Deserving You

by Amanda Siegrist

  He was still waiting to see it. That’s what was so damn funny. He pushed her away for ten years and he was still waiting to see that look in her eyes. Damn it, he probably never would. Because she didn’t blame him.

  For that, he needed to make things right. She was miserable and it was his fault. She only pushed Emmett away because of him. She might not like it, but he would try his damndest to convince her to go back home. Home, as in, Sophie’s house. Home, as in, Emmett’s arms.

  The guy could still rankle him sometimes, but overall, he was perfect for his sister. They made a good couple. Not that he could call himself an expert on what made a good couple. He just knew. The spark he saw in her eyes, or the way Emmett glanced at her, he just knew.

  He wouldn’t convince her tonight. No. Tonight was all about them. They’d enjoy the baseball game, and then tomorrow, they would talk about it. He was even going to man up and do the right thing.

  He’d make Deja go back home, then he planned to talk to Ethan. Apologize for acting like an ass and almost hitting him when all Ethan did was be a good friend. He let him in his home without batting an eye.

  It sucked to admit he was wrong. But he was man enough to own it.

  A loud knock interrupted his thoughts. Shit. Did Deja lose her key card?

  He glanced through the peephole, raising a brow when he saw Emmett standing on the other side.

  Tonight was supposed to go without a hitch. Emmett was suddenly putting a damper in the plans. As much as he wanted them to work it out, Emmett would have to wait until tomorrow. Tonight was brother and sister time.

  He swung open the door. “Not a good time.”

  Emmett cleared his throat. “I’m sorry.”

  “I heard you last night. It’s not necessary to dish out more apologies. I was wrong. So I’m sorry. I’m on your side and I’ll try to help you with Deja, but tonight we’re going to a baseball game and I really don’t want you to ruin her mood. We good?”

  Dare even cracked a smile, hoping to show he didn’t hold any hard feelings and that he was sorry for acting like a sour child. Emmett didn’t beam with delight like he figured he would’ve, instead, his expression turned worse.

  “Shit.” Emmett rubbed a hand over his face, then cleared his throat again. His hand fell away, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

  “I don’t…Emmett?” Was he about to cry? This visit made no sense.

  “Deja’s been in a car accident and it’s not looking good.” His voice cracked. “I’m sorry.”

  Yeah, his apology made a lot more sense now. Yet, he didn’t want his damn apologies. He didn’t want to hear what he just said. Losing his sister—no, he couldn’t think like that. He wouldn’t think like that.

  “Dare? Did you hear me?”

  His head bobbed up and down in a nod, yet he felt so disjointed from his body. Nothing made sense. They were going to a baseball game. They were going to have fun tonight.

  His hands started to shake, that empty feeling filling him up. That same feeling he got when his parents started to get on his nerves. That same feeling that made him turn to pills to dull the pain.

  He had been so strong the last ten years. Sure, partly because he had been locked away in prison. It didn’t mean he couldn’t have gotten high as much as he wanted. He could’ve gotten anything inside those walls. You just needed to know the right people. He never touched one thing, though. He stopped having the urge the first time the bars slammed shut in his face. The moment they slammed closed, his mind conjured only one thing.

  His sister.

  He knew he had to stay clean for her.

  Rapid images flashed before his eyes. Blood. Glass on the dirt ground, weeds mingling around. His mother’s body.

  Oh, to lose himself in the deep abyss. Numb his entire body. He couldn’t handle this. He wouldn’t survive losing his sister. Especially that way. Any way, but that. Not a car accident.

  If she never bought him these dumbass tickets, she never would’ve been—

  Whack!

  His cheek stung from the hard slap delivered by Emmett. Rubbing the tender part of his face, his eyes searched for Emmett’s.

  “What the hell?” There was no anger behind those words, just complete wonder.

  “Snap out of it, man. I don’t know where you went, but you weren’t here with me. Did you hear a damn word I said? I need you to keep it together. Your sister is one of the toughest women I know. She’ll survive this. She’s not a quitter. Do you hear me?”

  “I haven’t touched any drugs. I haven’t wanted to. I need—”

  Emmett grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and dragged him out of the motel room, letting the door shut behind them. “You need to come to the hospital with me. That’s all you need to do. Just…shit…lean on me, because I’m barely holding on myself. The only thing you don’t need to do is think about drugs. Get it out of your head. You’re stronger than that.”

  Dare puffed his chest out and shrugged off Emmett’s arm that had been wrapped around his shoulder. “You’re right. I’m a badass mo-fo. I need to start acting like one.”

  A deep laugh flew out of Emmett’s lips. “Not really what I said, but sure, we’ll go with it.”

  “Thanks, Emmett.”

  His steps stalled as they neared the stairs leading to the parking lot. “For what?”

  “For coming…instead of a bunch of cops. I…my sister…”

  A strong hand clamped onto his shoulder. “I know. You don’t have to say it. Let’s get to the hospital. I don’t know much other than the wreck was pretty bad.”

  So was the accident ten years ago. Only one survived. Him.

  Would his sister?

  Chapter 19

  The hand he held was warm and soft, yet nothing else indicated she would wake up any time soon. In all his years, he never imagined he would lose his sister like this. The same way he had taken the lives of their parents. It was almost as if a cruel fate was weaving its way to right what should’ve happened years ago.

  Deja never went out often when they were kids. She had started to date some asshat a few weeks before the night everything changed. He could come on strong when it came to certain things, those things namely being boys. He didn’t like the jerk she was dating, but he stepped back for once to let her live her life as a teenager. It probably saved her life.

  If she would’ve been home that night, she would’ve insisted on coming to the hospital with him and their parents, and in all likelihood, he probably would’ve killed his sister, too. Now fate was finishing the job.

  Life was so unfair. Complete shit.

  “Dare?”

  The small hand resting on his shoulder made him shiver. Not from the coldness of her touch because he could feel the chill straight through his shirt, but from the kindness and sympathy in that little touch. He didn’t want neither. He just wanted to be left alone with his sister.

  “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

  He jerked his head to Sophie, prepared to ignore her until she left. At those words, he couldn’t do anything but stare at her.

  “What kind of bullshit is that?”

  She flinched. “The truth.”

  Shrugging, mostly to dislodge her hand without acting like a complete jackass to her, he turned his head away. She had no clue what she was talking about. A drunken idiot hurt his sister. He hurt his sister. She was on the road that night because she wanted to take him to a baseball game. Nobody was to blame but him.

  “I hope…hope you can forgive me.”

  The tears mixing with her words had his heart cracking into pieces. He had slowly started to get to know everyone in Deja’s life. Not by much, but enough to know what a kindhearted sweetheart Sophie was. She was killing him with her dejected words. He had no idea what to say, because all he wanted to do was spew nasty words. Not at her, of course. Just let loose with words that would have her washing his mouth out with soap for a week. He already made her flinch once with his swearing,
yet she said nothing to berate him for it.

  “She’ll wake up. She’s so tough.”

  Dare rubbed the top of his sister’s hand, willing her to wake up at that very moment. He couldn’t have this conversation with Sophie on his own. He had no idea how to make her feel better. That’s all he wanted to do. Just make her feel better somehow, make her realize that none of this was her fault. He couldn’t even ask why she thought it was her fault.

  “I know…I know I’m the last person you probably want to speak to right now, but you need to rest. You’ve been here the last three days and haven’t left once. You and Emmett both need to rest.”

  A deep breath released. No words, though. He still had none. Not even to Emmett, who usually sat on the other side of the bed since they wheeled her out of surgery and put her in the ICU. She had yet to wake up. Three long, torturous days of nothing. Just her in a deep sleep. The doctors couldn’t give a definite answer if she would ever wake up. She had swelling in the brain and quite a few internal injuries that almost took her life on the table itself. Whatever other mumbo jumbo they told him, he couldn’t recall. All he heard was, “It’s not looking promising.”

  Who says shit like that? Are doctors supposed to say it so depressing and unsupportive?

  They had some strict rules in the ICU. Yet, they overlooked the rules when it came to him and Emmett. Maybe it was the dangerous glint in his eyes when he told each and every nurse, the doctor himself, that nobody would tear him away from his sister’s side until she woke up. Emmett had stood next to him, quiet as a clam, but with that same fierce look in his eyes.

  Maybe it was how every time they stepped out of the room for a small breath, or a bathroom break, or just a quick bite to eat, her vitals seemed to plummet. The minute he picked up her hand, they surged back to life just as quickly.

  That said everything he needed to know. His sister needed him right by her side. She’d wake up. She had to.

  “Stop acting like a jackass.”

  His head whipped to Sophie again.

  Her eyes were filled with water, but the hands on her hips and the defiance in her stance said a lot. “That’s right. You made me swear. That’s twice now in the past three days. And I don’t like doing it.”

  “What do you want me to say? This isn’t your fault, Sophie. I’m sorta baffled why you think so.”

  “She was upset when she left me. It probably made her distracted.” Her hands fell to her sides as her bottom lip trembled like a mini earthquake. “I…I…” Her entire body crumbled when a strong pair of arms wrapped around her. She turned immediately into Austin’s chest.

  “Shh, my pixie angel, stop blaming yourself.” Austin rubbed his hand up and down her back as his eyes connected with his. “Any change?”

  His head barely moved back and forth to say no. “You should take her home.”

  Austin nodded. “Emmett’s almost done on the phone. He’ll be back in a few minutes.” He pulled Sophie tighter in his embrace. “We’ll probably be back after supper.”

  Dare’s eyes trained on Sophie, then they shared a look. “Maybe…”

  “Don’t let her fool you. She’s a little piston. I’m wrapped around her little finger. If she says we’re coming back, we’re coming back.” The sweet grin on Austin’s face as he angled his stare at Sophie made Dare smile.

  “Well, at least convince her none of this is her fault.”

  Sophie shoved out of Austin’s arms, almost making him fall in the process as she turned toward him and wagged her finger in his face. “Then you better understand it’s not your fault either. I know you’re doing the same as me. Don’t try to deny it.”

  Dare held his one hand up in surrender, refusing to let go of Deja’s hand. “You got me.”

  Her hand brushed his cheek softly. “We do. And we’re never letting go.”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “You’re part of this family. Just accept it. Quit blaming yourself.”

  “Listen to your own words then. Deja would be pissed thinking you’re blaming yourself.”

  “Ditto.”

  The cocky smile, which looked so foreign on her sweet face, made him chuckle and relinquish control. “I know better than to keep arguing with a beautiful woman.”

  She nodded as if they settled the conversation, although the sadness cloaked her eyes once again. “We’ll be back soon. Then I want you to leave for a break. No arguments. You won’t win.”

  Austin gave him a funny look, as if saying he’d make sure Sophie stayed happy and not to mess with her, which would inadvertently be messing with him, then followed Sophie out of the room.

  He turned toward Deja and rubbed her hand one more time.

  “How is she?”

  Dare glanced at Emmett as he took a seat in the chair on the opposite side of Deja. “Same. Sophie swore.”

  Despite the seriousness behind that simple statement, Emmett chuckled. “Kinda makes her more adorable when she does.”

  Dare’s laughter joined Emmett’s. The room became silent as they both looked at Deja.

  “She’ll pull through.”

  Dare hesitated. “You really believe it?”

  “I have to.” Emmett sucked in a harsh breath. “Because the thought of losing her is unfathomable.”

  ♡

  Emmett scooted his chair closer to the bed. His arm was starting to ache from reaching out towards the bed holding Deja’s hand. He refused to let go, though. If he wasn’t holding her hand, Dare was. Someone had to hold her no matter what. He couldn’t explain it. Dare probably couldn’t either. They both just felt compelled to make sure she knew they were here. They weren’t going anywhere.

  Five days.

  She’d been in a coma for five days. The swelling in her brain had gone down and her vitals had improved significantly. Everything in surgery had gone well, repairing all the internal damage from the crash. Yet she refused to wake up.

  Emmett liked to consider this being her usual stubborn self. She’d wake up when she was ready. Thinking any other option was unacceptable. He couldn’t think any other alternative.

  He kept reliving the last time he saw her. The things he said. The things he didn’t. Why did he walk away? He should’ve fought harder to make her understand—realize—how much he loved her. How much he wanted her in his life.

  Of course, none of that would’ve prevented the accident. She still would’ve went to Sophie’s to borrow her car. She still would’ve been driving through that intersection.

  Or not.

  He could’ve let her borrow his truck. He could’ve even driven them to the Cities himself.

  Could’ve. Would’ve. Should’ve. It didn’t change anything. He couldn’t change anything, and that’s what upset him the most. He’d change places with her if he could.

  Leaning back, his hand still clasped securely with hers, he closed his eyes. Just a little shut eye. Taking turns staying awake with her took a lot of energy. But between him and Dare, one of them always wanted to be awake, waiting for the moment she would open her beautiful blue eyes.

  She had to.

  ♡

  The pressure on her hand wasn’t as bad as the pressure on her chest. Why did she feel like she was being weighed down? And her legs. She couldn’t move her legs.

  Suddenly, pain ricocheted up her legs and straight to her head. Her hand wanted to lift to cradle her head, yet the strain wouldn’t ease. Her muscles felt almost locked in a death grip as she exerted as much energy as she could to move even a tiny inch.

  Why couldn’t she move?

  Why couldn’t she see anything?

  Like her hands, chest, and legs, her eyes were burdened with heaviness. A simple blink wouldn’t erupt.

  Why couldn’t she even open her eyes? What was happening to her?

  A light whisper floated to her.

  Who was that?

  Emmett?

  Yes, it sounded like Emmett. Why did he sound so far away? Why couldn’t she he
ar what he was saying?

  It didn’t matter. Not really. His voice, regardless of the words, was soothing. Slowly, the pressure in her chest felt lighter.

  A deep breath escaped.

  “Deja?”

  Exerting all the power she had, she opened her eyes. Everything was a blur, even Emmett’s face as he leaned closer. He was leaning, wasn’t he?

  “Oh, sweetheart, talk to me. Open those beautiful eyes again.”

  His warm breath tickled her cheeks. He was definitely leaning over her. Listening to his sweet words, she tried to open her eyes again. This time she managed to keep them open longer than a second.

  Her mouth opened, but nothing came out but a croak.

  “Take your time. Let me get you some water.” Emmett reached to his left to a small table near him and swung back with a large cup with a straw.

  She took a small sip, not managing more than that.

  Warm lips touched her cheek as her eyes fluttered closed once again. “You had us all so worried. You have no idea what it means to see your beautiful eyes shining back at me. I love you so much. God, I love you.”

  Eyes still closed, she whispered, “Shut up, Emmett.”

  A soft chuckle floated around her, making her want to smile, yet her lips wouldn’t cooperate.

  “I love hearing you say that. I love hearing you say anything. Five days…”

  Opening her eyes again, she knew she must’ve given him a puzzled look because he continued, “You’ve been in a coma for five days. Do you remember what happened?”

  Intense pressure zapped her body once again. The horrible memory assaulted her. Someone hit her while she was driving. A crash. A pole. Unable to move her legs. The steering wheel almost crushing her upper body. How in the world did she survive that?

  She realized she didn’t answer Emmett, who stared at her intensely, patiently waiting for an answer. She nodded, unable to vocalize anything.

  “Dare’s here. He left a little bit ago to get some food. He’ll be right back. He’ll be just as happy as I am that you’re finally awake. You gave us quite a scare.” He squeezed her hand, not too tightly, but she wouldn’t have cared. She liked the feeling. “I should get the doctor or the nurse.”