Recovery

by Nicole Dykes

  She shakes her head slowly. “I was just starting to like it here.”

  I laugh at that, tugging her to me, wrapping my arms around her. “It’ll be okay.” I’m sure she didn’t like admitting that.

  I grab my cellphone and call Finn but still get no answer.

  Please let him be okay.

  “He didn’t answer?” I shake my head, and she leans against me. “He will.”

  “I hope so.” There’s a sick feeling in my gut.

  “He will. He’s strong. And kind of a pain in the ass. I’m sure a tornado can’t take him down.”

  I smirk, but then my mood quickly sours, looking around at the wreckage around us. The entire street is leveled. Businesses that have been here for a century are just gone. People’s life savings, blood, sweat, and tears have been leveled in a matter of minutes.

  “You still haven’t told me what you guys were talking about this morning.”

  I tried to get her to, but she said it was nothing. I feel her smiling. “We were fighting over who loves you more.”

  I stiffen at that as she looks up at me, that smile on her lips. “Did you just . . . ?” Say you love me . . .?

  She shakes her head. “No. He won,” she grins, backtracking, “by far.”

  I chuckle at that, but she did say it.

  She loves me.

  “I love you too.”

  I feel her shudder as she leans back into me, looking at our grim surroundings.

  Of course, this is when we would finally cop to our feelings.

  Great timing.

  Their cars are destroyed, but Quinn’s was okay, so she picked us up and brought us to their home. She and Logan both seem so damn relieved to be together again. I can’t imagine Logan’s terror during those hours we were stuck in the basement and she was at their house with their kid.

  When we get inside, Jase continues trying like crazy to reach Finn. I have a sinking feeling that I can’t combat.

  “That motherfucker.” Jase ends the call and puts his phone back in his pocket and wraps his arms around my waist, his front to my back.

  “He’s fine,” Tommy tries to reassure him. “He’s probably still fucking that skanky chick and doesn’t even know anything happened.”

  I smile at Tommy, thinking that’s a possibility, but I’m not sure even Finn could ignore the hell that ripped through town. I’ve never been through an actual tornado. There was a bad storm with microbursts when I was twelve that tore the roof off our apartment building. We were without power for days, but it was nothing like last night.

  Jase grumbles and releases me with a quick kiss to the top of my head. “I’m going to go try again.” He moves out of the kitchen and heads into the living room.

  Tommy and James shake their heads at him, but quickly follow. Logan takes the baby, giving Quinn a kiss before he leaves the kitchen too. It’s just Quinn and me left as she pulls open the refrigerator door. “I guess I should find something to feed everyone.”

  “I can help.” I walk to where she’s standing, a bewildered look on her pretty face. “I’m so sorry, Quinn.”

  Lyrics and Ink was their dream, a beautiful dream they made come true together. And now it’s destroyed, completely unrecognizable.

  “As long as Finn is alive, we’ll be fine.”

  She closes the fridge and turns to me. My eyes flick to the living room where Jase just disappeared and then back to her. “What if he’s not?” I know how close Finn and Jase are, the bile rises in my throat, thinking about him lying somewhere under the rubble.

  She takes a deep breath that appears to be painful. “I don’t know. I can’t think about it.”

  “I’m so sorry, Quinn,” my voice is soft with a sob catching in my throat.

  Her eyes are full of concern as she places a hand on my shoulder. “Stop saying that. None of this was your fault.”

  “Wasn’t it?” I wipe a tear from my cheek. “You guys had everything. You got out. You made a beautiful life here. And I came and wrecked it all.”

  “Don’t do that, Mya.”

  I can’t stop the grief coming over me, feeling like a curse. They were all fine.

  Her hands hold both my shoulders firmly. “None of this is because of you. Tornados happen.”

  “What if he’s dead, Quinn? They’re like brothers. We both know Jase won’t handle that.”

  What if he starts using? I can’t fight the feelings taking over me.

  “They are, but Finn is fine. I know he is.”

  I shake my head, knowing no one is safe around me no matter how hard I try to keep them that way. “Your business is destroyed.”

  “We have insurance. We’ll rebuild. We’ll do what we have to, Mya.” Her eyes are serious as they hold me hostage. “If there’s one thing we know from our upbringing, it’s rising up again after tragedy. It’s fighting. We keep going.”

  “I’m tired.”

  She hugs me, and I let her, tears falling down my face and feeling overwhelmingly exhausted from it all. On the outside, I’m young, but on the inside, years of pain is wearing me out.

  “Now this, I can definitely get behind.”

  I wipe my tears, and Quinn and I both turn toward the voice. I see Finn, standing in the doorway, unharmed and with a smirk on his face. Quinn walks over to him, smacking his arm. “You. Dick. You scared the fuck out of us.”

  He just grins easily and pulls her into a hug. “I’m fine.” He pulls back. “But seriously. Were you and Mya about to have some comforting girl time? Were you about to kiss her and make it all better?”

  I roll my eyes, and Quinn punches him in the chest. It’s playful, but he still makes an “oomph” sound that makes me smile.

  The guys all must hear him because they filter into the kitchen, Jase first. “You motherfucker. You can’t use a goddamn phone?”

  Finn laughs, pulling him into a quick hug. “It fucking died. Power went out. I’m fine.”

  “You stayed the night with your hookup?”

  He shakes his head, like it’s a shame. “Yeah. Kind of had to. Slept in her basement. We were mid-fuck when the sirens started going off.”

  Tommy gives his shoulder a squeeze. “You kept going didn’t you?”

  He wags his eyebrows and smirks. “You know it. Why stop?”

  I stare at them all, dumbfounded that they’re now joking around when only moments ago, most of us were thinking the worst.

  Finn grows serious as he eyes Logan and Quinn. “I drove to Lyrics and Ink first. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  I feel the sorrow in the room now. “We’ll figure it out,” Quinn says with the same determination she did earlier. “You all lost all of your things.”

  I didn’t even think about the fact that the loft is destroyed, taking most of our worldly possessions.

  “They’re things.” Jase wraps an arm around Finn’s neck. “We’ll be fine.”

  James nods in agreement. “The town over is offering discounted hotel rooms.” He turns to me. “I booked three rooms. So you can make Jase room with Finn, or have mercy on him and let him stay with you.”

  I smile, finally letting the relief wash over me.

  Finn is safe. We’re all okay.

  Fucking Finn, leave it to him to scare the shit out of everyone and be totally fine. I can’t express how glad I am that he’s okay.

  It’s been days since the tornado. Tommy, James, Finn, Mya, and I are staying in a shitty hotel in another town while Quinn and Logan get everything figured out.

  Logan calls a meeting with Finn, James, and me in Finn’s room, and all I can think about is getting back to Mya.

  She’s been quiet since the tornado. I think it scared her more than she wants to admit.

  “So, what’s up?” Finn leans back on his elbows and looks at Logan, who looks nervous as fuck.

  He runs his fingers through his hair. “Look, guys . . . We’ve talked to the insurance company, and it’s going to take a while to be able to reopen.” Not surpris
ing. The tornado tore Nashville apart. “And I talked to Rhys last night . . .”

  Finn and I share a quick look, before I say, “Just tell us.”

  He drops his hand with a sigh. “He needs more tattoo artists. His shop is growing by the day, and all he has is Christian who’s still his apprentice.”

  “You’re moving to St. Louis,” Finn says it, but we all know it’s true.

  He nods his head. “Now that we’ve started our family, I think Quinn wants to be around Phillip and Gillian.” It makes sense. Phillip is Logan’s dad, and Gillian is his wife.

  I smile. “That’s fucking great.”

  He offers a weak smile. “It is. I think it’ll be great. Only a few hours from KC, and Rhys hasn’t even given his place a name. Maybe we can talk him into Lyrics and Ink. Who knows. I think Quinn can rebuild the bar next door.”

  “When do you leave?”

  He answers me quickly, “Not just me. You can come too. Start new. It wouldn’t be Lyrics and Ink without you guys.”

  Finn laughs, “Rhys is a dick. No way he wants all three of us too.”

  “Rhys is smart, he knows he needs help. With us there, business will triple.”

  “I can’t.” We look over at James, who’s smiling, which feels strange in this somber moment.

  “Why?” Logan looks almost hurt.

  James stands and places a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Tommy and I started the adoption process. We just found out yesterday. We’re getting our kid. We’re looking for a house, if there are any left. The kid is five, already in school. We can’t change that.”

  Logan nods his head in understanding and gives him a hug. “I’m so fucking happy for you guys.”

  “Lucky kid.” I grin over at James, who has tears in his eyes. They’ve wanted this for a while.

  Even Finn is smiling. “That’s fucking awesome. Shitty timing.”

  I punch him in the arm. “You staying or going, fucker?”

  He shrugs. “You know me. I’m always up for a new adventure. What about you?”

  My mind instantly goes to Mya. She doesn’t want to live in St. Louis—that, I know for sure. “I don’t know.”

  Finn laughs. “Gotta check with the missus, huh?”

  I shrug. “We’ll see.”

  Logan gives a nod. “Okay. We’re moving in a week. I know it’s fast, but no matter what, you’ll all always have a place there.”

  Afterward, I go into the room I’m sharing with Mya. She’s sitting on the bed, flipping through the channels.

  “What was that about?”

  I take a seat on the bed. “Quinn and Logan are relocating Lyrics and Ink. They’re merging with Rhys.”

  She puts the remote down, her brown eyes on me. “St. Louis?”

  I nod. “Yeah. Finn seems ready to go.”

  I sense the pain she’s feeling, and it slices through me. “And you?”

  I take her small hand in mine. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

  I mean it. I haven’t known her long, but I can’t survive without her. I don’t want to.

  “I can’t go back there.”

  I knew that already, and she lays her head on my shoulder, looking so damn lost. “They aren’t rebuilding here?”

  “No. But I could. I have plenty saved.” I could get a loan and start over.

  She shakes her head from side to side. “You can’t do that for me. They’re your family. I won’t tear you apart.”

  “So, I’m supposed to go and leave you here?”

  Her shoulder shrugs. “We could make it work. It’s not either of us running. It’s circumstances.”

  I turn toward her as she lifts her head and cup her angelic face in my hands. “I won’t lose you. I meant what I said, I love you.”

  She smiles at that, gripping my wrist slightly, holding onto me. “I love you too. But I can’t see not letting you go. And I can’t go with you.”

  I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I bring my lips to hers and kiss her softly, each second adding to my urgency as I lay her back on the bed.

  I’m not letting her go, but we can discuss that later.

  “Are you okay?”

  I look across the table at Quinn, who’s sipping her coffee and eyeing me with so much concern I think my heart might shatter. I hate how much she cares about me. Our time as friends was really just a blip in time before we grew apart. Still, she cares.

  “I’m happy for you and Logan.”

  “Me too. For two kids who didn’t grow up with any real family, it just feels like the right thing now. Phillip and Gillian are amazing. Logan’s brother and sister are growing up fast.” She smiles sweetly at that, but there’s sadness there. “You can come too. You’ll always have a place with us. I think Rhys would be relieved.”

  I cringe, thinking about Rhys and how pained he appeared when I showed up needing help. “I can’t go there.”

  She sighs, taking another sip. I’m sure she already knew that would be my answer. I think Jase knew it to. We spent hours in bed last night, letting our bodies say everything our mouths refused to. I don’t want him to leave, but I know he needs to.

  I’m sure he doesn’t want to leave me behind, but he can’t be away from his family.

  That’s exactly what they are to him.

  I look down at my phone that’s lighting up with a call. I glance at the caller ID and see a KC number. I silence it and look at Quinn. “I appreciate everything, Quinn.”

  She shakes her head solemnly. “Don’t let your stubbornness win, Mya. I know you love Jase. He definitely loves you. Don’t end things.”

  “I don’t have a choice. I don’t want the city life. But he needs you guys.”

  She grabs my hand from across the table. “He needs you.”

  I shake my head. “We just met.”

  “You think I didn’t need Logan from the get-go?”

  “He left you.”

  He abandoned her and everyone else to move in with his dad. No explanation. “And I thought I was going to die from the pain of that. If you can be with the person you love, you should be. No matter what’s thrown your way.”

  I take a drink of my latte. “I can’t.”

  She squeezes my hand and lets it go. “Do you have enough saved? Do you need anything?”

  I shake my head. “You’ve done more than enough.”

  “I’ll gladly do more. I’m not leaving you here with nothing.”

  And I know she won’t. “I have some money saved. I think I’m going to roll the dice and try to find a small town that has any job open. I just want out, Quinn. I want to feel safe.”

  I think she’s careful with her next words. “Our fate isn’t up to us. Danger can find us anywhere.”

  “For once, I have to feel like I have some sort of control over my destiny. I have to take myself out of the places I fear and do like you said, Quinn. Rise.”

  She smiles at that and nods her head, looking almost proud. “You will, Mya. You will not only rise through the wreckage that tried to break you. You’ll soar.”

  Grief threatens to take over, thinking about the wreckage of my life.

  My mother, Trey, Charity. Now, what’s left after the tornado.

  Jase is alive and well. I haven’t demolished him. But if I leave him, that’s exactly what it’ll do.

  I don’t know how to get out of this without doing just that.

  “Are you going?” I hold Mya’s hand in mine, loving the way it looks and the way it feels. Hers is much smaller, with silky dark skin. Mine is large, calloused with tattoos over the milky white, but they blend perfectly. Her fingers interlock in mine. I don’t want to lose this image.

  But I don’t want it to only be a memory. I need it to be forever.

  “I don’t want to.”

  We’re lying in bed, both totally naked. But I can’t stop staring at our hands as I raise them in the air above us.

  “But you should.”

  “Why?”

  �
��They’re your family.”

  I pull our mingled hands to my chest, laying them over my heart. “And what are you?”

  She doesn’t miss a beat, but I hear the sadness in her voice. “Just a broken girl you met a few months ago.”

  “You know you’re much more than that to me.”

  “I want to leave, Jase.” I turn to look at her, surprised, but then she clarifies. “The city. I can find a waitress job in a small town near here.”

  I brush my free hand over her cheek. “I could go too.”

  A tear wets my hand resting on her face. “You helped me talk about what happened to Trey. I’ll never be over that grief, but you helped me begin to cope. I owe you everything, and I can’t take you away from your family. But I can’t go back there.”

  “I believe there’s more to us.”

  “I think we’re caught up in the moment.”

  She sits up, pulling her hand from mine, and I move behind her, both of us still seated on the bed. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away.”

  “I’m not.” Her head drops. “I can’t.”

  “So, what now?” My hands rest on her bare shoulders.

  “You leave tomorrow with them. We say goodbye or see you later or whatever we need to tell ourselves. And we go on.” I can’t see her face, but I sense she’s smiling through tears. “And we rise.”

  My stomach clenches with intense pain, not wanting this to be over. “We could go higher together.”

  She turns, her hand sliding over my cheek softly. “Trust me on this, I’ll only weigh you down.”

  “That’s not true.”

  She kisses my lips and stands, dressing quickly. “I’m going to go to dinner with Quinn, sort of a goodbye thing.”

  I nod, not wanting to take away any time with her friend. I know she needs it. “Will you be back tonight?”

  I don’t care if I sound desperate. She nods and grabs the door handle, twisting it and leaving me on the bed.

  I force myself to get dressed and then go to Finn’s room. The fucker is wearing only boxers and has claw marks all over his chest when he pulls the door open. “What time is it?”

  “Almost six in the evening.” He chuckles, shrugging and taking a seat on the sofa in the hotel. “Your guest still here?”