Walk of Shame

by Gregory, O. L.

  I pretended she was standing in front of me and rolled my eyes at the wall. "I can't do that."

  "Sure you can."

  "No, I have to still be able to respect myself at the end of this."

  "You deserve an award for not sleeping with any of them for this long."

  "You want to give me a chastity award?"

  "Wouldn't Mommy and Daddy be so proud?"

  I snorted.

  "So, don't sleep with any of them."

  "Three nights in a room with a guy, all night, and I'm not supposed to give in to any of them? I'm too human for that."

  "Do you want me to ask around and see if I can find an actual chastity belt for you?"

  "I might be better off."

  "If you want Jared to be the one at the end, just sleep with him and keep your panties on with the other two."

  "If it were that easy, I'd go tell Troy right now that I'd made my decision."

  "But you don't want to live in the swamp."

  "I don't want to live in the swamp."

  I heard Chloe cover the phone and she started talking to someone in the background.

  "Emmy," I heard Dad take the phone and say. "You can't keep dragging this out, baby. Either commit to the swamp or cut him loose. If you can't handle the swamp, you need the time to decide between the Himalaya and my man, Mike."

  "You think I can't handle the swamp?"

  "No, don't do that. Don't focus on the challenge. Focus on your future. You either want to go live in the swamp or you don't. If you don't, you have to be fair to him, to all of them. If you don't care about the swamp, so long as you get him, then stop encouraging the other two. Come on, kid, go back to that objective, rational side of your mind and use it. You know who you want, you're just afraid. Stop hiding behind your fear."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Jared isn't perfect, kiddo. You know this. And you're blaming it on the one aspect that you know will keep you from choosing him. If you're looking for perfection, you won't find it in any of them. Liam will keep you away from civilization. Mike will follow a team and you'll be expected to park the rig near them, instead of secluding yourself during his assignments. Life with each of them will have its downfalls. That's what happens when you combine your life with someone else's."

  "So I should go live in the swamp?"

  "No. If you can't live in the swamp, then you can't live in the swamp. I'm just saying, make sure you're looking at all three of them and picking the best fit for yourself, based on all the criteria. If you would choose Jared, if he lived somewhere else, then please make sure the others don't also have roadblocks that will have you kicking them out later, that you aren't seeing now because you're so focused on the swamp."

  "All three are really, really good guys."

  "Yes, they are. But not all three are right for you. Don't leave the decision up to where they generally live."

  "But it's all I've got left, Dad. Don't you see? I've weeded out the ones who won't work, despite whether their lives could merge with mine. I'm down to three guys who all say they love me, and I can't deny having feelings for them. Where they live is all I have left."

  "Just make sure you aren't getting rid of the next guy just because he's the easiest choice to eliminate."

  "Are you deliberately trying to make this harder for me?"

  "No, baby, I'm just saying that if you love all three of them, be careful. Once you ditch a guy this late in the game, there's no going back if you find out you made a mistake."

  "You are trying to make this harder for me."

  "You always work better the more pressure you're under. I love you, kid."

  "I love you, too, Dad."

  I stuck my tongue out at the phone before I hung up. All he'd done with his sage advice is make me doubt myself far more than I already was, the butt hole. Now I was going to spend the entire rest of my morning reevaluating all three of my relationships.

  Monday Afternoon

  "All right, guys. You two know the drill," Troy said as we stood inside the entrance to the suite, with the cameras catching their last glimpses of us for the day. "The kitchenette is stocked, and you have full use of the suite granted to you. Movies, internet, the whole gamut, but don't fall into the trap of wasting this time, use it wisely. Once the crew and I leave, no one gets in or comes out for twenty-four hours, unless it's because one of you has decided that a marriage between the two of you won't work. In which case, the gentleman will go directly to the airport to go home, no exceptions."

  Liam and I nodded our understanding.

  Troy turned to me and spoke in an aside that he seemed confident in thinking production would edit out. "Are you okay with this, are you ready?"

  I took a deep breath and blocked the cameras out for a moment, focusing on Troy. "Yes."

  "Okay. We'll be in the suite next door. He steps out of line, I'm one text or scream away. We'll get him out and you'll never have to deal with him again. That stands for all three of them this week."

  I laughed at him. "I think I'm safe."

  "You never know." He turned back to address us both. "All right, you two, you have from noon today, until noon tomorrow. Enjoy your time." With that, he held the door open for the crew to leave and he exited out.

  Liam moved forward to lock the door. "Thank God," he whispered.

  My soft laughter made a smile fall across his features.

  "Come here," he whispered and reached out to pull me to him.

  I stepped into his arms and met his kiss. Quick kisses, no tongue, followed by a long hug, and he let me go. The air around us had changed. We weren't trying to hide from the cameras or even steal time away from the others. We were free to be with each other in any way we chose, and it seemed the very air around us was somehow lighter, cleaner than before.

  "Lunch?" he asked.

  I smiled at the ease of the moment. "Yes."

  We talked as he made grilled ham and cheese sandwiches for us. He told me stories from his adventures on the mountains he loved so much. The mountain lion he had to thank for the scars across his back wasn't the only animal who'd wandered into the path of his travels. He'd had to kill a bear, chase away goats, was nearly charged right off a ledge by a boar, and had a run-in with a moose who broke his leg.

  There were other stories about other animals and some of the, shall we say 'interesting', people he's run into over the years.

  He was doing his best to open up to the dangers of his way of life, but he countered it all with showing me pictures from the view he had from his windows at each assignment. He had a habit of taking at least one from each camping location. He also talked about the good run-ins, like the wolf that kept snooping around and he started feeding. The deer that was stuck in a ravine that he helped rescue. The child he'd found who'd wandered away from his parents three days before and had gotten lost.

  The list went on as the afternoon grew later. He even poked fun at himself when he told me of the time that he'd thought he'd discovered a cave in the Blue Ridge Mountains. But it turned out that he'd just found a back entrance to a cave was actually pretty well known. That became evident to him when he saw a light coming from the far top of the cave wall, which turned out to be an opening into another cave room, and heard a group of people walking through on a tour. He almost landed in jail because he was unauthorized to be that far into the structure.

  He also told me how when, in the winter, the weather gets too nasty to camp too high, he mainly camps down in the regular RV hookup spots. And sometimes the location he's working in gets too remote to get the rig up there, and he parks it somewhere, boondocked, and he tent camps by his work spot for a few days and comes down to get cleaned up before going back up. When that happened, if I chose him, we'd just park it in a full hookup slot for me.

  So, I wouldn't always be up in the middle of the mountains with no hookups and limited internet and phone services that were dependant on a satellite. And suddenly I was feeling so much better about th
e living situation with him.

  "So, those times when you have to tent camp, I can spread out. I can pull out the couch and set up shop in the living room. I can go nutty and write all night and sleep all day."

  "Until we have a child," he qualified. "Unfortunately, he'll have to stay with you. It'll be too dangerous, and I too distracted, to safeguard him."

  "True, but you only want one child, so that shouldn't be horrible. There's naptime, toys, and videos. And she'll get a kick out of Mommy rearranging things for a while."

  He laughed. "So you're really okay with the mountains all the time? You're welcome to pick spots to set up camp wherever in between my fieldwork requirements, but I can't promise any of it will be a month at a time. And some of it we'll use to visit family."

  "I think there will be plenty of time sequestered near a mountain top for me to write whatever my little heart desires. The more we talk about it, the more comfortable I become with the whole thing."

  "Really?" he asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

  "Yes, really."

  "I thought all the animal stories might scare you off."

  "I come with a dog who'll let me know if anything comes near. I can fire a gun, and I've shot a bear now, too."

  "You don't worry about being cooped up without adventures?"

  "You have to take days off every so often, right?"

  "Yeah."

  "Well then, we'll make it work. Or maybe we go campout in a hookup spot for a day or two, before or after we go up the mountain. It'd be a good way to bookend the stay."

  We ate dinner out on the private balcony. Teriyaki chicken we'd marinated, with rice, veggies, and wine. Time between us was always so easily spent. I'd gotten to the point with him that I could just be myself. It had been a wonderful day with him, and judging from the warm look he was giving me, I'd say he felt the same.

  "You ready for dessert?" he asked from across the table, after the dishes had been washed and we'd returned to the balcony to watch the sky grow dark, his accent slightly thickened by the second bottle of wine we'd been drinking.

  "Mm, yes," I answered as I removed my feet from the table's crossbar. I stood, and instead of going inside like he'd expected, I took up residence on his lap.

  His arms automatically circled around me, to cuddle me against him. His chest rumbled with his soft chuckle and I leaned back against his massive chest. We fell quiet again as we listened to the nighttime sounds around us. "There's a hot tub in that big bathroom inside," he whispered in my ear.

  I smiled and turned to him. "What is it with you and hot tubs?" I whispered back.

  "It's our thing."

  I thought about that for a moment, "Yeah, I guess it is."

  He smiled. "Are we going?"

  My grin broadened before I stood and headed for the bathroom. I started the water and had a moment's awkward hesitation on what he expected the dress code to be for this little activity. But he came in, stripped down to his boxers, and climbed in as though he were wearing swim trunks.

  This much, I'd done with him before. I stripped down to my underwear and got in beside him.

  He inspected the nearby, small, hotel toiletry bottles and opened one, pouring it in. Bubbles started spreading, and there was something so simplistic about it that the awkwardness melted away and back up against that red-hair covered chest I went. His muscled arms wrapped around me, and his rock climbing hands gently massaged my back. He pulled me closer against himself once again.

  Our tongues twined as his hands took a moment to undo the clasp of my bra. He removed the cloth, hiked me up higher against him, and gently took a nipple into his mouth.

  I moaned and threaded my fingers through his hair, trying to massage his scalp, encouraging him along.

  I pulled away. He let go, but surprise showed in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something. I smiled and sank into the water before moving in to kiss his chest, swiping my tongue over one of his nipples, my hands grasping and kneading into his shoulders before bringing my mouth to his neck and trailing my fingers down the angles and planes of his six-pack.

  His chest rumbled with his sound of pleasure before he clasped my hips and reclaimed my mouth with his. Hands roamed, lips explored, and I was so revved up I was about to crawl out of my skin.

  He hadn't made a move for my panties or his boxers, and I couldn't tell if he was the one having doubts, or if he was giving me time to make up my mind. I reached down to caress him and found proof that he was as eager as I was to move things to the next step. I reached inside the front panel of the boxers, he growled, and I gave him three long strokes before pulling my hand out and moving to shimmy out of my wet panties.

  His hands landed on mine to stop me. My eyes met his and he touched a kiss to my nose. "Are you sure?" he asked.

  I nodded, smiling. "Yes."

  Tuesday

  "There's actually something to be said about auditioning them in the bedroom before choosing one," Chloe said after thirty seconds of stunned silence when I'd told her that Liam and I had had sex five times throughout the night and into the morning. "Now you won't have any doubts as to whether or not you two are compatible in every way."

  "I feel slutty."

  "Did he make you feel slutty?"

  "No, my conscience is doing that."

  "Then it's all good."

  "Thank God there's twenty-four hours in between each lockdown. I couldn't face either Jared or Mike right now."

  "That's probably why they designed it this way."

  I sighed. "I can't sleep with all three of them."

  "Okay, so which one are you going deny?"

  "I don't know."

  "Deny them both. You've certainly taken the edge off now. Right?"

  "Yeah, I suppose."

  "Honey, if five times in twelve hours doesn't take the edge off, you better choose two of them. Because no one man could ever keep up."

  I laughed. "One man is plenty enough to contend with, thank you."

  Wednesday

  A lake-facing suite was chosen for my second twenty-four hour lockdown. Troy went over the same rules as two days before, for Jared's benefit, then he said his goodbyes and the camera crew disappeared.

  Jared reached out and locked the door before shaking his head.

  "What?" I asked.

  "I just never thought we were going to make it here. It's been a long eight weeks."

  I smiled. "It seems like forever ago when I first filled out that application."

  "I can't wait until we can leave the cameras behind for good and get on to the next part, after this."

  I bit my bottom lip.

  He slid my lip from between my teeth and rubbed his thumb across it. "I can't wait until you're mine, and we can go home."

  I curled my top lip down and bit on it.

  "What's the matter?"

  "Nothing, it's just hard to believe that there's an ending coming up to this. My life will never go back to being the same again."

  "Isn't that what you wanted?"

  "It is, yes. But wishing for it and actually getting it are two different things. Once I get it, I wonder what I'll wish for next."

  He smiled. "There's always something more to wish for, isn't there?"

  I grinned. "Always."

  "Lunch?"

  "Sure."

  I think they designed the time-frame to be from noon to noon to include up to four meals if you ate one late and one early lunch, just so the couple had something to focus and work on together. There was something about the physical distraction of working on a meal that made it easier to get over any awkwardness.

  I tried to figure out why I was feeling so awkward with Jared. Usually I was so comfortable around him that I almost forgot the cameras were following behind, because he always put me at such ease.

  At first, I thought it was because he made it blatant that he knew he was going to win this, that I was going to chose him. But he was only going off of my telling him that I wanted
it to be him. Then I figured that it was caused by the fact that I had a huge problem with choosing him that we hadn't talked about. And then, from the way he was glancing at me as we worked to steam the crab legs, I realized he wasn't feeling any awkwardness. It was all coming from me.

  I decided to put it aside and just enjoy this time I had with him. I cracked open a beer from the fridge, took a long swallow, relaxed my shoulders back, and let it go.

  The sun was shining, the meal was perfection, and Jared was looking about as relaxed as a man could be through the meal. I asked him to share stories with me about his work and the encounters he'd had. And the whole time he described stories about getting bit by an alligator and why it was a good thing he always carried an anti-venom kit with him on the job, all I could think about was trying to figure out why these animal attack stories bothered me more than Liam's had.

  It took me awhile, hell, it had taken me eight weeks, but I finally figured out the answer by the time we'd stretched out in the hammock that was strung out on the balcony. Animals in the swamp bubbled up out of the water two feet away from you without warning. Snakes climbed trees and dropped down on you from above. The swamp surrounded you and blinded you to its depths. Danger came from all around. And that's what freaked me out. And I couldn't see any way to make it ever seem like a pleasurable thing.

  Jared had begun nibbling on my earlobe drawing my full focus back into the present. I felt a tingle travel down the back of my neck, my whole body melting against his. If there was one thing he and I had had from the start, it was a physical attraction so intense that it was a little scary.

  His hands brushed the hair away from my neck so his mouth to relocate there. My back was to his front and his hands began to move from my stomach upward. I could only imagine that if he thought he was going to be the one I ended up with, he was expecting us to have sex now that the opportunity and, let's face it, the expectation was finally upon us.

  I froze. "I can't do this, Jared," I whispered. "I want to, I really want to, but I can't."

  His breath caught and his hands paused in their fondling. "Are you sure?" he whispered, trying not to let frustration tinge his tone.