Recovery

by Nicole Dykes

  He shakes his head and leans back. “Nah.”

  I close the door and take the seat next to him, the weight of my conversation with Mya on my mind. “So, we going tomorrow or what?”

  I’ve avoided a definite answer, and he’s given me space. “I don’t know.”

  “What’s not to know?”

  He knows, but he wants to hear it. “I can’t get her out of my head. She won’t go.”

  “All attached.” He shakes his head, feigning disappointment.

  “Yeah.” I smile. “I’m in love with her.”

  He turns to me, and now he looks genuinely surprised. “Damn.”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  He’s smiling as he tilts his head back again. “So, you’re going to give everything up for a chick?”

  “Nah, I’m going to get everything when I finally convince her she wants me too.” I lay my head back too. “Since I met her, all I’ve wanted is to keep her safe.”

  He shakes his head. “I never understood you.” He’s smirking again. “But I suppose you have a lot of your dad in you, man. You want to save her. She has a dark past.”

  “Don’t we all?”

  He nods his head. “Yup. She’s lucky to have you, but I don’t think she’s going to make it easy.”

  Now I’m the one with the smirk across my face. “I hate easy.”

  “Clearly.” He punches my arm. “You’ve seen darkness. You’ve seen tragedy. And you still somehow hold on to the light. You’re exactly what she needs.”

  “You’re gonna miss me,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

  He swallows tightly as he looks up at the ceiling. “Yeah, I am.”

  Well fuck, Finn.

  I wasn’t expecting him to make it all real, but I don’t know how I’m going to do this without my best friend by my side.

  Still, I know what needs to be done.

  For Mya, I’ll happily rearrange my entire life.

  I don’t want to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes.

  But I know I need to let them all go. They paid for the hotel for two more weeks, and Quinn gave me instructions to let her know if I need to stay longer.

  Of course, I won’t.

  I can’t take anything else from them.

  They’re leaving for the airport. The shuttle is here at the hotel and about to leave. Their things are being shipped. It’s really happening.

  I spent the night wrapped in Jase’s body, saying goodbye in our own way, over and over again.

  But never saying the words out loud.

  Everyone gives each other hugs, Quinn tears up as she hugs Tommy and tells him she’ll kick his ass if he doesn’t send pictures of his new kid very soon.

  He tears up too, and then she moves to me, hugging me so tight I think she’ll crack a rib. “You’ve always been like a little sister to me. Please, please call if you need anything.”

  I know she doesn’t want to leave me here. She’s grown up so much since the last time I saw her. “I’ll be fine.”

  She hugs me tighter and then finally releases me. Logan gives me a hug, and then they climb in the shuttle.

  Finn surprises me with a big bear hug of his own, whispering into my ear, “Take care of him.”

  “What?” I pull back, but he’s grinning wide as he releases me and hugs his best friend.

  “Don’t knock her up right away. Make her work for that shit.”

  Jase pats his back in their manly hug. “Shut the fuck up.”

  Finn laughs and shoves him away. “I mean it. Although the kid will be fucking gorgeous.”

  He winks at me and climbs into the shuttle, and I stare at Jase, totally dumbfounded. “What’s going on?”

  Quinn blows me a kiss, her face telling of her knowledge. The shuttle pulls away, and I turn to Jase, ignoring Tommy and James’s gigantic smiles.

  “What are you doing? Why aren’t you leaving?”

  He takes my hand in his. “I’m not going.”

  I look behind him at Tommy and James. “Are you going to rebuild with them?”

  He shakes his head, and Tommy snickers. “No. I’m going with you. We’re going to start our future.” He wraps his strong arms around me. “I’m going to marry you as soon as you let me. And I’m going to knock you up as soon as you’re ready. And no matter what, I’m not letting you go. It was never an option.”

  I shake my head, but I don’t push his body away. “You’re insane.”

  “I talked to Spencer last night. He’s moving to St. Louis when he turns eighteen to work with Rhys. So, he’ll be okay. His birthday is soon.”

  “I can’t go to St. Louis.”

  He chuckles, cupping my face in his hands and tipping my face up. “I’ve been paying attention, woman. I get that.”

  “So, what are we doing?”

  “There’s a town about an hour south of here. Population 823. They have this plot of land that’s perfect for us. A place in town we can rent while they build our house and cheap real estate in their downtown.”

  I swallow, looking into his eyes. “That’s a lot of investment.”

  “I’m for it. I’m ready. We’ll live out in the country. I don’t want farm animals, but if you do, we can figure that out . . .”

  I laugh and shake my head. “No. Cows freak me out.”

  He laughs at that. “We’ll build a house, and we’ll have a quiet, safe life.”

  “We can’t hide from tornados.”

  He smiles and releases my face but hugs me to him. “We’ll build a basement.”

  I sigh into him. Safe. That all sounds safe for the first time in my life. It’s my dream.

  “You’ll be bored.”

  Again he laughs and pulls back enough to look down into my eyes. “Yeah, there’s no fucking way life with you could ever be boring. And running our own businesses, we’ll be busy.”

  “Businesses?”

  Tommy and James now join us. James is smiling in my direction. “Yeah, you have some investors already. And soon, they’ll be more than silent partners.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” My eyebrow arches in question.

  Jase answers, “Tommy and James are going to invest in our tavern.”

  I turn to him, shocked. “Tavern? You’re a tattoo artist.”

  “And hopefully, I can open a small shop. But for a while, the tavern is already established, and the owner is looking to sell and retire. It’s perfect.”

  I turn to Tommy. “You’ll be joining us?”

  My heart squeezes with anticipation because I want them to. In the short time I’ve been here, they’ve become my family. “Yeah. After we get acquainted with our son and make sure the schools there will be adequate.”

  I nod. “Of course.”

  Tommy shrugs. “I’m anxious to live in a safe small town too. Although . . .” he looks at his husband. “they might not be ready for us.”

  “Fuck their ready,” I say with more confidence than I feel. I hadn’t thought about the small-town aspect, that they might not be as welcoming to a Black woman or a Black man with an Hispanic husband. I feel an uncomfortable fear slide through me, but Jase grips my shoulders.

  “It’s a great place. It is. I promise. And if you hate it, or you don’t feel safe, we can move, but it’s pretty diverse. No serious crimes in years. They don’t seem to have any violence issues.”

  “Sounds like heaven.”

  “It will be.”

  He’s always so damn sure of everything. “Do you really have enough for this?”

  “I have enough saved for a down payment, especially with our partners here.” He smiles over at Tommy and James and then looks at me. “Why? Are you a gold digger?”

  “Don’t make me stab you.”

  He chuckles, but I’m not sure I can do this.

  “You’ve saved your whole life for that money. You love to save people and take care of them. This is just you saving me.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being rescued, Mya.
Have faith. You’re what I want.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  He smiles, pressing a kiss to my lips. “I know. Now let’s go back to our room and get started on our plan. After we fuck, of course.”

  I roll my eyes and shove him playfully away from me. “So damn romantic.”

  For once though, I’m going with it. I’m going to put myself first and go after what I want.

  Because I want Jase.

  6 months later

  “Sing for me.” It’s a quiet command that sends shivers through me.

  “Bossy.” Jase grins at me, his smile bright and beautiful. He flips the sign on our tavern to “Closed” and locks the door.

  “It’s just us.”

  The sale of this place happened surprisingly fast. Tommy and James are moving here in a month, and their son, Milo, couldn’t be happier. He talks about it every time we FaceTime with them or they visit.

  The town is small, but it’s warm. Everyone seems to know each other, which was intimidating at first. But it was like they adopted us right away, bringing us pies and casseroles and welcoming us to town.

  One thing we added to the small tavern that had three booths, two tables, a jukebox and a pool table, was a stage. A stage with one microphone in the center. Every Friday, we have a live show featuring different bands and singers who sign up.

  It’s been soothing to my soul. I’ve grown to love this tavern and its patrons. I can’t wait for James and Jase to open their tattoo parlor. I know he misses it, even if he seems to enjoy working here.

  And we both enjoy the live music and seeing people dancing in the middle of the small tavern.

  Still, Jase wants me up there. And how can I deny my husband of that?

  A simple ceremony two months ago has bound us together forever. Quinn, Logan, and Finn flew in. Rhys surprised me by showing up with his wife. And so did Sean.

  A piece of me ached to not have Charity there even if I knew that was next to impossible. I pray she’s alive, but after this long . . . the odds aren’t great.

  There will always be some guilt tied to her. I wish I could have done more. I wish she would have reached out.

  I know I need to let that go.

  I walk up onto the stage and grip the metal microphone with my hands.

  I stare out at him. Free, freer than I’ve ever felt in my life.

  He isn’t an addict, but he still goes to meetings. He found one here at the local church. He found a couple of people to sponsor too. He’s a healer whether he realizes it or not.

  I sing. And I release my pain.

  Some of it will always stay with me, but I’ve learned to have faith. To trust that there’s still good in the world.

  Who knows? Maybe someday there’ll be justice for my little brother. Or his story will spark change. Maybe guilt will eat his killer alive, and he’ll confess to his crimes.

  Sometimes the hope of all of that is stifling and painful. But I know one thing, Jase is good.

  And he’s mine.

  My mother never had that. She never brought a good man around. I never saw any of my friends with good parents. I didn’t know good existed. I saw small flashes but was never immersed in it until I met him.

  And he looks at me, like I’m the good. Like I bring him hope. Why or how I have no idea, but I never want to stop being that for him.

  When I finish the song, he’s on me like a flash, his mouth devouring mine.

  “My voice really does get you hot, huh?”

  “Fuck yeah.” He starts to strip me, and I do the same, my hands dragging over his muscular arms.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you.”

  “Haven’t changed your mind?”

  His fingers sweep over my hardened nipples through my bra. “Hell no.”

  We lie down on the stage, and he enters me at an achingly slow pace, making me groan with need. “I’ll never change my mind when it comes to you, Mya. You’re what I wanted from the day I saw you.”

  “I never believed love could happen like that.”

  “It does. It hit me hard.”

  I smile. “I don’t think I ever had a chance of really leaving you behind once I had you.”

  He smiles and pushes all the way inside me.

  “We’re going to be happy, Mya. We’re going to make a ton of tiny little humans, and we’re going to make sure they’re good. We’re going to make the world better by just being together.”

  “That seems a little egomaniacal.”

  He pulls back and then thrusts inside me. “I have a large ego.”

  I roll my eyes but bite my bottom lip as he fills me. “Then let’s get this going already.”

  He laughs at that but increases his pace. I’m eager to feel him release deep inside me. I want this next step with him. I went off birth control the day we got married. I didn’t think I’d ever want to bring babies into this dark world. But that was before Jase.

  Before he showed me this part of the world. The good part, full of light and hope.

  I’m forever grateful to this man for that.

  Almost eight months later

  “Oh my God, why can’t they leave me alone?” My very pregnant wife groans when her phone starts to ring on the table next to our bed.

  “Ignore it.” I kiss her cheek, and the phone stops. But then, it immediately rings again.

  Okay, that’s enough. I grab her phone and answer it before she can object. “What?”

  “Mm . . .Mya? Is Mya there?” A shaky voice comes over the line, and I know this isn’t a reporter.

  “This is her husband.”

  “Oh . . .” she sounds surprised, “um . . . This is Charity . . . I . . .”

  Charity. That Charity? I mouth her name to Mya. She struggles to sit up, her pregnant belly making it hard, and I help her as she takes the phone.

  “Charity? What’s wrong?”

  Mya’s eyes are full of tears as she listens and chokes on a sob.

  “Oh my God. Are you okay?”

  I hold my breath in my lungs as I wait. Mya is almost nine months pregnant. We have a house. Our business is doing well.

  I know she has a phobia that once things are going well, something will destroy it.

  Tears slide down her cheeks as she shakes her head. “I’m so sorry, Charity. I would gladly come and get you, but . . .” her eyes flick to mine, “I don’t think I can fly. I’m pregnant. Really, pregnant.”

  “What’s going on?”

  She looks at me, her eyes hopeless. “She’s in the hospital in Kansas City.”

  I immediately pull out my phone, needing to fix this.

  “Yeah. I know. A lot has changed. But still . . . I’d be there for you in a heartbeat. I live in Tennessee now.”

  I call Finn, and he answers on the second ring, “What the fuck? You realize it’s midnight, and my cock is buried in—”

  “Stop,” I silence him. “I’m sorry, but I need a favor.”

  Mya’s eyes dart to me. “Hang on, Charity.”

  “What’s wrong?” I hear the concern in Finn’s voice.

  “Mya’s friend Charity is in the hospital. She needs someone to pick her up.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Do I sound like I’m kidding. I’m sorry I interrupted, but I need you to pull out and go help her.”

  Mya’s eyes widen, and I shake my head, winking at her.

  “Fuck. Fine. Which hospital.”

  I turn to Mya. “What hospital.”

  She speaks into the phone, “Which hospital? We have a friend who can help.” Silence and deep concern. “No, Charity. It’s no problem. No, please don’t hang up.” Her voice sounds desperate and turns into a shrill cry as she lowers her phone, the tears flowing. “She said she didn’t know I was pregnant or she never would have called. She wouldn’t tell me which hospital.”

  My heart aches for my
beautiful wife, and I know I’m going to owe Finn huge. “She wouldn’t say what hospital, but it’s in Kansas City.”

  I can hear him dressing and smile when I hear keys jingle. “You’re saying you want me to drive three fucking hours to Kansas City and go to, what, twenty fucking hospitals and ask for Mya’s friend?”

  “Charity.”

  “Fuck.”

  Mya starts to get out of bed, and I know this stubborn woman has it in her head that she’s going to Kansas City. I take her hand in mine and shake my head. “Finn, I need your help. Mya is too pregnant, and by the time I can get a flight there or drive, Charity will probably be gone.”

  “I’m going, asshole. But fuck.”

  I grin and then let out a relieved breath. “He’s going.”

  Mya holds her hand out for my phone, and I give it to her. “Finn?” She rolls her eyes. “Listen to me. She’s in trouble. She wouldn’t give me many details, but she said they won’t let her leave unless someone signs her out. I don’t know why she wouldn’t call her brother, Christian, but she’s been gone for so long . . .” She starts to cry, and I can’t imagine Finn will handle that well. She laughs and wipes her tears. “Asshole.”

  I growl, not wanting to know what my best friend said.

  “Thank you for this. Please keep her safe.”

  She hands the phone back to me. “Hey.”

  “Hey. Look, I kicked the chick out, and I’m in my car. Don’t let her get her hopes up, man. This sounds like a fucking long shot.”

  “I know.” I smile sadly at Mya. “Try. Please. I’ll owe you one.”

  “You’ll owe me a shit ton.”

  I smile because I know it’s not really true. Finn’s my brother.

  We hang up, and I hug Mya’s body to me, kissing the top of her head. “It’s going to be okay.”

  She shakes her head. “It was her calling me. All this time, I thought she was dead or hated me, but she was reaching out for help.”

  This guilt is going to eat her alive.

  “Mya, she never left a message. You had no way of knowing.”

  She wipes at her tears, and I hold her closer. “He has to find her. She’s afraid. I heard the terror in her voice. She’s in trouble, Jase.”