by Ford, Mia
The fear in Kay’s eyes hurt me, but I knew it would pass, and I knew that I was right about this. I was terrified, too. It turned out that I cared what my family thought about me a lot more than I thought I ever would. I guess family mattered a lot to me.
“Ok,” Kay said. “If you think it’s the right time, then I can agree to that as well. Let’s tell them.”
I pulled Kay close to me and kissed her softly.
She hugged me back and laid her head on my shoulder as we swayed softly back and forth to the imaginary music.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kay
I had never been more nervous than I was at that moment. My hands were sweaty, my eyes were twitching, and I felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest. I thought I might have been sick at any moment, but kept telling myself it was just the pregnancy. This was the most nerve racking moment of my life, bar none.
We were really going to do it. Sam and I were going to tell my parents the truth.
I’d put in for a personal day on Monday and we decided to take that weekend to fly out to Nebraska and just spend the weekend with some family. My parents hadn’t even seen Sam in a few years, so it was going to be a nice reunion.
And it was. When we first arrived, we got settled in and my parents instantly began to talk Sam’s ear off. He answered all of their questions smoothly and without hesitation as if he’d rehearsed every single thing he was going to say. His dad was right; he was a natural born salesman.
We arrived Friday night and woke early Saturday morning to one of my mom’s large feasts. Sam ate until it looked like he was going to puke, all the time saying that I could one day be as good of a cook as my mom. Every time he said it, I felt like slapping him silly, but it was cute. He knew how to push my buttons so easily.
After breakfast, Sam and my father went outside to tend to some of the cattle and Sam seemed to fit right into it. He’d helped out a bit on my grandfather’s farm when he was really young, before his dad moved their family to Arizona. I’m not sure what he and my dad talked about out there while I hung out with my mom inside and we played some Chess (my mom has always been obsessed) and just caught up a bit. She asked me about work and how I liked the people I worked with, what I was working on, how I liked Phoenix, etc. And then eventually, she got around to asking about romance. I could feel my face get hot the moment she mentioned it. All I could think about was Sam. But I had to keep it hidden for now; I had to hide my feelings and pretend that nothing was going on in my love life. Sam and I had decided that we would tell my parents Sunday night, just in case things went awful we could grab a hotel room before flying back Monday.
It seemed like the best possible plan.
We coasted through the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday, but the closer we got to the time we’d discussed the more nervous I began to feel. And now sitting there in the living room with my parents who were looking forward to some relaxing Sunday night television with us, I was scared out of my mind. I felt almost insane with guilt, grief, and worry. What was about to happen.
“Ok, so what did you want to tell us?” My mother asked me.
We’d mentioned to them that we had something very important to say before they flipped on the television. Now here we were.
I glanced over at Sam praying that he would find the courage to take the wheel from me on this one and just let it out. I wasn’t sure I could even find the words to say it. Every time I rehearsed it in my mind, it made me sick. I knew it was going to freak them out. It was going to disappoint them. But I had to stay true to who I was and what I wanted out of my life. This was the way to do it. No more hiding.
“Well, you see,” Sam said. “Something unexpected has happened.”
My parents were both very interested now.
“Oh? What’s wrong?” Dad asked.
“Well, nothing is wrong per se,” Sam continued. “But there is something very important we have to tell you.”
Then silence.
Sam was now looking down at me. I thought he was waiting for me to continue since they were my parents, but looking back, I think he was just making sure I was alright, and then gathering his thoughts so he could continue.
I missed that. So, I chimed right in.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.
The words echoed in the quiet air of my parents’ remodeled farm house. I couldn’t believe I’d said it. I told them that I was pregnant… the words were still repeating themselves in my mind and as I watched my parents’ sitting there frozen with their mouths open. I almost thought they did not hear me or that I had actually spoken some other language. Why wasn’t anyone saying anything?
“Did you hear me?” I asked. “I’m pregnant,” I said again.
I figured it would be easiest to start with this and then work around to Sam’s involvement.
“What? Oh, my God!” My father said. I couldn’t tell if he was furious or happy; at the moment he was just in total shock.
“How did this happen? You told me you weren’t even with someone?” My mother asked.
“Yeah, it wasn’t planned,” I said. “It really just kind of happened, but now I’m pregnant. You are going to be grandparents.”
“This is amazing!” My mother said standing to her feet to hug me.
“Wow, I’m going to be a grandfather!” My dad said. “I can’t believe it.”
My dad now joined my mother in smothering me with warm hugs. They were actually super proud of me. I’d been worrying for so long and they were totally accepting of my news. Although I hadn’t told them everything…the doozy was coming up.
“And it’s my baby,” Sam said.
The room went silent. My mind exploded, put itself back together, and exploded again. What in the hell just happened? How could Sam just blurt that out…?
I stared at him in absolute horror filled shock. This had quickly become the worst night of my life and my parents were both going to have heart attacks. I knew it.
My parents looked at me and then glanced over at Sam who was sitting there with a half smirk on his face. He was making the most out of this wasn’t he? I guess he felt he was sitting on comedy gold, the king of all awkward conversations—Sam had just crowned himself.
“What did you say?” My father asked quietly. I could tell that he was scanning Sam’s face to see that he was joking.
Sam stopped smiling. He looked my father square in the face and said it again. “It’s my baby.”
The room went silent again.
“W-w-what are you talking about?” My mother asked. “What is he talking about, Kay?”
I licked my lips. My mouth was so dry that I didn’t think it would ever get better. I could hardly talk but I forced words to come out of my mouth.
“It’s true,” I said. “It’s Sam’s baby.”
“This isn’t true,” My father said. “This can’t be right. You are cousins. Remember that?”
“Yeah, well we didn’t mean for it to happen, but it is,” Sam said. “I’m going to be your grandbaby’s father. And that’s all there is to it.”
“I can’t believe this,” My mother said. “How could you let this happen?”
“We didn’t plan it,” I said. “It just developed and it happened. Look, we really love each other and we are determined to make it work. We are going to be good parents to our child.”
Saying those words out loud felt empowering to me. I wasn’t afraid any longer. I wiped back the tears that were rolling down my cheeks and I stood up proud. I knew that my parents didn’t understand this and sometimes I barely understood it myself, but I loved Sam and he loved me. We were going to make this work and we were going to raise our wonderful baby together. It didn’t matter who had a problem with it. That was their problem.
My parents were both standing now, both pacing back and forth. They were flabbergasted. I hated seeing that disappointment, the confusion, and yes—the anger-- in their eyes, but it was better that they know no
w and that we didn’t have to continue this bogus charade any longer. It felt good to get it all out in the open, even beneath all of the pain that was there.
They were both looking at each other now, neither one of them able to utter a word. It was almost torturous to me to have them in such a state where they just didn’t know what to say, what to think, or how to respond. I wanted their acceptance. I wanted their forgiveness. And I wanted their understanding. But most of all, I just wanted to know that I had not lost their love.
“I need a drink,” Sam said.
He went into the kitchen leaving me alone with my parents and the devastatingly heavy silence surrounding us. A moment later, he returned with a glass of whiskey for himself and another one which he handed to my father.
My father kindly accepted it and took a huge gulp of it, almost like he was downing a shot. This was followed by several long breaths as he wrapped my mother in an embrace and held her closely.
He kissed her on the forehead and then turned to face us. My mother wiped tears from her eyes. I’d never seen her look so heartbroken.
“Look, we don’t understand this,” dad said. “We don’t understand it at all, but we love you, Kay. You are our baby girl and nothing could ever change that or how we feel about you. This is going to be something new for us, and it may take us a while to fully accept and embrace it, but we want you to know that we will do our best to try. You might just have to give us a little bit of time. This is not the life we envisioned for you, honey. And it is going to be far more difficult then you may have thought, at least within the confines of our extended family. Some of us may not be as understanding. We just want you both to realize that.”
My own eyes were filling with tears now. They were tears of relief, of fear, and of new hope. My parents still loved me and they were willing to try to accept something that was alien to them and something that they never expected being thrust upon them in their lives.
“Thank you,” I said as I wrapped my mom and dad up in my arms and held them close to me. “Thank you.”
“We love you, sweetie. And we will love our grandchild. You had just better make sure that we get lots of time to visit,” Dad said with a smile.
“Of course!” I exclaimed with pure joy.
As I embraced them I looked back at Sam who was sitting in the reclining chair rocking back and forth sipping his drink with a smile on his face.
Everything was going to be ok.
Or so I thought…
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sam
Well, this was certainly awkward.
Kay and I were sitting in my father’s home office waiting for him to begin what I could only hope was a less than enthusiastic or supportive speech about our little predicament, but I was fairly sure this was going to feel more like an ass reaming.
We’d just landed from our flight back from Nebraska when my father called. I was surprised at how well things had gone with Kay’s folks, but then again her old man had always been the understanding one when it came to his family. Kay was definitely in much better spirits. I knew how hard it was for her to tell her folks and I really admired the strength and the character she showed. It was one of the reasons I loved her so much. There was so much about this beautiful woman that I just admired. She constantly inspired me to be a much better person. I just hoped I’d never truly let her down.
“I just heard from my brother about you and Kay. Needless to say, I want to talk to you both in person. I want you to come to my house right away. I’ll be expecting you.”
That was all my father had said over the phone. I didn’t even have time to breathe any sort of response before the call ended. This was not going to be pretty.
But now, there we sat waiting for him to begin.
My father never did anything half-assed, which included speeches or meetings, whichever he would have classified this as. I wasn’t really sure.
Kay and I waited for about ten minutes in the quiet, solace of his dark office until he finally arrived. He didn’t say a word as he closed the door behind him and immediately poured himself a bourbon from his mini bar in the corner and then sat down behind his desk.
He sipped his drink and looked at us, his hard gaze moving from me to Kay and then back again.
“Ok,” Dad said. “So, I’ll start off by saying how utterly disgusted and appalled I am to hear about this. My son and his first cousin having an intimate, sexual relationship… and now it’s resulted in a pregnancy. I… I don’t have the words. Congratulations, son—I’m speechless for the first time ever.”
“Dad, let me explain,” I said.
“No. You don’t get to explain. Right now, you get to listen, and I suggest you listen closely. Every word I say is of vital importance to you. Do you understand?”
I sighed and raised my eyebrows at Kay, who looked terrified. She’d never really gotten to know my father much growing up, and apparently his reputation preceded him. She was right to be terrified; my father was a very cold man; in fact, I have labeled him a borderline sociopath at times. All he knew, wanted, or really cared about in the world was winning. And expensive whiskey. I was pretty sure he was casually drinking a five-hundred-dollar bottle of it at the moment.
“Yes, sir,” I replied. Sure, I could have argued with him, but I didn’t really see the point. He was a bastard, and the sooner he finished his piece, the sooner we could be on our way and getting on with the rest of our lives.
“Good,” Dad replied. “So, I’m guessing your plans, I’d say you are just going to continue living together and raising this baby together. Well, that is something, I suppose. At least the child will be taken care of, but what about financially?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I understand that Kay has a good job,” he replied.
“Yes,” Kay said quietly.
“Great. But what about you, son? What are you going to do?”
I felt myself getting hot. I knew where this was going and it already scared me to death.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, currently I am supporting you,” Dad said. “This is going to stop, just in case you didn’t already figure that out. But I’m not a total jerk. That offer for you to come and work for me is still available. And you will be taking it. You no longer have a say in the matter. Of course, you can go work somewhere else, but no way will you make what you’d make working for me, at least not starting out.”
“Fine,” I said. I couldn’t believe this was happening. The old man was getting his way. He was going to own me.
“You’d better believe it’s fine,” Dad said. He took a sip of his whiskey. “But the offer will be different. Usually, I take ten percent of your commissions, now I’ll be taking thirty. Don’t worry, it will still be a great amount of money, especially if you work hard and sell more. The more you sell, the more we will both make. And I know you can do it kid. You can sell anything.”
I was gritting my teeth now, mostly out of anger, but also out of fear. I wasn’t afraid to work, but I was afraid of who I’d become if I let myself become part of the boring, nine to five corporate world that I so loathed. I was an artist. For an artist to do anything else with their life feels like a death sentence. And I could already feel myself dying inside. This was going to destroy me. It might take some time, but I knew that this was the beginning of the end for me. I was about to lose every bit of myself.
“Ok,” I said. “No problem.”
I couldn’t believe those words were coming out of my mouth.
“Good. Now, I’m not just doing this for me, but I’m doing it to try to put a bit of damage control to make sure none of this ever gets out. If people find out in the public that my son got his cousin pregnant it could ruin me and my business. This is one of the reasons why I never talk about family at work. You will make damn sure that no one there or anywhere for that matter finds out that this is happening between you two. Alright?”
Kay and I looke
d at each other and nodded.
“I want to hear it,” Dad said.
“Yes,” I replied. “Whatever you need.”
We ended the meeting and drove home. On the drive there, I was silent. I even asked Kay to drive. In my current emotional state, I might have gotten us into an accident. I felt like everything I’d ever dreamt of, and strived towards, was being ripped out from under me. I felt like I was drowning.
And there was no way out of it. None.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kay
(3 Months Later)
“This looks nice!” I said.
I walked over to the crib that was on display and began to check it out. It was painted white with little stars on it. I could just imagine our baby sleeping there so peacefully with the little dangling birds and stuffed animals overhead. And this crib was actually reasonably priced.
“What do you think?” I asked Sam who was lumbering over behind me looking bored out of his mind. I knew that shopping for baby stuff was not really his thing, and cribs, blankets, and baby clothes did not excite him one bit, but he was being a trooper and had volunteered to come along. I was so impressed with the way he had stepped up lately and become fully invested in everything. He was so looking forward to being a dad.
It was all the other stuff that was killing him.
“It’s ok,” Sam said. “It’s a crib. How can you really tell one from the other?”
“Well, they have different colors, different sizes, there are ones that look like vehicles and so forth. It’s fun,” I said.
Sam smiled weakly. “I’m really most interested in whatever is the cheapest.”
I smirked at him. “I know that, silly. But we can afford to have a bit of fun with it, too.”
And we could. Sam had been bringing in close to eight grand a month since he’d started working for his dad. That combined with my salary and we were on our way to pulling in slightly over six figures this year. Of course, we might fail to reach quite that month when I had the baby and took time off for maternity leave.
