Saving Shelby

by Nicole Taylor Eby

  At the same time, he couldn’t stand there and listen to her lecture him about Shelby. Sure, it was the same lecture she had given him about Natalie, and she had been right. But this was different.

  Besides, what did Jade know about relationships anyway? When was the last time she had taken a chance with her heart?

  “Maybe, we should just go,” Jade said.

  “You can go. I need to stay.”

  “No, you don’t, Ian. The Conservancy doesn’t need you to hang around being miserable.”

  Without warning his anger boiled red hot, and he turned on Jade, breaking his laser lock on Shelby for the first time since she had walked away from him. “You can go. I need to stay. I know you don’t understand. How could you understand? You hide behind your business, using it as an excuse to not let anyone close.”

  Jade’s eyes narrowed. “You’re an asshole. Everyone always thinks you’re Mister Nice Guy, but it’s all a façade. You hide it pretty well, but you’re actually a pretty big asshole.” Jade turned on her heal and disappeared into the crowd, but not before Ian had seen the look on her face.

  Instantly, his anger diffused, and he felt like the asshole she had accused him of being. Jade had been his friend for a long time, and he had been a jerk to her when she was only trying to help. Maybe she was right. Maybe he wasn’t who he presented to the world. Maybe, he wasn’t any better than Blake.

  He knew the right thing to do was to go after Jade, apologize, and mend the bridge he had smashed, but he couldn’t seem to make himself walk away.

  His friendship with Jade would have to wait.

  “Dance with me,” Shelby urged as Blake, scotch in hand, led her along the edge of the dance floor. The live band was doing an amazing job of packing the dance floor with retro cover tunes. Dancing could be the perfect distraction.

  “You know I don’t dance,” Blake said, not slowing his stride.

  Shelby knew he was eager to get back to whatever business conversation he had been having with Jack and Stewart—he wouldn’t want to miss anything—but she couldn’t stop herself from trying again.

  “You used to.” Her breath felt like it was stuck in her chest as an intense feeling of vulnerability swept over her. She was extending an olive branch out to Blake; this was a chance for them to take a step back to where they had started and leave everything behind—every fight, every tear, every broken heart.

  Blake paused, turning towards her, his eyes appraising her. For a brief second hope danced up from the knots in her belly. They had been deeply in love once; they could get back there.

  Ian’s chocolate brown eyes were suddenly there, dark with the pain and disappointment. She blinked to clear the image. Ian had no place here. It didn’t matter how on fire she had felt when they had danced. It didn’t matter that she had never felt that kind of heat with Blake. Being with Blake had always been about feeling special because he had noticed her; he had picked her out of the crowd. He had chosen her over the other girls, and she would do well to remember that.

  Ian was temporary phenomenon.

  Blake had put a ring on her finger, and that counted for more than fireworks in the bedroom, and the occasional steamy dance.

  Except she was working awfully hard to believe that.

  “That was a long time ago, and I was trying to woo you.”

  “Woo me?” Shelby raised her eyebrows incredulously.

  Blake chuckled. “Okay, I was trying to get into your pants.”

  “You could woo me right now.” Her voice cracked a little, as she fought to keep her emotions in check.

  Why exactly had he married her? Was it out of guilt for taking her virginity? And she had been so naïve that she had said yes.

  Blake sighed, pursing his lips and looking across the dance floor to where the partners were sitting. Shelby could see that Harrison Weaver and his wife, Ariana, had joined the table. She could feel her hope crumbling. Blake wasn’t going to choose her over the chance to schmooze with the men who had power over his career.

  “Do you really want to do this now?”

  His words were like ice water pouring over her, cooling any of the residual heat from her encounter with Ian.

  “I was just trying...”

  “Okay,” Blake cut her off. He took a deep sip of his scotch. “One dance, alright? And then I have to get back. We can talk about this,” he waved a hand between them, “when we get home.”

  Hope shattered like ice, leaving Shelby feeling stunned and cold. “Never mind.” She shook her head. The magic of the ball had been broken by Blake’s words. He never understood when things were important to her. She always came out last place after everyone else got their piece of him.

  “No,” he said, pulling her towards the dance floor. “You want to dance, and I don’t want to hear later about how you never get to do what you want.”

  Shelby pulled her arm free. Blake stopped and turned towards her; irritation clearly written on his face.

  “Come on, Shelby, I don’t have time for this.”

  “You make me sound like a spoiled brat.”

  “Well, sometimes that’s how you act. Come on. You clearly want to dance.”

  “Not if you don’t want to.” Shelby struggled hard to keep it together.

  Blake’s sigh was deep, and it struck something deep inside her; something that had been pent up for a long time. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off.

  “You can’t have it both ways, Shelby. You can’t enjoy the money, and then resent the job that makes it.”

  Shelby stepped backwards, like his words had been a physical blow. Was Blake right. Was she really that self-centred that she was willing to blow up their marriage because he had to work a few long hours?

  She was reaching out a hand to him when something inside her cracked, and she snapped her hand back. Her mistake hadn’t been returning to Blake. Her mistake had been thinking that she needed Blake. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need Ian. She didn’t need any man. She could to it on her own. She was strong and capable; she just needed to find her footing. She didn’t need to be supported by a man to have an amazing life; she could create that for herself—married or single.

  Although Ian’s sense of adventure, sexy muscles, and things he could do with his tongue would definitely add a certain spark to it.

  “What are we even doing here?” Shelby asked, ignoring her unhelpful thoughts about Ian.

  Blake’s eyes darkened.

  “You know why we’re here. It’s not like it’s a hardship.”

  “No. I mean why are we at this place in our marriage? You’re obviously not happy.”

  Shelby felt the shift in Blake’s mood. He was no longer just irritated at having to entertain one of her foolish fancies; he was struggling to keep his temper under control.

  “I’m not happy because my wife can’t seem to figure out that this isn’t the appropriate place for this.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...”

  “You never mean to. That’s the whole problem.”

  Shelby wanted to step away. She wanted to run away, but she had spent too much time running. She needed to face this, and the fewer people who heard their fight the better. She stepped closer to him.

  “I’m done, Blake.”

  She felt his anger melt away. She knew she had wounded him, but she also knew she needed to stand up for herself. Survival School had taught her that you need to take action to save yourself.

  Even if it’s your heart you’re trying to save.

  “After all I’ve done for you. You’re going to leave in front of everyone?”

  Shelby felt her resolve strengthen. Trust Blake to worry about appearances when their relationship was crumbling around them.

  “You don’t have to tell them. We could leave together. I’m just not going back to your place.”

  Blake drank the rest of his scotch like it was a shot of tequila.

  “I can’t believe you’re pulling th
is shit.”

  She clenched her teeth, trying to keep her anger under control. She had given up too much of her life to this man, and not only was he not fighting to keep her, he was treating her like a professional inconvenience.

  How had she ever thought that Blake was her true love? He didn’t understand her, and he didn’t care to try. Except there had been a time when he had made her feel special. She had just been too young to recognize what it really was—schoolgirl infatuation.

  Suddenly, Shelby wasn’t angry; she was just really sad. They had been too young when they got married. Neither of them had been ready. This situation was nobody’s fault, but one of them needed to take responsibility for changing it.

  Ian watched Blake help Shelby into her coat. He wanted to rush over and plead with her one more time to choose him.

  He made himself stand still, hidden in the shadows of the doorway. She had made her choice, and he had no right to interfere. Just because Ian believed that Blake could never make her happy didn’t mean that it was true. It was just his jealousy.

  He had nothing more than the chance of a fling to offer her. Marriage wasn’t in his future, and he knew that Shelby wasn’t the casual relationship type. He wasn’t even sure he could offer her that much; he was too messed up inside.

  Hell, he didn’t even have a real job.

  A light touch on his arm distracted Ian from the scene unfolding in front of him. He turned to brush off whoever was interrupting him. Instantly, the air was sucked from his lungs. The world tilted, and he almost reached out to brace himself with the wall.

  “Natalie,” he breathed, trying to gather his senses fast enough to figure out what was happening.

  One minute, he had been watching Shelby readying herself to leave with Blake and been on the verge of intervening; the next minute, he was staring at an apparition from his past. He couldn’t put up a fight for Shelby because Natalie stood in front of him, her sapphire eyes soft and welcoming—so different from the last time he had seen her.

  Regret washed over him, as he realized it always happened like this with Shelby; there always seemed to be a competing obligation. He knew he needed to go to Shelby now or his last chance would slip through his fingers, but he couldn’t walk away from Natalie. Natalie had been his first love. And though she was no longer his—could never be his again—he couldn’t walk away from her.

  “I thought you might be here tonight.”

  Her voice washed over him like a soothing balm. Even after everything they’d been through, after all the angry words and all the tears, her voice felt like home. He had only ever had that feeling with Natalie—until he had met Shelby.

  But he had ruined it with Shelby before it ever started.

  “My husband,” Natalie smiled shyly, a soft blush creeping across her face, “is one of the donors. He wanted to come by tonight.”

  “It’s good to see you.” Ian’s voice cracked. She was married.

  There was a light in her eyes he hadn’t seen since that day on the mountain when everything had gone so wrong.

  “I’d hoped to see you,” she said shyly, not meeting his eyes. “I was wrong to blame you—”

  “No, you were right.” Ian cut her off, his voice sharp with regret and shame. “She was my responsibility, and I failed her. I failed you.”

  Natalie placed a hand on his arm and tilted her head up to look him directly in the eye. “No, Ian,” she said softly, her voice raw with emotion. “It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.” She paused, swallowing hard. “You should know I don’t blame you anymore.”

  Ian braced his hand against the wall, fighting vertigo. He couldn’t forgive himself. How could Natalie forgive him?

  Suddenly, her face lit up. “I’m happy, and we’re expecting.” She placed her free hand on her belly.

  The world seemed to right itself. He could almost feel the happiness radiating off her. “Congrats, Nat. You deserve it.”

  Smiling, she leaned in and gave him a hug. He hugged her back fiercely. When she released him, he followed her back into the conference room, his plan to intervene for Shelby forgotten.

  The smell of the trees hit Ian hard, smacking him in the face with memories, and snapping him back to the present. He stopped and watched Natalie return to her husband. He watched as a man he didn’t know placed an arm around the woman he had loved. He watched the man kiss her on the temple.

  Then Ian darted for the cloakroom; Natalie didn’t need him anymore. It was going to take some time to absorb Natalie’s words and figure out whether they could help him forgive himself, but right now he needed to focus on Shelby. Because, he damn well needed her.

  When he arrived at the cloakroom, she was already gone. For the second time, he had let her walk away from him and into Blake’s arms. “I’m such an idiot,” he said, as he pounded his fist into the wall. Why had he allowed himself to be distracted?

  It was just like with Charlene all over again.

  CHAPTER 28

  Shelby dissolved into tears again, as Ginny enfolded her into a hug. Shelby had called Ginny almost the instant the cabbie had dropped her at the curb in front of her basement suite. Her hands had trembled as she had dialled; afraid that Ginny wouldn’t take her call. But Ginny had answered and raced straight over.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying. Is should be happy. This is what I wanted.”

  Ginny released Shelby, then slipped off her coat, hanging it on a hook beside the door, taking a quick glance around the tiny basement suite, Ginny smiled softly.

  “Starting over is hard. Even when it’s the right thing.”

  Shelby flopped down on her futon. “I don’t know, if I can do it all over again.”

  Ginny sat down beside her. “Hey, if you can light a fire with a flint, then you’ve got this.”

  Ginny’s use of Ian’s words hit Shelby hard, taking her breath away as a wave of regret swept over her in a flood of memories. She had had some fun at the Survival Spa, but like everything else in her life, she had screwed that up. She had taken the whole thing too seriously, and she had quit the moment it got tough—granted her dip in the river had been a bit more than she had bargained for.

  But Ian had been there to save her. Her stomach clenched; had the argument with Ian only been a few hours ago? It felt like a lifetime.

  And then her departure from the ball came rushing back to her. Blake had helped her with her coat. It had all been polite and surreal, like they were work colleagues that were saying goodnight, rather than spouses who had just agreed to end their marriage. At least this time there hadn’t been angry words they would regret later.

  As she had stepped out into the night, she had taken a quick look back. She wasn’t sure what she had been looking for—whether it was to gauge Blake’s reaction or something else, but what she had seen was Ian embracing a woman with dark, curly hair.

  She had fled.

  “Hey, that was supposed to make you smile,” Ginny said.

  Shelby swiped at the tears. “I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you.”

  “Me too,” Ginny said, and before Shelby could react, she grabbed a pillow and swiped it at her. A giggle welled up and burst from Shelby’s lips.

  “Hey. No fair,” she shrieked, as she scrambled to grab a second pillow.

  “You—should—have—called—me.” Ginny whacked Shelby with each word.

  Giving up on the pillows, Shelby raised her arms to protect herself from the pillowy onslaught. “Okay, okay. I give up,” she giggled.

  “I was so worried about you. And then you didn’t come to work. I thought maybe things were going great with Blake, and you just needed some space...” Ginny pursed her lips as her words faded away. “You should have called me.”

  The mood in the room shifted. Gone was the carefree moment, and Shelby could feel the tears building behind her eyes. She had been a terrible friend. She was lucky that Ginny was here.

  “I was afraid to call.” Shelby paused,
the words clogging her throat. “I didn’t mean what I said.” She shook her head, like she could deny the truth. “I was scared and angry.”

  Shelby held her breath, afraid of what Ginny might say or do. She wouldn’t blame Ginny if she got up and left; it was probably what Shelby would have done. But Ginny didn’t run, she squeezed Shelby’s hand and smiled.

  “Don’t worry about it. I knew you couldn’t stay away. I’m way too cool for that.” Ginny paused, tipping her head to the side, and a mischievous light sparkled in the corner of her eyes. “Besides, we’re friends, and you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll always be lurking about just waiting for you to fall on your face, so I can pull you out of the mud.”

  Shelby swatted at Ginny, laughing. “Careful what you wish for. I’m prone to falling on my face.”

  Ginny giggled, and then leaned back on the futon, hugging the pillow to her chest.

  “Want to talk about what happened last night?”

  Shelby closed her eyes. “Oh God, not really. I had a fight with Ian, and I left Blake—for real this time. He just doesn’t get me.”

  “Wait, you saw Ian?”

  “Yeah,” Shelby sighed. “At the charity ball Blake’s firm puts on. Turns out Ian is on the council for the Pacific Old Growth Conservancy.”

  “And...” Ginny’s eyes glowed.

  Shelby swatted at her. “And nothing. I basically told him he was the scum of the earth, so... yeah, I’m pretty single. Shelby squared her shoulders. Which is exactly the way it should be. She didn’t need to be trading one relationship for another; she was swearing off men.

  “You guys are the modern-day version of star-crossed lovers.”

  “Not even close. We’re not even lovers,” Shelby protested. She pushed down the memory of what they had been. It hadn’t really been sex...

  “That makes this even sadder,” Ginny sighed.

  Shelby’s face burned at the thought of every time they had almost had sex. She had to agree with Ginny on some level. The orgasm was amazing, but it had left her wanting more. And if she had to live out her life as a single woman couldn’t she at least have gotten a little action in the forest?