Facing Redemption

by Kimberly McKay

  Leo knew to tread lightly here, as it wasn’t kosher to push his faith on clients. He brought it up though. “Do you attend church with your wife?”

  “Yes. Most Sundays I go with her. It’s not that I don’t believe in how big God is and all the amazing things He’s done through the Bible. It’s just …”

  “You don’t think He’s not doing big things today? Now? Even here?” Leo motioned his arms out to engulf the room around them.

  John shrugged his shoulders.

  “You yourself said that it blows you away that Andie loves you after all you’ve done. That, John, is a prime example of God’s love for you and me and everyone else. No matter what you’ve done – God loves you. Since Andie is a Christian, it doesn’t surprise me that she can show you this same love.”

  “Do you believe too? Is that why you have a Bible on your desk? It’s not just for decoration?”

  “Decoration?” He choked out. “Heavens no!” Leo laughed. “I wouldn’t make it through all my past turbulence and present ups and downs if it weren’t for the Word and how God speaks to me through it.”

  John nodded in thought.

  “You should invest some time in it. See for yourself how God will speak to you.” Leo looked at his watch. “That’s enough for today. See you next week. Same time?”

  “Thanks Leo. So far when I’ve left my sessions, I’ve felt so overwhelmed. Today … I feel almost normal.”

  “That’s good John. That’s real progress.” Leo wrote something on a piece of paper and folded it in half. He tore it off his pad and handed it to John. “Here. It’s a very special verse that just came to mind for you. If you’re serious about delving in, that is.”

  John stood and took the scrap of legal yellow paper that his therapist extended, and stuck it in his jeans pocket. He smiled in thanks and reached for the knob to the exit door in the interior of Leo’s office.

  Leo watched him leave and said a silent prayer for his client. I pray he actually looks to you Lord. May he read your word and feel your love.

  As John reached for the down button for the elevator, he felt a burning sensation in his front jeans pocket. It felt like a hole had been burned into his hip. Hoping it wasn’t a spider, John cautiously reached in to turn his jeans pocket inside out. All he saw the yellow paper with Leo’s handwriting on it.

  John slowly pulled it out slowly and smoothed his pocket back inside his jeans. As he held the paper in his hands, the burning sensation eased from his hip. What just happened?

  The elevator doors opened, as John stood in silence, still unsure of what had caused such pain beneath his pocket. He quickly stepped inside and tucked the paper back in his pocket.

  Within seconds the same strong burning sensation targeted his hip again.

  “What the?” He yelled, grabbing for his pocket again. John fumbled at his pants trying to get the note out again. And just like before, once he pulled it out – the pain slowly dissolved and disappeared.

  Dumfounded, he cautiously opened the note and began to read.

  “Jeremiah 29:11-13 … okay.” John breathed out. Within seconds, John felt like the air was being squeezed from his lungs. John looked to the elevator panel. There were five more floors to go before he got to the lobby. As each floor passed, he felt more pressure on his chest.

  When the elevator dinged at the second floor, it was almost as unbearable as the pain in his hip had been. John grabbed the railing in the elevator and leaned against the wall for support.

  “God? Is that you? Are you trying to speak to me? What …” John’s voice trailed off as the doors opened at the second floor. Two young ladies, oblivious to his anxiety stepped inside and continued their conversation. With every word they uttered, the sound amplified. Each word applied more pressure, as if the sound was drumming against his ears. Sweat began beading down the back of John’s neck.

  John took a slow breath and sank against the back wall. He felt like he was re-living his nightmare in real life. He could breathe but felt like the weight of the world was on him.

  Once they reached the lobby, it was so unbearable that it was impossible to wait. He quickly rushed past the young women, and exited the building. John’s whole body was humming as he opened his car door. He took out his smart-phone and clicked on the Bible app. He searched for the verse and read.

  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

  As if the entire atmosphere in his car had lifted, the pressure on his chest dissipated in an instant. It was just like when he pulled the note out of his pocket and his hip pain eased. Once he read the Bible verse, his whole body felt lighter. It was like God literally scooped him up and set him on a cloud. He felt light and full of peace.

  “God - was this all you?” John asked through the windshield, looking up to the sky. Instantly he shook his head. Of course it was! This wasn’t all by accident.

  “I know the plans I have for you … to prosper and give you hope … then you will call on me. You will seek me and find me.” John paraphrased. He felt it deep in his gut. He was being called to seek the Lord – not just go to church but also to delve into seeking God.

  John laid his head on his steering wheel and felt a wave of love come over him. He cried for a God that would go to great lengths to show Himself to someone like him. He was someone who wasn’t worth it, and yet God reached out anyway.

  Chapter 31

  Knowing she had a little sister coming into world caused a slow metamorphosis in Chastity’s heart. The anger that burned there toward her father was slowly being replaced by the joy at the concept of a baby sister. Maybe it was a way to divert the anger or ignore it. She wasn’t sure, but the thought of having a little sister to watch over was both frightening and exciting at the same time.

  The letter she read showed one obvious conclusion: that John was trying to figure out his own father and had learned to forgive him. After all Jackson did, John is still trying to put himself in Jackson’s shoes to understand him. It dawned on Chastity that no one is free of guilt, and no childhood is set in a perfect, functional setting. The more she thought about it, the more human and less monster John Mikale came.

  “You sure you’re ready for this?” Cheryl broke Chastity’s thoughts.

  “No.” Chastity replied in a quiet voice.

  After reading her dad’s letter Chastity made a monumentous decision. She’d never met her grandfather before. She had yet to face the man who made such a horrendous impact on her mother’s and her life.

  The last time she was in Oklahoma City, it was after the discovery of her family and their secrets. At that time, she wasn’t ready to forgive what her grandfather had done to her and her mom. He was one of the reasons they ran from home to home, trying to outrun the men Jackson Mikale had after them. In her eyes, Jackson Mikale was almost worse than her father. Now, here she sat in Cheryl’s passenger seat, on route to Jackson’s retirement home.

  Cheryl turned the corner into the parking lot. She pulled into the only available spot and turned off the engine.

  “Are you sure you want to do this? I can start the car and take you back to my place right now.” Cheryl turned in her seat to face Chastity. Chastity’s face was turned out the passenger window. She shook her head slowly as she took in the place where her grandfather resided.

  “This is something I have to do. I wasn’t ready last time I was here. Heck, I don’t know if I am now, but he’s a part of me whether I want him to be or not. If I’m going to get any closure to any of this mess I call family, I have to at least face him.”

  Chastity turned to smile at Cheryl. “Besides, his memory is gone. He won’t know who I am. It almost makes it easier.” Chastity said recounting almost the exact words she read from John’s letter. Chastity realized in th
at instance that John’s letter was part of what gave her the courage to do this.

  “Okay.” Cheryl breathed out. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

  “No. I have to do this alone. I haven’t told Timothy I’m here. He’s meeting with the in-home health nurse at his mom’s right now. He thinks I’m at your house for the afternoon.”

  Cheryl gave Chastity a look that left no interpretation.

  Chastity shrugged. “I know. I’ll tell him … after. Why don’t you go run some errands and come get me in about 20 minutes?” Cheryl nodded as Chastity exited her car. Before she shut the door and walked away, Chastity poked her head into the car and said, “Hey thanks for doing this. I couldn’t have driven myself. I needed someone to do this with me.”

  Cheryl blew her a kiss. “Good luck.” She watched her young friend walk toward the nursing home entrance, and then started her car in reverse.

  Chastity made it almost to the door before she chickened out. She quickly took a seat on a bench by the automatic doors that led into the building. The doors opened as a nurse wheeled an old man to sit outside.

  “Now you can’t be out here by yourself for very long. They’d kill me if they knew I let you sit out here at all.” A young Asian nurse pushed him to a spot right next to the bench.

  “Oh I’ll be alright Tomo!” The old man said grumpily. “Just let me get some air. There are too many old people in there.”

  Chastity laughed to herself and smiled at the nurse. The nurse smiled and asked, “Miss? Would you be able to keep an eye out for him for a few minutes? He can be pretty persuasive.”

  “Tomo! I don’t need a babysitter!” The old man barked. Then he turned to take Chastity in. His grouchy demeanor immediately changed. He took on a lost look and started smiling at her.

  Tomo patted his arm and noticed the change. She looked to Chastity and said, “He’s off in his own world right now, like half of them in there.” She motioned to the building behind her. “I let him sit out here sometimes to let him think he has some independence, but what he doesn’t know is that I sit right inside this door to watch him so he doesn’t wander off.”

  Chastity smiled. Her heart went out to this old man. How sad must it be to be reduced to being watched and cared for twenty-four-seven.

  “I guess the alternative is worse?” Chastity shrugged. Tomo shrugged and smiled down at her. She patted the old man’s arm and walked inside, and true to her word she sat inside the doors with a clear view of her patient.

  I guess I can’t go in now. Chastity convinced herself. Besides, it would be nice to give him a few minutes of time. I’m sure he doesn’t get that very often from anyone apart from the staff.

  “Do you sit out here often?” Chastity felt like it was an old person’s pick up line, but had nothing else to say.

  The old man smiled and nodded in return. “I like it out here when the sun shines. My boy likes to play out here too. Pretty soon maybe he’ll round the corner and you can meet him. He’s a fine boy.”

  “I’m sure he is. I’d love to.” Chastity’s heart tugged for this man. How sorry she felt for him, trapped in his own mind.

  “You know you remind me of someone.” He cocked his head and stared at her.

  “I bet you say that to all the girls.” Chastity smiled and looked into his eyes “Only the pretty ones.” He chuckled and grinned back, showing old and yellowed teeth.

  Chastity broke out into a smile. She had the strangest sensation about her, as if she’d had this conversation before, or like she’d already met this man. It wasn’t quite a case of deja vu, but it was darn near close.

  “There! That’s the payoff my darling wife … your smile. Your beautiful smile makes my heart stop every time.”

  “Oh. I’m not your …” Chastity’s voice trailed off. She knew it wouldn’t do any good to correct him. In fact if it would make this man feel some comfort, what was the harm? “Well, I’m flattered. I’m sure you’re a very kind man.”

  “Oh, now that’s where you’re wrong. Everything fell apart when you stopped smiling. I turned into someone I never thought I’d be.”

  “Oh I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” Chastity reached over to grab the old man’s hand for reassurance. He quickly placed his free hand on top of hers, and held her hand.

  “Oh that’s where you’re wrong. Without you there, I broke. I ruined my family. I ruined other lives too. Some days it’s more than I can bear.” The old man faltered and looked down to Chastity’s hand in his. He slowly looked up to gaze into her eyes. “But to see your smile makes me happier than I’ve been in years.”

  Chastity gave him a large smile. She wanted to reassure him. It was obvious that his heart was shattered for what he felt he did in his past, and if a smile could make a difference than she’d keep smiling.

  “That’s enough Jackson. The pretty lady I’m sure has somewhere else to be.” Tomo started out the doors to steer him away.

  Chastity’s jaw dropped. “Did you say Jackson?” She looked from Tomo to the old adorable man, who sat in front of her. Tomo nodded.

  Jackson again reached out for Chastity’s arm. “Marilyn, I really enjoyed seeing you again. Please come back and see me. I’ve missed you so.”

  Chastity, jaw still open, nodded slowly and gave Tomo a blank stare.

  “It’s okay.” Tomo whispered. “He talks to Marilyn all the time in his room. This time he actually had someone else to talk back. Thank you for that. You probably made his year.”

  “No problem.” Chastity let out in awe. “Thanks.” Chastity looked back to Jackson as Tomo wheeled him away. He gave her a big smile for as long as he could see her. Chastity smiled back and couldn’t believe what just transpired.

  Chastity looked down to her phone. She scrolled down to Cheryl’s contact info and sent her a quick text that read:

  You can come get me now. I got what I came for. 

  Chapter 32

  “Dinner was so good. I’m stuffed!” Chastity exclaimed, laying her hand on her flat belly. “I love all the restaurants they have here.”

  “It’s the restaurant capitol of the world. I swear almost every chain has a location in this state.”

  “They don’t have an IN-N-OUT Burger!” Chastity blurted.

  “Not yet they don’t.” Timothy took her hand and led her down the stairs from the bricktown retail district to the canal below. Both had walked here once before after their second date over a year ago. Chastity smiled at him in remembrance.

  “Thanks for getting me through this last week. I don’t know how I could have gotten through it without you,” Timothy said as they walked down the steps.

  “I don’t feel like I’ve done very much to help. I’ve been off on my own for the last day and a half.”

  “I’m sorry.” Timothy frowned.

  “No it’s okay. I wasn’t complaining. I just didn’t want to leave you high and dry if you needed me.”

  “Just knowing I have you with me is all I needed. You would have been so bored dealing with all the medical aspects of the last couple of days. I’m glad you had some time to do something else.”

  A water taxi slowly dragged the canal as the two of them walked along its edge. Chastity giggled as they waved at all the tourists on board.

  “I still haven’t taken one of those yet.” She said absentmindedly. Quickly she came back to reality. “Back on point, how is your dad?”

  “He’s okay. He’s frustrated and frustrating.” Timothy laughed. “Poor guy. He’s not used to being disabled. He can’t dress himself or bath himself. He’s relying on my mom for everything, which in secret isn’t anything new. She’s always been the caretaker. But at least he was the man of the house. Now he just feels like an invalid.”

  “I bet that’s fun for your mom.” Chastity grimaced.

  Wanting to change the subject, he quickly switched gears. “So tell me about your day. I got your text earlier. You went to see Jackson after all?”

  “Yeah.
It was unexpected. After John’s letter, I couldn’t stop thinking about their relationship…him and his dad’s. I knew he was trying to sort out his own relationship and I guess it spurred me to do that as well.”

  “Did he recognize you?”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t even go in. I chickened out. And then before I know it, some nurse is wheeling out this old man to apparently give him some sense of independence. We strike up a conversation – except he thinks I’m his wife and he tells me how everything broke after I died, and how he messed it all up without me?”

  Timothy’s eyes grew wide. “Wow. Heavy stuff.”

  “Mmm-hmm. And then before I know it, my heart aches for this old guy. He kept telling me my smile made him happy again for the first time and he asked me not to leave him.”

  “So what did you do?”

  “What can I do? I keep smiling.” Chastity laughed. “And to top it all off - I’m thankful for the distraction he’s providing. I grateful I don’t have to go in – so when this same nurse comes out and says, ‘Jackson it’s time to go in’ - I about peed my pants.”

  “What?” Timothy blurted out. “Talk about crazy. That’s right out of the twilight zone.”

  “Exactly. I can only say that it was a true God moment. I was prepared to see an old, grumpy man and deal with my anger somehow when unexpectedly I’m visited by a sorry, adorable old man, who I really bonded with, unaware it’s my own flesh and blood.”

  “So you’ve had quite a day.” Timothy laughed and drew her into his arms. They stopped under a lit overpass where the canal rounded a corner. He leaned against the wall and pulled her into his embrace.

  “I met my grandfather.” Chastity whispered. “I don’t know if I’d ever go back, but at the least I’ve resolved some of the feelings I’ve had.” She leaned her head on his chest. “He’s a sorry little man who is broken, mostly for what he did to his sons but also what he did to me.”

  Timothy took a deep breath. He lifted her chin up and leaned down for a kiss. Above them, the lights shone from the many restaurants and clubs, as well as the full moon that lit up the night’s sky. The light bounced and reflected off the canal water below them. If was almost as romantic as their time in Venice, and Timothy couldn’t think of a more perfect to propose. He drew back from their kiss and rested his forehead on hers.