Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  ‘I’d prefer to walk. Tell me where and where. I’ll see you then.’

  Five minutes later he sent the address of a five-star hotel that specialised in afternoon tea.

  It made her smile.

  ‘And you agree with this, Mabel?’ asked Paolo.

  ‘Agree with what?’

  ‘The division of the work in production?’

  ‘Considering I implemented it, of course I agree,’ she replied looking back down at her tablet. ‘Do you have a problem?’

  ‘And you can knock back and question our figures?’ added John, looking nervously at her.

  ‘And does this make you God?’ she heard and turned to see Alex sitting next to her. Then he glanced down at her tablet as she turned it over. ‘We have to accept what you say?’

  ‘Use your common sense and experience to see what’s too high and what’s not. If I see it then you’re not doing your job properly, are you?’

  Today she felt defiant and stared right into his eyes.

  Alex stared back, but his was less defiant, more annoyed as he looked at the tablet then back at her.

  Within seconds, a heated debate had broken out regarding trust between colleagues.

  ‘You’re going to see him?’ Alex whispered, moving closer. ‘Even after the way he treated you?’

  ‘I’m still speaking to you after the way you treated me,’ she mumbled back, turning off her tablet. ‘And it’s rude to read over someone’s shoulder.’

  ‘I’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes while you were staring lovingly at his message.’

  ‘What do you care?’ Mabel noticed Lauren at the end of the table, looking over. ‘You moved on pretty quickly.’

  She heard a massive huff come out of his lungs.

  ‘Did you listen to anything I said?’ Alex moved even closer. ‘Or were you too busy letting others fill your head with nonsense about me?’

  ‘He was right though, wasn’t he?’ Mabel noticed Alex flinch.

  ‘Now onto ‘Love to Love’,’ Reuben said.

  ‘I can’t be here for this bit of the meeting,’ Mabel said, standing up. ‘It’s Tommy’s account and it would be rude for me to intervene.’

  ‘And that’s the only reason?’ Alex asked loudly. ‘Are you sure there’s no conflict?’

  ‘Why don’t you tell them if you’re so clever? And don’t think I don’t know what else you wrote about me on my profile. Fruit indeed!’

  ‘Oranges are better the bananas,’ he said, looking right up at her, as something stirred deep in her guy. ‘I’m going to convince you once again, so help me God.’

  ‘Rose!’

  Mabel saw the little girl run up to her, giving a big hug. She then noticed her mother, Francesca, and Alex standing further away. ‘I’ve not seen you for ages!’

  ‘Hello,’ she said, looking excitedly at her. ‘How’s Lottie?’

  ‘Sulking due to a boy being mean.’

  ‘They are horrible,’ Rose replied, her little pink cheeks glowing.

  ‘I know. And they don’t get any better as they get older,’ she said, waving to Francesca and ignoring Alex. ‘What are you up to this fine Saturday afternoon?’

  ‘Park and pizza.’

  ‘Come and say goodbye to your mum,’ Alex said loudly. ‘She needs to head off.’

  ‘Can I come and see you later?’ she asked, looking pleadingly at her.

  ‘I’m off to get some things for a barbeque, so I’m more than happy for you to join us.’ Then she watched Alex walk closer. ‘I’ll leave it up to you. It starts at five.’

  ‘What does?’ he asked, looking at Mabel up and down.

  ‘Mabel has invited us to a barbeque and I’d like to go. Can we go?’

  Alex went bright red and Mabel knew why.

  ‘I know about you and daddy not doing sleepovers,’ the little girl said sweetly. ‘But I still want to be your friend.’

  Alex glared down at the pavement.

  ‘It’s a girl’s only zone then! Which is good, as there’s more ice cream for us!’ Mabel said cheerfully, making the child smile. Then she looked at Alex. ‘Drop her off and you can go off and do your thing if that’s okay with you.’

  ‘I’m not invited?’

  ‘If you think my roast is burnt, you should taste my barbeque chicken! It’s decimated.’ Rose laughed at her comment as Mabel headed off. ‘I’ll see you guys later.’

  Mabel was beginning to see she was handling the split much better than she did with Wes.

  She felt a little bit proud about her behaviour.

  Well, she was forty-one years old, after all.

  ‘So, you dumped my mum!’

  Was Jess’s greeting to Alex when Rose was out of earshot. He was standing at the door. ‘That’s what oldies seem to do, don’t they? Grandma’s always knocking her boyfriends on the head.’

  ‘That’s because they’re so old, she’s hoping they’ll die and leave her something in their will,’ said Mabel, watching Alex look uneasy. ‘Are you staying or going?’

  ‘I don’t want to make it uncomfortable,’ he replied, looking down at his feet.

  Just then, he looked quite sweet.

  ‘My children had to be told about their father leaving me due to a lack of sperm loyalty. You’re a piece of piss,’ she mumbled, gesturing for him to come in. ‘But don’t get into a conversation about it with Lottie. She thinks it was because of her asking you to move in.’

  ‘Mabel,’ he grimaced. ‘She doesn’t, does she?’

  ‘I told her it was because you didn’t like me enough,’ she replied lightly, not wanting him to see her squirm when she said it. ‘It happens. Help yourself to a drink. You know where everything is.’

  Taking out the partly cooked chicken from the oven, Mabel went outside and saw Rose excitedly speak to Lottie. Then her eldest looked at Alex and didn’t smile. The look she gave him made Mabel want to laugh as it was as icy as the ones he had a habit of throwing.

  ‘Be nice,’ Mabel mouthed to her child. ‘For Rose.’

  She knew Lottie was anti-male, other than her belated father and Calum.

  When Alex stepped out, Lottie nodded as if acknowledging him then took Rose into the house.

  He sat down, facing the sun and looked over towards what she was doing.

  ‘Do you need any help?’ he asked, sitting up. ‘I’m good at barbeques. I have one on the balcony, from time to time, when I can be bothered.’

  ‘I’m fine thanks. I know what I’m doing.’

  Happily checking the coals and putting wood chips on top, she placed the chicken on the barbeque, basting it all and then pulled down the lid.

  ‘Jess, can you help me get the things out of the fridge?’ she shouted and saw her daughter gazing at her phone, balancing a bowl in one hand, without looking where she was going. ‘You’re going to drop it.’ Mabel took it away and pushed her towards the table. ‘Sit down and make polite conversation.’

  ‘Okay,’ she mischievously smiled and Mabel immediately regretted it.

  ‘How are you?’ Alex asked, looking a little worried. ‘All good?’

  ‘You know,’ she shrugged. ‘Coming to terms with the loss of my father is pretty tough.’

  ‘I lost my dad a few months back and I know it’s hard.’

  ‘Then you upsetting mum hasn’t helped matters.’

  ‘Jess, he didn’t upset me. We’re still on speaking terms,’ she happily said, before turning and mumbling, ‘Just.’

  ‘Why is it that males think they can let you down? I don’t get it,’ Jess continued and Mabel could tell from her tone of voice, she wasn’t going to let it go. ‘It’s clear to me that you were upset about something, like your dad passing away, and probably thought mum was like an old blanket.’

  ‘Old blanket?’ asked Alex, frowning.

  ‘You know, comforting and warm, like she is to us. Then when dad died, she needed something like that too. What I’ve read on the internet, you shouldn’t have relationships lik
e a year after you lose someone close. You don’t make the best decisions.’

  She looked at her wise young/old child and wanted to laugh.

  ‘And she’s effectively your boss,’ continued Jess, making Mabel want to laugh out a little. ‘No offence Alex, but she could pull someone a little but more successful than you if she told them what her gross fortune was.’

  ‘Gross fortune?’ Mabel asked, surprised by the comment. ‘Where are you getting this from?’

  ‘I asked grandma with all this work you’re doing and if the business is increasing, what’s your value?’

  ‘You mean what her share is?’ added Alex, looking confused.

  ‘And, believe me,’ she said, touching Alex’s arm. ‘Right now, and in the predicted future, it’s a lot.’

  ‘You should go into business,’ he smiled uneasily.

  ‘If it carries on with the trajectory growth, the three of them might sell it and I won’t have to work.’

  Mabel knew there would be a catch.

  ‘You are a cross between both your grandmothers,’ Mabel laughed out loudly.

  ‘Grandma Joanna and I are not related,’ Jess said to Alex in a knowledgeable tone. ‘But she says her and I are like two lost souls who have come together.’

  ‘I bloody well hope not.’ Mabel turned to look at her child. ‘No smoking and certainly no piercings until you’re sixteen. I just about let you use the make-up she gets for you.’ Then she looked at Alex. ‘Chanel and Yves St Laurent my child wears; none of your cheap supermarket brands.’

  ‘It’s all about quality,’ Jess sighed and stood up. ‘It was nice talking to you. I’m pleased you’re both speaking. She didn’t talk to my dad for three and a half years after they split. Granny Baba says mum nurses pain like a heroin addict needs drugs.’

  ‘Did she now?’ sighed Mabel, folding her arms and watching Alex smile. ‘She’s a bitch.’

  ‘She might have a point?’

  Jess grinned and walked away.

  ‘And I might make you live with her,’ mumbled Mabel, getting her glass of wine and taking a sip.

  ‘Oh, and Grandma Joanna said you and Alex were like two lost souls who haven’t got your shit together.’

  ‘Jess!’

  The child ran away into the house, laughing all the way to her room.

  Alex was looking at her and she wondered what was going on behind the pretty eyes.

  Then she realised he probably had Lauren in his bed the night before, or someone else.

  A massive stab of despair thudded into her chest, so she turned and pretended to look after the barbeque.

  She then heard footsteps pounding down the stairs as Lottie and Rose came out.

  ‘Hello Alex,’ Lottie said in her cool tone. ‘It’s really good that Rose has come around again. We missed her.’

  Again, Mabel knew what the child was up to.

  ‘And she missed you,’ he replied, with a tinkle of amusement in his voice.

  ‘Rose, please help yourself to a drink,’ Mabel said, seeing her male guest was going to get verbally attacked by both her daughters.

  ‘Thank you,’ she replied, walking into the kitchen.

  ‘I’m sorry if asking Rose and you to move in made you change your mind about mum,’ she began, making Mabel turn around to look at her. Alex’s face couldn’t hide his anguish. ‘But as she said, you weren’t suited and I now see why.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because Rose says you have lots of girlfriends and had one when you were with her mum,’ whispered Lottie, leaning down so Rose wouldn’t hear. ‘And that’s not right. Saying you like someone when you like other girls too!’

  ‘That’s not true,’ he replied, looking aghast by the comment.

  ‘Lottie, this isn’t necessary,’ Mabel whispered, walking towards the table. ‘Sometimes people don’t like each other the same. That’s all.’

  ‘But daddy loved you up to the moment he died, didn’t he?’

  ‘Yes, but that was different.’

  ‘You should have been with him, shouldn’t you?’

  ‘He married someone else,’ Mabel said, flummoxed on what was going on in Lottie’s head. ‘Alex and I can be friends because it wasn’t serious enough not to be.’

  ‘But he came over for sleepovers,’ her child persisted and Mabel spotted Rose walking back out, carefully holding a fruit carton. ‘Why would you let him do that?’

  ‘Because I wanted someone to cuddle me.’ Mabel turned to Rose and smiled. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ the little girl asked, sipping her drink.

  ‘Life,’ Lottie said, flashing Alex a dirty look before whispering, ‘So you didn’t send my mum the flowers?’

  ‘No,’ he said, and Mabel swore Alex looked upset.

  ‘Well whoever did, I think my mum should go out with them. They probably like her more than you did.’ Lottie stuck her nose up in the air and turned around to speak to Rose. ‘Shall we play the dance game?’

  The girls walked back in, not before Lottie gave Alex an evil glare.

  ‘Shall I go?’ he asked, looking upset. ‘It seems your girls don’t like me right now.’

  ‘I told you about Lottie and that boy. Jess is a wind-up merchant. Sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I bet other people you’ve seen didn’t have kids, did they?’ Mabel smiled. ‘They were probably too young.’

  ‘I’m going,’ Alex said, suddenly standing up. ‘This isn’t helping.’

  ‘Okay?’ Mabel didn’t know what to think and wasn’t going to stop him. ‘If that’s what you want.’

  ‘I know what I want, but I’m a loss on how to turn it around,’ he said, staring straight at her. ‘I realise I spoilt it between us, okay?’

  ‘Come and pick up Rose when you’re ready. We’re not going anywhere.’

  She felt sick and didn’t want to talk about what happened. It was too raw.

  ‘Sure,’ he said, putting down his bottle of beer and heading out, not before kissing Rose goodbye.

  And as Mabel watched him, she realised her mother was right.

  He was a lost soul.

  ‘I have to leave at one o’clock.’

  The Friday arrived when she was going to meet Lee. Mabel wasn’t quite sure what she felt and realised it was a cross between fear and loathing.

  Both meant she didn’t want to go.

  It was also the night of Tommy’s birthday party.

  All senior heads of department had been summoned to attend a meeting regarding the current accounts at Wyatt Haynes.

  For the first time, there was a structure and the decision makers all sat in the room.

  Mabel grinned at the agenda.

  ‘Why do you have to leave precisely then?’ asked Calum, looking at her with deep suspicion.

  ‘Part timer, or have you forgotten?’

  ‘I’m still not speaking to you.’

  ‘Funny, your mouth seems to be opening quite a lot with stuff coming out of it.’ She smiled and discreetly pinched his arse so no-one could see. He jumped. ‘Still sulking about the fact I’m better at business than you?’

  ‘And why do you look,’ he hesitated. ‘Nice?’

  Mabel was wearing a pale blue shift dress and had her medium black wedge heels.

  ‘I’m going to meet a friend for lunch,’ she replied, and before he could ask who, Mabel walked off to her usual corner of the room, where she could stare out the window.

  Then everyone came in, arms full of tablets, laptops and notebooks.

  Alex and his crew had portfolios and boards.

  Mabel glanced across the office and noticed Tommy was giving a tour to the two new people in their department. James, who was young and keen, and Alma, who was in her early thirties and seemed on the ball.

  Both would fit well in her team; plus, she did a full background and reference check to make sure they had no underhand secrets.

  Then she turned and saw Alex looking at her up and down, before bi
ting his lip.

  When he came back later Saturday evening to pick up Rose, he was loaded with a large tub of ice cream for the girls from their favourite place.

  It seemed he wanted to win their favour.

  And he had a small tub of chocolate orange for Mabel.

  She had no idea what he was up to, but ate it, realising it made her think of him.

  ‘Hello everyone,’ her mother said, walking into the room and smiling. She stopped when she saw Mabel before continuing. ‘We’ve decided to make the meetings more structured due to some complaints. Calum will lead. I’m just here to listen in.’

  Joanna sat at the head of the table, and the meeting began.

  Mabel flicked through the figures. There was nothing much for her to say as any queries she would flag up afterwards.

  There was an exciting buzz in the air, due to everyone creaming themselves over the new clients and creative work.

  When Alex presented, Mabel made sure she didn’t look up once.

  Rapturous applauds and gasps were heard.

  This pissed Mabel off.

  She shook her head from side to side at their exuberance over their own creations.

  Ticking off what they were going through, they were soon approaching the end of the meeting and it was coming up to twelve thirty.

  ‘Any other business?’ someone asked and there were a few murmurs.

  Knowing she had to leave, Mabel stood up.

  ‘Sorry, I have an appointment,’ she said, pretending to be remorseful when she wasn’t.

  ‘Can’t you stay another fifteen minutes,’ her mother asked, forcing a smile. ‘You do look lovely today. Going anywhere special?’

  ‘You know me,’ she happily replied, walking past her.

  ‘Yes, I do know you, and that’s the problem,’ she heard her say under her breath. ‘I need you to ring me at four o’clock. There’s something quite urgent I want to speak to you about.’

  ‘What’s that?’ Mabel knew her mother was checking up on her. ‘Can’t it wait?’

  ‘And we’ll see you at Tommy’s party tonight?’

  ‘I’ll be there.’ And just to shit stir, she leant over and kissed Joanna on the cheek. ‘Have a nice afternoon.’