Sheep's Clothing

by Josi Kilpack

  “Nothing,” Jess said quickly, wiping at her eyes.

  “It’s got to be something for you to be upset about it,” Morgan said.

  Jess turned away and took a step so that she was out of range of Morgan’s hand. “I’m fine. It’s just some . . . stuff.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  Morgan took a breath. It wasn’t really her place to pry, so she needed to be careful. But she was worried about this girl—someone she had never worried about before. “Jess, if something is bothering you, then you need to talk to someone—maybe your parents.”

  She couldn’t be sure but she thought Jess snorted. “No,” Jess said quickly. “I can’t talk to them.”

  Then there is something bothering her, Morgan thought. “Jess, your parents love you. They’ll help you any way they can.” Kate Thompson was the ward’s model mother. Morgan herself looked up to Kate as much as she looked up to her own mom. Though Morgan only had one child, she marveled at Kate. She was so . . . together. And her children always looked and acted their best. She had no doubt that Kate and Brad would do everything in their power to help their daughter. The trick was convincing Jess—or any fifteen-year-old—that her parents were trustworthy.

  “I can’t talk to them,” Jess repeated.

  “They love you, Jess—they would do anything to help you, I know it.”

  Jess shook her head. “Dad’s never home.”

  “Well, your mom is, and—”

  “Mom’s too busy.” There was a chill in Jess’s voice that surprised Morgan. Her own daughter was only two—but she was suddenly dreading those teenage years. If Jess Thompson could see her parents as unavailable, there was no hope that Morgan would be any more effective. Morgan’s own adolescence wasn’t that long ago. She remembered feeling the same way—she wished she’d given her parents a little more credit.

  “Your Father in Heaven isn’t too busy,” Morgan said, hoping it wouldn’t sound trite. Helping these girls understand just how important they were was a continual struggle. Sometimes it seemed that because they heard of their Heavenly Father’s love so often, they didn’t seek to find out for themselves as much as they should. If Morgan had any agenda in her leadership of the Young Women of this ward, it was to convince them of how much they were loved. Sometimes it was an uphill battle, but Jess was one of the girls Morgan would have assumed was secure. Now she wondered if that was the case. She opened her mouth to say something else, but right then the Thompson’s minivan pulled up to the curb. Without a word, Jess pushed the door open and headed out into the rain. Morgan felt a powerful impression not to let things end that way.

  “Jess!” she called as she pushed out the door and hurried down the sidewalk after her. Jess was almost to the van and turned to look at Morgan for the first time. Her eyes were anxious, and Morgan wondered if she was afraid Morgan might say something to Kate. “Uh . . .” Morgan said, trying to find the words. The rain, though not cold, was coming down hard, dripping down her face. “You’re a wonderful girl, Jess.”

  Jess looked down. “I know,” she said, almost with a sigh of disappointment.

  “I’ll, uh, see you Sunday,” Morgan added. Maybe by then she’d have figured out a better way to approach Jess. She’d make it a matter of prayer and see if she could come up with any ideas.

  Jess shrugged, not meeting Morgan’s eyes as she turned back to the van. “I guess.”

  46

  Journal entry, May 9

  I don’t know what to do. We’re soul mates, so why do I feel this way? Mom forgot to pick me up from Mutual and I got myself all freaked out thinking about how I would be meeting Colt in just 30 hours—Sister Sanford caught me crying about it, I’m so embarrassed. I hope she doesn’t tell my mom.

  I have to see Colt, I know I do. Emily was so great, she totally understood and that made me feel so much better. I’m still scared though, but I feel stupid for it. I don’t want to be some dumb loser girl about it. Emily would meet him if she were me, I think Britney would too. And if I don’t go I might lose him forever.

  He’s sent me all these instructions on cleaning off my hard drive and canceling my e-mail account. It seems really weird to do all this—but he makes it sound so important. I don’t want him to be mad at me for not doing it and I can’t lie, but it makes me even more nervous. Still, this is Colt. I love him and I need to trust him.

  I guess I’ve made my decision. I need to let Colt know, but then he doesn’t want me using the home computer and I’m trying not to. I’ll have to e-mail him from school.

  me

  I want cabin thirty-seven for the next nine days,” he said to the desk clerk late Tuesday afternoon, not meeting her eyes. “Is it available?” He’d let his beard grow out the last few weeks, but he didn’t want to take any chances of being recognized. Yesterday he’d left the office he’d worked at for the past few months without saying good-bye. He was probably replaced already. He didn’t care. He had more important things to do.

  The clerk whistled, her eyes stuck on the computer screen. “Are you sure you want number thirty-seven?” she asked. “It’s the farthest away from our main lodge.”

  That had been the selling factor. “That’s the one I want.”

  “Well, okay. That will be ninety-nine dollars a night. Can I have a credit card number?”

  “I’d prefer to pay in cash.”

  “That’s fine, but we need a credit card number for any incidental charges.”

  “Like what?”

  “Oh, uh, the phone, damages, things like that.”

  “What if I pay cash up front, with an additional deposit? That will cover things, won’t it?”

  “Let me ask my manager.” She looked up and smiled at him. She was very pretty, but far too old. By the time a girl was twenty, she had her mind made up about things. Youth made all the difference.

  The clerk walked back to the office, and he tried not to look nervous. By the time she returned, he was tapping his fingers and shifting his weight from one foot to another.

  “The manager said that if you’re willing to leave a four hundred dollar deposit, he would waive the credit card number. With the deposit, your total comes to thirteen hundred forty-seven dollars and fifty cents. That includes tax.”

  He nodded and removed the wad of hundred dollar bills from his pocket. He’d been saving up for months.

  “Okay,” she said, still tapping away at the computer. “For extended stays like yours, housekeeping comes every other day, unless you prefer to—”

  “I prefer my privacy,” he said, laying his money on the counter. “No housekeeping.”

  “It’s included in your room charges. They can call in advance to schedule a time.”

  “No housekeeping,” he said again, shaking his head. “I’ll take some extra towels. That’s all we need.”

  “O-kay,” she said in a suspicious tone. “Is there anything else we can do for you?”

  “No,” he said, taking his change and shoving it in his pocket. “You’ve been very accommodating.”

  Once back in his car, he headed south toward Highway 89. He had an appointment with a very pretty girl in Salt Lake City, Utah—a girl who was young enough to be trained to love him the way he wanted her to. Everything was going according to plan—except for Jessie’s hesitation. But he refused to give in to the panic. Surely she’d go along with things.

  He slept in the car at some rest stop in Idaho; then, early the next morning, he drove past her house for the first time. There were lights on and he imagined Jess getting ready for school. His palms got sweaty just thinking about their meeting tonight.

  Thirty minutes before her school started, he parked on a side road that afforded a clear view of the route she would take to school. He watched every student as they walked toward him, scanning every face until he saw his Jess. His heart began beating hard in his chest as he watched her talk to a pretty blonde girl, probably Britney. Jess was so beauti
ful, so perfect. The girls passed his car without looking at him, and he furrowed his brow. He didn’t like that Jess was still so close to Britney. He’d tried hard to fracture that relationship. Jess wouldn’t tell her, would she? He refused to entertain the idea. She wouldn’t betray him, not now. She had to be as excited as he was. He watched her in the rearview mirror until she entered the school; then he took a deep breath. He was going to have a long wait, but all his efforts were about to pay off. And if for some reason she didn’t show up tonight, he knew right where to find her.

  47

  ——Original Message——

  From: jjk_hollywood@hotmail.com

  To: coltinator_51@yahoo.com

  Sent: Wednesday, May 10, 7:36 AM

  Subject: I’ll be there

  Colt

  I’ll be there, I promise. I won’t let you down. You’re right that there is no one in my life like you. I’m sorry I worried you. I made sure the computer at home is clean and I’ll go over it one last time before tonight. I’m writing this from a school computer and I’ll delete the entire account as soon as I finish. I love you so much. See you in a few hours. Meet me at the Allied insurance building 1894 E. Stag Street. I’ll wait in the front alcove.

  Love Your Jessie

  For Kate, Wednesday was all about getting back on track. She and Brad were working things out, and she didn’t even feel as sick as she had been. The truth was out, all of it, and she felt free in that respect but still burdened by all that had happened.

  The doorbell rang and she looked at the clock. She hadn’t forgotten about her visiting teachers or something, had she? She hoped not, because she didn’t feel up to visitors.

  When she opened the door, she froze.

  “Mom?” Kate said.

  Her mother’s bright red lips broke into a wide smile, showing gleaming white teeth. Her face was, as always, tan and smooth, though it had a softness that hinted at her age. “Katie!” she said, taking two steps forward and pulling Kate into a hug. Kate kept her arms at her side. Of all the people she was not up to dealing with right now, her mom was at the top of her list.

  “What are you doing here?” Kate asked, still standing in the doorway.

  Her mom pushed a lock of bleached-blonde hair behind her ear. “Gary has his final interview for the job in Ogden. I had him drop me off here.” Without invitation, she squeezed past Kate and entered the house. She was dressed in a red knit top, which stretched tight across her implanted breasts. Her white shorts also fit snug against her legs, and she wore nylons to cover her varicose veins. Kate shook her head as she closed the door. Even at fifty-eight years old, her mom still tried to look young. It had embarrassed Kate as a child to have her mom look like a teenager.

  Joy kept talking. “It’s a great opportunity for Gary. I hope it works out.”

  Just then the thunder of little feet exploded up the stairs. Justin ran a few more steps, saw the strange lady in the hall, and stopped.

  “Jordan?” Joy said, smiling.

  “Justin,” Kate corrected.

  “Wow,” Joy said, as if getting his name wrong was no big deal. “He’s so big. What is he, six years old now?”

  “Four, Mom, Justin is four.” Didn’t she even bother to read the Christmas letter Kate sent every year? She walked past her mother and picked up Justin on her way back to the kitchen. “Would you like a snack?” she asked the toddler as she deposited him onto a barstool. He nodded, still looking at his grandmother with trepidation. Kate went about getting him a banana while wondering just how long her mom was going to stay.

  “I hope it’s all right that I stay with you for a few hours,” her mom said, as if answering Kate’s unasked question.

  “Sure,” Kate said, though her tone was flat.

  “I thought maybe we could go shopping. I heard the Gateway Mall downtown has all the best shops. I absolutely love American Eagle—their jeans fit me perfectly.”

  Kate glanced at her mother’s figure, dismayed to realize that Joy had Kate’s college body—the body Kate had traded for her kids. A moment of envy passed through her, but she quickly turned her attention back to Justin. “I can’t go shopping. It’s the middle of the day. Chris just went down for a nap, and the kids are coming home from school.”

  “Just for a little while,” her mother said. “An hour, maybe two.”

  “I can’t,” Kate said.

  Her mom laughed. “You won’t,” she reiterated, and began tapping her bright red fingernails on the countertop. “You never take a moment for yourself. How good of a mother can you be if you never fill your bucket?”

  Kate felt the rage build inside, but she said nothing. “Can I get you something?”

  “Diet Coke?”

  “We don’t have Diet Coke,” Kate said. “I have milk, water, or apple juice.”

  Joy scowled, then shrugged. “Apple juice would be wonderful, dear.”

  For the next hour Kate listened to her mother prattle on about nothing of substance. Eventually her mother wandered into the living room. Kate looked at the clock and furrowed her brow. It was 3:12. Jess should have been home ten minutes ago. Just then the phone rang. She fairly ran to answer it.

  “Hi, Mom,” Jess said when Kate picked up the phone.

  “Where are you?” Kate asked. “I’ve been worried.”

  “I’m at Britney’s—is it okay if I stay?”

  “No, you better come home.”

  Jess was quiet. “Why?”

  “Because I said so,” Kate said, trying to turn away so her mother couldn’t hear her. “You’ve got chores, and I have to take Keith to practice and Caitlyn to her last soccer game in an hour.”

  “Is that Jess?” Joy asked.

  Kate turned, the phone still against her ear, and looked at her mother just a couple of feet away. “I need you to watch the kids,” she said into the receiver.

  “I can watch the kids,” Joy said. Kate turned again and clenched her eyes shut, taking a deep breath and trying to ignore her mother.

  “Who is that?” Jess asked.

  “Grandma Joy,” Kate said reluctantly.

  “Grandma’s there?” Jess said as if in shock. Kate completely understood. The kids hadn’t seen her mother for over a year.

  “Yes, but I need you to come home.”

  “But Grandma said she’d watch the kids—can’t I please stay?”

  The last thing Kate was going to do was leave her kids with her mother.

  “Let her stay there,” Joy said again. “I can watch the kids.”

  Kate covered the receiver and turned to her mom. “No,” she hissed, unable to keep her annoyance at bay. Her mom pulled back slightly, her eyes wide with surprise. Kate went back to the phone. “Home. Now,” she said with finality.

  “Fine,” Jess spat back, and the line was suddenly dead. Kate took a deep breath and hung up the phone. Then she turned to face her mother, who was staring at her.

  “What was that all about?” Joy asked, her tone guarded.

  “Jess has responsibilities,” Kate said, moving past her mother to busy herself with the few dishes in the sink.

  “Let her be a kid,” Joy said. “I’d love to watch the children.”

  Kate whirled, and all the annoyance spilled over, thanks to a generous amount of stress and pregnancy hormones. “You don’t even know my children, Mom.”

  Joy pulled back again. “You really do need a break,” she said.

  Her mother’s flippant response set her off, and Kate felt her face get hot at the insulting nature of her mother’s comment. “You know what, Mom? I think you take enough breaks for the both of us. I have responsibilities. I know you don’t get that, but it’s my life.”

  Her mom was quiet, and Kate dared herself to feel guilty. But she didn’t. She wondered how many years she’d been waiting to let this out on her mother. Unfortunately, even though she didn’t feel guilty, she didn’t feel great about it either.

  “Is that how it is between us?” Joy asked
after several seconds, her expression changing from shock to sorrow.

  “Yes, Mom,” Kate said, turning away, not wanting to feel sympathetic. “It is, and it always has been.”

  “Well, I guess I better go then.” But no sooner had she said the words than the front door burst open. The kids came into the kitchen, all of them freezing in place for just a moment.

  “Grandma?” Caitlyn said, her face breaking into a wide smile. Both Kate and Joy looked at the kids. Finally Joy smiled.

  “My goodness,” she said. “You guys are so big.”