Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  Her mother’s face was a picture not to mention Calum’s.

  Rushing off to get her things, Mabel spoke briefly to her team before leaving.

  Alex was standing by the staircase.

  ‘I don’t think you should go,’ he said, stepping in front of her. ‘You know this guy isn’t to be trusted.’

  ‘I’m going to talk about what happened and smooth things over,’ she replied, not wanting to make eye contact.

  ‘It has been smoothed over.’

  ‘For you and this company. But not for me.’ Mabel bit her lip and looked up. ‘I’m not an idiot. I’m seeing things a little clearer now.’

  ‘Including me?’ Alex glanced away. ‘Is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘Let’s move on. I want to straighten things out so this shitty episode is behind me.’

  ‘May Day, I really don’t want you to go.’ Alex stepped closer. ‘Please don’t do anything silly.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Don’t fall for what he says. Be careful.’

  ‘After thinking I fell in love with you, I’ve learnt my lesson and will be very careful.’

  And as she walked out, there was a sudden sinking feeling in her gut, knowing how much she still loved Alex.

  He was the best thing that happened to her for years until he decided otherwise.

  ‘I’m so pleased you came.’

  Lee stood up, as she walked into the room.

  This wasn’t the man who seemed upset when she last saw him.

  This version of Lee looked healthy and happy.

  Then she remembered what she was doing and why.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, as they kissed cheeks before sitting down.

  They were in a corner of a large, beautiful room. A few people were scattered about, and Mabel looked around.

  ‘This is a lovely place to have tea,’ she said and noticed he had a glass of champagne. A bottle was in an ice bucket, to the side. ‘I can’t drink, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘One glass,’ she said, feeling uncomfortable.

  Then they chatted politely, talking around their last conversations and his texts.

  Mabel wondered if he was building up to it, or he was going to pretend it never happened.

  She happily listened, joining in when needed and he seemed animated.

  It’s as if nothing bad ever happened between them.

  He filled her glass again. She then made sure it was only half way.

  ‘You don’t want to drink with me, do you?’ he asked, looking perplexed. ‘I want us to move forward.’

  Mabel sat back in her chair to look at him.

  ‘Why would you film us making love?’ Mabel watched his smile slip.

  ‘I thought we could forget about it.’

  ‘How can I?’ She knew composure was needed. ‘What are you going to do with the footage?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he said, grabbing her palm. ‘I would never upset you.’

  ‘I had no responses because someone deleted them.’

  She gently removed her hand.

  ‘Ah yes,’ he said, looking pissed off. ‘Your agency’s research was a little underhand.’

  ‘Most agencies would have done it. And they wanted to see what worked and what didn’t. It gave you good creative.’

  ‘And you.’

  She tried not to grimace.

  ‘I knew we would be perfect together. When you didn’t return my calls, I tried to find you and let’s be honest, Mabel isn’t a common name.’ Lee smiled. ‘And then I found out you worked for Wyatt Haynes but you never said.’

  ‘I didn’t know who you were until just before the pitch. I had to tell Joanna Haynes, and she was very angry with me.’ She wasn’t going to mention the naked pictures she had of him on her phone. ‘I nearly lost my job.’ Another lie she could cover. ‘I didn’t know you were still married. You said you were separated.’

  ‘Maybe I wasn’t so honest.’ Lee looked a little ashen. ‘Then when I realised you worked for Wyatt Haynes it became a little complicated.’

  ‘I can’t trust you.’

  ‘I’m getting divorced. That’s not a lie, but I don’t want my wife to know I was with you. That would complicate things, like the final split of assets.’

  ‘Because she’ll say it was adultery.’

  ‘What woman wouldn’t?’

  Something didn’t make sense.

  ‘You set up the camera in that room on the fly then?’ she asked, still trying to figure it out. ‘Why?’

  ‘I’ve made a few silly mistakes while I’ve been with my wife,’ he said, forcing a smile. ‘And when people find out who I am and what I own, they get a bit greedy.’

  ‘People being women?’

  ‘I’ve had to make sure there’s no comeback for me.’

  The hairs stood up on the back of her neck, and she was getting a bad feeling about the conversation.

  ‘Lee, I have two teenage daughters, as you know. I don’t want them to see things about me which are none of their business. I would never have got your wife involved. Remember? My ex cheated on me.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, seeming genuinely apologetic. ‘I was going crazy with worry. How do I know Joanna Haynes won’t say anything? Did you tell anyone else?’

  ‘No,’ she lied, not wanting to land everyone in trouble. ‘Destroy the footage. My head was all over the place.’

  ‘But your body was all over me,’ he whispered.

  Her heart sank knowing whose body she was thinking about.

  ‘I’ll delete the footage. I promise you,’ Lee whispered.

  ‘How do I know you’ll do it?’

  ‘Because that’s what I usually do after I’ve stopped needing your services.’

  Mabel hated the sound of that.

  ‘I’ll be there in five minutes.’

  Mabel hung up on Bob Jones.

  When she left Lee, she knew he had done it to other women.

  Filmed them then disposed of the footage after he got what he wanted.

  Though he hadn’t said what he wanted from her.

  It didn’t take a fool to figure out what.

  Sex.

  She took the bus back and thought hard about what she was going to do.

  Rushing to the bar and knowing she was going to be a little late, Mabel spotted Bob with a gorgeous young woman.

  ‘Hello there,’ he sighed on seeing here. ‘I wondered where you were.’

  ‘Have you dug up anything on Lee?’ she instantly asked, smiling at the young woman’s confused expression.

  ‘You’re going to need a drink,’ he said. The woman turned her head and forced a smile. ‘I’m getting them in. Rio, I just need to speak to my old friend for a moment. Will you be okay?’

  ‘Sure,’ she replied, flicking a disgruntled glance over at Mabel.

  ‘I’ve got to meet the others soon. Tell me more.’

  Getting the drinks, Bob led her out to the front of the bar.

  ‘You look really pretty,’ he sighed.

  ‘Bob?’

  ‘You were right,’ he said, leaning down to whisper. ‘He uses the website to find women. I mean it’s his, so he can meet anyone he likes. And he obviously liked you.’

  ‘That’s sick.’ Mabel looked around and noticed a crowd of people from her agency go down the road where they were all meeting. She stepped to the side so as not to be seen. ‘I have no idea what he’s up to.’

  ‘He finds women with something to lose, like a family or a business reputation. Slowly, they fall for him, and one thing leads to another. Before too long they want commitment, but he can’t give it.’

  ‘Because he’s married.’

  ‘Exactly but doesn’t mean to say he wants to end it. So, he films them having sex, making sure they never mention it to his wife because he’ll show it to others.’

  ‘That’s his insurance?’ Mabel was getting angrier by the second. ‘Then he can blackmail them into se
nding the film to people who matter in their life if they don’t agree.’ She pondered for a moment. ‘And everyone agrees, I take it?’

  ‘When he’s finished, they’re relieved and he moves onto the next one. That website is his pussy pot of gold, pardon my French.’

  ‘What a fucker!’

  ‘But the problem is, you’re a bigger pot of gold, and he doesn’t know it yet.’

  ‘Because of the agency?’

  ‘And he’s spending a lot of money there.’ Bob looked worried. ‘Imagine what he could imply about the relationship between him and you, saying he was coerced if you don’t agree to what he wants. Then your agency’s reputation is questioned but not his.’

  ‘I’m not giving him anything; you can be certain of that!’

  ‘Can you?’

  Her heart sunk because she knew the last thing she wanted was for the agency to get into trouble based on her bad decision.

  ‘I need your help; I really do,’ she said, on the verge of tears. ‘I can’t let mum and Calum lose the business, but I equally don’t want to have someone blackmailing me into things I don’t want to do.’

  ‘I’ll help as much as I can.’ Then he gently kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’m doing this out of respect for your late husband and my fondness for you. Any other time I’d hang your brother out to dry,’ Bob laughed. ‘And I fancy your mum.’

  ‘You are a hound dog, aren’t you?’

  She noticed Bob did a double take and smiled at something behind her.

  ‘Hello Alex,’ he said, stepping aside and giving him a handshake people did nowadays that Mabel could never figure out. Crossing palms and knuckle touching. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Really well,’ he replied and Mabel turned her head, wondering if he was with Lauren or another woman.

  He was alone.

  ‘I’ll be in touch,’ Bob said, touching Mabel’s cheek. ‘Don’t go there.’

  ‘Okay.’

  Turning around she started to walk, realising Alex was behind her.

  ‘What were you talking to Bob about?’ he asked, catching her up. ‘You both didn’t look very happy.’

  ‘He’s trying to help me with something.’

  ‘And how was your date?’

  ‘It wasn’t a date.’

  Alex then stepped in front of her, making Mabel stop. He pushed up his sunglasses and peered down.

  ‘I need to speak to you,’ he said, looking pensive. ‘I know you don’t want to talk to me. I understand. I’ve not done things properly, once again. Seems that I like to fuck up.’

  ‘Right now,’ she said, trying to hold on to her angst about him being nice, and Lee being a devious shit. ‘I’m the one that’s fucking things up, not you.’

  ‘I get scared,’ Alex whispered. ‘Really scared when I can’t get my head around a few things.’

  ‘Don’t say anything. You don’t have to. I don’t blame you for sleeping with Lauren within hours. She’s gorgeous and you’ve been on and off for a while.’

  ‘What did you say?’ The man looked confused. ‘You think I went to bed with her after we broke up?’

  ‘You told me you did,’ Mabel said, stepping back to look at him.

  ‘Is that what you think?’ he snapped, getting angry. ‘I’d do that to you?’

  ‘You broke up, forgetting to tell me, other than you wanted to run a mile based on your resignation,’ she replied calmly. ‘Isn’t that enough of a hint?’

  ‘You really are-.’

  He marched off towards the bar.

  Then he stopped and came storming back.

  ‘You know Tommy’s sister; his twin is celebrating too?’ Alex said, still agitated. ‘And she’s inviting people from work, a place called ‘Love to Love’.’

  That was when Mabel’s mouth dropped open.

  ‘He told you? Fuck!’ she said loudly, forgetting about the connection. ‘Fuck!’

  ‘And that’s exactly what you did with him which has got you and us into this mess.’

  ‘Us being the agency?’

  ‘Us being us.’

  ‘You know what, your pearls of wisdom and insight into things leaves me speechless!’

  ‘Kissing you leaves me speechless!’

  And off he stormed towards the bar leaving Mabel … speechless.

  ‘You’re late!’

  Calum was standing at the crowded bar. Mabel knew he probably had his card behind it and, therefore, was checking the spending. ‘Where’ve you been?’

  ‘Talking to Bob Jones,’ she replied and watched him pull a face. ‘He’s a good friend.’

  ‘Sure, he is.’

  ‘Where’s mum?’ she whispered, trying to spot her. ‘You know Tommy’s sister works at ‘Love to Love’ don’t you?’

  ‘Work is work, and play is play. And for your information, you can’t go out with a client due to the factor of money passing hands.’

  ‘Are you calling me a hooker?’ she asked, stepping closer to him. ‘I love you. I’d never let anything bad happen to the agency, you know that don’t you? You have worked hard. And mum? She turns up and does her catwalk thing, everyone is happy.’

  ‘That bad, May?’ he asked, looking sympathetically at her.

  ‘That bad.’

  ‘And Alex?’

  ‘I never get what I want, do I?’

  ‘Do you know what you want?’

  ‘I do, but he doesn’t want me.’ Mabel bit her lip and looked around the room, glancing at the man in question. ‘I met Lee this afternoon and something doesn’t quite add up.’ She touched his arm. ‘I don’t trust him and how he’s using that website. He has total access to all sorts of information.’

  ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘I’m saying, something’s not right.’

  Then she noticed Tommy coming toward her.

  ‘Mabel!’ he said, giving her a hug. ‘Thanks for the present. It was generous.’

  ‘What did you get?’ Calum asked as she shoved him in the ribs. ‘What’s that for?’

  ‘We, the company, got him three nights in a four-star hotel in Paris,’ she said, grabbing Tommy to give him a hug. ‘Happy Birthday!’

  ‘Ah thanks!’ he replied, then whispered. ‘Don’t worry. Lee Appleton isn’t coming. It’s just Jemima’s close friends from work. You’re safe. And it’s her last day so she’s got a double celebration.’

  ‘Thank goodness,’ she whispered, feeling relieved.

  The place was full of life. Mabel decided as it was her night off from the girls, she would have a good time. Her focus was to avoid looking at Alex.

  Because if she did after a few drinks, she would declare her undying love for him and probably propose.

  Then the rebuff would mean instant sobs from her while being evicted from the party by her mother and brother.

  Mabel could clearly see it.

  Going out onto the patio, she needed some air and stood there, watching everyone laugh and chatter.

  Then she experienced it.

  The feeling of being alone when surrounded by a group of people.

  It still hit hard.

  It was when she looked up, Alex was staring at her as if he had felt the same.

  And when she met his eyes, Mabel didn’t feel alone.

  That was confusing.

  ‘Mabel, I’m Jemima,’ a female Tommy look alike said to her. ‘It’s really good to meet you at long last.’

  ‘Happy birthday!’ she replied, kissing her on the cheek. ‘I hope you’re having fun!’

  ‘Your company have been so generous with the drinks. If we were at ‘Love to Love’, I’d be lucky to get a can of lager.’ Then her smile faded. ‘Today’s my last day, thank God!’

  ‘Jemima, your brother asked you to do something because I have concerns. Thank you so much. I’ve heard things about Lee Appleton. I’m worried about the safety of the data and the women.’

  ‘It’s not right what he does. You know he’s a programmer and designed the whole thing. He can o
versee everything we do.’

  ‘How did you get the information?’

  ‘I’m good at my job too.’ Jemima then grabbed her hand and put something in it. It was a USB stick. ‘You’re in there, Mabel.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Open it up and read. It’s up to you what you do with it. There are things you need to know.’

  ‘Is it bad?’

  ‘It’s a little file Lee keeps locked away. That’s the good thing about doing what I do; I can hack into anything. It makes interesting reading, believe me.’

  ‘And you saw my file?’ she asked, gasping at the thought.

  ‘You’ve been good to my brother. I’ve got it covered.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘Open it up when you’re ready.’

  ‘Aren’t you worried that you’ll get into trouble? Won’t they be able to trace you?’ Mabel’s heart was beating fast.

  ‘Do me one thing. Make sure you use it wisely, okay?’

  ‘Where are you going?’

  Her mother was quite merry. ‘It’s early.’

  ‘It’s ten and I need to go home.’ Mabel was itching to see what was on the USB. ‘And you should be leaving.'

  ‘You young people!’ she laughed. ‘I love you, darling, I really do!’

  ‘Not so publically!’

  ‘I don’t care.’ She was then grabbed and smothered in her mother’s firm bosom. ‘And you are hard to love as well as completely unforgiving.’

  ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’

  ‘You have no idea, do you?’ Joanna asked, pushing her away. ‘It’s all or nothing with you. You have to love and be loved; there’s no half way point, is there?’

  ‘Again, I know that.’

  ‘And there’s a confused person in this place who wants to make it better, but just doesn’t know how.’

  ‘I’m trying to-.’

  ‘Not you!’ she laughed, shaking her short mane of blonde hair. ‘Open your eyes and heart. We all make mistakes.’

  ‘I’m going.’

  Mabel walked out and headed off down the road.

  Lost in thought about what Jemima had given her, and realising she hadn’t seen Alex for hours, her head was all over the place.

  Mabel felt deflated and confused.

  ‘You’re a bitch, do you know that?’ she heard as someone jumped out in front of her as she was about to turn the corner, giving her the fright of her life.