Deserving You

by Amanda Siegrist

  Would she have the bravery to admit her love the next time she saw Emmett? She honestly didn’t know. That might’ve been a short-lived shot of bravery she just had.

  Just another reason why she wasn’t worthy of Emmett. It’d be better if he just stayed away.

  Chapter 18

  The keys jingled in her hand as she fidgeted. “Are you sure you don’t mind? Last time…”

  Sophie smiled softly as she grasped her shoulder in reassurance. “Of course I don’t mind. You and Dare have fun tonight. I just hope the rain stays away and the game’s not postponed. Austin and I are going to watch it. Make sure to wave at the camera.”

  Deja rolled her eyes. “I didn’t even think of that. Are we going to be on TV?”

  “You are sitting behind home plate. What a great gift. Is Dare excited?”

  “He is. It should be a fun night, as long as the rain stays away.”

  Deja headed for the front door, the keys burning a hole in her hand. She was oddly nervous to drive. Sophie said she didn’t mind who drove her car. Maybe she’d have Dare drive once she picked him up from the motel. After almost hitting that deer, the thought of driving just put her in a panic. Was Dare nervous, too? He hadn’t driven yet since he was released. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to ask him. She’d just suck it up. What were the odds she’d hit another deer so soon? Well, technically she didn’t hit the deer the first time. So she might hit it this—no. She wasn’t going to think negatively like that.

  With her hand on the doorknob, she glanced at Sophie. “Have you talked to Emmett recently?”

  Sophie hesitated. “I have.”

  Should she ask? Sophie wouldn’t betray her like that. But she had to know.

  “He showed up at the motel last night.”

  “He did?” Her shock wasn’t fake.

  A sigh let loose. The next day, after feeling guilty for leaving Sophie in such a rush, she called her to let her know where they were staying. She didn’t think Sophie would rat her out and tell Emmett where she was.

  So how did Emmett know where to find her?

  “What did he say?”

  Too much. Everything she wanted to hear. She couldn’t say that, of course. “Stuff. It doesn’t matter. I can’t figure out how he found me, though.”

  “I didn’t tell him.”

  “I never thought so.” Sophie raised a brow in disbelief, a mingling of hurt mixed in. “Okay. Maybe I wondered a little if you said something.”

  “He loves you, Deja. I have no idea how he found out, but he’s a man in love. That makes him very resourceful. Do you love him? Because I think you do.” Her cheeks turned red, a bright contrast with her light blonde hair. “I don’t mean to be so bold, or put you on the spot.”

  “We’re friends, Soph. It’s okay. You can say what you want.” Deja grinned, trying to make Sophie feel better. Like she shouldn’t be ashamed for saying something like that to her.

  “So do you love him?”

  Biting her bottom lip, she smoothed it out with her tongue after she realized what she was doing. “I’m just confused right now. I’m not sure I know how to love.”

  Sophie scoffed. Something she did very well, but rarely. “That’s a load of crock and you know it.”

  “Wow. That’s the closest I’ve heard you swear before. Naughty.”

  She propped a hand to her hip, mimicking the gesture Deja displayed on occasion. “Yeah, well, you just might make me let loose a real curse word if you don’t start being honest with yourself.” She dropped her hand as her face softened. “Emmett did ask if I knew where you were and I would never do that to you. But I wanted to tell him, because he asked a few times. Every time he asked, I really, really wanted to tell him.”

  “Why?” The word fell out in a whisper.

  “Because I know you love him just as much as he loves you. You’re good for each other and you deserve happiness, Deja. You deserve everything. I hate seeing you so unhappy.”

  “I’m not—”

  “Don’t.” Sophie pursed her lips. “Don’t lie to me. I dislike it when Austin does it, and I don’t want to hear you do it either.”

  “Austin hasn’t lied to you in a very long time. Almost a year ago when he nearly screwed it up between you two.”

  “Don’t try to steer the conversation in a different direction. You’re unhappy. When Emmett’s around, your face lights up so brightly.”

  Deja pulled the door open. “I should go.”

  Sophie wrapped her arms around herself. “Have fun.”

  Just like that, the conversation was over. Sophie knew she didn’t want to talk about it, and she respected that. As long as Deja quit spewing lies, Sophie was okay letting it go. She abhorred lying. Truth be told, Deja felt sick to her stomach even voicing a tiny lie. It was better if they just dropped the conversation altogether. She wasn’t sure how to process her emotions, let alone voice them to another person.

  “I’ll make sure to bring your car back without a dent in it.”

  “I trust you. Wave to the camera.” Sophie offered a smile, but sadly, it didn’t reach her eyes.

  Deja did that. She made Sophie unhappy. Well, didn’t that just make her a horrible friend. Shit, she never kept any friendships growing up, why would the one with Sophie last forever? She never did anything right. She was hurting her friend and she could do nothing to stop it.

  “Right, I will. Bye, Soph.”

  “Bye, Deja.”

  The door closed with an audible click. Walking briskly to the car, she jumped inside way too fast and pulled away from the house without once glancing back. Not that she had anything to glance at. Well, maybe her house. No. It was Sophie’s house. So what if she started to think of it as her house. It’s not as if she ever made it a true home. Everything in the house spoke loudly of Sophie’s tastes rather than her own.

  Asking Sophie, even knowing she wouldn’t need permission to decorate it, would have admitted she was finally settling down. Making a home.

  Doing that scared her. She didn’t know how to make a home. She didn’t know the first thing what to do. Pretending was her forte. Making herself believe everything was okay in her world was what she did well. Creating a home? Totally clueless.

  “Shit.”

  She hurt her friend. Her only real friend she ever had. She should’ve just admitted she was scared.

  Scared to love. To open herself up. To let love in. That was her problem. She did love Emmett. When would it fall apart? Everything in her life always did.

  Look at her friendship with Sophie. That suddenly fell apart within a space of less than five minutes. All because she couldn’t admit the truth.

  Enough.

  She had a baseball game to look forward to. Thinking about what happened with Sophie, what could possibly happen with Emmett, wasn’t going to help lift her mood. She needed to think about Dare and the fun they would have at the baseball game.

  She started to slow down as she neared a red light. It suddenly changed to green. Lifting her foot off the brake, she continued with her usual pace. She crossed over the white line, her eyes straight ahead, her mind dancing around her issues like a crazy hip-hop song.

  She needed to call Sophie before they left for the game. She didn’t feel right with how she left. For once in her life, she needed to start talking things out. She needed to let people in that cared about her. Sophie cared a great deal.

  Boom!

  Her body jerked. The sound of crunching metal and glass breaking barely registered as her head swung violently and connected with the door window. Her mind spun in a circle.

  No, wait.

  She was spinning. The car was out of her control.

  The large metal post looming ahead should’ve scared her. Not that she wasn’t already scared as she continued to spin, the car jerking her around. Her mind was so disoriented. She had no time to feel fearful.

  Emmett. She should’ve said so much to him. More than what she did.

 
Liar. That’s all she was.

  The front end crashed head-on into the metal post, forcing the momentum of the car to a screeching halt. Her head jerked forward, the force of the impact imploded the airbag in her face.

  Barely able to move, unsure of why her legs felt trapped, she tried to look around to see how bad it was. Except, she couldn’t see anything. Her eyes were coated with wetness. With her blood.

  She wanted to lift her hand and feel for a wound to figure out where the blood was coming from. She managed a soft groan before the blackness took over.

  ♡

  This felt like a reoccurring thing he had been doing way too much. Yet, he didn’t know how to stop himself. Of course, he knew stopping over to Sophie and Austin’s house he’d have zero chance of running into Deja because she moved. Left. Gone away.

  God, it hurt to think about.

  He missed her so much. Seeing her last night had been breathtaking and painful all at once. He had a hard time walking away. It had been even more difficult not to look back. It was for the best. She needed time to think about everything he said and hopefully realize on her own that they were meant to be together. That he loved her no matter what.

  Patience. That’s what he needed. Something he sorely lacked. Which would explain why he was knocking on Austin’s door. To occupy his time. He didn’t want to go rushing to Deja just yet. She needed a little more time to think about what he said. He didn’t want to come on too strong. Or should he?

  Indecisive. He seriously needed to get over that shit.

  “Emmett. Hi.”

  Sophie didn’t look happy to see him.

  “Is it a bad time?”

  “No, no, come on in.” She backed away from the door and let him step inside. Closing the door, she then headed for the kitchen. “Do you want a drink?”

  “Sure.” He glanced around the living room and listened for any other sounds in the house as he followed her to the kitchen. “Austin’s not home?”

  “He’s still at the farm.” Sophie pulled a pitcher of iced tea out, then grabbed two glasses from the cupboard. Her hand slightly shook as she set them on the counter.

  “Everything okay, Soph?”

  Her back faced him. “Why are you here, Emmett?”

  “You’re upset at me. I wasn’t going to ask where Deja is anymore. I swear.”

  Sophie whipped around, the anger clear on her face. “Of course not. You already know where she is. How?”

  So Deja must’ve talked to Sophie today. Did she accuse Sophie of spilling her secrets? That was the last thing he wanted to happen. He was clearly screwing up every step of the way.

  “I hired a PI. I’m sorry, Sophie. I’ll just leave.” He started to walk away. He wasn’t even sure why he came in the first place. He really had no good excuse for showing up.

  “Don’t go, Emmett. I should apologize. I feel like Deja and I sort of argued and it’s bothering me. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

  He turned around, already halfway to the front door. She stood a few steps away. He closed the distance and pulled her into a hug. “You never have to apologize to me. I’m the idiot here.”

  The front door opened. “Why do you have your hands on my pixie angel?”

  Emmett let Sophie go and stepped away. Austin shut the front door not looking amused whatsoever. Emmett couldn’t help but chuckle. “It was a friendly hug. Do you get jealous with everyone, or is it just me? You know I love Deja.”

  Sophie’s laughter filled the room, and his heart soared a little, lifting his mood. “He’s like that with everyone.”

  Austin pulled her into his arms, snuggling his head into her neck. “That’s because I love you so much.” He looked at Emmett. “So what lame excuse do you have for visiting us today?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t have one. I’m…I’m…” He shrugged again.

  “I want to say she’ll come around, but I’m honestly not sure, Emmett. I truly do believe she loves you.” Sophie rested her head onto Austin’s shoulder.

  “She’s scared. I might’ve handled it all wrong last night with her—again. I’m always screwing it up.”

  “Keep at it, man. If you give up, that’s when you lose her for sure.” Austin kissed the top of Sophie’s head. “I never gave up.”

  She snuggled closer to him. “I’m so glad you didn’t.”

  “Yeah, maybe this wasn’t the brightest idea showing up here. I can’t handle seeing you two like this.” Emmett chuckled to show he was teasing, when in reality, he wasn’t. It was hard to see them so in love, acting lovey-dovey. He wanted that. With Deja.

  Sophie softly laughed, but her eyes betrayed that she understood his pain. “I was about to start supper. You should stay.”

  “Na. I think I’ll just go brood in my own house.”

  “Dude, that’s not healthy.” Austin grinned. The doorbell rang. “If that’s Ethan or Gabe, you’re staying. You won’t be able to sulk like you want to.”

  Austin swung the door open and his stance faltered a bit. Officer Dorscher stood on the porch, his expression a morose one.

  Emmett’s stomach gurgled. A deep dread filled in every pore. Why did he look that way? Why was he here?

  “Can I come in, Austin?”

  Austin gestured him inside. “What’s up, Brian? Last time you were here, you dropped the bomb about Kevin. Did you find the people who killed him?”

  Officer Dorscher shook his head as he glanced at Emmett and then away too quickly. “I’m afraid we’re still looking. I’m here for a different reason.” His eyes sought him out again. The look unnerved him. “I’m glad you’re here, Emmett.”

  He didn’t want to know why. That look said way more than he wanted to know. Somehow his voice found a way out. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know how to say it, so I’ll just say it. Deja’s been in a car accident.”

  Emmett’s knees buckled. If not for Austin standing so close, he would’ve fallen to the floor. His arm swooped around him, holding him upright. “Is she…is she…” He couldn’t even get the words out. His eyes swiveled to Sophie, who had gone deathly pale. His body jerked upright and stiff, telling Austin he wouldn’t collapse to the floor.

  Austin immediately rushed to Sophie’s side, holding her as they waited for Officer Dorscher to tell them more. He knew what Emmett had been trying to ask.

  “I’m not sure. I wasn’t the first to arrive to the scene. They had to extract her from the car carefully. Her legs were pinned between the steering wheel and the seat. She hit a post pretty hard. It crushed the front end. She was unconscious, but alive when they rushed her to the hospital. As soon as I knew who it was, I told the lead officer I would notify you guys.”

  “She…” Sophie paused as her breath hitched. A tear fell down. “She was very concerned about driving my car. She wouldn’t be driving recklessly. I don’t understand.”

  Officer Dorscher’s throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. “She wasn’t driving reckless. She didn’t do anything wrong by all the accounts of the witnesses. Someone ran a red light and t-boned her. It sent her car into a tailspin where she crashed head-on into the pole. They hit her pretty hard. Crushed the side of the vehicle. I’m sorry, Sophie. Your car is totaled.”

  She hiccupped in between the soft tears rolling down. “I don’t give a shit about my car. She can’t die.” She buried her face into Austin’s chest. He started to rub his hand up and down her back.

  Sophie was right. Deja couldn’t die. In all his time knowing her, he had never heard her swear once. That alone made him extremely nervous. She seriously thought Deja could die. That was unacceptable.

  “The driver of the other car…what…” He couldn’t even form coherent sentences. She couldn’t die. She just couldn’t.

  “He’s in custody. It’s not looking good for him.” Officer Dorscher propped a hand onto his service weapon in a gesture that looked very comfortable and like he’d done it a million times. “He’s intoxicated. Way over th
e limit. I’m sorry. I know Deja means the world to all of you. They were bringing her to the St. Cloud Hospital. Do you need me to take you there?”

  “Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Brian,” Austin said, as he continued to soothe Sophie as best as he could.

  “I’ll meet you guys there.”

  Austin looked surprised. “I think it’s best we ride together. You…you’re probably not in the right frame of mind to drive, Emmett.”

  Emmett tried to focus on Sophie. Anything other than his cousin’s knowing eyes. Austin had a point. A very good one. His knees wanted to buckle again. He wanted to fall to the floor and scream in pain from the unfairness. If he lost the woman he loved before he truly had a chance to have her, he’d never survive.

  He made eye contact with Austin. “Someone needs to tell Dare.”

  ♡

  Dare rubbed his hand back and forth over his hair. A buzz cut. He hadn’t had his hair this short since he was nineteen. But it was time for a change. Time to start life anew. To make things right.

  His sister was miserable. She played it off well enough, but he knew. He sensed it right away the same night they left. He also knew the reason why she was so miserable.

  Emmett.

  She didn’t know it, but he heard the entire conversation between them. Emmett didn’t issue the apology to him, but he had accepted it, nonetheless. After he thought about it, he couldn’t blame them all for thinking the worst. He had been forceful with his words that night when he offered to teach Kevin a lesson. When Austin declined, he was hard-pressed to ignore his words. He wanted to pretend he never said such a thing. He wanted to have his friends give Kevin a beating of a lifetime so he would know that it could happen again at any moment if he didn’t stop whatever he was doing to make the case go haywire for Sophie.

  Except, he didn’t. He never called his friends. He respected Austin’s wishes. But with his background, and how he sounded that night, he honestly couldn’t blame them for thinking he went against his word.

  He let his pride and emotions get in the way. Like usual. Like he always did with his sister. He pushed her away for ten years. And why? Because he was afraid to see the accusations, the guilt in her eyes. It was his fault, no matter what anyone said, that his parents died. He didn’t want to see the confirmation in her eyes.