Let it Snow

by Suzan Butler, Emily Ryan-Davis, Cari Quinn, Vivienne Westlake, Sadie Haller, Holley Trent

  Mac stole a look at Finn to gauge his reaction. The tears in his eyes were her first indication that maybe he wasn't quite as big an asshole as she'd first thought.

  "Anyway, I pulled him off and kneed him in the balls with everything I had and called 911. I freed Mac and covered her with her coat. She wouldn't let me hold her or comfort her. All I could do was watch her rock in the corner. Fucking broke my heart. Every time that fucker lifted his head, I gave him another shot to the nads until the cops arrived."

  Finn's voice cracked with emotion. "Christ. Mac, I just don't have words. I'm sorry doesn't even come close."

  Mac sat still and stared at her empty plate as she packed up her emotional baggage and jammed it back into her pocket. She was relieved when Sully changed the subject. It was nice that he knew her so well.

  "Right, how about you make Mac a nice cup of tea. She likes it a bit on the strong side with a good amount of milk."

  Finn rose from his seat and started gathering dishes. "Tea, I can do. How about you, Sully?"

  "What I'd really like is a good stiff drink, but I'll settle for a Coke."

  "Right then, I'll be back in a jiffy," Finn said.

  "Mac, sweetie?"

  Mac looked up at Sully. "Yeah?"

  "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. That's the last thing in the world I wanted to do, but I knew in the end it would be the kindest. I'm sure you don't think so now..."

  "No, it's fine, Sully. It was a long time ago, and I should be over it."

  "Yes, it was a long time ago, but no, you'll never be over it, and nobody who loves you would ever expect you to be. All we want for you is to find a way to live, really live, in spite of it. In the meantime, you have to go out there and save my ass. I love you, Mac."

  "I love you too, you wanker. Now did somebody mention tea?"

  ***

  Finn put the kettle on and started loading the dishwasher. Sully's sanitised version had him believing she was medicating over a few butterflies in her belly, but this was a game changer. Rape was not the land mine he thought he'd be dodging. The longer he sat through the sordid tale, the more his stomach felt like returning his supper, along with everything else he'd consumed in the last week.

  He sure had a lot of shitty behaviour to make up for. Luckily, he had Sully's handy dandy list of helpful tips and suggestions. That should provide a safe starting point.

  He was staring out the window into the darkness when he heard dishes being set on the counter. He turned to see Mac, looking fairly well composed, considering. "Thanks. I was just about to come and get them, but got lost in the void."

  "You're welcome. Can I help with anything?"

  "No, I'm almost done." Finn gestured to the table. "Mac, can we sit and talk for a minute?"

  "I suppose," she said, as she sat in the chair closest to her.

  Finn took the chair across from her. "I know I've been an insufferable prick at best. I'm sorry. From Sully's explanation, I pegged you as the sort of person who'd turn to chemicals over a broken nail. That's the sort of person my wife was. If she couldn't get a manicure the moment the urge struck her, she popped a pill. If she couldn't find exactly the right colour shoes to match her new dress, she popped a pill."

  Mac's mouth dropped open. "You're kidding, right?"

  "I wish I were. You and I have good reasons for our issues. I think I get that you and my wife are nothing alike and I'm done using her behaviour to judge you. Whether you take meds or not is none of my business, and I'll consider the matter closed. How about you?"

  Mac winked. "What matter?"

  Finn smiled back at her. "I'll finish cleaning up here and I'll bring your tea in when I'm done. Can you grab a Coke for Sully? "

  "Sure, no problem. Thanks for making tea. And thanks for not getting weird or treating me like a freak after hearing my tale of woe."

  Having no idea how best to respond, he simply said, "You're welcome."

  Finn watched Mac take a Coke from the fridge and leave to sit with Sully. He packed away the leftovers and finished dealing with the kitchen. By the time the kettle had boiled, he had the beginnings of an action plan. He prepared Mac's tea then grabbed himself a Coke from the fridge on his way to the dining room.

  Finn placed the steaming mug in front of Mac. "Here you go. I hope it's how you like it. Sully, why don't we go sit in the living room where I'm sure you'd be more comfortable."

  "Great idea. You guys go on in, it'll take me a minute to get mobile, and while I'm already up, I may as well hit the head. I'll try not to be long, but I'm not exactly a speed demon these days."

  Mac and Finn waited until Sully got to his feet before grabbing their drinks and making their way to the living room. Finn invited Mac to sit on the sofa before settling himself on the floor next to her legs. At her confused look, he said, "Sully said you love a good foot rub, and given you won't be getting any from him for a while, and you're bailing us out of a jam, and I've been such an asshole, and feel free to stop me any time..."

  Mac giggled, "No, no, you're doing fine, carry on."

  "Imp." He shot her a cheeky grin. "Well?"

  "While I love a good foot rub, my hands are in greater need. I haven't done this much reed work in such a short time since university."

  "I can do hands." Finn shifted from the floor and sat next to Mac, careful to leave what he hoped was enough space for her to be comfortable.

  Sully arrived and parked himself in the chair with the best view of the action.

  Finn started with Mac's left hand, working deep into the muscle at the base of her thumb before moving outward and gently rubbing each finger from palm to tip.

  By the time Finn had moved on to her right hand, Mac's eyes were closed and her head settled against the back of the sofa. Every so often, she gave a small moan, each sending another shot of blood to Finn's already over-inflated penis.

  "Mac, I'd quit with the moaning if I were you. I think you're restricting Finn's blood flow to his brain," Sully teased.

  She lifted a foot and wiggled her toes at Sully. "Careful, or I'll let him rub my feet just to spite you. Finn, please tell me you don't have a foot fetish too."

  Finn laughed. "No, your feet only need be wary of Sully the foot fondler. I just like making a woman feel good, so I'm happy to rub whatever she wants me to."

  Mac blushed and Finn took pity on her. "Five more minutes, and then we have to get going."

  Mac glanced at her watch. "You may need to get going, but I don't need to leave for another twenty minutes."

  "Leave when I do, and you can have another hand rub before the rest of the guys arrive."

  "That's okay. I'm perfectly happy with the one I got."

  Finn looked to Sully for support, but only got the universal code for quit while you are behind — an index finger slicing across his throat. He nodded and gave the back of Mac's hand a gentle pat. "Right then, I have to get moving. I will see you soon, and drive carefully."

  Finn rose and gave Sully's shoulder a farewell squeeze and with a pointed look said, "I'll talk to you later."

  "You bet."

  ***

  Mac glowered at Sully

  "Oh, don't look at me like that, Mac. He wasn't to know I'm the only man you'll be alone with. That is going to have to change, you know. There are men who are good, and kind, and trustworthy. Men who would treat you like you deserve to be treated. There are men out there who you can be alone with and be safe. Men you can even have sex with. Honey, it's time to push your boundaries, and I think Finn might be the guy to do it with."

  "I want my quiet life back, Sully. It was quiet up until yesterday." Mac knew he was right, but that didn't change how she felt.

  "Sometimes, we can't go back. Come on, Mac, you know he gets your motor going. I thought you were going to come right there in that chair just from that hand massage."

  "I will concede that I may have felt a wee tingle in parts that have been tingle-less for a numbe
r of years."

  "I knew it."

  "Oh, don't go getting all smug on me. I have a perfectly good Rabbit to take care of that annoying little tingle."

  "It'll do for now, sweetie."

  "I've got to get moving too. What can I do for you before I go?"

  "I think I'll be fine, kiddo. Once you're on your way, I'll just settle myself in bed with a nice pain pill, a can of Coke, and my remote control."

  "Okay, if you're sure."

  "I'm good. You don't want to be late."

  "I won't be. You head off to bed. I'll just set some reeds to soak and lock up when I leave."

  "Alright. G'night, sweetheart."

  "G'night, Sully."

  ***

  Finn flopped into his favourite armchair as he held the phone to his ear. "Hi, it's about time you called."

  "Sorry. Mac only just left. I know she was holding off until the last possible minute."

  "And why is that exactly, Sully?" Finn asked.

  "Yeah, I knew this is why you wanted me to call. I wish we'd got it all out of the way tonight, but you have to agree, she'd had more than enough, especially this close to a performance."

  Finn thought back to the determined look on Mac's face when Sully was done telling the story, and realised she'd been at her limit. "Good grief, just get on with it before she gets here."

  "She can't be alone with a man. I'm the only one she feels safe with."

  "Well that explains the look in her eyes when the guys all left last night."

  "We're going to have to work on it. I've let it go far too long. In the meantime, make sure she's never left alone, okay?"

  "Got it. That fucker really did a number on her. Please tell me he got all that was coming to him."

  Sully gave a heavy sigh. "He got fourteen years, but only has to serve just over nine. That means he gets out next year. It took almost two years from laying charges to sentencing. He was denied bail for all that time, and at sentencing, the judge refused to give him any credit for time served. Otherwise, he'd have been out already"

  The ball of anger in Finn's stomach grew with each new detail about Mac's attack and its repercussions. "Not enough, but at least he got jail-time. I guess getting caught in the act would go a long way to a conviction."

  "Yeah. You'd think the dumb fuck would have pleaded guilty, but he fought to the bitter end. I don't think that won him any points with the judge."

  "Okay, so is there anything else I should know?"

  "I think that's it, except maybe just let the beta-blocker issue go. At least until she's done subbing for me."

  "I already did. Mac and I had that conversation in the kitchen when she brought in the dishes. I would like to find a way to help her so she doesn't need them to perform, but after tonight's horrifying revelations, I will hold off. Now about the play party on Sunday. I know you won't be playing, but do you think there's any chance you could get Mac to come?"

  "I'll see what I can do. I've been known to play the guilt card on occasion. This might be an appropriate time."

  "Didn't you use it to get her to play for you?"

  "Nope. That was an act of love, pure and simple. The guilt card is only required if I ask something truly decadent of her."

  "Gotta go, that's the door. I'll catch you later."

  "G'night."

  ***

  Mac stroked Gounod on her lap as she waited for Sully to answer his phone.

  "Hey, how did it go tonight, sweetie?"

  "Really well. I didn't even need to take a beta blocker."

  "That's awesome. I knew you'd be fine."

  "I know that won't be the case tomorrow night, though."

  "That's okay, do what you can. Finn gets it. He won't be on your case about it any more, but that doesn't mean he won't work at finding another way to deal."

  "Yeah, I know. We talked about it earlier. It was hard to believe he was the same person I met last night. He went from total asshole to sweet and thoughtful. It almost gave me whiplash."

  "I told you he really wasn't an asshole. What happened with his wife warped his view of anxiety and medication."

  "Yeah, I get it. At least we're able to have a functional working relationship."

  "That's a start. So, Finn's got a play party coming up on Sunday. I won't be able to play, but I'm going to attend anyway. How about you join me."

  Mac's answer was instant. "No."

  "Aw, come on, Mac. It'll be fun. You don't have to play. Just keep me company."

  "Fuck you, Sully. You aren't being fair. I know when you're inching towards a guilt trip. It's not going to work this time."

  "It's not some random party, Mac. It's restricted to the quintet members and their subs. There's no pressure. It's just a social occasion where we get to let off steam. You aren't the only one who needs to decompress after performing. When we have a crazy concert schedule, like we do every December, Finn throws end of week play parties."

  "No. I am not part of the quintet, and I am not anyone's sub."

  "Right now you are part of the quintet, and while you may not belong to anyone, you are a sub."

  "Fuck. Why are you pushing this? I agreed to perform a bunch of concerts in your place. That was all we'd agreed to. You never said anything about play parties, or any other social activities."

  "True, I didn't include socialising in my request, but I'm asking now. I want to go to the party, and if I don't get to play, I'd like to have someone to keep me company."

  Mac was torn. She'd spent years avoiding social situations. She felt safer and more in control that way, but sometimes she missed letting loose and having some fun with a group of people.

  "I wouldn't be expected to play?"

  "Not if you don't want to. You know the way it works. Nothing's changed. Safe, Sane, and Consensual. You know I'd cut off my lips and rip my own lungs out before I'd ever put you at risk."

  "Yeah, but would you play a concert on a commercial reed?"

  "In a heartbeat. So, will ya, will ya?"

  Mac could feel herself being swayed. Sully had protected her for years. Her head knew he would never put her safety at risk, but that didn't stop her from being afraid.

  "I don't know. It's been so long since I've been to any party, let alone a kinky one."

  I know, sweetheart. Just give it a try. If it's too much for you, we'll leave. Who knows, you might just have a little fun for a change.

  "I hate you, Sully. I really, really hate you."

  "No you don't. You love me to pieces. You can pick me up at seven."

  "Fine. G'night."

  "Good night, sweetheart."

  Miserable fucker. Yet another thing he'd talked her into. How much more upheaval would he wreak upon her before his ribs healed. Oh well, she'd had a pretty good rehearsal, and getting through without needing a blocker made it that much better. That hand rub sure helped mitigate the earlier unpleasantness of the evening, and now she and Finn were no longer at odds with each other, she hoped things would go smoothly until her obligation to Sully and his quintet was over.

  Chapter Four

  Mac was bombarded by the other members of the quintet the moment they left the stage.

  "Great concert, Mac," Griff said, as he gave her a pat on the shoulder.

  "Yeah, I thought I'd seen your A game, but, wow." Jack added.

  "Thanks, guys. I think we all kicked-ass tonight and I'm glad I didn't let you down."

  "You were completely fab. Wanna join us at the pub for a drink to wind down?" Wilson asked.

  "I appreciate the offer, but I need to head home. I decompress better there."

  "Okay, but we'll be at the Squeaky Wheel if you change your mind."

  Mac donned her coat and grabbed her gear as she headed for her car. "Good night. I'll see you all tomorrow night."

  The men waved to Mac as she left. Finn opened the door for her, watching until he she'd made it safely to her vehicle
and was driving away. He appreciated that she checked the inside of her car carefully before opening the door and getting in. He would have preferred to walk her to her car, but based on what Sully'd told him, he figured she wouldn't be good with that, and he didn't want to put her on the spot by asking.

  Baby steps. She rehearsed the night before without meds. That was huge to him. She'd agreed to come to the play party with Sully. That was huge in a whole other way. Well, off to the pub to drink with the boys. He'd have to give them some background on Mac so they could be aware of possible triggers. Why did he always have to fall for the damaged ones? At least with Mac, her anxiety was strictly limited to performance situations. As long as it stayed that way, he would deal.

  ***

  Mac's phone started ringing just as she settled into bed with a steaming cup of tea. She knew who it would be, even before looking at the caller ID.

  "Hi, Sully."

  "Hey gorgeous, great gig tonight. I don't think I've ever heard you sound better."

  "You were there?"

  "Of course I was there. Your first performance in years? I'd have to be crossing the threshold of death's door to miss that."

  "Thanks for being there. You should have told me you were coming."

  "Nope, you had enough on your mind. I didn't want to risk being any kind of distraction for you. Anyway, I know you have a post-performance ritual, so I will let you get back to it. I just wanted to let you know how awesome you were and how proud of you I am."

  "Thanks. Sometimes, I think you know me way too well, but I'm really glad you do."

  "Goodnight, sweetheart."

  "Goodnight."

  Mac sipped her tea as she considered her best friend. He would make someone very lucky one day. Too bad he didn't have a nice, regular woman to be taking care of him while he's out of commission. On second thought, it's probably just as well. His rampant libido and non-existent self control would likely hold back his recovery. Hell, that's what got his ribs broken in the first place. At least he wouldn't get a chance to over-do it at the play party. That was probably the only good thing she could come up with about letting Sully talk her into going.