by Susan Lewis
Having only got back from Gstaad the night before, Tony might not have made this meeting had Mrs Overall, his cleaner, not popped a note through his front door to let him know that there were messages on the shop answerphone. On finding one from David asking him to call between ten and eleven this morning, he’d done just that, and after jotting down the address of these offices he’d driven into Bristol mightily intrigued to know what David wanted to discuss.
Now he knew, he was sorely wishing himself back in Gstaad, or at least in the land of ignorance.
In the end he was the first to break the silence. ‘You’re serious, aren’t you?’ he said, holding David’s earnest gaze.
‘Yes,’ David confirmed.
Tony shook his head. ‘Then I’m afraid the answer has to be no,’ he said, meaning it. ‘You can’t ask me to do that. For God’s sake, I don’t even know you …’
‘Please,’ David interrupted.
Tony threw out his hands in frustration. ‘Look, I understand where you’re coming from,’ he assured him, ‘and in your shoes I know I’d want to do the same thing, but think of the position you’re putting me in … If Lisa or your daughter ever found out I’d helped you …’
‘I understand why you’re worried, but I know without asking that neither of them will rent the apartment for me …’
‘Which is exactly why I can’t. It’s not my place to go behind their backs. I’m not even family, and think how your daughter would feel if she knew that Lisa’s ex had helped send her father on his way. Jesus, no! It can’t happen, David. I’m sorry. I really am, but I just can’t do this.’
As David’s head went down, more in defeat, it seemed, than despair, Tony watched him and longed to be able to make this easier for him, but what the hell could he do? Given his connection to Lisa, there was just no way he could enter into the assisted-suicide thing, and if David were thinking straight he’d surely understand that. Then realising, to his horror, that David had started to cry, he felt more wretched than ever.
‘Come on, man,’ he said, grasping David’s shoulder. ‘I know this is hard, and I want to help, I swear it, but not like this.’
Taking out a handkerchief to blow his nose, David apologised and got up to help himself to a drink from the cooler. ‘I can’t do anything until I’ve been a member for … for …’ How long was it?
‘I believe it’s three months,’ Tony said, having read the emails Lisa had forwarded to him when David had gone off on his lone trip to Zurich.
David took a while to look through his notebook. ‘I joined in November,’ he said eventually, ‘and today is January 4th.’
Tony said nothing.
‘They’ve let me keep my driving licence,’ David said, apropos of only he knew what.
‘That’s good,’ Tony responded. ‘It shows you’ve still got a long way to go, so to be talking like this now …’
‘It’s because I can talk like it that I have to … I don’t want to end up finding out it’s too late. It won’t be fair on Lisa, or my daughter. If I … If you …’ He pressed his fingers to his eyes, digging in hard. ‘They won’t want to think of me being alone at the end, but I can’t ask them to go through it.’
Tony’s insides churned with despair. ‘Look, I’ll tell you what,’ he said, ‘if you can get Lisa and your daughter to agree to it all, then I’ll be there for you, OK? I’ll find the apartment, I’ll book the flights, I’ll even, God help us both, hold your hand as you go – that’s provided they don’t want to do it themselves, but you have to give them the chance.’
For a long time David simply stood staring towards the window, where a flashing neon sign outside was turning the panes from blue to red and back again. In the end he said, ‘Thank you, Tony, for coming.’
Realising that there probably wasn’t any more to be said, and feeling next to useless for all the support he’d been, Tony picked up his keys and got to his feet.
‘You won’t tell Lisa about this, will you?’ David said, his back still turned.
‘No, that’s for you to do.’
Attempting a smile, David turned to look at him. ‘When it … After I …’ He swallowed. ‘You’ll take care of her, won’t you?’
Feeling a lump forming in his throat, Tony said, ‘You can count on it, my friend, you can count on it,’ and after shaking David by the hand, he left, wondering when in his life he’d felt more choked up, or if he’d ever admired a man more.
Having Roxy around was helping to lift Lisa’s spirits no end. It wasn’t only that her niece seemed to be injecting life back into the house, it was the way she’d managed to get David’s enthusiasm going again for their charitable project. He was keen to have as much in place as quickly as he could, he’d said, in order to be able to participate in the early crucial decisions. And Roxy’s patience with how often he asked the same questions or mislaid some information was, Lisa decided, nothing short of saintly. She didn’t even seem to mind when he shouted at her – always because he was frustrated with himself – and on the one occasion he’d reduced her to tears they’d been for him, not for herself. She was remarkable, and Lisa could only have felt prouder of her if she’d somehow managed to pull off the impossible by bringing on a cure.
‘He is so amazing,’ Roxy would purr. ‘He’s not all talk. He really wants to make a difference to people like him, and I’m going to get all my friends involved in it as soon as I go back to uni. I’ve already emailed them, so they’ll know what it’s about, and wait till they check out our list of celebs! It’s getting more impressive by the day, thanks to you. I had no idea you knew so many famous people.’
‘Not just me, David too,’ Lisa reminded her. But she had to admit her own address list, now she’d found her iPhone in David’s bedside drawer, did seem to contain quite a lot of glitterati, and she could hardly feel more gratified by the responses they’d received so far.
Now, as she listened to the noise Roxy was making in the pool, apparently challenging David to yet another race, Lisa felt her heart warming all over again. He’d seemed quite down again this morning, and he hadn’t slept too well either, which was why she’d suggested taking him to Dr Knoyle for a check-up. In his usual fashion he’d brushed her concerns aside, telling her he was perfectly all right, or he would be if she’d only stop fussing. Fortunately, he sounded better now, and thrilling quietly to herself as she recalled the cherished secret that she hadn’t yet confided in anyone, she decided to run upstairs to make sure that her wildest dream really was coming true.
It was – it was! She was going to have a baby, and if it was possible to feel any happier or more thankful or more disbelieving that it had finally happened, then she truly didn’t know how. The little white tube with its double blue line was like a magic wand waving away all her doubts, and conjuring up the most precious gift in the entire world. David’s baby was growing inside her. He wasn’t leaving her after all, not yet, not ever, because this tiny little life that she was going to treasure above all else was a link between them that could never be broken.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, she gushed inside, her eyes blurring with tears. All the years of fearing that she would never be a mother, were over. David had turned her into the woman she’d always longed to be. She felt a sense of completion that she could scarcely begin to quantify or even comprehend. She could hardly wait to tell him, yet at the same time she was nervous of it too, because though she was certain he’d be happy for her, she couldn’t help being anxious about how he might feel for himself. Thrilled on one level, she felt sure, because he was too generous and too human not to be, but on another she could already sense his fear of what it could mean for a baby to have a father with dementia. They would work it out though, she told herself, too happy for the moment to let any shadows darken her horizon. She was going to do everything in her power to make sure he got all the enjoyment he deserved from his new son or daughter, for as long as he could.
After going to check on her mother and fi
nding her still sleeping off her jet lag, she ran back downstairs to carry on paging through her recipe books in search of something special for dinner tonight. It wasn’t that she was planning to break her news with Roxy and her mother there, but she had to do something to celebrate, even if she was the only one who knew about it yet.
She was midway through jotting down her shopping list when the phone started to ring, and scooping it up she felt her heart swoop with joy as she heard the long-distance echo before Amy cried tipsily, ‘Hi, how’s everyone over there? Is my daughter with you? I’m missing her like crazy.’
‘She’s here,’ Lisa laughed, wondering if she could break it to Amy now without her spiralling off into unstoppable paroxysms of joy. ‘What time is it with you? It must be the middle of the night.’
‘Correct, but I’m missing you both, so I thought I’d call for a chat. How’s she getting on? You said such lovely things about her in your email. I wish I was there to help out with it all.’
‘Don’t tell me you’re feeling homesick,’ Lisa teased, selfishly hoping it might prompt an early return. How wonderful it would be to have Amy back to help with the baby. Should she tell her now? She was practically bursting with the need to, but it wouldn’t seem right not to tell David first. Then her euphoria dipped as she thought again of what a mixed blessing this was going to be for him.
‘… but I love it here,’ Amy was saying. ‘It just feels a bit empty without my daughter filling up the place. What’s she doing …’
‘Hang on,’ Lisa interrupted. ‘I think I just heard her calling me …’ Going to the door, she was about to shout for Roxy to come to the phone when Roxy screamed again.
‘Lisa! Lisa!’
As panic surged through her Lisa dropped the phone and sped across the kitchen into the pool room, where she found Roxy kneeling over David at the top of the steps. ‘What is it?’ she cried, throwing herself down next to them. ‘Did he fall? David, are you all right? David! Can you hear me?’
‘He was getting out of the water,’ Roxy gasped, ‘and he just … like collapsed on his knees, then on to his side. I thought he was messing about, but then he …’
Too much blood was pounding through Lisa’s head. She was shaking him, trying to make him hear her, but he wasn’t responding.
‘Call an ambulance,’ she shouted. ‘Quick! Do it now.’
As Roxy raced to the kitchen, Lisa clasped her hands round David’s face. ‘Are you breathing?’ she urged. ‘Can you hear me?’
Though his eyes were partially open there was still no response, and she was trying desperately to think what to do. Tilt his head back to open his airways. Listen for his breath. She did both, but could hear nothing over the thudding of her heart. She started to panic again, but quickly fought it back. What was happening? It had to be a stroke, but obviously bigger than the mini-strokes he’d previously been having.
‘David! Smile!’ she shouted, remembering one of the commands to detect a stroke.
His eyes remained half closed. His mouth was slack and unmoving.
‘Oh smile, please,’ she begged. ‘Or move your arms. Can you move your arms?’
Still nothing.
Barely aware that she was shaking all over, she listened for his breath again, then just in case it might help she began CPR, pressing the heel of her hand between his ribs and pumping hard, then stopping to blow into his mouth.
‘The ambulance is on its way,’ Roxy cried, dashing back to join her. ‘They want to talk to you.’
Grabbing the phone Lisa said shrilly, ‘I don’t know if he’s breathing. I can’t tell.’
‘Help’s on its way,’ a firm but soothing voice assured her. ‘Just tell me, is he conscious?’
‘I don’t know. His eyes are partly open, but …’
‘Does he appear to be in any pain?’
‘I’m not sure. I think it might be a stroke.’
‘All right, this is what I want you to do. Ask him to smile.’
‘I already have. I don’t think he can hear me. Oh God, David, please … please …’
‘I’m sure everything’s going to be fine,’ the operator told her. ‘The ambulance is almost there.’
The next few minutes felt endless as Lisa held David in her arms, stroking his hair and willing him to respond, while Roxy opened the gates and ran out to the lane ready to show the ambulance where they were.
The instant it arrived both paramedics raced inside, and as one eased Lisa away from David the other began a rapid inspection of the vital signs. Then he opened his case, and clasping a mask over David’s mouth he quickly attached it to an oxygen cylinder, saying, ‘OK, let’s go.’
‘Oh my God,’ Lisa sobbed, as they began lifting David on to a stretcher. ‘Where are you taking him?’
‘We’ll check who can take him when we’ve got him on board. Are you his wife? Then you might want to come with us.’
‘What shall I do?’ Roxy cried, as Lisa dashed to grab her coat.
‘Go upstairs and wake Granny,’ Lisa told her. ‘I’ll call as soon as I have some news.’
Rosalind was in the garden with Lawrence, who was supposed to be helping her clear up after some high winds during the night. However, as usual he’d sneaked off to his tree house and was being his dreadful stubborn self about coming out again, and all because Lucy was at the vet’s having her teeth cleaned.
The cold was biting, and it was still quite blowy, but at least the rain was holding off, and Ben had promised to come over later to take them all to the pub. Experiencing a pleasing lilt in her heart, which was happening quite often when she thought about Ben these days, she dumped an armful of branches into a wheelbarrow ready to transport to the end of the garden, and pushed the hair back from her face.
Her father had agreed to sit with Lawrence tomorrow night while she and Ben went to watch a ballet at the Hippodrome, which was lovely for Lawrence, because she knew he’d rather be at home with David than at Dee’s. She just hoped her father didn’t forget again, the way he had the first time she and Ben had gone out on a date. She’d had to call on Dee last minute in a panic. This time she’d be sure to text her father at least two reminders before he was due to leave. The fact that he needed those reminders inevitably brought a turmoil of black clouds to her heart, but she wasn’t going to let them drag her down today. He’d been fine over Christmas, before going down with the flu, and the few times she’d seen him since then he’d been back on his feet, so if there really was anything wrong with him, it was all for the future and by then …
No, she wouldn’t go there, because all she wanted to think about today was Ben, and how the time she spent with him seemed to be doing her the world of good. She wasn’t getting quite so wound up about things these days, or needing to go into defensive mode, the way she usually did. Thank fully, the history they shared wasn’t complicated by lies and betrayal, or anything at all that could make her feel insecure or unworthy. On the contrary, they went back over several years with an excellent business relationship, and in his eyes she was a capable and successful woman, who also happened to be quite pretty. He never put it like that, of course, what he said was, you’re a damned intelligent and attractive woman, Rosalind Kirby, and she liked him more for using her maiden name than she did for the compliment.
The best thing of all was that he wasn’t in the least bit awkward with Lawrence, and Lawrence never seemed particularly bothered when Ben sat next to him at the computer to watch the game he was playing. Only two days ago, when Ben had asked Lawrence about what he was learning at school, it had been hard to make Lawrence stop reciting all his lessons. Though it saddened her to know that he’d never been as responsive to Jerry, she couldn’t deny that a spiteful part of her wouldn’t have minded rubbing it in Jerry’s face. Not that Jerry wouldn’t deserve it for how seldom he rang to speak to his son.
Taking hold of the wheelbarrow, she was about to start the downhill trundle when she heard the muffled jingle of her mobile. Peeling of
f her gloves, she dug into her pocket, already starting to smile at the butterflies inside as she wondered if it was Ben. However, she was almost as pleased to see it was her father.
‘Hi,’ she said warmly, ‘I was going to call you later …’
‘Rosalind, I’m sorry,’ Lisa broke in gently. ‘I’m at the Infirmary with your dad.’
Rosalind reeled. ‘What’s happened?’ she cried.
‘I’m not sure yet, but it seems to be a stroke.’
Gasping for air Rosalind spluttered, ‘I’m on my way,’ and clicking off the line she dashed towards the house so fast that she tripped over the rake and hit the ground. ‘Oh God, oh God,’ she sobbed, as she tried to get up and slipped again. ‘Lawrence! Come on, we have to go. David’s in hospital.’
Appearing at the door of his tree house, Lawrence said, ‘Can Lucy come too?’
‘Yes. No. No!’ and after grabbing her keys and handbag from the house, she dragged Lawrence across the garden and pushed him into the car.
‘I know,’ Lawrence said, picking up his mother’s mobile as they sped down the drive, ‘I’ll send David a text to let him know we’re on our way.’
Hello David, it’s Lawrence. We are coming to see you. Lucy is at the vet’s.
Lisa’s heart ached as she read the message. Having picked up David’s iPhone by mistake on leaving the house, she now didn’t have hers with all the numbers she needed, but it didn’t matter. Rosalind’s was the most important, and Rosalind was on her way.
Someone had brought her here a while ago, to the intensive-care waiting room – or was it intensive treatment? What did it matter what they called it these days? They’d said David had been taken for an emergency CT scan, but that seemed like hours ago, so where was he now? Still there? On his way here? In surgery and someone had forgotten to tell her? If so, that would be fine, because they didn’t need to tell her anything until they were ready to smile and say, ‘Everything’s fine. Would you like to see him now?’
