Case of the Great Danish

by Erik Schubach

  The two looked at each other then their eyes took on an evil shine as they silently agreed on something. They stepped up to me, one on either side as they draped their arms on my shoulders and Jess leaned in, stroking my arm with her fingertips while Kerry laid her head on my shoulder looking up at me, blinking innocently, then the redhead purred, “What, Fin? Don't you find us desirable?”

  By the swishing tail and lolling tongue! They were trying to kill me! I squeaked and extracted myself from them, limping to the kitchen to find something to clean or label or both, as the wickedly evil women broke out into giggling chuckles while they leaned against each other.

  I growled out, “I hate you both.”

  Ker-bear batted it away with a lazy flail of her wrist. “Tough, stinker, we love... holy mother of God!”

  I looked up and snorted as Tinkerbell moved in front of them since Calvin came over to greet them. It was my turn to be smug at the looks on their faces at having a huge dog craning its neck to just below their faces.

  I said for Tink's sake, not theirs since they were certifiably evil and not deserving of proper etiquette. “Tinkerbell, this is Kerry and Mable. Don't mind them, they're just spawns of Satan.”

  Jess ignore me using her first name as her initial shock turned into genuine amazement as she smiled and ruffled Tink's ears with both hands. “Aren't you just the prettiest girl?”

  Ker crouched slightly to pet Calvin as her other hand stroked the short fur on Tink's back. “Wow. She's huge.”

  Jessie froze then narrowed her eyes as she looked between the dog and me. “Wait, is this the missing dog of that poor dead woman?” Then without waiting for an answer, “God damn it, Finnegan, what did you do? Why are you limping? Good lord, Jane is going to kill me.”

  Kerry's protective antennae was pinging at the mention of my limp. She was already halfway to me, looking me up and down with a critical eye. “Your wrist is bruised. What...”

  Jane broke in as she descended the stairs. “It seems that our impulsive Miss May can't seem to leave well enough alone. She somehow solved the case between the time Jessie left with you, and I got a call that Finnegan was in distress. I swear to God that trouble is just drawn to her. She's a nexus of the shit.”

  Then to me, as she laid her hands on my shoulders from behind, she prompted, “Bath is ready, love.” She kissed the top of my head. I squeaked when she gave my left butt cheek a spank to hurry me off.

  I growled, they chuckled, as Calvin gave a single playful bark at this wonderful new game.

  I could see as I made my way up the stairs, my friends' brows creased in concern as they watched me go. I pouted. “I'm not that bad. It's not like I go out looking for it.”

  Ok, it didn't even sound convincing to me. Stop smirking.

  I plodded to the tub, chanting as I peeled out of my clothes as I moved, “Oh me oh, me ohhhhhhh-oh.” I winced at the blackening bruise on my stomach. I was not looking forward to the inevitable tongue-lashing in my near future. I slid into the sinfully warm tub, feeling the heat seeping into my body and making me moan with a different kind of tongue lashing in mind for later.

  I loved makeup sex with Jane. Come to think of it, a disproportionate amount of it was makeup sex. Was I some sort of masochist?

  I just sat back, dropping some bath salts into the Finnegan soup and closed my eyes to savor the pampering while I could.

  Chapter 13 – Reunited

  Things went about how you might expect when I joined the women of the Spanish Inquisition downstairs when I was finished my bath. It was bad enough when it was just Jane, but the three of them were just overprotective... jerk faces.

  Sure, it was maybe not advisable for Cal and me to head off on our own to check out my hunch. Sure I should have just called Jane with said hunch. Sure, I shouldn't have followed the kid to Gilbert's van. And maybe it hadn't really been prudent for me to grab Tinkerbell from the van. And maybe I shouldn't have... ok... I can see it now, shut up.

  I grumped out as I cooked dinner for the evil trio, “Fine!”

  They all shared a look then broke into smiles. Wait. Had they just been yanking my leash? I reviewed the recent grilling of defendant Finnegan May in my head and realized I had done most of the talking. They had manipulated me into chastising myself! They really were jerks, and not as smart as they thought they were. But, le sigh, they were 'my' jerks.

  When we all sat down to eat the turkey casserole I had whipped up, I had to smile at my girls. My family. I voiced that, as Calvin and Tinkerbell circled the table hoping for the dropped tidbits all of us were 'accidentally' flicking off our plates, “Now that the Scooby Gang is all together, I love you ladies.”

  They all mumbled agreement, then Ker sat up a bit, squirming a bit as she smirked to herself. I knew that look and I accused, “What? Spill it Ker-bear.”

  She snorted and blushed a little then threw her own accusation my way, “How many Scooby jokes were you spewing once you had Tink here?”

  I looked at her in incredulity, eyes wide in denial. “None. A few. A lot. Shut up, brat.”

  They chuckled at my embarrassment, and I smirked and said, “And Mortimer would have gotten away with it if it weren't for us meddling kids.”

  They all moaned in mock pain. Jane asked in resignation, “And just how long have you wanted to say that?”

  I lifted my chin in the air and said imperiously, “I just thought of it, thank you very much.”

  Ker shook her head and offered to the group, “An hour.”

  Jessie smirked as she studied me as I was trying to keep a straight face. “Nah, my money is on ever since the moment she liberated Tinkerbell from the Scooby Van.”

  Ok, I broke and grinned, tapping my nose. Then grumped as they chuckled at my predictability, “Hey, it was funny.”

  After the meal, Ker said in resignation as she retrieved her cap and tucked it under her arm while she headed to the door, “Well ladies, unfortunately, I have work in the morning, and showing up in my dress uniform would be overkill, and I don't have a spare uniform here, I bid you adieu.”

  Jane snorted. “Adieu?”

  The two shared a smirk that only two badass women could. Then Jessie followed her to the door where Ker put her boots back on then Jessie held the door open for her. They shared a quick kiss, and as Kerry stepped out, Jess said absently, “Catch you on the flip side, Fly-Girl. Love you.”

  Her hands slapped over her mouth so fast I was shocked there was no sonic boom. She had said it! Yes! Woooo! I'd do a victory lap if I could.

  Ker had just hesitated a moment, her arm tightening around her cap and she said without looking back, “Love you too, Red.” Then she was off, and Jessie shut the door quickly with her shoulder, hands still over her mouth, and she leaned her back against the door.

  I was up doing a dance with Calvin who was on his hind legs, front paws in my hands as I said in a daww voice, “They looove each other.”

  Jane had a hand over her own mouth to hide her own smile as her shoulders convulsed as she suppressed the laughter at the terror on Jessie's face.

  I motored across the room to her and pulled her hands from her face and swung them side to side as I swished in the blue sundress I had changed into after my bath, “You loove her, Red.”

  Now her terror was replaced by a smirk as she put me in a headlock while she messed up my hair to my squealing protestation. “Shut up, runt.”

  I sputtered trying to fend off the attack of tongues from Calvin and Tink as I hung there helplessly, chanting, “Jessie has a girlfriend.”

  She kissed the top of my head and pushed me into Jane's waiting arms. “Take care of your misbehaving brat, Five-O.”

  Jane nodded, and I couldn't have loved her more if I tried when she echoed me in a perfectly timed tease, “Jessie has a girlfriend.”

  The redheaded model for Biker Girl's Monthly lost her smile suddenly, and she looked at the door with worry painting her face aga
in. “Oh god, I can't believe I let it slip like that.”

  Since I was plastered to Jane as she held me from behind, hugging me to her from behind, I held my arms out and wiggled my fingers, “Oh sweetie, come're. You do realize that she said it back, right?”

  Her eyes actually watered as she nodded then accepted my hug offer, Jane wrapped her arms around both of us, making me into a Finnegan sandwich between two sexy women's chests. I could die happy.

  When we released each other I said as I moved toward the couch, still limping a little, “It is about damn time. You two have been dating for months, and neither would admit it.”

  Jess mocked as she headed to her room. “Ooo the rare swear from our girl.”

  I grinned and felt my cheeks burning as I retorted, “Fuck you.”

  Then the tease said as she unzipped her dress as she stepped into her room. “Is that an offer?”

  I squeaked as her dress started to slide off her body as she closed the door.

  Jane growled out, “Hey Red, cool your jets. You got your own now.”

  I nodded through my blush. “Yeah, you looove her.”

  Something thumped against the door. I could imagine the pillow she had thrown.

  Jane supplied, “She's texting her right now.”

  I nodded my agreement. “Totally.”

  Ooo good plan. I texted Ker a giant sparkling heart and added, “You heart her so hard.”

  The expected, “Zip it, Tempe,” was almost instantly returned, but then she added a grinning emoji and one with big heart eyes. I was feeling like dancing on clouds that my two best friends had finally taken the first step to admitting to themselves how much they meant to each other.

  I teased again, “You're texting with her now. You can't live without her.”

  She responded, “If you don't drop it, I'm forwarding the selfie she just sent me.” But... Jess had been undressing.

  Gack! I dropped it, though I still had the silly grin on my face.

  Jane joined me on the couch, hugging me to her and noted me wince at her hands on my belly. By the holy tug rope, I had just blown it. Though I knew logically that she would have seen when we went to bed.

  She narrowed her eyes and reached up to pull the dress straps over my shoulders, daring me to stop her. I felt awkward and self-conscious as she pulled the dress down my torso far enough to see the ugly bruise. I was hoping I could hide it until I gave my full statement tomorrow at the precinct.

  I shrugged and offered lamely, “Gilbert sort of punched me when he first tried to stop me.”

  She moved her fingers to a hair's breadth from the bruise, then withdrew her hand. I was looking back watching the rage in her eyes that she was trying to douse as her jaw tightened a bit. I offered as a salve, “He hit like a girl if that helps.” I grinned. “I think I was stronger than him.” I flexed my muscleless arm.

  She shut me up by giving me one of her legendary upside-down kisses that made me want to purr as my toes curled into tight balls. Then she pulled my dress back up in my haze of happy bliss.

  I whispered to her as I tried to catch my breath again, “Fine. I'm sorry.” I laid my head back on her collarbone and said with even more apology in my voice, “But I can't promise I wouldn't do the same again.”

  I felt her chest shudder as she suppressed a chuckle. “You wouldn't be the woman I love if you did. I love every impulsive, impetuous, headstrong, aggravating inch of you.”

  I sighed back into her, relaxing my body as I whispered, “Fine.”

  She whispered back almost hotly, “Fine.”

  I blushed, thinking, “Some Finnegan was getting lucky tonight.” Makeup sex was the best.

  I'll just skip ahead to the next morning, I'm saving what followed up in our room for my own personal favorite memories section of my mind. Laminated and permanently and prominently mounted in a place of honor. I'm heating up just thinking about it now.

  I wonder if she realizes that she is rewarding my 'bad' behavior every time she teaches me a lesson in bed. I'm pretty sure she does.

  I had a busy day ahead of me. I wasn't limping as bad I thought I would be, the sprain wasn't as bad as it felt at first. And that long soak had helped take the swelling down.

  When I was getting my arctic battle gear on to walk the fuzzy babies, we heard Jess calling from her room, “Help. Help me Spock.” I may have giggled myself into a puddle when we stepped into her room to find her pinned to her bed under a goofy Great Dane who was wagging her tail and licking the redhead's face.

  It wasn't a bad walk in that morning to let Calvin and Tink do their thing. I felt ridiculous that I had my own personal bodyguards as Jessie and Jane flanked me. My complaint that, “I can walk the dogs on my own you know, you J J twins,” seemed to be ignored by them.

  Part of me was annoyed they felt I needed protection in Manhattan... this is my city. And another part of me felt incredibly warm and loved by it. Just don't let them know they or they'd get smug-er.

  I grudgingly texted Raife that I'd need the services of his crew to walk my clients today since I'd be at the precinct all morning as well as getting Tinkerbell back to her family. I really hated asking him favors because he held them over you for leverage forever, but it didn't work on me because he was well compensated monetarily since he charged me not his going rate, but my much higher going rate to do it.

  It felt odd to not be out walking on a weekday. It was guilt I felt, that I wasn't there for my clients, the dogs I walked which I felt were part of my extended family. One thought almost had me panicked the night Jane and I had proposed to each other. That I have never taken a vacation since I moved to the big city, and I didn't know how I could abandon my clients for a honeymoon. They are so used to the surety that I would be there for them five days a week, regular as clockwork. It was our routine. I feared they'd feel abandoned if someone else walked them for a week or more.

  When Raife told me he wanted double-time for doing this 'favor,' I texted Polly. “Your man is extorting me again.”

  I chuckled when moments later he texted back, “Bitch. Fine, your rate, text me the details.” Go, Pollyanna! She had him wrapped around her pinky finger.

  I strutted like a dog walking boss... with a limp. Then because I wasn't paying attention, Tink tugged her lead, strong as a horse, and I fell to the side, face first into a snowbank. “Fwuffk.”

  The evil ones had no compassion as they just left me there, Jess asking Jane, “She's a professional dog walker?”

  “Apparently.”

  “I could do this.”

  “Yeah, doesn't look too tough.” Jane pulled me up to my feet by the scruff of my jacket.

  I flipped them off, though it wasn't apparent since I was wearing fuzzy white mittens, so I nudged my chin. “This is my middle finger.”

  They looked at each other and said, “Ah,” in unison. Friggin cute amazons. It was a little freaky at times just how in sync the two still were.

  A snowball aimed their way, and much squealing on my part later, we headed home. The dogs were thoroughly amused with the “Let’s pick on Finnegan” game the others were playing. I could tell by their swishing tails. Fuzzy traitors.

  Jessie abandoned us when we got home to head off to work. She barely ate the breakfast I made for her. Jane explained after she left, “She's having lunch with her girl, so she is excited to get to work. Like that will make lunch come any faster.”

  I rolled my eyes ans supplied, “They're like smitten teens.”

  She asked, “Have lunch with me after you make your statement?”

  I blushed and nodded. “Ok!” And with that, I started to get back into my cold weather gear. I froze and looked back to see her smugly smirking. Doh! Walked right into that one. I muttered, “Jerk cop.”

  “Guilty as charged.” She had no shame.

  I hung my coat back up and gave her 'the look,' scrunching my nose up in accusation. She chuckled and said, “You need
to contact Mrs. Havermail's daughter about...” She nudged her eyes toward the goofy dog who was laying on her back as Calvin darted around mock attacking her from all sides while she twisted on her back, making doggy sounds as she mouthed him as he lunged and danced off, trying to get her to follow.

  My heart sank. “I know, I know.” And I did know, it didn't mean I had to like it. I get attached to dogs in an instant, and Tink was such a good girl. But her family was probably missing her. I know, I was just bargaining with myself.

  Jane was dutifully and deliberately not watching me as I deflated and picked up the piece of paper she had written Mellisa Havermail's number on and pulled out my cell. Mellisa was really nice, and I could tell getting her mother's dog back would help the ache in her heart after losing her mother so senselessly.

  I hung up, sighed, and gave Jane a grumpy face as I said in resignation, “She'll meet us at the bakery in a half hour.” I absently wondered if Mellisa would be open to Calvin visiting Tink for play dates.

  Jane sighed at my antics and wiggled her fingers. I almost skipped to her for some good huggin'. She asked as she chuckled, “Better?”

  I nodded with a silly grin and admitted to miss smug and sexy, “Much.”

  My girl walked me backward until my back was against the fridge. Oooo what new fun... Oh. She reached over me to retrieve her gun from the upper cabinet. “Tease.”

  She was smirking smugly as she turned away and headed for the door for her coat and boots. I let her know, “You're not as smooth as you think you are Detective.”

  “Just keep thinking that, walker girl. Now get a move on, love.” Was her smarmy response.

  I gave her the stink eye as I geared up. Calvin showed Tinkerbell how to line up at the door. And I harnessed him and put on his working bib. Then I looked at Tinkerbell and said, “Sorry, as we learned this morning, not even my biggest harness will work for you girl.”

  Then I added just in an attempt to hear Jane's snorty laugh, “Unless Jessie has one in her closet.” I beamed at the desired result as my fiance covered her mouth as she snorted.