The Rocker Who Shatters Me

by Terri Anne Browning

  “Jenna and Harris are going to get an apartment together and attend UCLA together. But they’re just friends.”

  Harper ignored her husband’s disbelieving tone and grinned at Jenna. “Hey, that sounds like a great plan. And we will get to hang out more. I’ll take you shopping and we can decorate your apartment together.” She clapped her hands together excitedly. “Yay, I can’t wait.”

  Jenna laughed at our sister-in-law’s excitement. “Not so fast. I still have to get accepted to UCLA and then there is Mom and Dad…”

  “Don’t worry about those two,” Shane assured her. “I’ll take care of paying for school. And UCLA would be stupid not to accept you, Jen. You’re a straight-A student.”

  “No, Shane. I’m not going to let you pay for my tuition. That isn’t your place,” Jenna protested. “You and Drake have done enough with the trust fund you two set up for me. I can take care of paying for college on my own.”

  Shane didn’t argue further, but I could tell by the way his jaw was set and the light in his eyes that he wasn’t arguing simply because he would do what he wanted whether Jenna wanted him to or not.

  Devlin

  “Dad!”

  I groaned and turned over in bed, pulling the extra pillow over my head to shield out the light peeking through the curtains and the sound of Harris’s voice. Whatever he might have needed wasn’t life or death, I was sure, so I could just go back to sleep. Five more hours, that wasn’t asking too much.

  “Dad!” The yelling of my name was now followed by the pounding of his fist on my bedroom door. “Wake the hell up, old man. Jenna is here and I want to go out and meet her.”

  I didn’t give two shits about Jenna being in town. Natalie’s little sister was just another fucking chick to bust my balls. That little spitfire might only be seventeen but she had acted a whole hell of a lot older when she’d point blank told me she hoped I rotted in hell for treating her sister like some chew toy. To my face. On Christmas Fucking Eve.

  “Go away,” I called out. After last night I was going to follow Natalie’s example and hide from being an actual adult. Just for a little while. Having a kid wouldn’t allow me to spend more than a day acting like the real world didn’t exist, though.

  I heard the click of the door opening even through the pillow I still held over my head. “Natalie’s with Jenna and they are going to meet me downtown in half an hour. Get your old ass out of bed and let’s go.”

  “Fuck Natalie,” I muttered when Harris pulled the pillow off my head and threw it across the room.

  “Don’t say things you’ll regret later,” my son warned, glaring down at me. “Shower, Dad, and then we can go find your girl.”

  “Nah, dude. You go on. I’ll be fine. Having me along will just ruin your time because all Nat and I will do is argue.” I couldn’t deal with her today anyway. Not after the fuck-tastic night that last night had been.

  Harris shrugged. “Okay. But I’m pretty sure that Jenna said that Rhett Tomlinson was going to be with them, too. I heard he’s been spending a lot of time at Nat’s apartment lately. But whatever. It might not be Nat he’s sniffing around. Probably Marissa.”

  I threw back the rest of my covers and jumped out of bed. No fucking way. I wasn’t letting my girl spend the afternoon with some fucking little prick. Not without me there to make sure he kept his fucking hands to himself. I grabbed a pair of jeans out of my suitcase and pulled them on before pulling out a T-shirt. I was just pulling it over my head when I left the bedroom and walked into the living room of the hotel’s only penthouse.

  My kid knew me well and was waiting by the elevator with his key card in hand when I walked out. The smirk on his face was so much like my own at times that I just wanted to punch him in the mouth. “Damn smartass.”

  “You raised me, old man, so what does that say about you?”

  I pushed him into the elevator when the doors slid open. “It says I’m a fuckup as a parent. And stop calling me ‘old man’. I’m not over the hill yet, dude.”

  Harris shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.”

  I shot him a hard glare as the elevator slowly descended, fisting my hands at my sides so I wouldn’t punch him. I had to remember that he was only sixteen, even if he did look like he was twenty-one. Yeah, he was my spitting image. In everything from looks to attitude. I both loved and hated it.

  In the lobby I wasn’t surprised to find Jesse standing there with Lucy. The big, bald man didn’t look happy to see Harris when he spotted us but he relaxed a little when he saw that I was with my son. When Harris saw his best friend his entire face lit up and I grimaced. Lucy might only be eleven but she looked like she was sixteen. If the curves she had at present were anything to go by, she was going to be a very voluptuous woman. Just like Layla. Fuck.

  “Ready?” Lucy asked Harris before Jesse could even open his mouth.

  “You got your phone, Lu?” Jesse demanded, giving my kid the stink eye. “Linc’s gonna meet you downtown, right?”

  “Yes, Daddy.” Lucy turned to hug her father. “I’ll be fine. Harris won’t let anything happen to me. And yes, Linc and Natalie will be with us all afternoon. And Mr. Cutter as well.”

  “I’ll keep my eyes open, man,” I promised my friend. Ever since Lucy’s real father had kidnapped her and put Emmie in the hospital a year and half ago, Jesse had become a very protective father. I knew that there were still nights that Lucy couldn’t sleep, because those were the nights that I found Harris still up at four in the morning with his phone beside his pillow while he talked to the girl.

  Jesse gave me a curt nod, kissed Lucy on top of her curly dark head and left the three of us standing in the lobby. When he was out of sight, I rubbed my hands together. “Okay you two. Let’s get this show on the road before the freaks… Oh wait. They’re already here.” I ruffled Lucy’s curls and pushed Harris in the direction of the door.

  “Funny.” Lucy rolled her big brown eyes at me and stuck out her tongue. “Love you too, Mr. Cutter.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Devlin, Lucy? Huh?” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, giving her a tight one-armed hug. “Stop making me feel like I’m sixty.”

  “You mean you aren’t?” Lucy’s eyes widened in mock surprise. “Oh gods, Mr. Cutter. I’m sorry. I was so certain you were gonna be in a nursing home soon.”

  Harris had hailed a cab and he opened the door for Lucy to get in first. I glared from one kid to the other. “You two have been spending way too much time together. I don’t like you brats teaming up on me.”

  “Sure, granddaddy.” Lucy giggled as she scooted across the seat.

  I actually shuddered. “Don’t ever say that again, kid. Don’t ever make it an actuality either.”

  It was Harris’s turn to glare at me from the middle of the bench seat as I climbed in, but he didn’t say a word as the cab driver pulled out into traffic. My brows rose at him. Harris shrugged and put in his Beats earbuds, effortlessly blocking me out.

  Did I mention I wanted to punch my kid in the face?

  Yeah, I so fucking did. But I didn’t.

  Lucy and I made small talk over Harris’s head on the twenty or so minute drive downtown. Apparently Lucy and her parents along with her twin little brothers had flown out instead of riding on the bus that had been redesigned for them for the summer tour. Luca and Lyric hated flying because it bothered their ears, but Lucy loved it and was telling me about all the interesting things she’d seen while she’d looked out the window during the long flight. To say Lucy was imaginative would have been a serious understatement. The girl held the potential to go far in a writing profession, whether it happened to be as a journalist or an author.

  When the driver pulled over it was in front of some little boutique and I groaned as soon as I saw it. Did Harris even know that we were going to some artsy place like this? Considering it was Jenna that we were meeting up with then he probably did. Jenna was a talented artist, coul
d paint a picture after only seeing something once, adding her own quirky personality to it. Sometimes it was dark and moody, other times it was kind of goofy, and then there was her soft and pensive side. All of them produced some amazing work that I had actually bought off the girl and had hung throughout my house back in California.

  I was the first one out, my eyes searching the surrounding area for any sign of Natalie, reminding myself that I had to look for a short-haired chick instead of the long glossy hair I was used to. She wasn’t the first one I saw, however. Rhett Fucking Tomlinson was. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from letting loose the curses that instantly bubbled up. I held the door of the cab open so that Lucy could get out, gripping it so hard that my fingers ached.

  Rhett was standing inside the little boutique that I saw was actually a small art gallery as well. He had a big shit-eating grin on his face and Natalie was standing right beside him, laughing right along with him. White-hot jealousy burned through me and I slammed the door of the cab so hard that the car shook a little.

  “Easy there, Hercules,” Lucy teased as she stepped up onto the sidewalk with Harris. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

  Despite my tension, a smile teased at my lips. Lucy was a good kid and I was so glad she was in my son’s life. With her around I wasn’t as worried about him going down a wrong path that would fuck up his future. “Cute, kid. Anyone ever tell you that you’re beautiful?”

  Pink filled her cheeks. “Just you and my dad. And Drake, Shane, Nik, and Axton. Linc a few times.” She gave me a little wink and I ruffled her curls again. Lucy swatted at my hand. “Stop it. I’ll bite you the next time you touch my hair, devil.”

  Harris choked on his laughter when he heard Lucy call me devil. “I like that, Lu. Keep calling him that.”

  “Oh great. Now I can’t.” She sighed. “Sorry, Mr. Cutter. My therapist thinks I’m too much of a people pleaser. He’s suggested that anything I do that makes my friends happy I should do the opposite of.”

  “For real?” I laughed.

  “No, but it keeps Harris on his toes.” She squealed when Harris grabbed her around the waist and tossed her over his shoulder. “Stop, stop. Don’t you dare..!” The squeal turned into hysterical giggles when he started tickling her. “I’m sorry… Stop… Harris!”

  Harris stopped tickling her but didn’t set her down as we entered the little boutique/art gallery. Small fists hit my kid in the back as she struggled to get free. “You are such a pig,” Lucy muttered, finally giving up and propping her head up on her hand. “Payback is going to be so much fun. And I have three solid months of sharing a bus with you, too.”

  Lucy was promptly set on her feet and Harris laughed as he ran off, his best friend chasing after him. “Pig.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at them as I followed. My laughter died in my throat when we reached the group of four standing at the back of the shop studying a piece of artwork on the wall. I stood back while Lucy and Harris embraced Jenna, my eyes locked on Natalie as she stood between the two other men. The more I looked at her, the easier it was to accept her new haircut. I still mourned those long silky locks, but this new style made her look older. I had to admit that I liked that. It made me feel a little less like a cradle-robber when she looked older than her twenty-two years.

  “Well?” Jenna asked when she turned from hugging Harris, her gaze on the painting hanging on the wall. “What do you think?”

  Reluctantly my gaze went to the piece of artwork. I knew immediately who had painted it. Jenna had a certain style no matter what mood she painted in, and this one practically screamed that it was hers. It was a kind of painting that you had to look at for a while to get the true meaning behind it. There were lots of reds, blacks and grays and when you looked closer you could see the crying girl, her pain there in every harsh line of her face. There was what looked like a baby in one corner and a man standing outside the window. Their faces were all in shadow, except for the crying girl but I still couldn’t make out who the girl was.

  “It makes me want to cry,” Lucy commented after we had all stood there looking at the painting for a long while in silence. “The girl is in so much pain, but look at the man. He looks desperate. Like he’s trying to get into the room with the girl and the baby, but the room has no doors. He can only see the two people he loves, never touch them.”

  Jenna’s eyes widened. “I-I hadn’t looked at it like that, Lucy. I meant to focus attention on the girl, not the baby or even the man. But…” She glanced back at the painting. “…yeah, I can see exactly what you mean.”

  “What was your inspiration?” I asked, wondering if I already knew.

  Natalie shared everything with her sister. The more I looked at the picture, I saw some of my own characteristics in the man’s features—the long, dark hair and bluish eyes. Natalie could easily be the girl… And the baby… It represented the child that Natalie and I could have had if she hadn’t taken that fucking morning-after pill.

  Jenna didn’t look at me as she spoke. “It’s me and my future. The…man…represents the future that I want, but can’t have. The child is the future that is expected of me.”

  My brows rose at her interpretation of the painting, but I didn’t say anything, just continued to gaze at the beautiful piece of art.

  Finally Harris draped an arm around Jenna’s slim shoulders. “Congratulations, babe.”

  Jenna grinned happily at him. “Thanks. And thank you, Linc. Without your help I never would have gotten to have one of my paintings in an actual New York art gallery.”

  Linc brushed her thanks off. “It was nothing, Jen. I used to be the trainer for the owner’s wife. She owed me a favor, but she only promised to show your work to her husband. It was up to him if he liked it or not. Your amazing talent got you here, love. Not me.”

  “Well, thanks all the same.”

  “Okay, enough of giving my sister a big head. Let’s get something to drink,” Natalie spoke for the first time. “It’s getting hot outside and I’m dying for something cool and sweet.”

  I stepped back as the others filed past me. Lucy and Harris on either side of Jenna left first and then Rhett wrapped an arm around Natalie’s shoulders as they followed, leaving me standing there gritting my teeth while Linc gave me a grim smile and continued after the others. I stood there, silently wishing a certain Trance member to the bowels of hell. If I was going to have to see them together all day, I was going to need a few beers at the least.

  Natalie

  I gazed down at the milk crate full of fan mail then over at the three pages of to-do list items that I needed to get through today. My head was going to explode before the day was over, I just knew it.

  “Why do you always think you have to do everything on your own?” Jenna asked as she and Harris sat on the couch in my living room watching TV. “All you have to do is ask and you would have two willing lackeys.”

  “Because this is my job and you’re here to relax, not do my work for me.” I ran my hands through my hair and sighed, for the tenth time in as many minutes, when my fingers combed through it all too quickly. I was never cutting my hair again.

  “Whose mail is that anyway?” Harris asked, taking his eyes off the movie he and my sister had been watching for the last hour.

  “It’s the OtherWorld fan mail. Since I basically do everything for them anyway, I get the fan mail that doesn’t go straight to Axton, Liam, Wroth, Z’s, or even your house.” Mostly it was letters from chicks telling all too graphically one of the band members what she wanted to do to him in bed. Some of them were hilarious, others were just disturbing. Then there were the ones addressed to Devlin. I hated those the most because it always filled my head with images of him actually doing those things with some of those chicks. And the ones that were from past conquests? I burned the ones that were for Devlin.

  Yeah, I did. I wasn’t proud of myself but I did and I wanted to stab both Devlin and the chick who wrote the letter every fucking time
.

  There were at least a hundred envelopes in varying sizes now scattered over the carpet in the living room. Shaking my head at how long it was going to take me to sort through them, I sat down and folded my legs under me as I pulled a handful of them toward me. Harris sat down next to me, stuffing a pillow between my back and the couch behind me to make me more comfortable.

  I offered him a small smile in thanks before thumbing through the stack of envelopes in my hand. Axton. Axton. Liam. Wroth. Liam. Axton. Zander. Zander. Zander. Zander. Zander. I rolled my eyes as the next five were for Zander. I placed each into their own pile and picked up another stack. The majority were for Zander, with two being for Liam and one being for Devlin.

  “Here,” I said, handing the envelope over to Harris. “See what psycho number one has to say.”

  Harris’s aquamarine eyes narrowed as he opened the white envelope that smelled faintly of some cheap perfume. Pulling out two sheets of stationery, his eyes skimmed over the writing and then he balled it up. “Do you read all of these?” he demanded.

  I shrugged. “Mostly.”

  “So you have to read that disgusting filth that those stupid bitches write to my dad?” Again I shrugged and he shook his head. “No. I don’t want you doing that anymore, Nat. This can’t be good for you. If what that chick wrote is just some of the things you have to read about my dad then no wonder you still hate him so much.”

  “I’ve been doing this for four years now, Harris. Believe me, if I was going to hate your dad for the things that are in some of those letters, I would have hated him long before he and I ever hooked up the first time.” I grabbed another stack of envelopes.

  Some of them were larger and I knew from experience that those were the ones to definitely stay away from. Normally they held naked pictures of the sender. Yeah, that’s all I wanted to see this morning. Bare tits and pussies. That would sure complete my morning of fucking things I didn’t want to have to deal with.