How To Fall In Love

by Bella Jewel

  He opens his mouth to say something, but I slam the door.

  I have no idea what I just got myself into, but I have a feeling it wasn’t the right path to take.

  ~*~*~*~

  “Wait a second,” Mimi says, pacing the room with her arms crossed. “So he spoke to you, gave you a ride home, and then you fucked him in his truck?”

  I bring my legs up to my chest and curl my arms around them. “Yeah.”

  “You fucked him?”

  I nod.

  “In his truck?”

  I nod again.

  “Right outside the house?”

  I roll my eyes.

  “What the hell is going through your head?” she shrieks.

  I sigh. “I was drinking, and . . . I just . . . God, I missed him so much.”

  “So you let him use you?”

  “No. I needed that as much as he did.”

  “No,” she says, waggling a finger in my face, “what you needed was to tell him the truth. Not to dig yourself a bigger fucking hole to get out of.”

  I throw my hands up. “What’s the fucking point telling him the truth, Mimi? He doesn’t remember me, and there’s obviously a reason for that. If I tell him who I am, there’s still a good chance he won’t remember me. Worse, he might shut down, and I’ll never figure out what happened to him.”

  “So what? You’re just going to be his fuck buddy?”

  I shrug. “I don’t even know if he’ll go there with me again. He said he uses.”

  “He openly admitted to being a player and you just let him in anyway?”

  I frown at her. “He’s not a player, he’s honest. He doesn’t do relationships and whatever. Neither do I.”

  “You’re playing with fire, Mali, and you’re going to get burned,” she warns.

  “Maybe I will, but this way I might just be able to find out more about him.”

  “Which you could probably do if you just told him who you are!” she yells, exasperated.

  “We parted on harsh terms, Mimi. He might shut down completely if I tell him who I am. God, can’t you see? This is the best way. I’ll be a casual fling, and maybe I can work my way in . . .”

  “You’re mad!” she spits. “You’re freaking mad. He’s not going to let you be a casual fling, and even if you get that far, what makes you think he’ll tell you anything?”

  “Because I know him; I know what makes him tick. I’ll be more than a fling because I can work him differently. I need to do this, Mimi.”

  She sighs and flops down onto my bed beside me. “I think you’re making a massive mistake, but I won’t stop you.”

  “Something went wrong in his life, and I want to know what that is. The only way I can find out is to spend time with him. Maybe I’ll meet his friends . . . maybe someone can shed some light.”

  “And if he doesn’t want to screw your brains out anymore?”

  “Then I’ll try and be his friend, at the very least.”

  She shakes her head. “Be careful, Mali. This could go bad.”

  “Yeah,” I say, staring at the wall. “But I have to try.”

  He’s my friend.

  I have to do everything I can.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THEN – MALI

  My foot slips and I let out a feral curse. Dammit, why did Rainer have to pick the room on the first floor? He could have picked the big one on ground floor, but he hates his father and so he decided no, he’d rather be as far away as he could get. So now I’m trying to climb the flimsy drain that has a supporting grid, and it isn’t going so well for me.

  But I have to see him. He’s upset at me, and I don’t like leaving things like that.

  I manage to fumble my way to the top. I used to be able to do this so much easier, but these days Rainer is usually the one to come to me, so I don’t tend to hang out at his place. He doesn’t like being here. I push my body up to the top of his small balcony and climb over the railing. His double doors are wide open and I stop dead when I see him at his bedroom door, wearing only a pair of loose cotton shorts.

  He’s kissing Missy. Her body is pressed against his, and he’s got a hand curled around the back of her neck. The kiss is long, and soft, and for some, strange reason my chest clenches. An unusual feeling washes through my body, and I quickly shove it down. How weird. I shake my head and wait for him to pull back. He smiles down at her and then lets her out the door. A few minutes later the front door slams and she walks out to her car.

  I turn back and see Rainer standing at the open doors, staring at me. He’s got his arms crossed over his broad, bare chest. Gosh, I didn’t realize just how big he’d gotten. He’s ripped. His hair is messy and it has a definite sex look about it. As if I didn’t know what the two of them were doing.

  There goes that strange tug in my chest again.

  “That looked pretty serious,” I say, jerking my thumb over my shoulder in the general direction Missy just was. “I didn’t think you were the loving kind.”

  “What are you doin’ here, Em?”

  I sigh. “Are you going to let me in?”

  He stays in the door.

  “I wanted to see you . . . can you let me in?”

  “Just fucked a chick in my bed . . . You sure you wanna do that?”

  God dammit chest, stop tightening like that.

  “I don’t give a shit. Let me come in so I can talk to you.”

  He steps out of the doorway and I walk in. God, it smells like sex in here. At least, that’s what I assume sex smells like. I walk over to his sofa and flop down on it, staring around his room. He keeps it mostly tidy. There are only a few items of clothes flicked about. Otherwise everything is well kept. I watch as he jerks his sheets off his bed and throws them in the basket near his en suite, then he pulls a fresh pair from the closet.

  “A boy that keeps spare sheets on hand. Impressive.”

  He says nothing.

  I sigh.

  “You’re angry at me,” I say. It’s not a question.

  “And you’re a fuckin’ genius.”

  “Jesus, Rainer, stop it. Tell me what the hell the problem is.”

  He doesn’t answer me. I know he’s concerned, and I guess I understand why, but I can’t have this every time I decide to date a man.

  “What does it truly matter to you?” I whisper.

  He stops, sheet in hand, and turns and stares at me. “We’re best friends. I care about you. I don’t care about any other girls, but you are like a sister to me. So yeah, I fuckin’ care what happens.”

  A sister?

  My chest tightens. I don’t know why that bothers me.

  “I get that, and I love it, but I have to make my own mistakes. You can’t keep protecting me—you have to let me live.”

  He tosses the sheet to the side and growls. “You’re the only girl I have in my life. My father is fucked up. My mother is dead. I don’t have any siblings. You’re the only thing that makes me feel like . . .”

  “Like what?” I ask, standing.

  “Like I have something to fight for.”

  My heart breaks and I walk forward, stopping in front of him. “You’ll always be able to fight for me, Rai Rai, but this is important to me. I need to do this. I promise to tell you everything that happens, and you’ll be the first to know if something goes wrong, but please.” I place a hand on his chest. “Please let me do this.”

  He turns to me, eyes scanning my face. “If he hurts you, Em, I’ll kill him.”

  “And I’ll let you.”

  “You promise that?”

  I smile, stepping closer into him. He wraps his arms around me and we both sigh. “I promise.”

  He holds onto me longer than he’s ever done before, and it feels nice. His skin is soft, his muscles hard. I press my cheek to his chest and just take a moment to breathe him in.

  “You wanna stay tonight?”

  I let him go and nod. “Sure, why the hell not?”

  ~*~*~*~

 
; “Ick, oh my God, turn it off!” I screech, pressing the pillow to my face.

  Rainer laughs. “No, it’s epic.”

  “He just . . . he just . . .”

  “Cut his leg off, yes.”

  “I can’t!” I cry, burrowing into the bed deeper.

  “Pussy.”

  A loud pounding on the door makes Rainer flinch beside me.

  “Rainer, turn that fucking shit down. You’re not the only fucking person in this house!” his father roars.

  “Yeah, right-o,” Rainer calls out.

  “You smart-mouthing me boy?”

  I peer out from under the covers and Rainer’s body is so stiff it worries me. His fists are clenched and he’s glaring at the door, which, thankfully, is locked.

  “No,” Rainer yells.

  “Beg your fucking pardon?”

  “No, sir.”

  Poor Rainer. My heart aches for him. It’s as if his pride is being torn to pieces every time he talks to his father. His father is an asshole. I dislike him and try to avoid him at all costs. We hear a pound, as if he hit the door, and then the floorboards creak loudly as he disappears. Rainer stops the movie and we both sit in silence, like we always do when this happens.

  “You okay?” I ask, the same question I always ask.

  “Yeah,” he says, the same answer he always gives.

  “Do you want me to go?”

  “No,” he says, flicking the television off and sliding down into the covers. “Roll.”

  I do as he asks, rolling to my side. He slides up close and throws his arm over my middle.

  “Hey, Rai?”

  “Hmmmm?”

  “Do you think this friendship is . . . unnatural?”

  It’s a very random thought, but now that Rainer and I seem to be finding our own love interests, I’ve been thinking more and more about our friendship and how it might look to another person. It seems normal to me, but I don’t know any other people who have a friendship like ours.

  He’s silent a minute. “No.”

  “We sleep together.”

  “So?”

  “I don’t know. I guess some people probably don’t get it.”

  “Then they wouldn’t get us. Girls have sleepovers all the time, where four or five of them pile into a bed. What’s the difference?”

  “We’re snuggling.”

  He grunts. “I’m not snuggling.”

  I laugh softly. “Okay, dude, whatever you say.”

  He doesn’t move his arm off me—that just shows he doesn’t give a crap and is going to sleep like this, no matter how much I taunt him.

  “Promise me something, Em,” he says just as my eyes start fluttering closed.

  “Anything.”

  “Promise me you’ll protect your virginity with everything you’ve got. Only give it up when you know, with all your soul, that it’s time.”

  I reach up and grab his hand, squeezing it. “I promise.”

  I honestly don’t know what I’d do without Rainer, some days.

  And that thought scares me.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  NOW – MALI

  “Order up!”

  I take the tray of coffees and walk them over to the snot-nosed group of girls sitting at the table, waiting. They ordered things I can’t even pronounce off the menu, and are looking at me expectantly as I walk towards them. I flash them my best smile and place the coffees down, having no idea which is which. Thankfully, they seem to know and reach for their selected drinks.

  “I’d like a sweetener,” a pretty blonde girl says, waving a finger as if she’s too posh to wave her whole hand.

  “Right,” I say, turning and grabbing a few sachets from the table beside us. I thrust them at her and then get back to work.

  The bell above the door rings and I look over to see another group of girls coming in. I recognize one. She’s the girl who was at Rainer’s bar the other night when I first went in there. She’s really pretty, with strawberry-blond hair and the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. There are three other girls with her—one has really dark hair and dark eyes, another is tiny and blond, and one has crazy purple streaks in her hair.

  I smile at them and the girl I met the other night smiles at me, giving me a wave. “Oh hey!” she calls, nearing closer. “I saw you the other night.”

  I nod, smiling. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

  “It’s Belle. These are my friends Pippa, Santana and Jaylah.”

  I wave at them, and they all smile.

  “I’m Mali. What brings you girls in here?”

  “We heard the coffee was good.” Belle grins.

  I wave to an empty booth. “Take a seat. We’ll see if that’s a true statement.”

  They all smile and sit down, and I pull out my notepad to take their orders.

  “So what were you doing at Rainer’s bar?” Belle asks, browsing the menu. “Do you know him?”

  I look up, unable to answer as she’s caught me off-guard. The blond girl, who she introduced as Pippa, pipes up. “Oh, you know Rainer?”

  My eyes flick to hers. “Ah, kind of. Sorry, do you all know him?”

  “He’s my best friend.” Pippa smiles, and it feels as if someone has slapped me across the face.

  He got a new best friend.

  A new one.

  And he forgot about me.

  That hurts so much.

  “Oh,” I say, forcing a smile but I’m sure my lip quivers. “That’s great. I don’t know him well. I ah, we ah . . .”

  Belle’s eyes widen as she clicks. “Oh,” she says, nodding.

  Pippa narrows her eyes, almost as if she doesn’t like the idea, but she doesn’t say anything.

  “So you say he’s your best friend,” I say to her. “How long have you been friends?”

  Her face grows a little troubled—kind of the way Rainer’s did the other night. “A long time.”

  Not that long.

  “That’s good. I’m glad. He’s a good guy.”

  She smiles again. She really is sweet—you can see it written all over her. It’s as if she could never be nasty. She’s the complete opposite to me. “Yeah,” she says. “He really is.”

  “Hey, we’re going to my husband’s club tonight. You should come with? Rainer and him are fighting,” Belle pipes up.

  Fighting? Rainer fights?

  “Rainer fights?” I ask.

  “He does, but don’t worry, it’s really great to watch,” Santana adds.

  “Yeah,” Pippa says. “It’s fun. You should come.”

  Jaylah and Belle nod.

  “But you don’t know me,” I point out.

  “Well, we can get to know you,” Belle encourages. “What do you say?”

  “Okay.” I smile. “I’m in.”

  If these girls know Rainer, I might just have a chance of figuring out what the hell has happened to him.

  And I just bet Pippa has something to do with it – don’t ask me why but there’s something in her eyes that matches Rainer’s and I think she just might now his story.

  If I’m lucky.

  ~*~*~*~

  The music pounds out the doors to the club called House Of Obsidian. It’s a massive place, with a line-up a mile long at the front entrance. A big black deck can be seen off to the side and it’s crowded to the point where I don’t know how anymore people can get on there. Belle tugs my hand and I focus back on walking through the entrance. We didn’t have to line up, because her husband, Max, owns the club.

  When we step inside, I gasp at the sheer size of the space. It’s huge, and modern and sleek. The colors are very sharp, blacks and whites, with splashes of silver. It looks amazing.

  I follow the girls up to the bar, and a pretty blond girl serves us before others. We get a round of cosmos, and then Belle leans over and tells me we’re going to watch the fight.

  We push through the crowd, drinks in hand, and I fidget in my short, red dress. I borrowed it from Mimi, who said I had
to wear it. She would have joined us, but she had to work. I paired it with the heels I borrowed from my sister, Eva, and left my hair down in thick curls. I put a light sprinkling of makeup on, but honestly, the dress is enough of an invitation. God, it feels so short, and so tight. I tug the hem as we reach a door that leads down to what I’m guessing is a basement.

  “Come on, down here,” Belle yells, and we all follow her down.

  It’s a basement all right, the biggest damned basement I’ve ever seen. It opens up to a massive room that contains one hell of a fighting ring. People are pounding their feet and roaring at the base of it, chanting and encouraging the fighters to come out. I keep hold of Belle’s hand as she leads us towards a locker room.

  Belle pushes the door open and we enter. I hear the sounds of male laughter and I recognize one of those voices as belonging to Rainer. I shift behind Belle a little, because this could look a great deal like I’m stalking him. I never thought of that and now I’m nervous. I think I’ll need to act surprised, or he’s probably going to think I’m nutty.

  “Hey baby,” I hear a masculine voice say.

  “Hey handsome,” Belle says and a big set of arms curl around her waist.

  “You brought your friends,” he says.

  I step back near Jaylah and Santana, and the other girl I met tonight, named Ash. Pippa rushes forward and my heart twists in my chest as she throws herself into Rainer’s arms. “Hey beautiful,” he says, and it’s so gentle, so kind. I’m not entirely sure I can handle this. I’m glad she’s his friend, but God, I was never prepared for this hurt.

  “Hey Rainer,” she says, her voice soft and cute. “It’s been a while. How are you?”

  “Good, you?”

  I stay back, feeling like a fish out of water.

  “We brought our new friend Mali along,” Belle says to her husband, who I can now see fully.

  He’s gorgeous. He’s big and broad, with a face very similar to Rainer’s, only his is far more rugged. He’s got scarring, a slightly crooked nose, and shorter dark hair, but his eyes are the same shade of brown that tricks you into thinking they’re black. He doesn’t have as many tattoos as Rainer, but he’s extremely good looking.

  “This is my husband, Max.” Belle smiles. “Max, this is Mali.”

  I step forward and stretch out a hand. “Nice to meet you.”