Fighting Envy

by Jennifer Miller

  Zane smiles, “He said he’d pay.”

  I laugh. “Well I can’t say I blame you then.” Jax calls Zane a name under his breath that I pretend not to hear. “Coffee?” I ask and both say yes, but also request glasses of water. I fill up their mugs then go grab their waters telling them I’ll be back to take their order soon.

  While taking an order from another table and serving drinks to a third, I keep the corner of my eye on Jax. He and Zane look at their menus but talk the whole time. I can tell they must be good friends and I find myself curious to know more. How do they know each other? How long have they been friends? What is Jax’s favorite food? How good of a kisser is he? Wait, what? I’m smiling at myself when I walk back up to their table and Jax returns my smile. My eyes involuntarily lower to his mouth and then back to his eyes again. I swear I see blatant want flash in his eyes as his tongue darts out to lick his lips and my eyes go there again. I bite my lip in response and I swear I hear a small groan from Jax.

  Zane clears his throat and my eyes shoot to him in embarrassment, “Ready to order?”

  “I sure am, sweetheart.

  They both order eggs, turkey bacon, and fruit. “Okay. I’ll be back soon with your order.” I smile and tuck my pad into my apron pocket while I check on another table. As I’m walking back towards the kitchen I look over my shoulder at Jax’s table, but look away quickly when I catch Jax’s stare. When I almost run into another waitress I decide it’s probably not smart to do that.

  Just seated in my section is a family of four. A mother, father and two little girls. The mom and dad sit on one side of the table and the girls the other. My mind flashes to my sixteenth birthday and I push the thought away knowing it will do me no good. They’re all looking at their menus, but the father keeps stealing kisses from his wife behind their menu. It’s adorable and it also makes me sick to my stomach. The girls are cute and are coloring on their kid’s menus and they all just look…perfect. That’s how I always pictured my life to be when I had a child some day, which is seriously ironic considering my upbringing. I long for something normal. My child deserves to have a mother and a father that love her just like any other child. I find myself almost feeling angry and can barely bring myself to smile as I take their order. I try my hardest to shake it off, but it’s hard.

  When Jax and Zane’s order is up, I walk their food over keeping my eyes on their plates. Once I set them down, Zane smiles up at me, “So, what do you say you and me get together some time outside of this place.” I can’t help but smile. He’s got a goofy grin on his face and he’s looking at Jax instead of me while waiting for my answer. When I chance a quick glance at Jax, he’s glaring at me as if I somehow told Zane to ask me out.

  Suppressing a smile I reply, “Well, what did you have in mind?” Jax’s scowl deepens and I see the hand that’s next to his plate clench into a fist. He’s glaring at Zane now.

  “Whatever you want sweetheart, although I’d prefer an activity that will make us sweat.”

  “Jesus, Zane.” Jax curses and looks like he’s ready to throw a punch.

  I almost choke and then outright laugh when he says, “Dude, I was thinking we could go hike the Camelback mountain or something. What the hell were you thinking?”

  “Can I get some extra napkins, please?” Jax asks me not answering Zane’s question.

  “Sure, I’ll be right back.”

  Purposefully not answering Zane’s question I walk away to grab his napkins, but look over my shoulder when I hear a loud smack. Zane’s rubbing his head and cursing and I hear Jax spit, “Dude, that’s Tyson’s sister. Back the fuck off and eat your breakfast.”

  Zane says something in return but I can’t hear him and I smile all the way to the back where I retrieve some napkins for them, my feelings about the family of four forgotten. What is wrong with me? Haven’t I learned my lesson from the Jason shit? Why would I want to get involved with another man? Especially right now when my main priority is Lily. Shaking my head at myself I’m almost shocked at my own thoughts and realize that the truth is I have needs and I wouldn’t mind at least a taste. If one of us walks away afterwards, that then so be it.

  Who the hell am I? Or what the hell is it he’s doing to me? I try to stay away from their table, only stopping by to refill their coffees and waters once. I feel Jax’s eyes on me a lot, but I do my best to take care of my other tables and ignore them the best I can. When I leave the bill, Zane hops up out of his seat and gives me a hug, “Good to meet you Rowan. Maybe I’ll see you around soon.” Then he whispers, “I just like to fuck with Jax, it’s fun.” I smile at him as he leaves and when I turn back around Jax is fumbling with his wallet so I walk away giving him some privacy.

  I’m humming and nodding my head to the music playing overhead when Jax approaches me with his bill. “Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to bring it to me.”

  He just smiles. “Do you like this song?”

  Nodding my head I wonder how long he stood there seeing me quietly singing along. “Yes. Do you?”

  “Yes, very much and I just happen to have two tickets to see them this Friday night when they’re in town.” My mouth falls open because The Sinners are one of my favorite bands. “I have some friends that hooked me up.”

  “That’s so cool, I bet it will be a lot of fun.”

  “I’m glad you think so. I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock, Friday night. Wear something tight.”

  “Wait…what?”

  He walks away from me backwards, eyes on me the whole time. With a final wink, he turns and walks out the door. Well shit. I guess I have a date.

  “Did you seriously just ask me that, Gil?” Stepping off the treadmill finished with my five-mile run, I stare at my training coach like he’s grown another head. Grabbing the towel Gil holds out to me, I mop the sweat from my face. He’s pissing me off, and not just because he’s pushing me harder than I want to be pushed today.

  “Fucking right I did. You need to win this fight, Jax.” He points at me as if it helps emphasize his point. “It would look shitty if the owner of an MMA gym can’t even win his own fight.”

  “Whatever. First of all, that’s not going to happen, so lighten the fuck up. Secondly, we aren’t exactly hurting for business and I have plenty of trophies and plaques on the wall, asshole.” I gesture to the wall where they’re all displayed.

  “So what you’re cocky now? Don’t need any more trophies? Then maybe you should just quit.”

  “That’s not what I said or what I meant. Don’t put words into my mouth.”

  “Doesn’t matter. That’s not the point anyway.”

  “Then what is? Why the hell would you ask me if I’m going to be ready for this fight? Have I ever not been ready?”

  “Look, your head hasn’t been in the game lately,” he stops and spits his chewing tobacco into a cup. Nasty as hell habit but the man is sixty-seven years old. It isn’t like the infamous Coach Gillespie is going to change his ways at this point. “You’ve been distracted and I think a reminder of what’s what is in order.”

  “Oh well by all means, please remind me.” The sarcasm is apparent in my tone, but I top it off with an eye roll just for good measure. Clearly, I don’t care about looking childish.

  “How about the fact that your prick of a father always makes sure to set up the meanest, toughest son of a bitch for you to fight? He puts Cole up against someone just tough enough to make him not look bad, but then always tries his hardest to see if he can get your ass kicked.”

  “That’s nothing new, Gil, and you know it.”

  “I don’t want him to win at his sick game.”

  “You and me both,” I pat Gil on the back because I know in his own way he’s just looking out for me. He’s been my coach for a long time and I’m lucky to have him. I used to think that my dad would coach me, but that was before what I always chalked up to be his harsh tough love treatment, turned into clear hate. Looking at Gil, I promise, “I’ll be ready, like always.
I won’t let him win.”

  “Then get your fucking head in the game, Jackson. Tonight, I want you back here after the gym closes for a sparring session. I’ll see if Zane is available to spar with you since he’s in your weight class too. Let’s coordinate schedules and line up some more with him this week and next too, alright?”

  Shit, he’s not going to like this. “Sorry, Coach, but tonight’s no good for me.”

  His face starts to turn so red that I think it may actually be purple. He takes some deep breaths in and out before asking, “What do you mean tonight’s no good? I think I should just ignore that you said that because I don’t believe my goddamn ears.” For good measure he acts as if he’s cleaning his ear out with his finger. I almost want to laugh at him. Almost. If I did, I’m positive he’d deck me. He may be older, but he’s still got one hell of a left hook.

  “Sorry, Gil. I’ve got tickets to a concert and a hot date that can’t be cancelled.” I give him a shit eating grin hoping it will break down his pissy attitude. It’s not working.

  “What the hell? What did I just say?”

  “Just trust me. I’ll be ready. One night isn’t going to make a difference. Alright? I promise.”

  He shakes his head and walks away, mumbling under his breath about “punk ass disrespectful fighters” while I make my way to the back of the room where the punching bags hang. After wrapping my hands, I attack the speed bag doing my best to clear my mind of everything and concentrate on the asshole that’s going down in the upcoming fight.

  A few hours later, I’m showered and sitting in my office working on scheduling. Looking up as I take a drink from my water bottle, I see Gil making his way to my office. Hopefully he’s also had time to cool off because I don’t want another lecture. I understand his frustration with me, but there’s no way I’m calling off my date with Rowan. For years I’ve lived and breathed this gym and my fights. I’m still all in, but dammit, it’s nice to having something else to look forward to. Nice to have something that’s just mine and has nothing to do with this place or training. It isn’t like I suffer for companionship if I want it, but Rowan is different and now is my chance to get to know her more. Later is not an option.

  Gil closes the door behind him when he walks in, “I’ve got the updated card for the fight and there’s been changes. Your opponent has changed.”

  “Changed?”

  “Yeah, I guess your previous opponent dropped out due to injury so you will be fighting, Lance ‘The Hammer” Henderson.”

  Whistling low, I lean back and cross my arms over my chest, “He’s tough.”

  “You’re tougher.”

  Grinning at Gil’s compliment I reply, “I guess we’ll find out won’t we?”

  “We will. Cole, Levi and Zane are on the card too. Levi and Zane are both paired up well, and Cole’s isn’t too bad I guess, but he could have someone more difficult. Let’s just say your dad is up to his usual tricks and it will be a quick fight.”

  “Well, that’s expected.”

  “Otherwise, it should be a great card. I expect the venue will be packed.”

  “And where is it this time?”

  “The Red Rock Casino, so the crowd will be large. The weigh-in will be in their large ballroom there too.”

  “Sounds good. Thanks for the update.”

  Gil opens the door back up and starts to leave then suddenly stops to face me again. “After your special date tonight, I expect one hundred and ten percent, Jackson Stone. I won’t expect anything less.”

  “I wouldn’t expect you to.”

  “I’m serious. No screwing around, no more interfering dates.”

  “You got it, Coach.”

  He flips me off and walks out of the room leaving me smiling after him.

  Deciding to shower and change in the gym locker rooms was a bad idea. When I walk out ready to go pick up Rowan, all the guys are practicing and they all start giving me shit about the fact that I’m not. I should have just snuck out and gone home to change.

  “Are you getting soft on us, Jax? Maybe that walk from the locker room was too much, and you should sit down.” Levi yells to me.

  I grab my cock, “Sit on this, asshole.”

  “Stop making fun of him boys,” Zane adds. “You’re going to hurt his wittle feewings.”

  “Maybe we should just call Lance and forfeit for you,” Cole teases.

  “Laugh it up boys. I’m off to go see a much prettier face than all of yours. See you tomorrow. Thanks for locking up, Zane.”

  They all laugh and Zane gives me a wave as I walk out the door. I anxiously make my way to Rowan’s and find that I can barely contain my excitement. I seriously need to dial it down a notch before I knock on her door. Practically running up the walkway to her door, I laugh when I realize I didn’t take my own advice. Pausing to collect myself, I take a deep breath before I knock. I only wait a few moments before the door opens and the sight before me makes the blood pound in my ears so loudly I’m sure she has to hear it.

  Rowan’s standing before me in black jeans so tight they should be a second skin. Her white flowing tank top is almost sheer and I can see her black bra through it. Her hair is down and flowing over her shoulders and her lips are crimson. She’s playing with a long silver necklace and watches me as I take her in. Rubbing my jaw, I speak the only word that comes to mind. “Wow.”

  Her red painted lips part in a smile and all I can think about is how I want to see that lipstick smeared all over her lips because she’s been doing naughty things with that mouth. “Well at least after bossing me around about when to be ready, you had the decency to show up on time.”

  I laugh at her sassiness and walk inside as she gestures me in. She closes the door behind us, “Let me just grab a few more things for Lily’s diaper bag. My friend next door usually watches Lily for me and agreed to watch her tonight as well.”

  “Can I help with anything?”

  She looks at me and smiles widely, “Yes, hold on.”

  She disappears down the hallway and when she comes back she’s got Lily on her hip. Her beauty at the door pales in comparison to the way she looks now. The smile on her face as she looks at her baby girl is exquisite. Lily’s smiling while she chews on her slobbery little hand simultaneously making noises of delight. She’s adorable. “Jax do you remember Lily? Lily, this is Jax.” As if Lily knows she was just introduced, she looks at me and gurgles with what I’d like to believe is recognition. She’s spent many times in my lap while I drank tea with Audrey and I’ve even read her stories. “She likes you.” I smile at her. “Do you mind holding her while I finish making a couple bottles?”

  I think maybe she’s expecting me to be nervous or scared over her request. Well, she’s about to be surprised. I take Lily from her arms like a pro and bounce her in my arms. “Hi sweetheart. Aren’t you just a gorgeous girl?” I talk excitedly to her and am delighted when she smiles at me in response. “You are such a pretty girl. Did you know that I was there the day you were born? Did your mommy tell you that story?”

  Rowan stands there and stares at us for a moment and I can’t decipher the look on her face as she takes us in. Maybe a cross between amusement, longing and lust. I’m no fool, I’ve heard that women think that men with babies are sexy. Smiling at Rowan I start swaying side to side. It almost seems instinctual. And hey, if it turns her on, bonus!

  “Well don’t you look extremely comfortable with a baby in your arms?”

  “I should do it more often,” I tell her staring into her eyes making it clear I want to be around more. That I will be around more. With a smile at Lily she walks into the kitchen and gathers the rest of what she needs. I walk Lily around the room and talk to her the whole time. “What did you do today? Was it a good one? I trained most of the day and I ate a salad and some fruit for lunch. My coach, Gil bossed me around and gave me a hard time and I did a little work in my office.” I speak to her in baby talk and she makes sweet noises back to me like she un
derstands what I’m saying. At one point she even goes on and on for a minute like she’s seriously got some things to say to me, and it makes me laugh. Maybe she does, hell if I know.

  “Okay, I’m ready,” I turn and see Rowan standing with the diaper bag in her arms, and the door open. When I walk towards her she holds her arms open for Lily, but I tighten my arms around her soft little body. “I’ve got her.” Rowan smiles and walks me out her front door and locks it behind us. Then we go over to Audrey’s door and knock. When Audrey opens the door she looks from me to Rowan and back again.

  “Hi, Rowan. Hi, Lily,” Audrey holds her arms out for Lily and Lily reaches out to her. She opens her mouth I think to tell me hello also, but I’m grateful when Rowan beats her to the punch.

  “Jax, this is my neighbor and good friend, Audrey. Audrey this is Jax. He’s taking me to a concert tonight and is the reason I need a sitter.”

  Audrey looks at me, back to Rowan, then to me again. “I know who-”

  I quickly stick my hand out, “Hi, Audrey. It’s nice to meet you. Rowan says great things about you. Thank you for watching Lily so I can take her out tonight.”

  Audrey looks from my hand to me, then back again. She looks like she’s trying not to smile or laugh maybe. I think she expected me to have told Rowan that I know her. Not a chance. I breathe a sigh of relief when she takes my hand. “Hi, Jax. It’s very nice to meet you. You know, since I never have before.”

  Oh, Jesus. She’s going to blow it. When she gives me an exaggerated wink, I peek a look at Rowan and blow out a sigh in relief when I see she’s distracted by something in the diaper bag. “I made her a couple bottles, and there’s enough diapers and wipes in here. If you end up wanting to come over, you know that’s fine with me. Just use your key.”