Can't Go Back

by Marie Meyer

  “So close I can taste it,” I said, stepping back, and looping my arm around Erin’s waist. I saluted the table. “Night, boys.”

  “Night, Griff. See ya, Erin,” they all slurred.

  Erin waved. “Bye, guys!”

  I led her toward the exit, and we stepped onto the sidewalk. The street was quiet. Nothing happened in our small town beyond midnight. The hint of fall was in the air as a cool September breeze blew, sending escaped strands of her ponytail into my face.

  I brushed them away and she giggled. “Sorry.”

  I looked at her and smiled. “No reason to be sorry, peach.”

  “Peach?” Her eyes tightened.

  “It suits you.” I winked and brought her closer so I could kiss her. It was a quick kiss, but playful. With a flick of my tongue against her mouth, I watched her eyes widen. Since she’d licked salt off my wrist, I wasn’t thinking with the head on top of my shoulders.

  I reached in my jeans pocket and pulled Erin’s car keys out. I punched the key fob with my thumb and her blue Mustang chirped, headlights winking.

  I opened the passenger side door and Erin climbed inside. Before I closed her inside, she asked, “What about your bike?”

  “It’ll be OK.” At least I hoped it would. “I’ll get it tomorrow.” I waved it away like it was no big deal, smiled, and shut her door, making my way to the driver’s seat.

  Folding myself behind the wheel, I started the car and pulled out onto the empty street, pointing the car toward Erin’s place.

  For a few blocks, neither of us said a word. Even without the heater blasting, the car still managed to fill with heat. The tension between us was combustible. I threw a quick glance in her direction, wondering just how drunk she was. “How are you feeling?” I asked, trying to gauge her level of sobriety. The last thing I wanted to do was start something she wouldn’t remember in the morning.

  Her head snapped in my direction. A quirky smile on her face, she bit her bottom lip. “I’m good. Soon to be a whole lot better.” She reached over and put her hand on my leg and squeezed.

  Two involuntary reactions happened at the same time: My jeans became a hell of a lot tighter and my foot pressed down on the accelerator in my eagerness to get back to her apartment.

  I cleared my throat, trying to concentrate on the road and not her hand working its way up and down my right leg. Each time her hand came a little closer to where I wanted it, I was tempted to pull the car over and seal the deal in the backseat.

  It was an excruciating twenty minutes back to her apartment. I pulled up to the curb and shut off the engine. Neither of us wasted a second getting out of the car.

  I slammed my door shut, rounded the car, and hopped up on the curb. Grabbing her hand before she walked away, I yanked her to my side. Pressing her against the cool blue metal, I kissed her hard.

  Her lips still wore the tang of salt from the tequila shots, coupled with a hint of citrus. With frenzy, our tongues swept over each other’s. She put her hands against my chest and pushed me backward, but kept her mouth squarely on mine. Together we stumbled up the walk, devouring each other with a hungry need.

  At the door Erin broke away from my mouth long enough to turn around and let us inside. She made quick work of the lock and pulled me into her place. Not a second later, our mouths came back together with equal ferocity. Rough and wet.

  Erin kicked the door shut, and I pushed her against it with a thud. She dug her fingers into my back and I leaned my weight into her, raking my lips across her cheek and down her neck.

  “Roommates home,” she breathed, tapping her palms on my back. “Bedroom.”

  I nipped at her earlobe and pulled back, my chest heaving. “Lead the way.”

  She smiled widely and laced her fingers through mine, practically dragging me down the hallway.

  The second the door was shut, we crashed into each other, tearing at each other’s clothes. Erin pulled my shirt up and over my head, her eyes landing on the bandage that covered my new ink.

  “What happened here?” she asked, running her fingers over the gauze.

  “Nothing, just some new ink.”

  “What’d you get?” Her eyes flashed with curiosity.

  “Some new script to match the other drops.” I shrugged off the answer, wanting to get back to undressing. “Where were we?” I fingered the hem of her shirt and whipped it over her.

  “Oh!” she squealed. I captured her mouth with mine, sucking her bottom lip between my teeth. My hands smoothed over her back and up her neck, while her fingers skimmed over the skin at the waist of my jeans.

  Still holding her body to mine with one hand, I worked the other up to her ponytail, pulling the hair tie out in a swift motion. I opened my eyes in time to see her long curtain of blond hair spill over her shoulders.

  Then images of Jillian’s blond hair flashed through my mind. Like white light separated into its individual colors, Jillian’s hair usually resembled a rainbow. My eyes fell shut. I ran my hands gently through her hair…so soft against my fingers.

  Jillian’s hands worked at the button of my jeans…pulling down the zipper…her fingers dipping beneath the waistband of my boxers…lower, until she…

  The world froze…I froze.

  “Griffin?”

  A raspy Southern drawl scattered my illusion into a million pieces.

  What the hell am I doing?

  I blinked.

  In a sexy black bra, one strap hanging low on her upper arm, Erin stood in front of me. “You OK?” Her eyebrows rose, sending lines of worry across her forehead.

  I shook my head and blew out a breath. No. No, I wasn’t OK. “Uh…yeah.” I didn’t sound very convincing. Reaching for her arm, I fixed her strap. “Sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” The room swayed. I raked my hands through my hair and looked up at the ceiling for a second, trying to center my thoughts.

  Erin bent over, retrieving her shirt from the floor. As she stood back up, she held the shirt to her chest, uncomfortable with her lack of clothing and the awkward situation I’d put us in. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she drawled.

  You don’t know how right you are, Peach. Why can’t I get Jillian out of my head?

  I took a step closer and wrapped my hands around the backs of her upper arms, running my palms over her soft skin. Looking into her blue eyes, I noticed their usual sparkle was gone. “I’m sorry, peach.”

  I was sorry. I hadn’t meant for tonight to end like this. I didn’t know what my fucking problem was. No, that was a lie. I did know what my problem was. I needed to get my act together and get the hell over my friend. Erin was my girlfriend…not Jillian.

  “It’s just been a long day,” she said, pressing her lips into a tight smile. She fed her arms through the sleeves of her shirt and tossed it over her head.

  “Yeah.” I stepped backward and grabbed my shirt off the floor, putting it back on, too. “It’s late. I should let you get some sleep. Got some extra blankets? I’ll just crash on the couch.” I hooked a thumb over my shoulder, motioning toward the living room.

  “My roommates are pretty loud in the morning. You can sleep in here, Griffin.” She walked over to the bed and turned down the sheets. “I’m going to brush my teeth. I’ll be right back.” With a quick smile, she turned on her heel and made her way to the door.

  Alone in Erin’s bedroom, this wasn’t exactly the kind of sleepover I had planned. Fuck, Daniels. What is wrong with you?

  I ditched my jeans and climbed into Erin’s queen-size bed. The mattress contoured itself to the shape of my body. I was in memory foam heaven. Laying my head back on the pillow, I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. Erin’s fruity scent clung to the sheets. In the quiet of the room, my mind tried to decipher what had happened. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Erin.

  “I’m back,” she called, coming into the room.

  I pulled my eyes open and clasped my hands behind my head, looking at her standing in the door
way. “Forgive me?” I asked.

  She smiled and tilted her head, shutting the door. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  Yes there was. My head was not in the right place at the moment and that was inexcusable.

  “I’m sorry just the same.”

  Erin walked around to the other side of the bed and hopped in beside me. She lowered her head slightly, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. Her hand came to my jaw, holding my face to hers.

  Erin’s lips were soft, yet there was a firm, strong presence to her kisses. She was a woman who knew what she wanted. Erin wasn’t afraid to take charge.

  Jillian’s lips were soft and delicate, like a flower petal. Though I’d only kissed Jillian once, and very briefly, the sensation was seared into my memory. Jillian might have initiated the kiss, but the moment our lips touched, she’d given me permission to take the lead.

  Erin was a good kisser, but very different from Jillian.

  And once again, I’m comparing Erin to Jillian. Give it a rest, Daniels!

  Erin pulled back, removing her hand as well. “What was that for?” I asked, knowing I didn’t deserve her kisses.

  “Just a good-night kiss. It’ll give you good dreams.” She winked and snuggled down into the blanket.

  “I’m sure it will.” I took my arm from underneath the pillow, inviting her to cuddle up next to me. “Good night, Peach.”

  “Night, Griffin.”

  With Erin’s head on my shoulder, I closed my eyes. Her tall body was stretched out next to mine, and I couldn’t keep my tired thoughts from drifting again…she didn’t fit next to me the way Jillian did.

  Chapter Six

  The next four days flew by. The guys and I squeezed in as much rehearsal time as possible. We were determined to sound our absolute best on Thursday morning…tomorrow. But first I had to suffer through my econ class.

  I hated wasting precious rehearsal time on school. Over the last few years, I’d taken the fewest classes possible. I hated school with a passion. It always got in the way of my music. I’d only continued with the college charade to appease my parents. But now, with graduation upon me, Mom was up my ass to enroll at a four-year university. I wasn’t sure I could pull off the “studious college guy” act any longer. It wasn’t me. I had never been good at school, and I dreaded the idea of suffering through another couple of years at a university.

  I glanced at my phone, checking the time: twenty more minutes. With my phone still in hand, I swiped through some old pictures. Most of them were from the summer. Jillian was always taking my phone and telling me that I needed more pictures, so I wouldn’t forget about her. As if that were possible. I smiled at the ridiculous selfies she had planted on my phone.

  I wondered what she was doing right now. Since I’d gotten back to Illinois, we hadn’t talked. I’d texted her a few times and she’d responded, but nothing too detailed. She did mention that she’d won the roommate lottery, which I was glad to hear.

  “Griffin,” a female voice whispered beside me.

  I turned to look at the woman next to me. “Yeah?”

  She passed a stack of papers in my direction, just as the prof told us to turn to page six.

  I grabbed the bunch. “Thanks.” Pulling a sheaf off the top, I passed the stack to my left.

  “On page six,” the prof continued, “you’ll find a comprehensive list of assignments that will need to be completed in order to pass this course.”

  My eyes skimmed down the page, noticing the small notation at the bottom: “continued on reverse side.”

  I flipped the page with my thumb. Dread pooled in my gut. It might as well have been written in Greek, because I didn’t understand a word of it. And where the hell was I going to find time to finish this shit? Leo Dane needed to come through tomorrow. I needed a good reason to leave school behind, and in my opinion, a recording contract fit the bill.

  * * *

  I pulled up at the Sigma Nu house and saw Adam’s van parked outside. I killed the engine and closed off the fuel line before getting off. I headed for the front door and knocked. A guy the size of a linebacker answered. “Yeah?”

  I was not fond of frat guys. After what my sister went through with a couple of fucking frat boys, I couldn’t tolerate them. But I had to remember that they were paying customers tonight. I pulled my sunglasses off to make direct eye contact and offered my hand in greeting, like a reputable businessman. “Griffin Daniels. I’m with Mine Shaft, the band you hired for your party tonight.”

  “Oh, yeah,” he said, shaking my hand. “The rest of your boys are downstairs. Come in. I’m Tucker, by the way. If you need anything, just ask.”

  Our amicable handshake came to an end and he pushed the door open wider, stepping aside to let me through. “Nice to meet you, Tucker.” I nodded and walked past him.

  “You too. I heard you guys a few months back. You rocked. I was stoked when we were able to book you for tonight.” Tucker nodded with a goofy smile, his head bobbing.

  I raked my hand through my hair, pushing it off my forehead. “Thanks for looking us up, man. You said the guys were downstairs?”

  “Oh, yeah. Just go straight down the hall and make a left at the end. You’ll run right into the staircase.” Tucker closed the door and pointed me in the right direction.

  “Thanks, man.”

  Opening the door to the basement, I could hear the guys banging shit around and a few guffaws. My boots clomped down the wooden stairs and I eyed up the acoustics we’d have to account for tonight.

  “You made it,” Adam said, walking over and slamming his hand on my back. “After tomorrow, dude, you won’t need that college gig anymore.”

  God, I hope he’s right. “Are we set up?” I asked.

  “Yep,” Thor said, picking up his guitar. “We wanted to be ready as soon as you got here.”

  I smiled and shrugged off my jacket. “Cool.” I stepped over to the lead mic and Pauly handed my bass over. Before I even had a chance to adjust the knobs on my instrument, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out quickly and saw Erin’s name on the screen.

  When I accepted the call, there was a collective groan from the guys. I flipped them off and said, “Hey, Peach, what’s up?” I liked calling her Peach. It was the perfect nickname for her, being that she was from Georgia and she’d tasted like peach schnapps when I kissed her a few nights ago. See, you’re making it work, Daniels.

  “You guys still playing the Sig Nu party tonight?” she asked.

  “Yep. I’m at the house now. We’re getting ready to run through our set.”

  “I’ll see you later then.” The twang in her voice made even the simplest of phrases seem suggestive. Damn, she was hot.

  “Say good-bye, lover boy,” Pauly hounded me.

  “We go on at nine. Come find me when you get here.” I scuffed my boot on the floor, not liking that she’d be alone in the crowd during the show. Sadly, girls who attended frat parties alone were likely to end up with shit mixed into their drinks and a morning of fear and humiliation to follow. My sister knew that all too well. I hated playing for frat parties, but living in a college town, frats were our number one source of income. We didn’t have the luxury of turning down gigs. We had to pay the rent.

  “I will. I’ll see you soon,” Erin said.

  “Bye.” I pressed “End” and pocketed my phone. I worked my knuckles over and they popped loudly. “Count us in, Adam.”

  Adam followed my directive and we spent the next couple of hours ironing out the kinks in the show.

  * * *

  Standing by the speakers, I adjusted a few settings on the head. I was having trouble getting the sound I wanted.

  “Hey, Rock Star.”

  I turned around and smiled, seeing Erin standing behind me. “Hey, Peach,” I said, reaching for her.

  She grabbed my hand and I pulled her close. The only thing keeping our bodies from touching was my bass.

  “Ready for your show?” she asked, a
mischievous gleam in her eye.

  “Yeah.” I leaned my forehead to hers. It still felt strange not having to bend lower. Typically I had to accommodate Jillian’s diminutive stature, but not Erin’s; she and I were practically face-to-face.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I intoned. And I was. I pressed my lips to hers. She returned my affection, running her tongue along the seam of my mouth. I separated my lips and my tongue met hers as I pushed into her mouth, tasting her. She was always sweet, but every time we kissed, I had to force myself not to compare her lips to Jillian’s.

  Erin worked her arms around my neck, pulling me closer, deepening the kiss.

  “I don’t recall that on the set list.” Pauly snickered beside me.

  Erin’s lips curled into a smile against mine, but she didn’t pull away. “Haters gonna hate,” she drawled.

  I nodded and kissed her again, ignoring my douchebag of a friend. She got the idea. Our tongues resumed their fevered rhythm, and my blood pumped faster.

  “I’m still here,” Pauly sang, standing beside us.

  And there it was, his voice like ice water pouring over my head. I was going to murder him. I pulled away from Erin and shot daggers at Pauly. “Enjoy the show?” I asked, acid in my voice.

  “Yeah,” he scoffed. “Hardly. We’re about to go on, you ready?”

  I held up my bass, answering his asinine question. I was more than ready.

  I turned my attention back to Erin. “Sorry, Peach. Time to go to work. See you later?”

  “Absolutely.” She winked and leaned in for one last kiss, sweeping her tongue across my mouth. Holy shit. I shivered as she pulled away, trying to keep my mind focused on business and not pleasure. “I’ll catch you after the show.” She tapped my nose and spun on her heels.

  “Be careful out there,” I yelled. “Don’t accept drinks from anyone.”

  She craned her neck around and the little strap of her shirt fell from her shoulder. Once again my mind was not on business. She pushed it back up and smiled. “Don’t you worry about me, I’ll be fine. Knock ’em dead.”

  The second the words left her mouth, Erin’s image morphed into Jillian’s before my eyes. That was Jillian’s thing, she always told me to “knock ’em dead” before a show. Then panic washed over me. “What day is it?”