How To Fall In Love

by Bella Jewel

  “Hey, Pip.”

  “I thought I’d come for that coffee.”

  I smile. “Right, of course. I’m just finishing up.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  She grins and takes a seat at an empty booth. I finish up my shift and Jake lets me go, so I join Pippa, who is now sipping a latte. I slide onto the seat and she stares over at me, studying my face. “How are things?” she asks.

  I know she’s not here to ask me that. Pippa wants to know about my relationship with Rainer, and I love that she’s being sweet about it, but the fact is she wants to know and I’m going to tell her . . . kind of.

  “Look, Pip, both you and I know why you’re really here, so just ask the questions. I don’t mind.”

  Her face softens. “Am I that obvious?”

  I shrug. “You care about Rainer. I’d do the same thing.”

  “I do like you, Mali. Please don’t think I’m here just because of him.”

  I smile at her. “I know that.”

  “I just . . . I care about him, and the situation between the two of you has me curious. You look at him differently and I’ve never seen him . . . spend time with any woman except me.”

  “What Rainer and I have is casual, Pippa. He made that clear.”

  “Then why did he stay at your house?”

  I sigh. “He already answered that.”

  “And he lied, which he never does.”

  She figured him out. That doesn’t surprise me.

  “Surely you can see that he’s in love with you, Pippa. Don’t you think it makes sense that he’d lie? He’s trying to protect you.”

  Her eyes flash with pain. “I don’t expect him to protect me anymore. I want Rainer to fall in love; I want him to be happy.”

  Anymore? What does she mean by anymore?

  “Well obviously he cares about you, and I think a part of him hopes you might be jealous of other women. I don’t know. All I know is, he lied because he didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “And he hurt you instead.”

  I meet her eyes. “I’m just casual, Pippa, and I’m okay with that.”

  “Do you really think I believe that? I see you looking at him, Mali. There’s something in your eyes, a deep pain, almost a regret. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’ve known him a long time.”

  I have.

  “I . . . I just feel a connection to him, is all. I understand him. I know where I stand though, Pippa.”

  “But you’re not okay with it.”

  I shrug. “I don’t get a choice.”

  “I was a little jealous, you know. I’ve never seen him with another woman, and even though I know he does it, seeing him looking at you? It did tug something inside me.”

  “No offence, Pippa and I mean that, but you are taken . . .”

  She smiles warmly. “I know I am, but I do love Rainer. Not with the same intensity that I love Tyke, but . . . I love him, Mali. I do.”

  “I can see that.”

  “It bothers me that I get jealous sometimes, because I know it must be so hard for him to see me with Tyke, but Rainer and I have a bond unlike anything I’ve ever had in my life. Circumstances forced that upon us, but I don’t regret it.”

  “Circumstances?”

  Her eyes grow dark. “Rainer hasn’t spoken to you about how we met?”

  “Casual relationship, remember?”

  She nods. “Well, it wasn’t nice, but if he hasn’t told you, it’s not my place to do that for him. Sorry, Mali.”

  I nod. “I understand. I just . . . I can see so much in his eyes, so much pain.”

  “There’s a lot there. Go easy on him. He’s never had a relationship before.”

  “He hasn’t?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. “Not even one?”

  She shakes her head. “Well, not since I’ve known him.”

  Oh, Rainer.

  “What about that tattoo on his chest?” I say, knowing I could be playing with fire here. “The girl’s name?”

  She shakes her head, confused. “I haven’t seen it. He must have got it in the last few years.”

  She hasn’t seen it . . . so it’s recent. Why would he put that there, if he can’t really remember me?

  “Oh, right.”

  “What does it say?” she asks, studying me.

  “Emy.”

  “Oh,” she says. “Yeah, he told me about her. She was a friend he had from childhood.”

  “Oh, right.”

  “He said he doesn’t really remember much, but he knows she was important. He struggled with memory loss after . . .”

  I want to ask after what, but I know she won’t tell me. “Did he not see her again?”

  She shrugs. “I honestly don’t know. I think he’s just at a loss right now. He doesn’t know what his life holds.”

  “I get that,” I admit.

  “Look, Mali, I know you care about him, I can see it. I just . . . please be careful with his heart. Rainer is a broken man, more than you could ever imagine. I know that you accept what he’s offering, but if you can’t and you feel like you need more, step away. Please. He’ll only give what he can, and it’s going to take a strong woman to accept that. You’re a good woman, Mali, and you deserve love. He can’t give that to you. If you’re okay with that, then I won’t stand in your way, but if you’re not . . .”

  “I get what you’re saying, Pippa.” I meet her eyes so she can see I’m sincere. “But you need to understand something about me—I believe in second chances. I believe anything can be fixed with the right kind of love. I won’t hurt him, I promise you that, but I’m not going to give up, either.”

  She smiles. “I didn’t think you would.”

  She would be right.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THEN – MALI

  This is crazy!

  We’re at a beach party and it is absolutely packed. It’s the last semester of school before we’re all ready for college, and people are becoming more and more excited with every passing day. We’re all ready for the big, bad world. Rainer and I are planning on going to the same college, which is super, because I don’t imagine I could be parted from him for long. It wouldn’t be the same without him.

  “Check out slut-face glaring at you,” Kenny says in my ear, pointing at Missy, who is sitting on a log beside some handsome guy, glaring at me.

  I wave with a giant grin on my face, and I can nearly hear her huff of frustration from here.

  “You’re evil, and I love it.” Kenny grins, thrusting a cup of beer into my hand.

  “I can’t help it. It’s in my blood.”

  “Rocking new shoes. Did you buy them today?”

  I look down at my new chucks that I’ve paired with skinny jeans and a black and white baseball shirt. It’s my look, and I love it.

  “Yeah, Mom got them for me. I think it was a ‘happy you went out with a boy’ gift.”

  “I’m surprised she would be seen buying shoes like that.”

  I laugh. “I can imagine her face when she entered that store. She would have been horrified.”

  We both chuckle.

  “Come on, let’s walk in the sand. Is Rainer here tonight?”

  I shrug. “I think so.”

  “Missy has the shits he isn’t fucking her brains out anymore.”

  “Poor Spastic Plastic. She never could keep a man.”

  Kenny snorts and we make our way down to the soft sand. There are people everywhere, so it’s hard to tell person from person. I do recognize one face, though. I see Jack. He’s standing with a gorgeous blond girl, his arms around her, lips on her neck. I stop dead. I didn’t expect Jack to keep perusing me after our last encounter, but . . . I mean, we dated . . . he asked me to be his girlfriend, and he never even tried to tell me it wasn’t working out.

  I might have forgiven Rainer, but I was still interested in Jack, so seeing him like this hurts. A lot. I thought he was just taking time, maybe figuring out his head, but I did expect him to have th
e decency to let me know he wasn’t interested anymore.

  “Shit,” Kenny says, figuring out what I’ve just seen.

  “He . . . I thought . . .”

  “He’s a dick,” Kenny says, grabbing my arm. “Don’t let it upset you.”

  “He never broke it off with me. I mean, I know he was pissed over what Rainer did but . . .”

  “He’s a dick,” Kenny repeats. “You’re worth more.”

  “No,” I say softly. “I’m not. I never will be.”

  “Emalie,” he says, but I hand him my beer.

  “I’m done.”

  I turn and walk up towards the cars, hurt and confused. I get things were a bit tense between Jack and I, but I thought we had a bond. I thought something was happening between us. Obviously I was wrong. Like always, everything I think is right isn’t. Stupid, angry tears burn under my eyelids and I want to scream and tear my own hair out with frustration.

  “Emalie?”

  I stiffen at the sound of Jack’s voice.

  I keep walking. I go past the car and up into the thick trees separating the beach from the road. It’s a park, but it’s dark right now so I can’t see where I’m going.

  “Wait!” he yells.

  Kenny must have gone and said something to him. I don’t need his pity. I keep moving, but Jack catches up quickly, taking my hand and spinning me around. I slap at him, but he doesn’t let me go.

  “I didn’t know you were here,” he says.

  “Oh, so you didn’t mean to get busted with another girl?”

  “No offence, but we’re not even together.”

  “You asked me to be your girlfriend,” I cry.

  “Yeah, and you let that pig of a friend ruin that.”

  “It was a bad night. I was confused, but I was always going to come back to you, Jack.”

  He shrugs. “Well, I didn’t know that, did I?”

  “Obviously I was wrong about you, and that’s fine.”

  He doesn’t let me go. “You can’t expect a man to wait around when you’re interested in your best friend.”

  “I wasn’t interested in him. I was interested in you. Jesus, to think I was considering sleeping with you.”

  I jerk my arm from his but he doesn’t get out of my space. “What?”

  “Never mind.”

  “Emalie, wait.” He catches me again, pulling me into his arms. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Give me a second chance.”

  I fight a little, but stop when he cups my jaw in his hand. “I’m sorry, I read it wrong. Let me make it up to you.”

  “You were kissing another girl.”

  “But I wanted to be kissing you.”

  “Y-y-y-you did?” I whisper.

  “Yeah. In fact, I think it’s about time I kissed you again.”

  He leans down before I can protest and presses his lips against mine. I allow this, because I want to believe him. I want to believe that he’s telling the truth, that he just read it wrong, that he really wants me, but something feels off. I realize what that something is when his hand cups my ass. I allow this, too, because I’m so desperate to be accepted. To be wanted. To be needed.

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, pressing my body against his.

  He thinks I’m beautiful? My heart swells.

  His hand moves around and cups my breast, and it’s such a shock I jerk back. An ass squeeze is one thing, but the breast is taking it too far. “Jack,” I say, squirming. “I’m not ready.”

  “You just said you were going to sleep with me.”

  Oh. My. God.

  “Not here,” I protest, but he keeps squeezing my breast.

  “Why not here? If it was Rainer, I’m sure you’d be giving in.”

  “Stop it,” I plead, hitting his hand.

  His other one curls around my ass again and he holds me tight, fingers grinding into my flesh. He moves his hand from my breast down to my pants and cups my sex. I want to vomit.

  “Don’t,” I beg. “Please.”

  “You’re wet, I just bet . . .”

  “I’m not. I don’t want to do this here. Please let me go.”

  “You’re a tease, Emalie. You’ve been playing with me from the start, dangling that piece of shit in front of my face. Making me fight for you. I will get it before him, and I will shove his face in it.”

  “Let me go!” I cry as he flexes his palm against my sex.

  “No.”

  I take a deep breath and then I slam my head into his. It’s enough to make him stumble back with a roar. I’m spinning, and it takes me a few seconds to react the way I know I need to. I raise my knee and drive it into his groin. He goes down with a bellow, and I turn and run. My mind is blurred, my head is spinning, and my vision feels off. There’s a tender spot on my forehead that’s throbbing with each pounding step.

  My top gets caught on a tree branch and tears with a loud rip. More tears flow, and I’m ashamed. How could I be so stupid? Of course Jack just wanted to get lucky. The moment I said I was considering sleeping with him, he decided I was good enough for him again. How could I be so blind? He probably never wanted me. It was most likely a horrible bet or a joke between friends. Who can get the nerdy girl in bed?

  I stumble over to my car, and people are stopping to stare at me. I don’t care. I just need to get home. Gosh, I shouldn’t even be driving, but I’m so desperate I don’t care. I fumble with the key and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get it in to unlock the door. I’m crying too heavily. “Emalie!” Kenny’s voice rings through the ringing sound in my head.

  “Emalie, oh my God, what happened?”

  “Nothing. I need to g-g-g-go.”

  “Shit. Did he . . .”

  “Just let me go, Kenny!”

  “Where’s Rainer?” Kenny calls and I freeze, spinning around.

  “No!” I yell. “No, please.”

  “Someone hurt you, and they’re not getting away with it.”

  “Kenny, please.”

  He disappears and I become more frantic. I drop my keys and cry out loudly. My shirt rips more as I kneel down to try and fetch them. I can feel the cold night air against my skin, and I know my back is exposed.

  “Emalie!”

  No.

  “Fuck, Emalie!”

  Please no.

  Warm hands encircle my waist and I’m being hauled up into Rainer’s strong arms.

  “Rainer,” I sob.

  “What happened? Shit, Emy, who did this to you?”

  “Jack did it to her,” Kenny says.

  “What?” Rainer growls, his voice like ice.

  “We saw him with another girl and Emalie ran off. I told him that she’d seen him and he followed her . . .”

  Rainer turns me so I’m facing him, and he really takes me in. His dark eyes travel down over my torn clothes and I see the rage fill his gaze.

  “What did he do to you? Don’t lie to me, Emalie.”

  “He followed me into the trees. We talked. I told him I was s-s-s-sad about him not giving me a chance. I mentioned that I couldn’t believe I was going to s-s-s-sleep with him and suddenly he . . .”

  “He what?” Rainer growls.

  “He started kissing me, and grabbing me.”

  “Where did he touch you?”

  I look into his eyes. “Rainer, please . . .”

  “Where?” he roars.

  “My b-b-b-breasts and . . .”

  Rainer doesn’t need anymore. He turns me into Kenny’s arms and he sprints towards the trees.

  “Rainer!” I scream, shoving out of Kenny’s grasps.

  By now half the party is behind us, and as I run towards the trees, they all do too. Rainer catches Jack just as he’s exiting the tree line, and Jack doesn’t even get a chance to open his mouth before Rainer drives a fist into his face. The two boys go down quickly, and I watch in horror as Rainer punches Jack over and over. The sickening sounds of bones breaking snaps me back into gear.

  “Rainer, stop!” I c
ry, running forward.

  He hits Jack again and again.

  “You piece of fucking shit. I’ll fucking kill you.”

  “Rainer,” I sob, trying to reach for him.

  “How dare you fucking touch her?”

  “Rainer!” I scream so loudly he stops, fist in the air.

  He turns and looks at me, and I’ve never seen his eyes so enraged. He’s panting, his big body heaving with anger.

  “Please,” I whisper. “If you kill him . . . I won’t have you. Rai . . . please.”

  His mouth is open and I can hear his angry pants.

  “Please . . .”

  He turns back to Jack, who is now groaning on the ground, blood all over his face. Leaning down, Rainer grabs Jack by the shirt. “It’s only because of her that you’re not fucking dead right now.”

  Then he slams Jack down and turns, reaching out for me. I run to him. He’s got a bloody lip. I don’t know when that happened. Jack must have gotten one hit in—he certainly didn’t get more than that. Rainer curls his arm around me and we walk through the crowd who are all gaping at us. Rainer’s arm is protectively wrapped around me, and halfway there, he realizes how exposed I am and he stops, removing his shirt and spinning, sliding it over my head.

  I think that, right there, is the moment I fall in love with Rainer Torrence.

  ~*~*~*~

  “Just stay still,” I whisper, dabbing an alcohol wipe against Rainer’s split lip.

  “Bit hard when you’re putting that shit on my face.”

  “You have a split lip. I don’t want it to get infected. I’ve done enough, I don’t need that, too . . .” I say, looking anywhere but at his eyes.

  We’re in the bedroom and I’m trying to clean up his face, but the air between us is thick with unspoken truths that we’re both trying to avoid.

  “Emalie,” he says, reaching up and taking my wrist, stopping me. “Look at me.”

  “Rainer, please,” I beg.

  “Now.”

  I move my eyes to his, and there’s something else in his brown depths, something I’ve never seen before. He’s looking at me with compassion but there’s a fierce protection behind his depths.