How To Fall In Love

by Bella Jewel

  We don’t leave until our debt is paid.

  We try to run? We die.

  God, Emy. I’m so sorry, baby.

  ~*~*~*~

  ONE MONTH LATER

  The blond girl got paired up with me. I feel sorry for her, because she’s so tiny and I’ve been an asshole to her. I can’t help it; I just can’t function. I can’t stop thinking about Emy. I can’t do anything but sit here and pray that she’s okay. I miss her so much it hurts.

  We’ve been working on these fields for just over a month now. We’ve all lost weight, and we’re barely surviving. The sun is intense and more often than not, we end up burned and damaged from it. We’ve all grown to only care about our own survival.

  These chains attached to our ankles have removed any chance of getting free. We’ve all been given a buddy, someone we’re paired up with daily. We’re responsible for each other. If our buddy tries to escape, we both die and so on. I don’t see the small blond girl trying to go anywhere; she looks as if she’s barely surviving. She is so slow and most days it makes me angry, because I just want to work hard to keep my mind from going crazy. Today she’s going extra slow, and I’ve had about enough of it.

  She is barely moving her legs today, and I’m frustrated and angry. I shove the chains and slam into her. She stumbles forward, landing on her knees with a wince.

  “Hurry up!” I bark, but instantly I feel bad when I see her lift her hands and there’s blood on them. Dammit. She’s just a kid. What the fuck is wrong with me? I go to reach down and help her when I hear a screeching sound from another slave. Then she cries, “I can’t take it anymore!”

  I look to my left at a young girl who only arrived two weeks ago, to see she is dragging her partner across the lawn, stumbling as she tries to inch closer to the house. She’s waving her hands, which are the only things that are free, and screaming at the top of her lungs. Artreau appears on the porch of the massive home and stares at her.

  This isn’t going to be good.

  It doesn’t seem to bother her because she doesn’t stop. She leads her partner towards him; she isn’t doing so well, because she is now crawling desperately behind her, legs bound together. She throws her hands up and yells, “You can’t do this. It’s barbaric. I’d rather die than spend the rest of my life as your slave.”

  Artreau’s face pinches and he storms down the patio, reaching into his jacket. He pulls out a gun and everyone stops, their bodies no doubt doing the same as mine. Going stone cold. He stalks towards her, pointing the gun at her head. She doesn’t stop, and I fuckin’ swear she wants him to shoot her.

  “Get back to work. You won’t get another warning,” he roars at her.

  “I don’t want another warning,” she yells, “because I’m not going to go back to work. You can’t make me do this. I’m starving, and thirsty, and I’ve lost so much weight I can see my damned bones. I won’t do it. You can’t be allowed to get away with this.”

  Artreau smiles, and my stomach twists with anxiety for a second as he pushes the gun into her forehead. “I can, and I will.”

  Then he pulls the trigger.

  Holy fucking shit. The girl next to me opens her mouth to scream, but I react quickly, wrapping my arm around her face and stopping her. He’ll kill her if she screams. Blood and gore splatter and the poor, struggling girl on the ground behind the first body starts to cry. Artreau points the gun at her head, now.

  “Do you all see what happens to those who defy me?” he roars. “I told you once, and I’ll only repeat myself this one time. You’re here until your debts are paid off. The action of one is the actions of all. In this case, the actions of this girl will be the actions of her partner.”

  He pulls the trigger and shoots the second girl. The girl in my arms’ knees go out from beneath her, but I hold her up with an arm around her waist. Artreau tucks his gun away and his eyes scan over all of us. They fall on the girl and me, and I tense, wondering if we’re going to be next. “Now, you.” He points to me, and then to the girl, and then he kicks one of the dead bodies in front of him. “Clean this up.”

  The minute he reaches the house, the poor girl in my arms leans over to vomit. I feel my own bile rising in my throat, but I’ve seen horror in my life—this poor girl shouldn’t have to see this. I kneel down beside her, swiping a piece of damp blond hair from her face. “Hey sweetheart. It’s going to be okay, do you hear me? Tell me what your name is.”

  She looks over to me, her eyes puffy and filled with so much fear I want to wrap her in my arms and never let her go. “Pippa,” she squeaks.

  I cup her face. “You and I are going to stick together, okay Pippa?”

  She nods.

  I want to die inside.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  NOW – MALI

  It’s raining out tonight and my car lights really aren’t giving me the kind of brightness they should. I’m driving really slowly, watching the rain pound on my windscreen. Gosh, where the hell did this come from? I wish it would go away. That would make my life a whole lot easier. I squint, leaning forward to try and see through the mist it’s creating.

  My phone rings on the chair beside me. I glance over quickly. Rainer again. He hasn’t stopped calling, and that’s probably because I haven’t seen him or spoken to him for more than two days. I know it’s not the right thing to do, but I’m hurting. I need to figure my mind out before I can commit to him. Besides, I don’t even know if he’s going to commit to me, so what’s the damned point in trying?

  God, I’m being bitter.

  My phone rings again and I sigh, picking it up and pressing it to my ear. I really shouldn’t be doing this, because it isn’t safe. I need to focus on my driving but if the phone keeps ringing like it has been, I’m going to lose my concentration anyway. I press it to my ear, keeping one hand on the wheel and my eyes fixed firmly to the road.

  “Please stop calling me,” I say with a sigh.

  “Jesus, really?” Rainer grunts. “You’re honestly going to act like this?”

  “Yes I am,” I mutter, keeping my eyes on the road.

  “Talk to me at least, for fuck’s sake. Won’t stop calling until you do.”

  “Talk to you about what, Rainer? How you’re in love with a woman who you can’t let go of, yet you want to keep me around for what, exactly? Fun?”

  “Don’t,” he warns. “You know I care about you.”

  “No, you care for the person I used to be. The memory. You don’t care about me now, Rainer, because you don’t even know me, and if I’d never told you who I was, are you telling me you would look at me the same way right now?”

  He goes silent.

  “My point exactly. Now I’m driving, so goodbye.”

  “Jesus, Emalie, this has been a rough few weeks, you hear me? I’m sorry things aren’t going your way, but what do you expect?”

  “My way?” I snap. “Are you serious? How has any of this gone my way? If it were going my way, Rainer, you’d be looking at me and only me.”

  “Emalie . . .”

  “No,” I growl. “Don’t.”

  He starts answering but I lose focus of what he’s saying because there’s a pair of headlights coming right at me. It takes me a few moments to realize this, but they’re definitely on my side of the road. I scream and swerve, my car launching off the side of the road. I briefly hear Rainer yell my name before my phone flies from my hand and my car soars off the side of the road.

  I put both hands on the wheel, trying to get control, but I can’t seem to stop it. I cry out frantically, tears running down my cheeks. I’m about to die. Oh God, I’m going to die. My car slams into a tree with such force I’m thrown forward. Then my entire world goes black, but not before the airbag combusts and explodes into my face, probably saving my life.

  I don’t know.

  ~*~*~*~

  I blink rapidly, opening my eyes and trying to focus. It feels like I’ve just woken after running a marathon. My eyes are blurre
d and I can hear loud, horribly annoying beeping coming from somewhere to my right. I manage to gain some of my vision back and see a bright light on the ceiling above me. It takes a moment to realize where I am, but as my vision gets clearer and clearer, I realize I’m in a hospital.

  “Emalie? Hi. How are you feeling?”

  I turn my head slowly to the side to see a nurse looking at me over the top over her thin, black-framed glasses. She’s got a clipboard pressed to her chest and she’s smiling.

  “What happened?” I croak.

  “You were in an accident. Can you see clearly?”

  I nod. “It’s getting better with each passing second.”

  “Good, and can you tell me your name and date of birth?”

  I rattle them off.

  “Do you remember what happened?”

  I close my eyes and it all comes flooding back. I was talking to Rainer on the phone when a car came onto my side of the road. I was in a car accident.

  “I had a car accident,” I choke out, my voice thick with emotion.

  “Yes, you did. You had to have some surgery because there was a little internal damage, so you’re going to be sore for a few weeks. Everything is looking good; you’re very lucky to be alive. The doctor will be in momentarily.”

  “How long have I been in here?” I whisper.

  “Only one night. You have friends waiting outside. Should I send them in?”

  Friends?

  “Who?” I ask.

  “Jemimah and Rainer?”

  My heart clenches. “Yes, please.”

  She pats my hand and walks out, and I shift my aching body. I sit up as best I can and see there are tubes coming from my hand and one from my stomach. I flinch and cover it with the blanket, not wanting to see it. The door creaks, distracting me, and I turn to see Mimi and Rainer walking in. Mimi sees me and runs forward, gently throwing her arms around my neck. “You scared me, oh God. Mali, don’t you ever do that again.”

  “It wasn’t intentional, I promise,” I croak into her hair.

  “How are you feeling? Are you going to be okay?”

  “I’m sore and yes, apparently so.”

  Her eyes scan my face. “I was so afraid.”

  I reach over and take her hand. “I’m okay, I promise.”

  She turns and glances at Rainer. “He’s desperate to talk to you. I’ll get some juice, okay?”

  I nod and she leans down, kissing my cheek before turning and rushing out. Rainer steps forward, and he looks tired and worried. He stops at the edge of my bed and stares down at me, his eyes pained. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice raspy.

  “I’m okay,” I say, meeting his brown eyes.

  “You scared me. Fuck, Emy . . .”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan on it happening.”

  “If I didn’t call you so many fucking times . . .”

  “Rainer, don’t,” I whisper. “Please don’t. I answered the phone; you didn’t make me.”

  “I kept calling, probably driving you crazy. It’s not a wonder you lost control.”

  “Please,” I say, reaching over and taking his hand. “Don’t.”

  “I’m so sorry, Emalie, for everything.”

  I sigh and smile at him. “So am I.”

  “I know you think I don’t care about you, but I do, fuck I do . . . I didn’t realize how much until tonight.”

  I stare at him, and I can see he’s telling the truth, but it still doesn’t solve my problems. I know Mimi is right; I have to ask him to make a choice. I don’t want to be that girl, but I need to know where I stand. I need to know if he’s going to be able to love me the way I want, or if we’re always going to have this argument, because that’s not fair on either of us.

  “Rainer, I need to ask something of you.”

  He squeezes my hand. “Anything.”

  “I need you to make a choice. I don’t want you just picking me because of this accident and a temporary fear of losing me. I need you to go, take a few days, a few weeks, whatever it is, and really think about what you need and want. I need you to choose, and until you do I can’t be with you.”

  “You’re asking me to choose between you and Pippa?”

  My heart clenches, and I nod.

  “But I’m not with Pip and never will be.”

  “But you love her, and even though I get it, I’ll never be able to live with coming second best. I can’t, Rai. First it was you telling her I was nothing, and then you ran out when she got jealous, leaving me with a black eye. I don’t want to feel like that, and I don’t think I have to. I’m not asking you not to be her friend—I like Pippa. What I’m asking is for you to decide which is more important—having her as a normal friend and putting me first as your girlfriend, or having her the way you have her now, and losing me.”

  “That isn’t making things easy,” he murmurs.

  “No, but I deserve an answer, don’t you think?”

  He sighs, running his hands through his hair.

  “I’m not trying to make your life hard. You know how I feel about you, and I’m not asking for much, just a choice. If you can’t make that choice, I understand too, but this has to be the end for us. I can’t keep falling harder in love with you only to keep feeling like I don’t matter and never will.”

  He leans down, cupping my cheek. “You’ll always matter to me, Emalie. You have to know that.”

  “I know I matter, but how much?”

  He closes his eyes, keeping his hand curled around my cheek. After a moment, he presses a kiss to my forehead and stands, looking down at me. “Okay. If that’s what you need then I’ll do it.”

  He turns towards the door, and I call out his name. He stops and looks back at me.

  “I need you to know that I’ll love you for the rest of my life, Rainer. Our connection is different, but it’s there. I need you to know that, but I need you to really think about your choice, because if you choose me, I want you to choose me . . .”

  “I get you, kid.”

  “Okay.”

  He smiles a little. “Okay.”

  Then he walks out, and I honestly don’t know if it’s the last time I’ll have a chance to be in his life.

  Because I really have no idea who he’ll choose.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  NOW – MALI

  I haven’t seen or heard from Rainer for two weeks. I know he went away for a bit to clear his head, and I understand that. I came out of hospital two days after my accident and then spent a few days at my parents’, out with them and my sister. It was nice, because they took good care of me, but I’m glad to be home now. I don’t go back to work until next week, so it’s been a good chance for me to get my head together.

  Tonight I’m in a moping mood, and have decided to watch movies and eat an abundance of chocolate. Not hearing from Rainer scares me—call it injuries from the past. I wonder what he’s doing—hell, I wonder if he’ll even come back. What if he decided it’s just not worth it? What if he picks neither of us? There’s a solid chance that’ll happen. It kind of feels like déjà vu, and the fear that he won’t return is killing me.

  I flop down onto the couch and stare blankly at the movie playing. I’m halfway through when I hear someone calling my name. It takes me a few moments to realize it’s Rainer’s voice, and I leap up from the couch, heart racing, and run to the front door. I fling it open and what I see has tears instantly pouring down my cheeks. I press a hand to my mouth and joy floods my chest.

  Rainer is standing on my front lawn, boom box held in the air, “Highway to the Danger Zone” playing loudly from the speakers. He’s got a big grin on his face, and I can’t help the sob that’s ripped from my throat. He walks towards me, boom box still held high, and when he reaches me he carefully lowers it to the ground, flicking the sound off.

  “What’re you doing with that?” I choke through sobs.

  “I thought of so many ways I could tell you what you meant to me, and nothing seemed ri
ght. Then I remember the night you did this for me, and I knew, I fucking knew it was how I could do it.”

  “Rainer,” I choke, pressing a hand to my heart.

  “Emalie, I know I’ve been off and on. I know I’ve made things hard for you, but something hit me hard when I was away. I love Pippa, I do, but it’s not in the way I love you. She saved me during a hard time, and I thought it was the real deal, but the truth is, when I thought about the love I had for you back then, I knew it was different.”

  I make a hiccupping sound and more tears flow.

  “I’ve had so much shit in my life, but the moment you stepped into it again, even before I knew it was you, something eased inside me. You made me smile, and laugh, and fuck, you are so gorgeous it hurt. The more time I spent with you, the more I realized that you could change me. When you told me who you were, you did change me. Don’t you know that?”

  I shake my head, pressing a hand to my mouth.

  “Pippa saved me. I’ll love her for that until the day I die. I’ll always be her friend and I know you’re okay with that, but I should have put you first. I should have chased you; I should have given you what you deserved. Truth is, I was afraid to let Pippa go because I was terrified of taking a step out of myself and changing my life.”

  More tears flow and he steps forward, wrapping an arm around my waist.

  “Here’s the funny thing about it all. You owned my heart first, Emalie. She came in, she held onto it, but in the end she gave it back to you because it was always yours to begin with. She was just taking care of it until you could come back.”

  “Rainer,” I rasp, cupping his jaw in my hands. “I love you.”

  “And I fucking love you.”

  He brings his lips down over mine, and he kisses me, long and sweet. It feels amazing, so fucking perfect, and this time . . . so damned real.

  He picked me.

  Oh God, he picked me.

  EPILOGUE

  I throw a towel over my shoulder and smile at the customers as they approach the bar. Rainer is working down the other end, giving me a sexy grin every now and then. It’s my first week working with him, and so far it’s been amazing. We’ve been dating for six months now, and each day just gets better and better. Last week he asked me to work with him, and I jumped at the chance.