Deserving You

by Amanda Siegrist

  She tightened the grip with his hand when he started to stand up. “No.”

  He sunk back into the chair as he cracked a grin. “I didn’t want to leave you anyway.”

  “Shut up.” Her voice felt so weak. She wanted to say more, but she didn’t know how.

  A hand brushed her cheek and across her hair. “I love you, too.”

  “Emmett…”

  “Shh.” His finger touched her lips. “It’s okay. Let’s not talk about that right now. I just need you to know that I love you and I’m not going anywhere. I haven’t gone anywhere for the past five days. There’s no way I wanted to be away from you for one second. Neither has Dare.”

  She kissed his finger. “I want to say shut up again.”

  “I know. I’m talking too much right now. You need to take everything slowly and here I am bombarding you with word after word. I’m sorry.”

  “No, that’s not it. It’s because that’s the only way I know how to say it.”

  His brows puckered. “Say what?”

  “I love you.”

  Chapter 20

  A warm hand clutched hers. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Comfortable enough?”

  She squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Emmett, I’m good. I just want to go home.” Glancing at him, she brought his hand back to his side. “Please use two hands.”

  He looked aghast, jamming both hands to the steering wheel. “I’m sorry. Are you nervous?”

  “I don’t know. I just know that I’m feeling a little jumpy being a passenger. I just want to get home.”

  “We’ll be there soon, sweetheart.”

  Ah, an endearment—again. He had been calling her sweetheart, or honey, a lot the past two weeks. It sounded lovely every time she heard it. She never was one who needed that kind of affection from a guy, but she was glad Emmett felt compelled to call her sweet names.

  Leaning her head against the headrest, she closed her eyes. The ride was fairly smooth. Closing her eyes helped the anxiety rushing through her veins of sitting in a vehicle since the accident. If she couldn’t see what was in front of her, then she wouldn’t worry as much. Not that she saw the car coming that day. It came out of nowhere, smacking the side of her vehicle with such force, she could still feel how her head slammed into the driver’s side window.

  Thinking about that wouldn’t help her now, especially while sitting in another vehicle. She trusted Emmett, though. She knew he’d get her home safely.

  A hand touched her shoulder. A loud crunching sound reverberated around them.

  “Emmett!” Her eyes shot open, bracing herself for the impact.

  “Whoa, sweetheart. It’s okay. We’re okay. We’re home. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’m so sorry. I should’ve waited to close the garage door until you opened your eyes.”

  It took her a full minute before the shaking that consumed her stopped. Emmett didn’t say another word. He just knew she needed to sit there and calm herself down.

  “I’m okay.”

  “I know you are.”

  Her eyes turned to his, the understanding reflecting brightly. He knew she needed time to deal with everything, but also knew she’d be okay. She was very thankful for that.

  “I’ll help you out.”

  He jumped out of the truck before she could protest. He’d been coddling her since the moment she woke up. She enjoyed him being near, spoiling her, making sure she was comfortable in every possible way, but she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

  The minute he opened her door and scooped her into his arms, she disregarded that ridiculous thought. She loved his arms around her. His sweetness. His desire to make her as happy as possible. Who wouldn’t?

  But did she deserve it? It always came down to that.

  After everything that happened between them, she still wasn’t sure she did.

  “I can walk, you know. I didn’t break my legs.”

  “Yeah, but they’re plenty bruised.” He opened the door to the house, very awkwardly, but successfully, and slammed it shut with his boot. “Besides, I like holding you.”

  She started to say she liked it, too, when the surroundings finally registered with her. “Emmett, this isn’t my house.” Then she realized what she said. She didn’t have a home anymore. She had given Sophie the keys to the house and left. Her and Dare had been living out of a motel.

  Why did Emmett bring her to his house? Why would he call it home?

  He gently set her on the couch, then sat next to her, grabbing her hand. His fingers brushed hers, up then down, soft as a feather. His touch sent a rush of desire straight through her.

  “You asked me to take you home…”

  She couldn’t even look him in the eye. “I don’t have—”

  He turned her head and brushed his lips to hers. Being greedy, she stayed locked to him, making the kiss hotter than any of the other ones he delivered in the hospital. Turning his body, he pulled her closer. She didn’t need any further signal he wanted her just as much as she wanted him. She rolled onto his lap, her hands to his chest.

  He pulled away, drawing in heavy breaths. “I want to…but later. We need to talk.”

  “We can talk later.” She went to kiss him again, but his hands squeezing her hips had her halting any movement.

  “We’ll talk now.” He sighed heavily, then started to rummage in his pocket as best as he could with her sitting on his lap. “You asked me to take you home. So I did.”

  Her mouth dropped open as she stared at the ring he’d given her.

  “One of the nurses gave it to me. She said you were wearing it around your neck. Your heart knows what it wants. Your mind is fighting it.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Quit fighting me. Just let me in. I know you said you love me, but you’re still fighting it.”

  “Emmett…” She didn’t know what to say. What could she say? He was right. Every single word. She didn’t know how to stop fighting it. She felt like she’d been fighting her entire life. Stopping just like that would take a miracle.

  “Deja, I love you. I always will.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m not perfect. I’ll more than likely piss you off at times. But I will always love you. Make a home with me. Marry me.”

  She wasn’t perfect either. And she knew without a doubt she’d probably piss him off as well.

  “Talk to me. Say anything.” He chuckled. “Well, not anything. You can’t say no.”

  How could she not love this man? He made her laugh when she didn’t want to laugh.

  “I don’t know how to stop fighting. I don’t think I deserve you.”

  The sweetest smile filled his face as he took the ring off the chain and grabbed her hand. “And I don’t deserve you.” He slid the ring onto her finger.

  “I never said yes.”

  “You never said no.”

  “You said I couldn’t.”

  He winked.

  She couldn’t help but laugh as she squeezed his hand and kissed him. This time he let her. A brief one. But it was enough. It said enough.

  “I’m scared, Emmett.” She never admitted things like that. Even saying the words out loud scared the shit out of her.

  “Me, too. Love is scary.” He cradled her face, his thumbs rubbing her cheeks softly. “But it’s also exhilarating and fun and something I want to feel every day of my life. With you. Nobody but you.” He kissed her again, hard and unyielding. “I almost lost you, Deja. That feeling…it was horrible. I never want to feel like that again.”

  She never wanted to make him feel like that again either. She could relate. When the bailiffs walked Dare out of the courtroom ten years ago, her life felt like it was ending. She lost her brother. Even though he was alive and breathing, she had lost him. Now he was back. She never wanted to lose him again.

  If she could love Dare, frightened for the day she might lose him once again, why couldn’t she do the same with Emmett?

  She didn’
t think she deserved him. He thought the same thing. But they both deserved love. Didn’t they?

  Grabbing him by the shirt, she yanked his mouth to hers, delving deep, throwing all her erratic emotions into the kiss, letting him know how crazy he made her.

  “I love you, Emmett McCord. I wouldn’t want to love anyone else.”

  “That’s all I needed to hear.” He smiled. “Welcome home, sweetheart.”

  ♡

  He pushed the doorbell, then took two steps back. One step for some air he needed desperately. Another step just in case a fist came at his face.

  Less than thirty seconds later, the door swung open. Ethan stared at him, not giving much away what he was thinking.

  “Want a beer?”

  Dare didn’t know what to think, but nodded and followed Ethan inside. He took a seat on the couch, his normal spot when he lived with him and waited for Ethan to come back with their beers.

  He had seen Ethan quite a bit at the hospital while Deja was there. Especially in the beginning when she was in the ICU. The entire McCord family took turns visiting, making sure him and Emmett were never alone. They weren’t allowed to stay in the room as him and Emmett were, but they hung around until the next person arrived to relieve them. He honestly didn’t think they stayed there just for moral support for Emmett. They stayed because they considered Deja a part of their family.

  Ethan plopped down next to him and handed him a beer. He took a sip, his eyes glued to the television where the Twins were playing. He hated to admit he was afraid to look Ethan in the eye.

  “I’m sorry—”

  “I acted—”

  They both laughed, then Ethan cleared his throat. “Let me go first.” He opened his mouth to dispute that, really wanting to be the one to go first, when Ethan shook his head. “I need to go first. You had every right to get upset. We should’ve never questioned you, accused you like that. I’m sorry, man.”

  Dare fiddled with the beer bottle before looking him in the eye. “I wanted to make him feel the pain. I wanted to sic my friends on him. I wanted to so badly.”

  Ethan nodded. “But you didn’t.”

  “No, I didn’t. I reacted badly—”

  “No, dude, we did.”

  He chuckled and held out his bottle. “I’m ready to move on and forget about it. You?”

  Ethan tapped his bottle with his, then they both took a sip. “Wanna watch the game?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  They sat in silence for a while, a comfortable silence, watching the game, cheering when it called for it, booing when it warranted it.

  “Shit, that ump is making the worst calls.” Ethan stood up. “Another beer?”

  “Yeah, just one more. I should go soon.”

  Ethan nodded and walked out of the room. When he strolled back in, he handed him a beer, his face drawn in a hard frown.

  “You okay?”

  “You aren’t still staying in that motel, are you?”

  “I’m still in a motel near the hospital. Sophie…” He took a sip of beer. “She’s a sweetheart, but I don’t want to live in her house. It’s too big.”

  “I didn’t know Sophie offered her house to you.” Ethan rubbed a hand over his chin. “Well, you know you can have your old room back.”

  He chuckled. “Old room? I didn’t know I stayed here that long for it to be considered my old room.”

  “Well, the offer stands.” He sighed. “I should’ve offered days ago. I just didn’t know how pissed you were still and the thing with Deja…your old room is available is all I’m saying.”

  Dare clinked beer bottles with him again and smiled. “Then I guess I can have another beer after this one. Thanks, Ethan.”

  “Hey, man, anything for family. You know it’ll be official as soon as Emmett convinces Deja to wear the ring again.”

  “Don’t think it’ll take much convincing this time.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  Chapter 21

  Emmett raised his glass with a huge smile. He didn’t think his smile could get any larger, but when he looked into Deja’s eyes, he knew it could. Just looking into her beautiful ocean blue eyes made him smile like a man in love with the best woman on the planet. And he was. To think he dragged his ass for so long, hiding his feelings for her, afraid she’d reject him and lose her from his life altogether.

  Now look at his life. It was perfect.

  He cleared his throat. “I want to make a toast. Just a few words.” He glanced across the living room to where Deja sat next to Sophie and Ava, holding little Jimmy in her arms. The picture sent an immediate sense of rightness and impatience. He wanted to kick everyone out and make sweet love to his fiancé. Without any protection. She looked so beautiful holding a baby, it almost made his heart hurt.

  “Any day now, Emmett,” Ethan joked.

  “Right.” He held out his glass a little more. “I just want to say that I’m happy you could all be here. This party was a last minute idea, but both of us were excited to share the news of our engagement.”

  “Again.” Austin winked.

  “Right.” He gave both Ethan and Austin a glare to shut the hell up. “Deja is the most courageous, strongest woman I have ever met, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. The last few weeks, especially those first few hours after the accident, were probably one of the most horrifying moments of my life. I think we can all agree it would’ve been another huge loss to this family if she would’ve never pulled through.”

  His voice started to crack as water filled his eyes. Damn it, he wouldn’t cry in front of his family. Steeling his features, he cleared his throat and willed the water to dissipate. “I’m blessed to have such a wonderful family and I’m excited to start a new one with you. I love you, Deja.”

  Deja handed little Jimmy to Ava and stood up somewhat wobbly. Dare was by her side in an instant.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re still healing. Take it easy. He ain’t going anywhere.”

  Deja laughed and playfully shoved Dare out of the way. She was in his arms within five steps. “Why did you have to get all sappy?”

  “I have no idea.” He pulled her closer, sinking his head into the crook of her neck. “All I know is I saw you sitting there and I just felt compelled to say something. I know the last few weeks have been crazy, but I just need you to know how much I love you. How much I want to take care of you.” His voice dropped lower as he pressed a few kisses in between each word. “How much I want to make love to you. With no condom. No pill.”

  Her breathing became heavy as she snuggled closer. “Emmett, your family is in the room.”

  “I know. I wish they’d leave.”

  She giggled, then stepped back. Which was probably for the best. He didn’t trust himself not to continue taking advantage of her.

  “Thank you everyone for coming tonight.” She let out a huge breath. “Thank you for being there for me. If I was cranky at any point, well, you know I didn’t mean it.”

  Austin stood the closest and pulled her into a hug. “We love you, Deja.”

  Without warning, everyone decided to grab a hug from him and Deja, congratulating them once again. Soon after, they all said their goodbyes and left. Ethan couldn’t hold back when he walked him to the door.

  “Have fun having some hanky panky.”

  As much as it annoyed him, it also made him laugh. He was about to have some fun making sweet love to his fiancé. Or, in the words of Ethan, hanky panky.

  Emmett locked the door, then scooped Deja into his arms and almost all but ran to the bedroom. Playfully, he threw her onto the bed and covered her body with his.

  “I shouldn’t have done that. You just got home from the hospital, and here I am, throwing you around.”

  “And ravishing me silly at all hours of the night. What is wrong with you?”

  The twinkle in her eyes had him laughing as he took her shirt off. “Would it be corny to say I’m crazy in love?
”

  “Yeah.” She chuckled as she helped him take his shirt off. “But I like hearing it.” Her hands ran up his chest and up and over his shoulders, then down his back. “So, no pill or condoms, uh? Are you sure?”

  “Only if you’re okay with it. If you’re okay with possibly getting pregnant before we’re married.”

  “When are we getting married? Here we had this impromptu engagement party and we didn’t announce a date.”

  “Whenever. You can plan it all. I just want to say I do.”

  “I guess I could ask Sophie for help. I don’t know the first thing about planning a wedding.”

  He started to layer kisses up and down her neck. “We could always see if Austin and Sophie want to have a double wedding.”

  She shivered, whether from his kisses or his words, he didn’t care. He loved when she trembled like that. “That would be great. I would love that.”

  He lifted his head, kissing her on the lips. “You know what? I think Sophie would, too. I’m sure Austin isn’t going to argue about it. I know I won’t.”

  “It was your idea.”

  “Yeah, but it also makes you happy.”

  She grabbed his face, landing a kiss of all kisses on his lips. They tangled tongues, their bodies molding together as if they were one. They didn’t even get to the best part yet, but in that moment, he didn’t need to be joined in that way. Kissing her, holding her, was enough.

  “No pill or condom.”

  Her whispered words echoed around the room. He had hoped she’d say that, but honestly didn’t know if she would.

  “Have I told you how lucky I am? Because I am the luckiest guy in the world to have such a beautiful, amazing woman like you.”

  She chuckled as her fingers grazed down his back. “Remember that tomorrow when I walk back in the office and see what kind of mess you made.”

  He tried to stop the wince, to hide the truth in those words.

  “It hasn’t been that long. Please tell me you didn’t make the office a complete disaster.”

  Shrugging, his face lit up with laughter. “I didn’t take it well when you left.”