The Future Memoir of Ann Jones

by Alex Bailey

  She dressed in a navy linen suit with a crisp white blouse, looking very employable. She threw her hair into a twist and gave Honey a big hug. Finally, she ran the lint brush over herself to catch the dog hairs as she’d watched her husband do many times and headed out the door.

  The sky had changed to bright blue with only a few high lingering clouds. It was a good sign. Ann was almost giddy, and jumping into her brand-new car made it even more thrilling. She punched the address into her GPS and followed her guide’s sexy male British accent until she reached a quite familiar destination.

  Ann shook her head. It couldn’t be. It was Ben’s car dealership, but she couldn’t believe there was any way Dona and Ben knew each other, much less were siblings. Dona was so…well, the name Prima Dona would suit her perfectly. And Ben was a pain in the ass for sure, but he was no hoity-toity dressed in pretentious designer clothes, snubbing-his-nose-up-at-everyone snob like Dona. But as Ann pulled into the car lot, she seemed to accept that maybe there were some similarities. Ben did have an air of superiority and he was constantly trying to one-up her.

  For a minute, Ann considered turning the car around and heading home. But her stubbornness wouldn’t allow her to back down from a challenge. She thought about how Ben had tried to talk her out of buying her car, the one she loved so dearly. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel, hugging it as if it were a beloved pet. She didn’t necessarily want to work for such a controlling boss, but she hadn’t exactly had the best luck looking for a job anywhere else. When I can’t even give my time away for free, I can’t really be all that choosy. And besides, maybe she wouldn’t have to have much contact with Ben. She didn’t recall seeing the other employees, other than Ben’s dad, when she bought her car, so maybe she would be in the file room with the clerical staff. Ann had talked herself into giving it a try.

  When she walked into the showroom, an overweight woman with curly gray hair and thick horn-rimmed glasses approached her. “Hi Sweetie, what can I show you today?”

  “Oh, I’m not here to buy a car,” Ann explained. “I actually bought one from Ben—”

  “Ben!” the woman screeched over her shoulder.

  “Oh no, I didn’t mean I needed to see him. It’s just…” Ann pulled the card from her bag Dona had given her with the address on it.

  “You see Dona gave me this card. She said I might be able to get a job.” Ann handed the card to the woman.

  The gray-haired woman lifted the glasses hanging around her neck up to her face and read the card. “Dona sent you, did she?”

  “Well, you see, she thought maybe there might be an opening. She said someone had recently quit and you were looking to fill that spot.” Ann looked hopeful at the woman.

  “That someone happens to be my niece, Helga,” the woman said in an annoyed tone. “And no, she’s still here, working away.”

  Ann looked perplexed, she didn’t understand why Dona would send her on another wild goose chase. Hadn’t she already been on enough of those?

  The woman shook Ann’s hand, and said, “M’name’s Dorothy. Everyone calls me Aunt Dorothy. Including my niece!” Dorothy bent in half, laughing deliriously at her own joke.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Aunt Dorothy,” Ann said slowly, feeling awkward calling this stranger aunt. But for some odd reason, she liked her. “I’m Ann.” She thought Dorothy was quirky, but that’s what made her interesting. It would be nice to work with someone who could laugh at themselves.

  “You see, um Ann,” Dorothy pulled her glasses down and let them hang from their gold chain and handed Dona’s paper back to Ann. “Dona don’t like Helga. So, any chance she gets, she tries to ditch her. But Ben, well, Ben’s a mighty fine man. He don’t listen to nothing his sister tells him to do. Matter fact, he don’t listen to nobody. He’s always been headstrong.”

  “Hey,” Ben poked his head into the showroom. “Miss me?” He grinned and outstretched his arms for a hug, but Ann shrugged her shoulders together and hid behind Aunt Dorothy.

  “I see you met Aunt Dorothy,” he rested his arm on Dorothy’s shoulder. “She’s my gal.”

  Dorothy blushed and said, “Ann here’s been fooled by your big sis.”

  Ben looked perplexed, “You just got to town. How do you even know Dona?”

  “Um,” Ann wasn’t sure how much she was supposed to divulge, what with that weird oath and all, so she said, “Well, if it’s any of your business, I joined her knitting club.”

  “Weirdest thing I ever did hear,” Dorothy said, shaking her head. “Dona knitting. That woman wouldn’t know a knitting needle from a broom.” Dorothy guffawed again at her own joke.

  “You’re right about that broom thing.” Ben laughed. “Except she knows how to ride a broom.”

  Even Ann had to grin.

  “So, what’s this about Dona? What’d she do this time?” Ben asked.

  “She told Ann that Helga quit and we was hiring a new receptionist! Do you believe she did that?” Dorothy raged.

  “Unfortunately, I do,” Ben said. “But to be honest, she’s not totally to blame this time.”

  Dorothy and Ann stared at him.

  “I kinda sorta mentioned to her we could use some help around here. I was trying to get her to bite. You know Dona sits in her ivory tower all day with nothing to do, and I just thought she might be lonely.”

  “Well, that explains it,” Dorothy said, throwing up her hands in disgust.

  “Your niece didn’t quit.” Ann realized aloud.

  “Correct.” Ben said, “That part she made up. You see, she doesn’t appreciate Helga the way we do, so she’s always trying to undermine her.”

  “Well, that’s that,” Ann said, deflated again. “Sorry to have bothered you all. It was nice to meet you, Aunt Dorothy.” She turned toward the door.

  “Wait,” Ben said, grabbing Ann’s elbow.

  She yanked her elbow out of his grip, then demanded, “Don’t touch me!” She didn’t mean to come off so harshly, but one thing she hated, was for anyone to grab hold of her.

  Ben immediately let go. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

  “No, I’m sorry,” Ann said, “I didn’t mean to—”

  “No, I didn’t mean to—”

  “Would you two cut it out? No harm was done either way. Now get over yourselves,” Dorothy wandered off to greet a customer who had entered the showroom.

  “Seriously, Ben, I just have this thing about people grabbing or pushing me, I don’t like to be restrained in any way. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

  Ben’s eyes were full of remorse, “No, really, I apologize. I just meant for you to hold up. I have to talk to you about this.”

  Ann turned to leave again, and waved her hand behind her head, “No, really you don’t. I’m fine, just please forget it.” She was embarrassed enough without him dragging out his apology.

  “No, I meant I need to talk to you about this job thing,” Ben hastened to say, then rushed toward the door.

  Since Ben blocked the exit, Ann stopped short. “Oh, that. Well, I thought that was just a made-up story to get your sister out of the house.”

  “It was.” Ben shrugged. “But actually, we could use an extra set of hands around here. There’s a lot to do and if you’re willing, then I think we could work something out.”

  “What exactly do you need done?” Ann didn’t want to get her hopes up again, but having a job, any job at this point, was a step up from having none at all.

  “Oh, this and that.”

  “Like sweeping up?” Ann wondered aloud.

  “Nah, that’d be taking work away from my dad,” he grinned. “He likes sweeping.”

  Ann waited and when no additional information was forthcoming, she asked again, “Alright, then like what? Can you give me some specifics?”

  “Okay, maybe I don’t have it pinned down exactly. But I…we…need you here.” His cocky grin returned.

  Ann was catching on that he only wanted her there
because he was interested in her. Without some sort of answer, she wasn’t willing to take him up on his offer. She looked at him as though she could read his mind.

  “Alright, alright. How about answering the phones? You like to talk. You’d be good at that.”

  Ann nodded. She could do that.

  “And…you could…schedule appointments for the salespeople?” Ben looked expectantly with eyebrows raised.

  “Sure, I could do that too.” Ann was softening to the idea.

  “And we have mountains of filing no one ever seems to get around to doing.”

  She could see the value in her services and decided to give it a try. “Okay, when do you want me to start?”

  “We haven’t even talked salary,” Ben said, “you’re not going to work for free.”

  “There you go again, trying to tell me what to do. I’ll have you know, Ben Jallopenson—”

  With a confused look, he shook his head, “Uh, Ann, if I’m going to be your boss, then I will be telling you what to do. But right now, I’m just looking out for your best interests.”

  Ann was embarrassed at her own misunderstanding and it dawned on her that yes, he will be bossing her around and she’d better get used to it. “Okay, well, whatever you think is equitable. I’m sure you’re a fair person.”

  “No, Ann, I’m not. I’m a businessman. I’m out to get whatever I can from my workers at the least cost to the business. So, you need to set the price.”

  “Fine then!” Ann was furious. He was trying to make her look like a fool. She would not stand for it. She had no idea how much people made; the last time Ann hired a babysitter she paid ten dollars an hour. Even though she didn’t need the money between the life insurance and investments her husband had left her, she said fervently, “I demand ten dollars an hour!” She folded her arms over her chest and stood tall.

  Ben gave her a stern look, “Oh really? You demand that much, huh?”

  She couldn’t take the pressure and broke. Ann hung her head and said, “You’re right. I have no experience. I don’t deserve it. I’ll take eight.”

  He threw up his hands in exasperation. “Ann, you are negotiating your salary here. You don’t back down when I confront you. You stand up to me and demand even more. Have you ever had a job?”

  Her temper boiled. He was the most obnoxious man she’d ever met and who was he to ask her that question? “Of course, I have! I…worked… at the dance studio where I was a student and then as a file clerk.”

  “And I bet they got away with paying you peanuts then too. Well, Ann, I’m sorry to say, but I’m going to have to pay you fifteen an hour for the first six months. We’ll renegotiate after that.” He shook his head in disbelief.

  She didn’t know what to say. At first, she thought he was trying to be cutthroat. Then he increased the amount she had asked for. She was confused to say the least. “Well…okay then,” was all she could muster.

  “When would you like to start?”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Sure, see you at eight. And park that car of yours in the back of the lot from now on. Don’t want my customers to get the wrong impression.” He grinned as he got the last dig in.

  “Sure, not a problem,” Ann shot back, “wouldn’t want to have to explain to the customers who sold it to me.” She slipped past Ben and shot out the door before he could get another word in, happy in the thought she was driving away in her precious Mustang with a job in hand.

  * * * * *

  Ann dressed in a pale yellow, slightly above-the-knee dress and tan pumps for her first day of work. She hadn’t been an employee in twenty years, and she was determined to be a good one.

  She parked in the back of the parking lot and walked past rows and rows of shiny new cars. In the front of the building, was Ben’s Batmobile parked in the Employee-of-the-Month parking space. She thought it was ridiculous to have to ride around in such a monstrosity. He could have any car on the lot, why would he want to drive that thing? Though it was extremely comfortable, she still snubbed her nose at it as she scurried past it.

  “Good morning!” Ben said, as he held a pot of freshly-brewed coffee. “Would you like a cup?”

  Ann was intoxicated with the aroma of the percolated beans. “Sure,” she said, wondering if that shouldn’t be one of her tasks, rather than the boss’s.

  “What would you like in it?” Ben asked, offering his coffee caddy with various forms of sweeteners and creamers.

  “Nothing. I normally drink it black.”

  “Me too,” Ben said, handing her the cup. “Ready?”

  “Extremely.”

  “I like that. Very motivated. Okay, let’s start you on the phones,” he said, leading her to the room next to the showroom. It had several desks with phones, filing cabinets, and paper strewn about.

  “Here you go,” Ben said, gesturing for her to move inside the room.

  “Here I go what?” Ann asked. “I don’t know how you want me to answer the phones. Do you have some sort of greeting? How do I forward the calls?”

  “Right. You wouldn’t know all that. Plus, we don’t start answering the phones until nine. We don’t have a service shop here. Just sales. We suggest anyone needing repairs to head over to Jiffier and Spiffier Lube.”

  “Mindy’s place?” Ann wondered aloud.

  “Don’t tell me. She’s in your garden club too,” Ben said sarcastically.

  Ann frowned. “Knitting club, and yes, she’s a member.”

  “Best repair shop in town. She beats the pants off any man. And if they need body work, we send them to Burrburgh Body Shop.” Ben sipped his piping hot coffee. “Okay then, well, you can just follow me around until my cousin gets here. Then I’ll have her train you on the phones.”

  Ann looked around, suddenly realizing they were the only ones in the building. Her voice wavered, “What time does your cousin get in?”

  Leaning forward, Ben said, “So you finally noticed that I’ve got you all to myself. Well, she’ll be here at nine. I thought it would be nice to spend some time alone with my newest employee.”

  She wasn’t sure how to take that remark, but he hadn’t done anything inappropriate, so she let it go. “Who’s your cousin?” Ann asked, mimicking Ben taking a tiny sip since it was steaming hot.

  “Helga. Nice kid. She’s a little…odd, but she’s a good hard worker. She carries her weight.”

  “So, Aunt Dorothy’s a sales person?” Ann tried to figure out all the family relations.

  “Right,” Ben affirmed. “And she’s Dad’s sister.”

  “That means Aunt Dorothy is really your aunt; that wasn’t just a title she gave herself?”

  “Ah, hell no. Aunt Dorothy is not into titles. She’s down to earth. You’ll see when you get to know her. She’s a gem.”

  “So, who else works here? When do I meet the crowd?”

  “That’s it. You met most of them already. You met Dad, Aunt Dorothy, and Helga will be coming in around nine-ish. Dona’s supposed to help out, but well, you know Dona.”

  Ann realized something and blurted out, “This is a family-run business. I don’t really fit in here. I’m not family.”

  “Oh, come on now,” Ben assured her, “there’s no law that says you must be family to work here. That’s just how it’s always been. That doesn’t mean that’s how it must be. And it’s a proven fact that businesses sell more cars when feisty women meander the showroom.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “A proven fact, huh?” She didn’t buy it, but he was her boss now and she would have to learn to let his remarks go.

  Ann followed Ben around for the next hour, learning about cars and how the dealership was run with just a handful of people. She saw things she could reorganize, processes that could be tweaked to make things run smoother, and general cleaning to help the atmosphere become more appealing. But she said nothing. She was in learning mode and didn’t want to jump in and change everything before she fully understood why they did things the way the
y did. There would be plenty of time to make the necessary changes.

  “And this is my proudest achievement,” Ben said, when he stopped at the sign over the trash cans. “Made the setup myself.”

  “Setup?”

  Ben showcased the setup like a model on The Price Is Right. “The trash can. The recycling bin. The sign explaining what goes into each bin.”

  “Okay,” Ann didn’t see the big deal.

  “Look Ann, before I had this setup, everything was going into the trash. No one could remember if plastic bottles or blue paper went in the trash or the recycle bin.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Ann was starting to get the idea that Ben was into eco stuff, with his electric car, and his excitement over the solar panels and wind mills at the Green Bean.

  When Helga arrived, Ann knew right away who she was. She was the spitting image of Dona, only much younger, in her late-twenties. She was dressed in designer jeans, wore six-inch heels, and her bleach-blond hair was teased up to the sky. Her face was heavily made up and she wore a silver necklace with a large cosmic eye charm that seemed to be staring straight at Ann.

  “Helga, this is Ann, our new employee,” Ben introduced.

  Helga’s hand had been outstretched until Ben said the word, employee, and then she quickly withdrew it. “What? Only family works here. Wait, you family? You two,” Helga swished her hand back and forth between Ben and Ann, “married?”

  “No!” Ann said a little too strongly, as Ben gave her a look of surprise.

  “No, Helga,” Ben said more gently. “Nothing like that. Haven’t I told you a million times, I’ll never get married again?”

  It was Ann’s turn to give Ben a surprised look. She figured his wife dying probably left him anti-marriage.

  Helga nodded, “Sure, Ben. You sure have. Then what gives?”

  “We needed some help around here. And Dona—”

  “That sister of yours!” Helga snapped. “Did I tell you what she did to me last week? She told a customer I was the hired help and she was an executive. She barely even comes in here and when she does, she pulls crap like this.”