Lawless Love

by Rosanne Bittner

  “Mr. Tucker has agreed to see me safely to California,” Amanda told Private Weber, completely trusting his kind blue eyes. “We met by accident, you might say. But I believe the Lord sent him, knowing I’d need help getting through this rather uncivilized territory.”

  Weber laughed lightly. “Yes, ma’am. It’s not good for a pretty young lady like yourself to be traveling alone in these parts. It’s very nice that you’ve run into your Mr. Tucker.” He looked at the frowning Moss and smiled. “You go right ahead and run your errand, Mr. Tucker, and we’ll keep an eye on your lady friend while you’re gone. We won’t leave her side until you return.”

  Moss studied him a moment, still sure Sollit Weber would try to charm Amanda. A jealousy burned inside him that he knew he had no right to be feeling. Then he looked at Private Keller. The men were soldiers and therefore should be trustworthy. Moss had little choice. His eyes turned to Amanda, just as a woman came to take their order.

  “I won’t be long, Amanda,” he told her.

  “And I’ll be right here,” she replied. Some of his jealousy left him. She appeared to be a little anxious, hopeful that he would come back soon.

  “Don’t you be payin’ for nothin’ either,” Moss added. “I’ll pay for everything when I get back.” He looked at Weber. “You keep an eye on her. And you’d best know I’ve got a temper.”

  He detected a momentary flash of cold steel in Weber’s blue eyes.

  “Oh, I’ll remember, Mr. Tucker,” Weber replied, smiling again. “One thing a soldier must always be is a gentleman around fine ladies such as Miss Boone.”

  Their eyes held for a moment, both men mentally challenging one another. Moss was certain he did not like the pink-cheeked Private Weber. But nothing could happen in a crowded restaurant, and Private Keller had eyes that Moss trusted.

  “I’m sure you’re quite the gentleman,” Moss replied rather sarcastically. He looked at Amanda. “You wait right here. Don’t you leave this table.”

  “I won’t, Moss,” she replied. Their eyes continued to speak the unspoken. Moss smiled softly, then glared at Weber for a moment before he left.

  While Moss was gone, Weber and Keller were both talkative, relating to Amanda more things about the West, and the Indians, and about Fort Bridger. Amanda was secretly a little confused over the rather rude way Moss had treated Private Weber, but she brushed it off as the reaction of a man who was not prone to trust anyone. She wished she could read people the way Moss could. Sollit Weber seemed to be the epitome of a brave and proud soldier, and a gentleman. The three of them ate; Amanda ordered pie and more coffee, and was nearly finished with that when Moss returned. At first she hardly recognized him. He approached the table and removed his hat, fumbling nervously with it in his hands. Amanda looked up at him. Her eyes lit up with surprise and pleasure.

  “Moss?” she asked. He was clean-shaven, except for an attractive mustache, and he’d had his hair cut a little shorter, although it still came to his shirt collar. And to Amanda’s pleasure, Moss Tucker was a strikingly handsome man without his beard. The face was dark and rugged, and there was still the little scar on his chin.

  “I, uh, figured it was time I got rid of the beard,” he said, actually appearing a little embarrassed and apprehensive. He flashed a handsome grin, and Amanda felt a stirring deep inside herself. Keller got up and offered his chair to Moss, who thanked the man and sat down.

  “Moss, you—you look wonderful!” Amanda told him, wondering if her eyes were giving away her feelings. Her emotions were now more confused than ever. Sitting across from her was not only a man she already knew to be brave and skillful, a man of strength and experience, but also a very, very handsome man, who she suspected was also very lonely. The combination was too tempting to a young woman who found it so easy to love others, and who was struggling with decisions as to what to do with her life.

  Moss actually reddened a little. “Thanks,” he told her. He rubbed at his chin. “Them beards get a little itchy, and I figured you probably didn’t like it much. Most women aren’t too crazy about beards. I figured if you had to put up with me all the way to California, I’d best get rid of the hair on my face.”

  She blushed and looked down at her coffee cup. And to her inner shame, she found herself wondering what a man looked like with nothing on. She’d heard they generally had hair on most of their body, even on their chest. It was a sudden and surprising curiosity that came to her out of nowhere, and she immediately decided she’d have to pray for forgiveness for all the sinful thoughts that had lately come to her mind. She almost wished she’d never met Moss Tucker, for her thoughts were becoming more and more confused. What did God expect of her? And what did Moss Tucker expect?

  “Well, it—it looks very nice,” she told him. “I really didn’t mind the beard. But I’m pleased you were considerate enough to shave it off, just because you thought I might not like it.” She raised her eyes to meet his. How dark and moving his eyes were! How broad his shoulders were! How dependable he was! Yes, she was growing much too fond of Moses Tucker.

  “We’ll, uh, be leaving you two now,” Sollit Weber spoke up. He was inwardly very pleased that Moses Tucker had shaved off his beard just for Miss Amanda Boone. He’d been right all along. Tucker was infatuated with the woman. That was good. That was very good. And they were down to only one car full of passengers. Everything was working out perfectly! It was only a matter of hours now. The next step was Bear River City, only the train would never get there—not until it was emptied of the soldiers’ payroll and its rifles. And perhaps Miss Amanda Boone would also be a part of the bounty. He would enjoy the look on Moses Tucker’s face when the man found out Miss Amanda Boone might be in danger. Weber had allowed the robbery to become a personal thing. For there was a growing dislike between him and Moses Tucker, though the two didn’t even know each other. It was the challenge: that inner challenge that grows between certain men without any logical reason. It was just something that was there, usually between two men who were proud and strong, and who had goals that would inevitably clash. It was an unexplainable challenge that had led men to battle for centuries. And when Sollit Weber and Moses Tucker looked at each other, both knew there would be a confrontation. But only Sollit Weber understood why. At the moment Moss was simply confused by his feelings.

  “I, uh, reckon I ought to thank you,” Moss said to Weber and Keller.

  “Oh, it was our pleasure!” Weber replied with a smile. “Hope the rest of your trip is a safe one, ma’am,” he added, turning his eyes to Amanda. He nodded to her and she blushed.

  “Thank you, Mr. Weber. And good luck in your duty with the army.”

  “We all do our best, ma’am.” He winked at her and walked off. Keller also nodded.

  “Good-bye, ma’am.” He looked at Moss. “Good-bye, sir. It wasn’t any trouble watching out for Miss Boone.” He turned to leave.

  “Keller,” Moss spoke up.

  “Yes, sir?”

  “Weber. What’s he like? Is he a good soldier?”

  Keller shrugged. “He’s a pretty friendly sort. Obeys orders and all, never gives anybody any trouble. Yeah. I guess you could say he’s a good soldier. Before we left Fort Kearney he was in charge of the telegraph messages. I’m not sure what he’ll be doing when we get to Fort Bridger. Why do you ask?”

  Moss ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know myself.” He took out a cigar. “Tell me. Is there somethin’ bein’ hauled on that train we don’t know about?”

  Keller swallowed. “N-no, sir.” His orders were not to mention anything to any passengers about the guns or the money. “What makes you ask that?”

  Moss looked at Amanda, pleased at the admiration in her eyes. He was glad he’d shaved. She seemed completely taken with him. It made him forget about Weber.

  “I guess I’m just too suspicious,” he replied, now smiling. He looked up at Keller. “Thanks for watching out for Miss Boone. You have a good trip now.”

&nb
sp; “Yes, sir. Thank you. Like Weber said, it was our pleasure.”

  The young man left, and Moss reached into his pocket.

  “I, uh, got a little somethin’ for you.”

  Amanda reddened, and her heart pounded. “For me? Now why on earth did you do that?”

  He shrugged. “I just wanted to.” He handed her a small box, but she didn’t take it at first. He set the box in the middle of the table. “Please accept it, Amanda. I want you to have it. Maybe you’ll remember me whenever you look at it.”

  She swallowed and raised her eyes to his. “I’d remember you whether I had a gift from you or not, Mr. Tucker—I mean, Moss.”

  He reached over and took her hand, gently squeezing it and setting her blood on fire.

  “It’s been an honor havin’ you call me a friend, Amanda,” he told her. “A real honor for a man like me.” How soft her hand was! She was so small and lovely.

  “I—I don’t know what to say,” she told him in a near whisper. “The sisters always told me a lady should never accept a gift from a gentleman. It’s much too bold and suggestive. I don’t think—”

  “Please, Amanda,” he said softly, still holding her hand. “I’ve never had many friends. And I’ve never had one as nice as you. I’d be hurt if you didn’t take it. You’d be denyin’ me a lot of pleasure, ’cause I know you’ll like it, and that would please me greatly. You said you owed me for watchin’ out for you. So please take the gift for me.”

  She smiled nervously and pulled her hand away, then picked up the box.

  “All right,” she said softly, removing the lid carefully.

  She stared at the contents: a small, ebony jewelry case that was covered with delicate, hand-painted roses. Her eyes began to tear when she removed the small case from the box in which it had been packed. At first she simply held it, touching the tiny flower designs with her fingers. The case was about five inches long and two inches wide, and had little gold legs on it so that it could be set on a dresser like a tiny chest. She opened the lid, and it was lined with white velvet. It was feminine and exquisite, and obviously very expensive, especially when found in places like Salt Wells.

  “I, uh, figured you could use that to maybe put your rosary beads in, or whatever jewelry you might have,” Moss told the temporarily speechless Amanda. “I know you probably aren’t a woman who would keep much jewelry. But I know Catholics have them prayin’ beads, so I figured you must have some. Do you like it?”

  She swallowed and looked over at him. “I—I don’t know what to say,” she told him, blinking back tears. “It’s the most beautiful gift I’ve ever had.” She smiled, and one tear slipped down her cheek. Yes. She loved him. How could she not love him? What was she to do now? “It’s exquisite, Mr. Tucker—I mean, Moss. Just exquisite.” She quickly wiped away the tear. “You really shouldn’t have, but I’ll treasure it always.”

  Their eyes held. “I’m glad you like it, Amanda. I—”

  “Moss! Moss Tucker!” a man spoke up. Both Moss and Amanda looked up to see a bearded, unkempt man heading for their table, grinning through teeth brown from tobacco stains. “You ole outlaw, you! Where the hell have you been? In jail?” The man laughed, and Moss’s face darkened. He rose from his chair.

  “Hello, Seeley. It’s been a long time,” he said, putting out his hand and looking uncomfortable.

  “It sure has! Hell, the last time I saw you was—where was we—Hole-in-the-Wall? I think you was askin’ me about a buyer for the cattle you rustled, you ole scallawag! What are you doin’ sittin’ here with a pretty little lady? Hey, is she one of them—”

  “Shut up, Seeley!” Moss grumbled, grabbing the man’s arm. He all but dragged the man out of the restaurant. Amanda looked through the window and could see them talking outside. Moss looked highly upset and angry, and Amanda’s heart was tortured with love and sorrow for him. The man called Seeley had only verified what she’d already suspected. She was not totally surprised, only more curious about Moses Tucker. What things had he done, and why? There must have been reasons; he seemed such a good man at heart. Was she simply naive and stupid? Was she becoming so enamored with the handsome Moses Tucker that she was not thinking reasonably? Should she continue to trust him?

  He finally returned and sat back down. “You, uh, ready to go?” he asked, looking at the floor.

  “Yes. Aren’t you going to eat, Moss?”

  He smiled disgustedly, still not facing her. “I’m not hungry. I’ll go pay for yours.” He got up and walked away. She stood up when he returned, and he reached down and picked up her carpetbag for her. Amanda picked up the ebony box and put it back in its container.

  “I’d better put this in my carpetbag,” she said quietly.

  “Amanda, you don’t have to keep that if you don’t want to. I’d understand,” he told her. She raised her eyes to meet his. All she saw was pain and sorrow—and loneliness.

  “That place…The Hole-in-the-Wall,” she said softly. “It’s one of those places where—where outlaws hide, isn’t it? I’ve read about it.”

  Their eyes held. “It is,” he replied flatly.

  She swallowed. “I see.” They were lost in each other, oblivious to the people around them, and no one paid any attention to the two of them or to their conversation.

  “Moss,” she went on softly. “When Christ died on the cross, two men hung on either side of him. Both were criminals, outlaws. He loved them both. And one of them asked Christ to forgive him, minutes before he died. And he was forgiven. If a person wishes to change his life, then God does not hold that person to blame for things in his past. Someone such as I has no right condemning another human being, when Christ does not condemn. I want very much to keep the case, Moss.”

  She tore her eyes from his and opened the carpetbag while he held it, gently placing the ebony case inside. Moss just watched her, a little dumbfounded.

  “Shall we go?” she asked, picking up her gloves.

  He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to hug her, feel her close to him, tell her he loved her. Oh, yes, he loved her! But he could not have her. Strangely enough, just to know that she accepted him seemed to be enough for the moment. She had not turned him away. Surely she knew his past had been far from commendable. He felt almost as though he were in competition with God, for Amanda Boone seemed to be perfect material for a nun. Surely that was what her God intended for her. How special she was! How lovely and innocent and special!

  “You’re a good woman, Amanda Boone,” he found himself saying. “And I won’t disappoint your trust in me. I promise you that.”

  “I believe you, Moss.” Her ease with this man never ceased to amaze her. When she first left New York, she never dreamed she’d be able to strike up a friendship with a man or converse with one as easily as she did now with Moss Tucker. She studied the dark handsome face, the eyes that held the answers to so many questions. But she would not ask them. If he wanted her to know, he would tell her. He suddenly bent down and lightly kissed her forehead. She blushed deeply, but was not offended.

  “Maybe I should apologize,” he told her. “But I had to do that, Amanda.”

  She twisted her gloves in her hand. Never had a man’s lips touched her! She felt on fire and hoped she didn’t look as flushed as she felt.

  “We’d better hurry. We’ll miss our train,” she replied. She turned and walked to the door, with Moss close behind. She hoped she’d get to the train without falling down, for her legs felt weak. Moss Tucker had kissed her, and her feelings for this man she knew to be a one-time outlaw were becoming more and more uncontrollable.

  To her relief she made it to the train without fainting. They boarded and sat down in their same seats. Moss set her carpetbag beside her as always and glanced to the rear of the car. Sollit Weber was watching him. The young man smiled and nodded. Moss scowled and sat down, too engrossed right now in his feelings for Amanda to care about Sollit Weber, whatever sort of man he might be.

  Chapter Nine />
  “Did you know that Moses is a very Biblical name?” Amanda asked, as the train rumbled through a tunnel. Moss grinned, and the car lit up again as it came back out into the sunshine.

  “Well, I know there was somebody famous in the Bible called Moses, but I don’t know the whole story. And comparin’ me to somebody in the Bible…” He chuckled. “Well, let’s just say I reckon I’m a far cry from somebody like that!”

  Amanda smiled softly. “Perhaps. And yet maybe not. Moses led his people, the Israelites, to freedom. He led them out of the land of Egypt, rescuing them from the people who had enslaved them. And through Moses, God performed many miracles to help them all escape. Even the great Red Sea was parted so that the Israelites could walk through and not drown.”

  Moss smiled. “Sounds exciting. I think I’d have liked to be that Moses. Lots of adventure.”

  Amanda laughed lightly, and it was music to his ears. He’d never heard her laugh that hard before. Their eyes held, and then his roamed her body again, making her feel weak.

  “You ought to laugh more,” he told her. “It sounds nice. I have a feelin’ you’ve never laughed a whole lot.”

  Amanda blushed. “The nuns are usually rather serious about most things,” she replied. “And I’m not so sure it’s right for me to be sitting here laughing and talking with a man I’ve only known for three days.”

  “Sure it’s right,” he replied. “There’s nothin’ wrong with it.” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “Tell me something,” he went on. “You ever dance, Amanda?”

  Her eyes widened. “Dance? Goodness, no!”

  “But haven’t you ever wanted to? I mean, a pretty, young thing like you—you must have thought about it.”