Amelia Fang and the Memory Thief

by Laura Ellen Anderson

  Amelia stood up, chanting Tangine’s name, followed by Grimaldi and then Florence. The fairies appeared to be crying sparkly tears of joy.

  “Tangine La Floofle,” Miss Inspine said with a look of shock on her skull. “That was quite possibly the best presentation any student has ever given in my class. WELL DONE!”

  After lunch, Amelia and her friends made their way to the Coughing Classroom, in the most-hidden halls of Catacomb Academy, for a brand-new lesson.

  “I WONDER WHAT OUR NEW LESSON IS,” said Florence.

  “I hope it’s more fun than Zombie Social Studies,” Grimaldi said.

  Amelia giggled. “I’m excited to meet our new teacher,” she said. “I heard it might be someone from Glitteropolis!”

  Amelia and her friends approached the classroom, where a plump and wrinkly man with thick-rimmed glasses, a big curly mustache and huge fairy wings was waiting by the door.

  “STUDENTS!” He smiled, his teeth shining blindingly white. “Come in, come in! Welcome, welcome!”

  Amelia, Florence, Grimaldi and Tangine took seats at the back of the classroom, carefully avoiding any snot that the Coughing Classroom spluttered in their direction.

  As Amelia looked around the Coughing Classroom, she noticed it had been decorated from top to bottom with glossy printouts of Ravishing Recipes and pictures of the new teacher posing with various cooking implements.

  Once the class had settled down, the teacher half skipped to the front of the classroom and threw his arms out as if he were about to invite everyone over for a great big hug.

  “Hellooooo, students of Catacomb Academy!” he sang. “I am terribly delighted to be joining you all in your wonderfully dark and gloomy city of Nocturnia. I’m your new culinary teacher, Mr. Sublime!”

  “Oooh, culinary class!” said Amelia and Tangine in unison.

  “HEH, SOUNDS LIKE MR. SLIME,” Florence huffed.

  “Florence!” Amelia whispered, half-smiling.

  “I can’t wait to share some of my favorite Glitteropolan recipes with you. We’re going to have a lot of fun making a LOT of food!” Mr. Sublime said.

  Tangine’s eyes lit up and a string of dribble slipped its way down his chin. “Hmmmm, fooooood!” he gurgled happily.

  AHEM!

  “Yes?” said the teacher, looking around at the students expectantly for more signs of appreciation.

  “IT WASN’T ANY OF US THAT MADE THAT NOISE, MR. SLIME. THAT WAS THE ROOM. THAT’S WHY IT’S CALLED THE COUGHING CLASSROOM,” Florence explained.

  “Oh, I see,” Mr. Sublime said, looking a little ill as he watched a trickle of snot slide down the back wall, between two particularly dramatically posed pictures of himself with a frying pan.

  Grimaldi was trying not to laugh.

  Amelia elbowed Florence in the belly. “You can’t call him Mr. Slime!” she whispered. “It’s Mr. Sublime!”

  Grimaldi and Florence smirked.

  Recovering himself, the teacher flung his arms out wide. “Well, let’s get started with your first culinary class like no other! And do you know WHY it’s like no other?” Mr. Sublime didn’t wait for anyone to answer. “Because it has been said by many—not myself, you understand—that I am the BEST cook you’ve ever met or are likely to meet.”

  “How is he so sure?” whispered Grimaldi. “I always thought my grimpapa was the best cook around….”

  “I think you’ll find Wooo is definitely the best!” Amelia replied.

  “Tonight, class, we will be making my favorite recipe!” continued Mr. Sublime.

  “I wonder if it’s Boasting Buns!” Grimaldi giggled.

  “Oh, no…we’ll be making those next week,” said the teacher, looking straight at Grimaldi, whose deathly pale cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “This week, we’ll be making Sublime Cookies!”

  “HEH, SLIME,” Florence said.

  Tangine rolled his eyes. “Are you going to do that every time?”

  “YEAH, AND WHAT’S IT TO YOU?” Florence said, nudging Tangine off his plinth.

  “You’ll find a copy of my recipe book It’s SUBLIME Time! on your desks. Find a partner and turn to page fifty-five for the Sublime Cookie recipe,” the teacher started. “All the ingredients you need are on the table at the back of the classroom.”

  Spoons and spatulas clinked and clunked as the class split off into pairs and began making cookies. Amelia paired with Tangine, who had grabbed five whisks to mix with. Florence and Grimaldi teamed up and seemed more interested in flicking ingredients into Grimaldi’s eye socket than making the cookies.

  “Stop messing around, you two,” said Amelia as a Perfumed Pea went flying into her mixing bowl. “You’ll get us into trouble before we’ve even finished our first lesson! Also, what are you doing with those peas? There aren’t any Perfumed Peas in this recipe.”

  “SORRY,” said Florence, getting ready to shove another Perfumed Pea up Grimaldi’s nose. “COOKING’S NOT REALLY MY THING….”

  “What?” said Tangine, raising his eyebrows. “Cooking is so fun!”

  “THE EATING PART IS FUN. JUST NOT THE MAKING PART,” Florence said.

  “Well, keep your peas to yourself.” Amelia smiled. “Tangine and I actually want to cook!”

  As Amelia studied the Sublime Cookie recipe, she couldn’t help giggling at the pictures of Mr. Sublime in a flowery apron.

  “First, we need to combine one hundred and fifty grams of Sunflower Root with two spatulas of powdered Scorpion Grass…,” Amelia said, reading through a list of ingredients. “Wow, I’ve never heard of any of these things before.”

  “That’s because they can only be found in the Fairy Forest in the Kingdom of the Light,” said a voice next to Amelia, making her jump.

  “Oh!” she exclaimed. “Hello, Mr. Sublime…”

  Florence leaned over. “HEH, SLI—”

  “Don’t!” interrupted Tangine, shoving a spatula in Florence’s mouth.

  Grimaldi now had around fifty Perfumed Peas in his eye socket.

  “The Fairy Forest is bursting with millions of amazing and mysterious plants. Even I, an expert, couldn’t possibly know about them all!” Mr. Sublime said with a smile. “What’s your name, young vampire?”

  “Amelia Fang.”

  Mr. Sublime raised his eyebrows. “I believe I’ve heard of you.”

  “And I’m Prince Tangine!” added Tangine. “You’ve probably most definitely heard of me, because I’m sort of famous.”

  “You’re the daughter of the Count and Countess Fang?” said Mr. Sublime, ignoring Tangine.

  “Oh, yes,” said Amelia shyly. “That’s Mom and Dad.” Her chest tightened as she remembered the argument she’d had with her mom the night before.

  “I heard your mother puts on a ravishing Barbaric Ball every year!” Mr. Sublime exclaimed. “I expect you’ll follow in her frightful footsteps?”

  “Hmmm, she’d love that, but I’m not really into party planning and all that stuff,” said Amelia, feeling a little deflated. “I really want to be a Pumpkinologist when I grow up.”

  Mr. Sublime leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Well, Amelia Fang, that’s just wonderful. You remember to follow that cold vampiric heart of yours. You have a dream—don’t let anyone get in the way of that!”

  Amelia felt herself smiling from ear to ear. Mr. Sublime believed in her!

  “I have dreams too! You can expect HUGE things from me!” Tangine said, throwing his arms up in the air.

  “Amelia and, er, Prince…Tangy, I believe you both have a sublime future ahead of you, and don’t you forget that,” he added before wandering over to Florence and Grimaldi.

  “OH, HI, MR. SLIME!” Florence bellowed. Grimaldi snorted with laughter so hard that the fifty Perfumed Peas flew out of his nostrils and into Amelia and Tangine’s mixing bowl.

&nb
sp; “You’ve ruined our Sublime Cookie mix!” Amelia groaned.

  “SORRY ABOUT THAT,” Florence said. “MAY YOUR COOKIES REST IN PEAS….”

  By the end of the culinary lesson, Amelia and Tangine had made four batches of cookies, while Florence and Grimaldi had just made a mess.

  “I hope you’ve all enjoyed your first cooking class with me!” Mr. Sublime beamed as Florence poked another ingredient into Grimaldi’s eye socket. “I have one last exciting announcement…I am holding a special competition!”

  The students murmured with anticipation at the word “competition.”

  “A SUBLIME Cookie Competition!” the teacher enthusiastically told the classroom.

  “I HAD A FEELING IT WOULD BE CALLED SOMETHING LIKE THAT,” Florence said.

  Tangine threw a Sunflower Root at Florence, hitting her between the eyes.

  “All you have to do is make your own version of my Sublime Cookies and sell them to your family and friends,” Mr. Sublime said. “The team who sells the most cookies will win a special trip to Pumpkin Paradise Park!”

  Florence lowered the bowl of slime she was about to throw over Tangine. “OOO, I’VE HEARD THAT PLACE IS FUN!” she said.

  “I’ve heard it’s the BEST!” Amelia whispered. “I’ve always wanted to go!”

  Amelia reached out and squeezed Tangine’s hand in excitement. She’d read all about Pumpkin Paradise Park in her Positively Pumpkin magazine. It was one of the most exciting places in the kingdom, with pumpkin-themed rides, horror hotels, slime pools and the biggest pumpkin patch in all the Kingdom of the Dark.

  “Just so you know, Amelia Fang, I’m going to win this competition,” said a voice behind her. It was Frankie Steinburg—a total teacher’s pet and the most annoying of Amelia’s classmates.

  Amelia gritted her fangs. “Humph. Well, we’ll see about that.”

  Amelia knew she HAD to win the trip to Pumpkin Paradise Park. It would be a dream come true. But Frankie would be stiff competition.

  The air was thick with the smell of rivalry.

  “You’ll need to split into teams of four…,” Mr. Sublime continued.

  Amelia and Tangine exchanged a look, then turned to Florence and Grimaldi, who were still messy. “Do you want to be a team of four?” Amelia asked a little hesitantly. “It means you’ll have to do actual baking. Not just throwing the ingredients around…”

  Grimaldi nodded sheepishly, and Florence grinned. “WE CAN CHANT ENCOURAGING WORDS WHILE YOU AND TANGINE BAKE.”

  Amelia sighed. She really hoped Florence wouldn’t ruin their chances of winning the competition.

  “Everybody!” Mr. Sublime sang over the commotion. He paused dramatically and pushed his glasses back up his nose. “You have ONE week to bake and sell as many cookies as possible.”

  Amelia felt her heart flutter at the thrill of it all.

  “Don’t forget to take your recipe books with you on your way out. All the basic ingredients to make Sublime Cookies are in there, but feel free to add a few of your own. Be inventive and make the BEST cookies possible! The tastier they are, the more you’ll sell. Also—”

  Before Mr. Sublime had even finished speaking, the students scrambled over each other to the back of the room, grabbing sacks of Scorpion Grass and Sunflower Root, tubes of Fairy Tears and tubs of Rose Petals.

  ACHOOOO!

  Snot sprayed toward the students at the ingredients table, stopping them in their path.

  “Er, thank you, Classroom,” Mr. Sublime said, wiping down his wings.

  “As I was saying…I have made a special batch of Sublime Cookies with extra Scorpion Grass for you all to take home on your way out. Consider it a special treat to celebrate our first class together. And look…I decorated each one to look like me!”

  Even Amelia couldn’t help chuckling as she picked up a cookie iced with Mr. Sublime’s face.

  “I’ll see you all again next week, and we can see who has sold the most cookies,” Mr. Sublime said, putting his hands on his hips. “Good luck, everyone. And don’t forget to have fun!”

  Squashy pa-doinged straight into Amelia’s arms when he saw her at the school entrance.

  “Hey, Squashy!” Amelia said, squeezing him tight. “Did you and Pumpy have a good night?”

  Squashy frowned in Pumpy’s direction.

  Pumpy PA-DOOFed and spat out a pip-ball, along with some unchewed Honey-Roasted Maggots.

  “Pumpy! You ate Squashy’s lunch! Those maggots weren’t for you,” Amelia cried. “Tangine, you really need to teach him not to eat, well, everything….”

  “I’m trying,” Tangine said. “He does it without me even seeing…. Wait, where did my Sublime Cookie go?” He looked down to see Pumpy munching the last of Mr. Sublime’s icing face, then burp.

  “THIS SLIME COOKIE IS PRETTY TASTY,” Florence said. “I PARTICULARLY ENJOYED EATING HIS CANDY NOSE.”

  Amelia grinned. “I guess we should get cracking with our cookie-making now.”

  “DO WE HAVE TO DO IT NOW?” Florence asked. “CAN’T WE GO PLAY GOBLIN TAG?”

  “I think we should get started as soon as possible if we want to stand a chance of winning the competition,” Amelia said.

  “BUT BAKING IS BORING,” Florence grumbled. “MAYBE YOU AND TANGINE COULD DO THE BAKING PART. THEN ME AND GRIMALDI CAN CHEER YOU ON, OR DO THE TASTE TESTING?”

  “C’mon, Florence! We all need to help out with the cookie baking, so we can sell LOADS and win!” Amelia urged. “Then we get to go to the BEST theme park around!”

  Florence harrumphed.

  “I guess we could help bake a little,” Grimaldi said, clearly feeling guilty. “We could measure stuff out?”

  “I JUST WANNA PLAY GOBLIN TAG,” Florence whined.

  “And we will!” Amelia said. “As soon as we’ve baked some cookies. Pleeeease, Florence!”

  Florence sighed. “FINE. ONLY ’CAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU MIGHT EXPLODE IF I DON’T…AND I CAN’T PROMISE I WON’T THROW STUFF.”

  Amelia smiled with relief. They definitely wouldn’t be able to win unless all four of them worked as a team.

  “We can use the palace kitchen to bake if you like,” Tangine suggested, digging in to a whole bag of Scream-Cheese Boogers.

  “That’s a great idea! Thanks, Tangine,” Amelia said, taking a bite of her Sublime Cookie. “OUCH!”

  Squashy squealed in reaction to Amelia crying out.

  “Are you okay, Amelia?” Grimaldi asked, floating over to her.

  Amelia spat out her mouthful of Sublime Cookie.

  Pumpy PA-DOOFed over and lapped it up in one gulp.

  “My fang really hurt when I took a bite,” Amelia said, rubbing her cheek.

  “Oh dear,” said Grimaldi. “Sounds like a visit to the Crow Dentist for you!”

  Amelia grimaced. She hated going to the dentist.

  “IT’S A SIGN!” said Florence. “NO BAKING TONIGHT!”

  Amelia frowned. “Not for me,” she said sadly. “But that doesn’t mean you three can’t get started. I’ll meet you all at Nocturnia Palace later, after I’ve seen the dentist. We’ll bake loads of cookies and then we’ve got the weekend to sell them.”

  “I’ll make sure the Mummy Maids clear the kitchen for us. We’ll see you at the palace later, Amelia,” said Tangine, before calling, “JOHN!”

  A three-eyed vulture swept to the ground, squishing a small toad in the process and causing Grimaldi’s diePhone (which alerted him to all unfortunate fatal toad mishaps) to start buzzing. Grimaldi had been dealing with more toad deaths than usual lately, due to John’s clumsiness.

  Tangine, Florence and Grimaldi took to the skies on the back of the pained-looking vulture.

  “GOOD LUCK AT THE CROW DENTIST, AMELIA!” Florence called.

  “Thanks, Florence,” Amelia called back, waving. Th
en she headed home into the low mists of Nocturnia with a heavy heart and a very sore tooth.

  Friday night after school, Amelia, Tangine, Florence and Grimaldi got ready to sell their Sublime Cookies to the Creatures of the Dark. Squashy and Pumpy were busy sniffing the cookie boxes, eager to get a look in.

  “I’m so so sorry I couldn’t join you to bake our cookies last night,” explained Amelia. “I had to wait forever at the Crow Dentist, and Mom was still cross with me about my ruined dress, so she wouldn’t let me come out. Sorry to let you down. But it looks like you made lots of cookies.”

  “Well I did,” Tangine said. Amelia noticed he was an unusual shade of green tonight. He must have borrowed his mom’s royal face cream again, she thought.

  “Florence and Grimaldi were no help at all,” Tangine added. “They just made a mess and threw the dough all over the floor. I even had to stop Florence from lying down and making food-angels in it. It was a daymare! Luckily, Karl, my Mummy Maid, helped me. Otherwise we’d have nothing to sell today.”

  Amelia looked crossly at Florence and Grimaldi.

  “WHAT?” said Florence. “I TOLD YOU THERE WAS A STRONG POSSIBILITY I’D THROW STUFF.”

  “We did chant a nice song to cheer Tangine on while he baked, though,” said Grimaldi, not looking Amelia in the eye.

  “Incorrect,” said Tangine flatly. “Florence mostly shouted ‘BAKE FASTER’ at me and called me COOKIE-FACE.”

  “WELL, IT CLEARLY WORKED!” Florence yelled, punching Tangine in the shoulder. “LOOK—YOU BAKED TEN BATCHES AND THEY TASTE AWESOME. YOU SHOULD TRY ONE, AMELIA!”

  Amelia shook her head. “I’m not allowed. Strict Crow Dentist orders until my fang gets better,” she said, rubbing her cheek.

  “TOO BAD. MORE COOKIES FOR ME, THEN,” said Florence, peering inside one of the boxes. “OOOH!” She grabbed a cookie and swallowed it whole. “THAT ONE WAS BELLY-BUTTON-FLUFF FLAVOR!”