Marred

by Tess Thompson

  She had just finished changing her diaper when Lance came back with Dakota.

  “I’m taking Mary to lunch,” Violet said.

  “Great,” Lance said. “She needs to get out of here for a while.”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “I’ll keep Dakota here with me. Mary needs a little girl time.” He lowered his voice. “Between me and you, she’s been working way too hard. I’m worried she’s going to burn out. Plus, she needs some friends in town.”

  “It seemed like something was bothering her.”

  Lance brushed away the lock of brown hair that constantly fell over his forehead. “She’s got some ghosts.” He tapped his temple. “In here. I don’t know what they are, but she’s sad. The kind of sadness that never goes away.”

  “I wonder why?”

  “At first, we thought it was because Flora and Dax got married. She misses her dad, sure. But there’s something else. I can’t get a thing out of her. Maybe she needs a woman to talk to.”

  A few minutes later, Violet, Mary, and baby Mollie in her car seat were at a table by the window at The Oar. Business this time of year was notoriously slow and today was no exception. Zane’s sister Sophie was on duty as manager this afternoon. She came over to say hello as soon as they sat down. “He’s so busy with the brewery plans that I’m kind of solo these days.” Sophie snatched a pencil from the bun on top of her head. “What can I get you ladies?”

  Despite the dreary weather, Sophie and The Oar screamed perpetual summer. With her blond hair and tanned skin, Sophie looked like she just walked in from a day at the beach. Vintage surfboards decorated the walls and light flooded in through the tall windows, making the weather outside irrelevant.

  After they ordered Brody Salads, the two women drank their iced teas and made small talk. Violet noticed that Mary seldom looked at the baby, almost like she was avoiding her on purpose.

  When their salads came, Violet ate a few bites of chicken, watching her new friend pick at her food. “You sure you’re feeling all right?” Violet asked.

  Mary looked up from her salad. “Having a hard day today, I guess.”

  “Me too.” She told her about seeing her parents coming out of the store. “It’s a slap in the face, you know.”

  “I can imagine,” Mary said, sympathy in her green eyes.

  “If you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here. I know how hard it is to move to a place where you don’t know anyone.”

  “I’ve met a lot of people since I’ve been here.” Mary smiled. “The Mullen family comes with a lot of people.”

  She laughed. “That’s true. I met everyone through Honor. She’s my best friend, but I’ve gotten to know Kara and Maggie through her. They’re the friends I always wanted. No drama or games like there are with some women. And they’ve been very supportive of me and all my failures.”

  “Kara doesn’t like me. I don’t blame her. I wasn’t very nice when we first met. I can be kind of prickly. Especially when it comes to my dad. He’s all I have left.” Her voice caught.

  Violet remembered hearing that Mary’s mother had passed five or so years ago. “I’m sorry you lost your mom.”

  “I know everyone probably thinks it’s ridiculous. I’m a grown woman and she died over five years ago. But they don’t understand.”

  “Don’t understand what?” Violet asked as gently as she could.

  “It wasn’t just that I lost my mom.” Mary’s face twisted in obvious pain. She placed her fork next to her plate and looked down at her lap.

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it.” She shouldn’t push her. Kyle was right that she needed to let a thing go sometimes.

  Mary looked out the window. “I was married. We had a little baby. Amelia. I called her Meme.” A slight smile crossed her face at the mention of her baby’s name. “She was born prematurely at twenty-two weeks. She only lived three days. Her little heart wasn’t strong enough.” She spoke without any emotional inflection. “Turns out, I have an unreliable cervix.”

  “I remember reading about that when I was pregnant.”

  “They didn’t know until I went into premature labor. My mom died a few months later of a sudden heart attack. My marriage ended soon thereafter.”

  “Oh, God, Mary, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.”

  “It’s hard to be around happy people. I’m jealous and bitter. I know that’s awful, but it’s true.”

  “Maybe you’re just more honest with yourself than some of us are,” Violet said. I’m jealous. All the time.

  “What’re you jealous about?” Mary asked.

  She inwardly cringed. The wistfulness in Mary’s voice was like being granted a secret entry into her friend’s thoughts. Violet knew the unspoken words of her sentence. What’re you jealous about when you have Dakota?

  “I’m jealous of Honor and how smart and capable she is. I’m jealous of her relationship with Zane. I’m jealous of Kara and Brody and all their money, not to mention how in love they are. Let’s see, what else? I wish a man would look at me the way Jackson looks at Maggie. I wish I had a talent like Maggie. Any talent other than annoying people with my causes. See? I’m awful and I don’t even have a good reason. Losing a child is every mother’s worst nightmare and I’m so sorry it happened to you.” She shuddered and reached for Mary’s hand.

  Mary’s chin quivered but she took in a deep breath, obviously trying not to cry. “Today she would’ve been six.”

  Violet moved around the table to sit next to Mary. “You poor thing,” she said as she took Mary into her arms and let her sob into her shoulder.

  This was why we must always be kind. One never knows what someone else has gone through. We can’t intuitively know their heartbreak just by looking at them.

  “Is there anything I can do?” Violet asked when Mary raised her head and gave her a weak smile.

  “No. That’s the thing. Nothing anyone does can ever take away the grief of losing a child.”

  “I can imagine,” she said. “I don’t want to, but I can.”

  Mary wiped her eyes with a napkin. “I know that Mollie’s an innocent baby and I’m ashamed that all I could think of when I saw her was how unfair it was that Kyle should get a baby when mine didn’t live.”

  “My first thought was about Honor and Zane. How did this womanizer deserve a baby when they won’t be able to have one? But I’ve seen how Mollie’s changed Kyle for the better. He embraced her without question. You won’t believe it but he’s been a loving and engaged father from day one. It’s been amazing to see him change.”

  “I changed. But not for the better,” Mary said.

  “After what happened to you, no one could expect you to be all rainbows and sunshine.”

  To Violet’s relief, Mary laughed. “I don’t think anyone would describe me that way. Especially anyone here.” She looked down at her salad and picked up her fork, then stabbed a roasted red pepper. It dangled from her fork like a worm on a hook.

  “I need to move forward, but it feels impossible,” Mary said. “That’s why I followed my dad here. Being without him was unbearable.”

  “Oh my gosh, I understand. Completely.” Violet moved back to her original seat as Mary continued to pick at her food. “Do you regret coming here?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve felt more alone since my dad found Flora than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m just a burden on them. They feel sorry for me, which is almost as bad as everyone else hating me.”

  “I don’t hate you. I like you, as a matter of fact. Very much.”

  Mary tilted her head to the side and smiled back at her. “I like you too.”

  “I had no idea what you’d been through. It explains things.”

  “Like why I’m such a bitch?”

  Violet grabbed her hand from across the table. “You’re not a bitch, but you do put up a wall. I’m glad you let it down for me.”

  “Lance said the same thing to m
e recently,” Mary said. “But, I mean, look at him. He’s like the opposite of a wall. He’s like a bowl of jello.”

  “From what I can see, he’s just a genuinely nice guy,” Violet said. “No wonder he’s single.”

  “He’s different from most guys, that’s for sure.”

  “Like how?” Had Mary’s voice softened at the mention of his name.

  “He’s impossible to alienate.”

  “Have you been trying to?” Violet asked.

  “Oh, no, no. I just mean he likes me, even though I’m basically a cold bitch most of the time. Lance is kind, gentle. I can breathe when I’m with him.”

  “Maybe he sees beneath the surface to the real you,” Violet said. “None of us are completely what we present to the outside world. Most of us are better.”

  “Do you think so? I’m a much worse person than people would even guess. Which is saying a lot.”

  “We can’t expect ourselves to remain unaffected by loss or grief. I’m starting to think the trick to healing is to use our own hardships to become more empathetic to others. I’m trying to be more like Lance these days. Slower to judge based on outward appearance or persona. Unlike him, that quality doesn’t come naturally.”

  “I’ve been pretty self-absorbed, so any of those tendencies have been dormant.” Mary moved her gaze back to the window. A sparrow hopped between the bare branches of a tree. Holiday lights had been strung around the branches of the trees that lined the street. Later, they would sparkle in the dark night.

  “I’m more connected to the characters in books than I am to people in real life,” Mary said. “I was always like that a little, but after everything that happened, books were the only thing that saved me, the only way I could get through the day. Just lately, maybe Lance’s influence, I’ve been a little more interested in living outside the pages of a book.”

  Violet scrutinized her new friend, looking for clues. Were there feelings developing between Lance and Mary? She wouldn’t have put them together, but who knew the secrets of love? Certainly not her. “Are you interested in Lance? Is that what’s making you interested in life?” She pretended to be absorbed in cutting a piece of chicken in her salad while she waited for Mary’s answer.

  “God, no. He would never be interested in me.”

  “Why do you say that?” Violet asked.

  “He’s in love with someone else.”

  “He is?”

  “Someone from New York. She was the boss’s daughter. Married daughter. He had an affair with her and it basically got him fired. That’s why he decided to move out here.”

  Kyle had mentioned this to her one night during one of their chats. She hadn’t gotten the impression Lance was still in love with her, but again, who could understand romance and all its complexities? “You don’t think he’s over her?”

  “No, she’s not the type of woman men forget easily. She’s a Daisy.”

  “Daisy?”

  “From The Great Gatsby.”

  “Ah. That’s not good.”

  “Anyway, it’s fine because I don’t like him that way either. I’m not interested in dating or anything close. Since my divorce, there’s no reason to believe there’s anyone out there for me.”

  “Because he was so special?”

  “No, because he was a George Wickham.”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “From Pride and Prejudice. Remember how he told Elizabeth the lie about Darcy?

  “Vaguely.” Violet had watched the movie, but it had been a while. She really should read more fiction.

  “Mr. Wickham was a liar, just like Chad. He was having an affair for months before I got pregnant. He tried to stop while I was pregnant, but he couldn’t live without her. His words.”

  “You’re kidding?” Violet asked, aghast.

  “I wish I were. He left me for her and now they’re married and have three kids. Healthy ones.”

  Poor Mary. No wonder she was bitter. “Lance is nothing like that, though. You said yourself he’s different than most men.”

  “True. Regardless, I just don’t see him that way. He’s my first friend since my mom died and I wouldn’t want to lose that. Plus, I learn so much from him. When he talks about other people, it’s always something deeper than what most people would notice. Like, we were talking about you the other day and he said your energy and passion for this town had inspired him to buy the building and save the bookstore. He wants to make the bookstore profitable by changing it to meet customer demand, but in a way that respected the past. He said he learned that from you.”

  “No way! I had no idea.”

  “That’s the thing, I guess. We never know how our actions influence others.”

  “Good or bad,” Violet said. “Kyle told me I influenced some of his choices about the hotel, even though he hated me and my picket sign.”

  “Not that I listen to the Dogs and all their gossip, but I was surprised to hear you were working for Kyle.” Mary said it a little too nonchalantly.

  “I was too. But a desperate mother doesn’t have many choices. The fact that it fell in my lap and would work so well with Dakota, I had to take it. And, well, it’s not what I thought it would be. Kyle’s not anything like I thought he was.” Kyle. Every path led back to thoughts of Kyle.

  “How so?”

  “He’s like you—there are difficult experiences from his past that have made him the way he is.”

  “Now you understand him,” Mary said.

  “Yes. And that complicates matters considerably.”

  Mary peered at Violet from across the table. “You like him?”

  “I do. Too much.”

  “How much?”

  “Let me put it to you this way. What’s a story of unrequited love from one of your books? A woman in love with a man incapable of returning it?”

  “Remains of the Day, maybe? It’s about a housekeeper and a butler who love each other but are too frightened to admit it,” Mary said.

  “Something like that, yes.”

  “Not all books end unhappily, you know,” Mary said.

  “No, just the realistic ones.”

  Violet dreamt of Cole. They were in her apartment in Boston. Icicles hung from the windowpanes. Her stomach had the slightest bulge. A baby. I’m going to have a baby.

  Cole’s face darkened. You stupid bitch. He raised his hand and smacked her hard across her face. She fell to the floor.

  I’m sorry. Forgive me?

  She looked up at him. But it wasn’t Cole. The face that stared down at her was Kyle. Come on now, Lettie. Let’s go build our house.

  Violet startled awake. Covered in sweat, she shivered. Two a.m. She got out of bed and changed into another pair of pajamas. Still shivering, she pulled on her warm robe. She wanted something warm to drink. Tea or hot milk. But Mel would be out there. She might even be awake.

  Whatever. She couldn’t be kept prisoner.

  Violet opened her door and padded across the hallway to the entrance of the living room. Mel stood at the desk, looking through a stack of Kyle’s mail from the basket he kept on the desk.

  Clearly there wasn’t anything interesting because Mel restacked the various envelopes and headed toward the bathroom. Violet waited until she had closed the door before scampering over to the desk. She peered into the basket. Most of it looked like junk. Credit card offers and the like—nothing important or private that Kyle wouldn’t want Mel to see. However, one near the top of the pile caused her to pause and look more carefully. It was addressed to Daniel Kyle Hickman. Odd that the name was so close to Kyle Hicks. Was it possible he had two names? If so, why?

  She left it on top of the stack where she’d found it and hurried back to her room. The hot drink would have to be forfeited. Once there, she took off her bathrobe and got back into bed. She longed to ask him about it, but if she did, she’d have to admit to going through the stack herself. Mel was nosy. But wasn’t she guilty of the same?

  It was probably
nothing. If she found the right time to ask him about it, she would. Otherwise, she would keep her mouth shut. No need for him to know what a snoop she was. God forbid she was put into the same category as Mel.

  She rolled over and closed her eyes but it was hours before she fell into a fitful sleep.

  Chapter Seven

  Kyle

  * * *

  THE REST OF the Dogs were already around the table in Brody’s game room when Kyle arrived for poker night. Violet forced Kyle to leave Mollie with her and attend a poker night with the Dogs. Brody had a rare couple of days off and had come home for a quick visit. Just go. You deserve a night out. He could never say no to her, so off he went.

  “The party may commence. I have arrived.” He shrugged out of his coat and tossed it over the back of the couch.

  The Dogs called out a greeting and told him to hurry up, he was late. Minnie, Brody and Kara’s tuxedo cat, sauntered into the room, jumped onto the bar’s counter, and curled up and went to sleep.

  Kyle took his place at the table. Zane brought him a beer.

  “Before you deal, we have to have a little talk.” Jackson crossed his arms over his chest.

  “More like an intervention.” Zane dropped a round of beers on the table.

  “Be gentle,” Lance said. “I sense he’s fragile.”

  “Are you talking about me?” Kyle asked.

  “Kyle, you’re not allowed to bring Mollie in to see Kara or me unless she’s sick. Do you understand?”

  “How will I know if she’s sick, though?”

  “You’ll know. Violet will know.” Jackson shot him a stern, doctorly type look from across the table. “Dude, you have to relax or you’re the one who’s going to end up sick. You’re doing a great job. She’s thriving.”

  “Thriving? Like more so than other babies, right?”

  “Thriving, as in she’s perfectly healthy and where she needs to be.”

  “But she’s special, right? Like cuter and more alert than other babies her age?”

  Jackson and Lance laughed. Brody rolled his eyes. Zane just shook his head and gave him that annoying know-it-all smirk.