a new family, and this sad, damaged city seemed alien to her now.

  At last she was there, and with a feeling of trepidation, she knocked on the Osborne’s door. It was thrown open by Reverend Osborne, who immediately wrapped his arms around her.

  ‘Oh, my dear, thank you for coming so quickly! We’ve been looking out for you. Now, come in. You look exhausted.’ He took her suitcase from her, and she followed him to the kitchen, where Mrs Osborne was seated.

  April was shocked when she saw her. Mrs Osborne had always prided herself on her smart appearance, but now she looked years older than when April had last been here: her dress was rumpled and her hair was awry. And when she looked up at April, her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed.

  Forgetting all her previous feelings of animosity, April kneeled in front of her chair, taking her hands. ‘Oh, Mrs Osborne, I’m so very sorry about what’s happened to Theo.’

  The woman looked at her wordlessly. It was as if all the life had gone out of her. Then she squeezed her hands briefly and stood up. ‘You look tired, April. Let me make you a cup of tea.’

  April was surprised. She wasn’t sure she’d ever made her tea before, but then, her only child had not been lying gravely injured before.

  ‘Thank you, I’d like that.’

  She sat down at the table with Reverend Osborne. ‘Where is Theo? And when will I be able to visit?’

  ‘We shall go tomorrow. He’s at the Queen Alexandra Hospital. Such wonderful nurses there. We saw him today, didn’t we, Bella?’

  Mrs Osborne didn’t reply, merely continued with her task.

  ‘How is he?’

  ‘He was tired today. We never know how he will be from one day to the next. Sometimes he sleeps a lot. At others, he’s more like his old self, but not, if you understand my meaning?’

  April didn’t really, but she imagined she’d find out soon enough. ‘What sort of injuries does he have?’

  The reverend shook his head sadly. ‘They are extensive, April. But you will know more about that than I so it’s probably best if you find out for yourself.’

  Mrs Osborne put the tea in front of them, then sat silently, her cup untouched in front of her. Feeling exhausted and unsure of how to comfort the Osbornes, April drank her tea quickly.

  ‘If you don’t mind, I think I’ll make my way to bed now.’

  ‘Yes, of course. Bella’s readied Theo’s room for you, haven’t you, Bella?’

  Mrs Osborne nodded, not meeting April’s eye, and it struck her then that Theo had never slept in his old room again once he’d left for war. Because the last time he’d been home, she had been sleeping in it. Did his mother hate her for that, she wondered? She couldn’t tell. Aside from the physical signs of grief, Mrs Osborne seemed to show no reaction to anything.

  After a brief silence, April bade them both goodnight and wandered up to the room. Once there, she stood with her back against the closed door, taking in the familiar space. All of Theo’s trophies and books were still displayed, and the bedspread was the same blue cambric it had been when she was last here. In the corner sat his beloved cello, and, when she opened the wardrobe door, she saw that his clothes still hung there in an orderly row. She touched his white cricket trousers briefly, assailed by bittersweet memories. Would he ever be able to wear these again, she wondered? It seemed unlikely, but she supposed she’d know more when she saw him tomorrow. It was a prospect that filled her with dread.

  *

  The following morning, April made her way to the kitchen to find it empty. She wondered where the Belgian refugees had gone. Hopefully they’d managed to find a new home for themselves, perhaps with a kinder host. She made a pot of tea, then dithered over whether it would be rude to make herself something to eat. She’d finished Mrs Teague’s food the day before and her appetite had returned. Peeking into the bread bin, she saw half a loaf and cut herself two thin slices. Being used to Mrs Teague’s home-made bread, she was dismayed at how grey and mushy this loaf was.

  This must be the national loaf that everyone’s always complaining about, she mused. And no wonder! But she was so hungry, she decided beggars couldn’t be choosers, so she dipped it into her tea to give it some moisture and tried to pretend it was delicious.

  When Mrs Osborne hadn’t appeared by eleven, April decided to go for a walk, despite the grey, dreary weather. Many of the streets had changed beyond recognition and some had been destroyed altogether. She thought very carefully about whether to visit Guernsey Grove, but decided that it would be too hard. Some things were better left alone, she decided. It would be difficult enough to see Theo, let alone visit the ruins of her home.

  She wandered along the road until she came to a post office. She stopped outside and considered sending Crawford a telegram. But then, she expected to be home before he even returned from wherever he was and she’d rather tell him everything in person. Oh, but how she missed him. How she would love to feel his strong, comforting arms around her right now. She hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t be long before she was reunited with him again.

  Chapter 28

  Despite her earlier resolution not to visit Guersey Grove, as she walked back along the street, April found herself drawn there. But when she saw her street ahead of her, she broke out into a cold sweat as the dreadful memories of the air raid started to close in. She stopped and closed her eyes. She should turn back. Nothing but heartache could come of this visit, and she did not want to resurrect her nightmares. When she opened her eyes, she realised that she was outside Charlie’s Fruit Bowl. She was astonished to see that the shop had been patched up since the air raid and was once again open for business. She looked inside. Charlie was standing behind his counter looking just as he used to, aside from the fact that his once brown hair was now grey, as was his moustache. Still, she was glad that he’d managed to reopen, although the green-and-white awning had not been replaced. No doubt there was no material for it.

  She wandered on, her breath coming in small pants as she drew closer to the spot where her house used to stand in the middle of the terrace, and though the rubble had been cleared, the ruined walls still stood at either end. A stark reminder of what had once been. She looked across the road to Mrs O’Connor’s house, which was an empty shell. She supposed Mrs O’Connor would stay in the country for the duration now. The community they’d once had in this small street was all but destroyed, and she couldn’t bear to look at it any more. She hurried away, and almost sprinted back to the Osborne’s house, where she let herself in and ran upstairs, throwing herself on the bed. Why had she gone there? And just before she was going to see Theo as well. She needed to calm down and collect herself before she went. She could not let Theo see her in this state.

  Finally, she heard movement downstairs and went to investigate. Mrs Osborne was in the kitchen making tea and half-heartedly stirring a pot of soup. She looked as weary and dishevelled as she had the previous night, and April guessed that she hadn’t slept a wink.

  ‘Is there anything I can do to help, Mrs Osborne?�
��

  ‘The soup will be ready in five minutes, if you’d care to lay the table, April. And please excuse my lack of conversation. I find I don’t know what to say at the moment.’

  ‘I understand completely. But where have the Belgians gone?’

  ‘Got a job in a munitions factory and moved away. Can’t say I blame them; I don’t think I treated them as well as I could have when they were here. And perhaps I wasn’t very fair on you, either. I was a foolish woman with foolish dreams. I realise now that none of them were of any significance. If you can help make Theo feel better, then that’s all that matters to me.’

  April stared at her in surprise. ‘There’s no need to apologise, Mrs Osborne. I understand. And I will do my best to help Theo. But you do understand I can’t stay? I need to go back in a few days.’

  ‘I know, April, but just having you here now, and knowing that you will be here in the future, will be enough. Once the war is over, then you can move back and we can be a proper family. Theo’s happiness is all that counts.’

  April felt her stomach sink and she couldn’t help thinking that once again Mrs Osborne was manipulating her. Reverend Osborne joined them shortly after, and they ate silently, before setting off for the hospital on the bus.

  When they got to the imposing building on Millbank, April took a deep breath before she followed the Osbornes inside. They knew their way and so led April up the stairs to a large room with several beds down each side. The ward sister greeted them as they arrived.

  ‘How has he been today, sister?’ the reverend asked a middle-aged woman at the nurses’ station.

  ‘He’s having a good day today, reverend. He’s very much looking forward to seeing his visitor.’ She gave April a warm smile.

  April smiled back uncertainly. She was pleased that seeing her would cheer Theo, but from the way the sister spoke, it seemed her visit meant a great deal more than even she had imagined.

  She glanced along the rows of beds, but could not see Theo. Puzzled, she followed his parents until they stopped at a bed right by the window. Three years of training and nursing and yet she was not prepared for the shock. The beautiful face she had grown up with was scarred and changed beyond recognition, and bandages covered one of his eyes. He looked to be asleep. She took a moment to compose herself and then reached and touched his hand. Immediately his fingers closed around hers. He was surprisingly strong.

  ‘Hello, Theo. What on earth have you been doing to yourself?’

  ‘April!’ His smile was lopsided as the left side of his face had been so badly injured; she guessed that the muscles could no longer work. It had clearly been many weeks since it had happened, as there were no bandages, and the scars were pink and raised. ‘You came. I knew you would. Don’t be put off by my hideous face.’ He laughed shortly. ‘I’m still the same old Theo underneath it all. Well, almost.’

  ‘Of course you are. And the scars are nothing. I’ve seen much worse, believe me.’

  Mrs Osborne moved towards the bed then and clasped his other hand. ‘Didn’t I tell you she would come, Theo?’ She kissed his unscarred cheek tenderly. ‘Now, your father and I are going to leave you two together for a little while. But we’ll be back soon.’

  ‘Thank you, Mother. And thank you for bringing April to me.’

  ‘You know we’ll do anything for you, darling. We’ll be back in half an hour or so.’

  Once the Osbornes had gone, April asked gently, ‘Oh, Theo. What happened?’

  ‘Took a bullet to the face, but that’s all I know, really. I remember lying in the sun for what felt like ages, but then the next thing I knew I woke up in hospital with bandages all over me. I must have looked like a mummy – ironic, don’t you think, seeing as I was in Egypt. I expect I fit right in. But I’m alive, and I’m trying very hard to be grateful for that.’

  ‘How brave you are, Theo. But I always knew you would be.’

  ‘Did you, April? I don’t feel very brave. If you want the honest truth, I feel wretched. But in my darkest moments, I would picture your face and it helped pull me through. And now I can see it for real. As radiant and beautiful as you always were. Oh, my darling, how I’ve missed you all these long months. Has it really been more than a year since I saw you?’

  ‘It really has. And so much has changed. Oh, Theo, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘But you’ve done nothing wrong, April. I know things will have to change between us. You don’t even know the half of it. Have you noticed yet that something’s missing on my left side? Apart from my face, that is.’ He attempted to smile again.

  April looked down the bed and saw that where his left leg should have been the blanket was smooth. She swallowed and blinked back her tears. She must not let him realise how shocked she was to see him like this.

  ‘Tsk, Theo, you have been careless out there in the desert. Fancy losing an eye and a leg at the same time. Still, there are prosthetics to help with the leg, so hopefully you’ll be able to get around in no time.’

  ‘Maybe. But my left arm too.’ He indicated to the arm that was lying motionless on the bed. ‘It no longer works, so that’s the end of my cello-playing days, it seems.’ He attempted to smile again, but it didn’t quite come off this time. April could see how devastated he was. His dreams of being in an orchestra were dead for him now. ‘They say I can learn to live without my leg and my arm, but at the moment, all I seem to want to do is sleep.’

  ‘You just need to get stronger. Then you can look to how you will cope.’

  He grasped her hand tighter in his. ‘Will you help me, my darling girl? I know it’s a lot to ask, but with you by my side, I’m sure I could do it.’

  April closed her eyes in despair. What on earth could she say to that? Eventually she said, ‘You can do this without me. You’re brave and strong. You know I have to get back to Cornwall soon. I can’t stay.’

  ‘But you can transfer back here, can’t you? I mean, you transferred down; you can come back.’

  ‘I don’t know, my darling. I have a life down there and I’ve only just taken my exams, so I need to see if I’ve passed. I couldn’t leave before that.’

  He thrust her hand from his. ‘Does the sight of me disgust you so much?’ He sighed. ‘I should understand, I know I should. But, April, I love you.’

  ‘No! Of course it doesn’t. But Theo, I have responsibilities in Cornwall that I can’t just leave.’

  ‘What responsibilities? You don’t have family, so there’s nothing to keep you there. Or are you saying that you have another chap? Is that it, April? While I’ve been telling you how much I love you, have you been walking out with someone else? Please tell me if you have. I need the truth if nothing else. I need to know if I have anything to live for. Because the thought of you is all that’s keeping me going at the moment. Who else would want me like this? Who else could love me if not you?’

  April’s heart was nearly breaking. She felt in an impossible position. How could she let her childhood sweetheart down? But at the same time, how could she give Crawford up? Their relationship was so new, but her feelings already ran deep. It was as A.J. had said to Eunice in his letter – she felt as if she’d been hit by a train, and the thought of anything happening to Crawford . . . well, she didn’t think she could live. If it had been him lying here instead of Theo, she would not have hesitated to dedicate her life to caring for him. But if she made that promise to Theo, it would mean giving up a man with whom she thought she wanted to spend the rest of her life. Oh, it was unbearable. Whatever she did, she knew she could not be completely happy.

  ‘I have to go back to Cornwall. But I need you to promise me that you will do everything the doctors tell you and get stronger. I will write all the time, I promise.’

  ‘There’s something you’re not telling me, I can tell. But if that’s what you want, I will do as you ask. And I will be waiting for when you can get back to me. I know I’m only half a man now, and I could probably never be a proper husband to you. Bu
t just having you close by would be enough. And if you can still love me, I will be the happiest man on this earth.’

  ‘Always know that I love you, Theo. I always have. But we can’t make any decisions while the war is still on and the future is so uncertain.’ She comforted herself that she wasn’t lying to him. And if it helped him through these next difficult days, then she would tell him what he needed to hear. In the back of her mind, a voice was telling her that misleading him was not fair on either of them, but she just couldn’t find the words to tell him the truth right now.

  ‘That’s enough for now. And I promise I’ll do everything to get better. For you.’

  ‘You do that, Theo. I will come again tomorrow, but I see your parents making their way back to you so I’ll leave now.’

  He brought her hand clumsily up to his lips and kissed it. ‘Thank you so much. You’ve given me hope.’

  Tears streaming down her face, April walked swiftly towards the door. As she passed the Osbornes, she said, ‘I think I’ll go for a walk before going back. I’ll see you later.’

  At the nurses’ station, she paused. ‘Sister, can I ask you something?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘How long do you think it will be until he’s well enough to go home?’

  The nurse sighed. ‘He’ll be here for quite some time, I’m afraid. If, and it’s quite a big if, he gets well enough, he’ll then go to a convalescent home and, I’ll be frank, unless there’s a miracle, I don’t see him leaving it. It’s the internal damage, you see; he’ll always need round-the-clock care.’

  April gasped. ‘Does he know?’

  ‘Yes, and so does his father. But he’s requested we not tell his mother for now. He’s a very brave man and wants to spare her any more grief at the moment.’