Recovery

by Nicole Dykes

  “So, instead you just let me cry like a baby?”

  She hates that she let her guard down. I sweep my thumb over her bottom lip that’s so pouty and biteable, “I think you cried like a grown woman who has too much pain inside to bear sometimes.”

  She swallows, my thumb lingering on her lip as her eyes remain fixed on me. “I think you try to be light and funny, but maybe you have some pain too. Deep inside.”

  I drop my hand and stand from the bed. “We all do.”

  She shakes her head at me, staying in my bed. “Not like that. I don’t believe anyone has a perfect life, but I've seen people who haven’t experienced tragedy.” Her gaze narrows, looking right through me. “That’s not you.”

  I don’t like the way the conversation is shifting and that my eyes dart to the trophies on the shelf. Her gaze follows, and then our eyes meet again. Hers hold a challenge. “They do have your name on them. I can see them now.”

  I shrug. “No big deal.”

  “Then why won’t you talk about football?”

  Yup, definitely don’t like this. “I just don’t.”

  “Every guy I've ever met who played football can’t shut up about it, but you won’t talk about it. Why?”

  Christ, why the hell did I insist she talk?

  “I just don’t. It was a lifetime ago.” I grab my phone and search, being rude as fuck, I know. But I don’t stop. I look back at her. “I gotta go.”

  She raises one eyebrow, not moving from my bed. “Work this early?”

  “No.” I offer no other explanation.

  This was my lesson. I need to mind my own goddamn business. Usually I do. Something about her made me want to pry, but I didn’t realize it was going to go both ways. “Got a wife? A whole other life somewhere else?”

  I put on my best cocky smile and grab a t-shirt from my closet, tugging it on. “Something like that.” I grab a new pair of boxers from my drawer, having no shame, but just as I push yesterday’s boxers down, she looks away, and I tug on the new pair before pulling on a pair of jeans. “I’m decent now.”

  She looks back at me but only up at my face. “I doubt that.”

  “Look, I know you have plans to get out of here, but I also know that takes time. Time that you’re going to spend with us. So . . .” I shrug, hoping like hell she’s listening to me. “Maybe you can give in a little. Share meals with us. Talk to us. Hang out.”

  She looks troubled. “I don’t want to get too attached.”

  I laugh at that, unable to help myself. “We’re some charming motherfuckers. I know, but still, you’re already here. Maybe we can help.”

  I shouldn’t care so damn much.

  “You can’t help me.” Her voice is so fucking sad, and it tears me apart.

  “Well, we want to.”

  She snorts, “Because you want in my pants.”

  My eyes narrow, taking in all her beauty, and I know she knows that’s not true. “Seems to me, I could have last night. If it were only about that, I would have been.”

  Her eyes widen, and I watch her throat as she gulps. “You’re an asshole.” Her words hold no venom.

  “Never said I wasn’t. But Tommy and James, they really don’t want in your pants, and they want to help you, get to know you. Tommy has trained several waitresses, but he never hangs out with them outside of work.”

  “I live here,” she shoots back.

  “Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have to be friendly. Truth be told, he’s usually not. But he likes you. James likes you. And Quinn and Logan only fuck each other, so they aren’t trying to get into your pants.”

  “Finn?” she asks the question, and I smile wryly because I'm pretty damn sure if she’d have kissed him last night and tried to push him back on the bed, he’d have let her. And that thought alone pisses me off.

  “Finn wants to fuck everyone.”

  She chuckles softly, “You?”

  “I’d definitely like to fuck you.” There again, her eyes widen, and she looks fucking cute when she’s caught off guard by my honesty. “But regardless, I want to help you. Or at the very least, get to know you a little while we’re living together.”

  “As soon as I can, I'm leaving.” It’s direct, said like a fact. And I accept that.

  “I won’t stop you.” I grab my keys and wallet from the top of my dresser. I peek out in the hall to see it’s clear before turning back to look at the beautiful, complicated goddess on my bed. “No one’s out there if you want to make a break for it so they don’t think we slept together.”

  She stands up now, walking closer to me. God, she smells good. Citrus, I think. Her eyes look up at me, and I see whatever she’s about to say to me is hard for her. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  She takes a deep breath before letting it escape. “Just thank you.”

  I nod my head in a reply, and she leaves my room, going straight to her own.

  I wish I could say I’m going to keep my distance now, let her be strong and silent and stay away from all of us. But I know, without a doubt, that’s not true.

  After a shower and I'm changed, I go to the kitchen, walking cautiously. I can’t believe I let myself fall asleep with Jase last night.

  Way to go, Mya. Doing really great at that invisible thing.

  I relax slightly when I see it’s only Tommy in the kitchen. No one else is around. “Mornin’”

  I smile and take a seat at the bar in the kitchen. “Good morning.”

  “Long night?” He’s eyeing me closely, and I wonder if he knows. Would Jase tell him? It’s not like anything happened. Not really.

  Although, I swear I can still feel his lips against mine. “Not really.”

  “Fucking lightning is so loud up here.”

  Oh. Right. It stormed last night.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty loud,” I agree as he hands me a cup of coffee.

  And now, he’s back to studying me because I'm acting like a scared little girl. “You okay?”

  I take a drink of coffee before nodding my head and looking around the empty loft. “I’m fine. Where is everyone?”

  “James and Finn are working the early shift today. And who the hell knows with Jase?” He’s smiling like it’s a joke, but who does know? The way he evaded my question about where he was going this morning didn’t sit right with me.

  I tried to joke about him having another family, but he told me nothing. Is he hiding something? Do I care?

  “Oh,” I say and drink more of the delicious coffee.

  “Please tell me you don’t have a crush on our Jase.” His smile is amused, and I want to be mad at him. But for whatever reason, I really like him. I feel a connection to him and did almost right away.

  “No. I haven’t had a crush on anyone since the second grade.”

  He laughs at that. “Good.”

  “Why good?” I approach the question with nonchalance, but I'm not sure it comes off that way.

  “Because you don’t want to be here long, right?”

  I’ve tried to make that pretty clear. I guess I have. “Right.”

  He shrugs. “Well, I don’t want to see Jase get hurt.”

  I snort, the thought seeming so ridiculous. The man appears to be made of steel. “Him?”

  He’s not laughing. “Yeah. Jase is a good guy. He cares, and I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

  “So what? You’re telling me he’s looking for the one?” I say it like it’s the silliest thing I've ever heard.

  “Maybe. I’m not sure he’s actively searching.”

  I think about Finn and Jase that first night, the innuendos and flirtation. But then I think about how he could have had sex with me last night but didn’t. “Do men like that exist?”

  He laughs now and takes a bite, pushing a plate of food to me with a fork. “Yeah. They do. All I ever wanted was James. When he finally gave in and wanted to be with me, I was done. That’s all I needed.”

  I think about what Jase sai
d this morning about getting to know my roommates while I'm here. He told me he wouldn’t try to stop me when I leave. I pick up the fork and start eating the delicious breakfast Tommy made, moaning when the omelet hits my tongue. “Jesus, that’s good.”

  He chuckles, “I’m the cook.”

  I nod my head. “James is a smart man.” I smile at him, and he agrees.

  After I finish my breakfast, I head down to the bar, not stopping to chat in the tattoo parlor. Quinn is here, getting ready to open, and since I didn’t see Logan in the shop, I'm assuming he has the baby. “Morning!” She sounds so chipper.

  “Good morning.”

  “Did you sleep okay? I know the storms around here can be brutal.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Nothing too crazy.”

  She nods absently as she wipes down a couple of tables, and I start to organize the salt and pepper shakers.

  “The guys still behaving?”

  I nod my head quickly but look away too fast.

  Quinn prods further. “Oh God, did they do something?”

  “No, not at all . . .” I smile to myself and shake my head. “I actually kind of like them.”

  She laughs at that and then goes behind the bar. “Yeah, they grow on ya.”

  “Do any of them have deep dark secrets?” The question escapes my mouth, and I wish I could reel it back in. But I want to know. I’m sure Jase is hiding something.

  Her expression is cautious, her answer guarded, “Don’t we all?”

  That’s so not an answer. “Does Jase?”

  She takes a deep breath and turns away from me, pretending to take inventory of the bar’s stock, but I know she’s avoiding me. “None of them have had it easy, Mya.”

  “That’s not exactly what I asked.”

  “I know, but that’s all I can say. If he wants you to know his story, he’ll tell you. The same way I won’t divulge any information to him about you.”

  “Did he ask about me?” Another question I shouldn’t have asked, especially because my tone made me sound almost hopeful. I kind of want to smack myself for it.

  She turns back around to face me, looking suspicious. “No. I just mean I wouldn’t if he did.”

  I nod my head. Of course he didn’t ask about me. He really doesn’t ask a lot of questions. “Okay. Good.”

  “Is something going on?”

  Good job, Mya.

  “No. I was just curious.”

  “I’m here to talk anytime you need to. I know where we come from . . .” She looks almost solemn as she looks past me, staring at the wall. “We don’t always want to talk about it.”

  “I don’t.”

  And I don’t. Not at all.

  Her eyes meet mine again. “Okay, but you can. I’m sure you’re angry about what happened to Trey. I’m angry.”

  My stomach twists into knots when I hear my little brother’s name. His face flashes in my memory. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does.” She’s adamant.

  “It doesn’t,” I say firmly, wanting to end the conversation. “He’s gone. I’m gone. I don’t want to think about it or talk about it because nothing can change that.”

  I see the sympathy in her eyes, and it threatens to strangle me with all the emotions swimming around inside of me. I just want to be numb. I want to be invisible. I don’t want to be standing here with an old friend who I looked up to like a big sister talking about the death of my brother.

  My brother, who trusted me.

  My brother, who I failed.

  Fuck, today was a long day. And it looks like it’s only going to be longer when I push open the door to the loft and see it’s full of people.

  I recognize a lot of them. Clients who have become friends and some regulars from the bar. I look around and don’t see Mya or Tommy, but James and Finn are here. Fuckers.

  I smile when Finn walks to me, handing me a beer with the top already twisted off. “Hey, man.” He points to two chicks hanging out by the coffee table that’s been made into a makeshift bar. “I want the blond, but you can have the other one.”

  I shake my head at him, bringing the beer bottle to my lips. “I’m good.”

  He wraps an arm around my shoulder. “You’re decent, but with a little practice, you could be good.”

  I shove him away with a laugh. “I told you, you aren’t getting into my pants.”

  He chuckles at that, taking a swig from his own beer, but then his face grows slightly more serious. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I answer instantly, not wanting to leave any doubt there.

  He studies me carefully. “Okay. Now, let’s party. We’ve earned it.”

  My best friend is ridiculous, but he’s my best friend none the less. I go with him to at least be his wing man with the blond, even if he doesn’t really need it. And I'm having a decent time for the most part, even though I'm watching the door.

  Just waiting for her to get here.

  She challenged me this morning, brought up some old shit I’d rather push away and not talk about, but I still can’t wait to see her face.

  I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

  And then there she is, walking in with Tommy, looking fucking gorgeous as ever. She’s not smiling though, and for some reason, that bugs the shit out of me.

  The blond chick is all over Finn, and her friend continuously drags her fingers over my bicep, signaling she wants more of my attention, but she isn’t getting it. I excuse myself quickly and make my way to Mya, who’s in the kitchen pouring herself some juice she bought and keeps in the fridge.

  “Forgot you’re not old enough to drink.”

  She puts the juice bottle back in the fridge and takes a sip from her glass, her eyes glued to mine. “Even if I was, I wouldn’t.”

  “No?”

  She shakes her head. “No.” She starts out of the kitchen but tosses a sultry look over her shoulder. “I’ve found better ways to calm the noise inside.”

  I think I just gulped, like full-on gulped because fuck if that wasn’t the sexiest thing I've ever heard, and I’m pretty damn sure she meant it to be. She heads toward her room, and I follow, my feet carrying me as if my mind doesn’t have a choice.

  She pushes her door open, and I'm glad no one has found their way in here yet. I follow her inside. She didn’t exactly extend an invitation, but she didn’t tell me to fuck off either. I close the door behind me, telling myself I just want to keep the party noise out. “And how do you calm yourself, Mya?”

  Her lips pull into a sexy grin as she places her glass on the bedside table, and I sit my beer down on the dresser I'm standing next to.

  “I read a lot.” There’s a flicker of mischievousness in her eyes because that’s not at all what she was implying.

  “Oh, you’re fucking with me now?”

  She shakes her head. She’s wearing a black blouse that hangs off both shoulders, and I don’t think there’s any way she could be wearing a bra with that top. My mouth waters, wanting to drag my tongue over every inch of her beautiful silky skin, but I don’t move.

  “I’m not fucking with you. I love to read.”

  “I like the way you say fucking,” I say as I stalk toward her. Today was shit, and I've only known this chick for a week, but I missed her today.

  “And yet, you won’t do the actual act of fucking.”

  My throat dries. I like her blunt like this. “So, you’re saying you want me to fuck you?”

  She bites on her bottom lip, and I fight a groan. She’s so fucking sexy without even having to try. “I think I implied that last night.”

  I take another step closer. “I want to hear you say it.”

  She sits up straight, her gaze boring into me with those big brown eyes. “I want you to fuck me.”

  Jesus.

  “We’re roommates,” I say, taking another step closer.

  She nods. “We are, but not for long.”

  “You okay?” I have to ask. She looked
fucking sad when she entered the loft, and we didn’t leave things great this morning.

  “I’m okay.” She shrugs out of her shirt, revealing that she, in fact, isn’t wearing a bra. And I don’t think I can form words when I see her perky tits, bare and waiting for me. “I’m taking your advice and getting to know my roommates better.”

  “Well, fuck.” I lift my shirt over my head, and I like the way her eyes roam over every inch of my bare skin. “Please tell me you have other ways to get to know the other ones.”

  She smirks and stands up, unbuttoning the top button on her jeans. “Yeah. I’ll play board games with Finn.”

  My hand goes to the back of her head, my fingers tangling in her silky hair as I pull her to me, my lips meeting hers but not kissing her yet. “He’s really bad at games.”

  She laughs and nips on my bottom lip, making me groan. “So, you aren’t going to back out this time?”

  “You want me to fuck you, I'm all for it. I’ve wanted to fuck you since you walked through the door.” I pull away from her lips and look down into her eyes. “Do you want this though? Did something happen today?”

  She shakes her head, but I don’t miss that her eyes are glistening with tears. “I just want to forget everything for a little bit.”

  Fuck, I know that feeling all too well, and after today, that's all I want too. I nod as I bend to kiss her, letting my tongue drag along the seam of her lips before they part and she grants me access. She tastes like the sweet fruity drink she just drank, and I groan into her mouth, gripping her ass and pulling her legs up to wrap around me. “Condoms are in my room.”

  She nods her head, her arms around my neck as I open the door, peeking out and seeing the coast is clear for me to take her to my room. I lock the door and press her small body against it, my hips grinding against hers. I don’t think I've ever been this desperate to be inside someone before. I’m going to come in my pants like a fucking teenager if she keeps rubbing her pussy against my cock.

  I guide her feet to the ground and go to my dresser to grab a condom. I’m not going to ask her again. She’s a grown woman, smart and confident. She wants to fuck me, and I definitely want to oblige.