All The Way

by Tricia Jones

  Then he drew in a breath and turned to her. “Did you go into law to please your father?”

  Grace had to do a mental shift at his question. She’d been busy thinking about him and once more he’d nudged the focus back to her.

  “Afraid so. I did well at school but at heart I was never really academic. Much preferred art. Seeing as they were great art lovers, I thought it would be a safe option.” She toasted herself with the last of her wine. “Didn’t even get that right. They thought it was a wasted degree, that people should love art but not make a career of it. The only part of the law that interested me was family law, but my father stamped on that.”

  “Why?”

  “If I was to study law, it had to be criminal or something equally dramatic. My father didn’t approve of me disappearing behind a desk in a tiny practice. He wanted me in court, on show, a glittering success for all to see.”

  She hadn’t realized how embittered she still felt, thinking she’d long ago pushed it all behind some solid wall deep inside herself. That she’d buried the heartbreak of never being good enough for the people she loved most. She’d buried it. Along with her parents. Yet here it was, still hurting, still squeezing at her heart.

  She noticed the fierce look in his eyes. “I’m painting too dark a picture and making them sound like ogres. They weren’t. As I said, they gave me a very good life. I didn’t want for anything.”

  Except love.

  Affection.

  Acceptance.

  “Their treatment of you says more about them, than it says about you. You should let go of what you can’t change and focus on what you can.”

  “Is that what you do? Let go of the past and focus on the present?”

  “Makes sense. There’s little to be gained from regurgitating the past.”

  So why did she think he wasn’t exactly telling the truth? If it were that easy for him, that simple, why did a look of pain flash across his face, harden his eyes?

  Before she could continue the conversation he nodded toward her glass. “Finish your drink.” He retrieved his cell phone from the table, glanced at it, then slipped it into his pocket. “Tonight we’ll drive to the coast and have dinner.”

  She tilted her head, smiled. “Do you realize how often you give edicts, how rarely you ask a question?”

  He grinned, which melted some of the hurt in his eyes. Which was exactly her intention. “What’s your point?”

  “Just that you could try toning it down a little. Be a bit less dictatorial.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “With you?”

  “Generally. Although I must say I’d welcome you stepping down from your lord-of-all-I-survey perch once in a while to join us lesser mortals.”

  He sat back, ran his gaze over her. “The view from my perch is currently too tempting to relinquish.”

  For form, she tutted and turned away, but hearing him laugh warmed those places that had chilled inside her as he’d told her of his loss. She looked back at him, shared his smile, and felt her heart turn over.

  Chapter Eight

  Waves lapped gently in the balmy evening breeze. The restaurant, on the edge of a small fishing village, was beautifully relaxing.

  So was Nikolai.

  They’d been getting along really well. The easy conversation, the gentle flirting, and for once he seemed to listen to her, really listen to her. The feeling was heady, intoxicating, and made it easy to imagine a certain magic stirred the air.

  Once, she had longed for such a night, longed to have his full attention like this. Tonight, there were no phone calls, no interruptions of any kind, except that of the attentive waiter who hovered discreetly and seemed to pounce if Niko as much as raised his chin. He seemed naturally to have such an effect.

  “Would you like dessert?”

  Grace sighed as she looked out at the tiny fishing boats bobbing at sea. It was perfect, she thought, wanting to close her eyes and draw in the sights, sounds, and scents so that she could recall each lovely moment when this night was simply a memory.

  “Grace?”

  “Hmm?” She turned to see him watching her, his lips curled in a knowing smile.

  “Dessert?”

  She shook her head. “Coffee, please.”

  A lift of his finger and the waiter popped forward. Order taken, Nikolai sat back. “You like it here?”

  She smiled then drew in a long breath. “It’s hard not to like. How do you know about this place? It’s hardly local. It took almost an hour to drive here.”

  “Recommendation.”

  “A good one. It’s so unspoiled.”

  “Mostly locals,” he agreed. “There’s a small hotel along the coast, but it’s basically unknown.”

  Grace drew in a breath, the air full of salt and that magic. On a night such as this it was impossible to find a reason not to simply enjoy. Leah was okay, the night was beautiful and Niko…

  She glanced at him. “You’re different here.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “I’m the same.”

  “No. You’re different. More…relaxed. You don’t have your phone on the table and you’re not wearing a tie.”

  The idea seemed to amuse him. “You’ve seen me before without a tie, and everything else for that matter.”

  The way he looked at her added to the magic. His eyes, so beautifully blue, curtained by long lashes and the slash of dark brows. His mouth, full and currently curved into a smile.

  Heat burst from her cells and pooled between her legs. “Memories fade.” She lowered her chin and looked up at him from beneath lowered lashes. “Some faster than others.”

  The smile shot into a grin as he struck a fist against his chest. “You wound me.”

  She grinned back, enjoying him like this. “No, I don’t. You have too big an ego for that.”

  “Ah, the wound deepens.”

  The lighthearted banter continued, so that by the time Nikolai led her from the restaurant she was feeling positively mellow.

  “Shall we walk for a while, toward the harbour?”

  She glanced over at the twinkling lights and softly lapping water. “That would be lovely. Do you know, I don’t think you and I have ever walked together before. Not strolling like this anyway, I mean for no other purpose than to enjoy the walk itself.”

  “Then that is my loss. It’s pleasant.”

  Pleasant? Was he kidding? It was the sort of activity she’d craved when they’d been together and she’d felt she was little more than his bed mate, his escort to fancy functions or someone to share a quiet dinner with that always led back to bed.

  “It must be a hard life,” Grace said, indicating a returning boat with its netting lowed. “It seems pretty idyllic on a night like this, but I wouldn’t much fancy it when the seas are rough and storms are brewing.”

  Nikolai perused the scene with her. “There are many storms to be weathered in any job, not only at sea.”

  “I know.” She turned to look at him as they stood together on the jetty watching the fishermen haul pots off their boats. “Do any of your business dealings involve shipping?”

  He turned to her with a wry look. “Import. Export. Shipping is involved.” He slipped his hands in the pockets of casual black trousers. “And before you ask, all legal.”

  Grace wrapped her fingers around the railing, as the magic of the present morphed back to the distrust of the past. “Can’t you let it go?”

  “No.”

  She kept her gaze on the water. “I didn’t plan for you to be involved. You got caught in the crossfire.”

  “You could have talked to me.”

  “We’ve been through that. I tried to talk to you, but you did what you always do. Clammed up.”

  “And you decided to teach me a lesson.”

  “I’m sorry you see it that way. It certainly wasn’t what I intended. Will it make you feel better to know I felt awful for months afterward?”

  “We all have to live with the consequences of o
ur actions.”

  She turned to lean back against the railing and looked at him squarely. “Something always puzzled me. I heard you were at the police station for barely an hour. What happened?”

  “They had nothing on me.”

  “Detective Lawson told me they’d released you. He was fairly puzzled himself that it happened so soon.”

  “Lawson,” he muttered as his eyes narrowed. “With me off the scene, did he get what he wanted?”

  She frowned. “What did he want?”

  “You.”

  She huffed. “You’re way off on that one. He was married, with a couple of grown children.”

  “Doesn’t stop a man looking.”

  “He loved his wife, he even showed me photographs of his family.”

  A mocking smile curved his mouth. “Ah, Grace, you’re entirely too naive.”

  “Perhaps I don’t have your cynical view of the world, of people.”

  “Cynical?” He pursed his lips. “I prefer realistic.”

  The gentle breeze blew off the sea and Grace folded her arms across her chest. “We’ll never understand each other.” She rubbed her arms. “We’re just too different.”

  He reached out, placing his hands over hers. “In many ways we are the same.”

  How could she think clearly when his fingers touched her skin so lightly, so sensuously? “How?”

  “We like the same things.” As he stepped forward, drawing her close, Grace knew exactly what he meant.

  “There’s more to a relationship than enjoying each other in bed, Niko.”

  “It’s a good place to start.” He settled his hands on her hips, angling her toward him so that Grace felt his hard length press against her. Her knees went weak.

  “Can… can we go back now?”

  He smiled and his voice was low, husky. “Coward.”

  Before she could respond, he steered her away from the harbour and back toward the taverna and the little street where he’d parked the car. On the way they passed a few couples strolling, some tiny pavement cafes where people ate a late supper, the sounds of singing and general chatter filling the night air. Neither of them spoke, but Grace was so aware of him beside her. It had always been so. He had only to enter a room and all her senses went on full alert. No other man had ever come close to doing that to her. Before or since.

  The sounds died away as they reached the car, the silence so full their footsteps echoed like gunshots in the empty cobbled street. She heard the bleep of the remote door release, watched the sensor lights flash, then he was at her side opening the passenger door. She moved to get in the car but he blocked her.

  His cavernous eyes shone with the heavy gleam of arousal and her knees, still weak from that moment on the jetty, gave way as she stumbled to the side.

  With a smile, he moved in and brushed his mouth against her neck. His touch sent shockwaves of need through her system and she closed her eyes against the heady rush as his lips brushed, teased along her skin.

  She tried to step back, but her body met the door and in answer he moved closer.

  Grace tried not to respond, an impossibility as his mouth moved to her throat and sampled the sensitive flesh. She reached out for the edge of the door, desperate to gain purchase. Of something. Anything. She could barely feel her legs and her skin fired against the slow, steady path of his mouth.

  “Niko…”

  His hands reached for her hips, pulling her gently but firmly against him. “This we both understand, angel,” he murmured in a low, fierce tone. “This is where we can both agree.”

  How could she deny it when her whole body was in danger of simply sliding to the floor in a lust-filled heap?

  “It’s not enough,” she managed.

  “Da. It is. You and I were always good, Grace. Always perfect.”

  His hand skimmed the sides of her ribcage, his fingers brushing dangerously against the underside of her breasts. She wanted to give in to him, to feel again, to let him crowd her senses and take her where she so desperately wanted to go, but knew she had to hold tight to reality. To how things really were between them. She had to keep her feet, which she currently couldn’t feel, firmly on the ground. “We were never perfect.”

  He moved his thumbs across her nipples and she thought she might explode into a million hormone-charged pieces, but she couldn’t do this. Couldn’t allow him to weave his spell around her again. After their break up, it had taken a long time for her to feel whole again, and normality had been a hard won battle. She wouldn’t jeopardize that. Not again. Never again.

  With a steely control she didn’t know she possessed, Grace wrapped her fingers around his wrists and drew his arms down. “I’m not doing this. There’s too much that’s wrong between us, Niko. You know that and yet still you push.”

  When he stepped abruptly away, for a moment Grace wasn’t sure what to do. He looked away to the side, his expression that of a man forced into an action he would rather avoid. “We need to talk.”

  She stiffened, widened her eyes in mock surprise. “Wow. Could you wait for a second, so I can note the time, date and year? This is a momentous moment.”

  He ignored that, still looking off to the side. Her temper spiked.

  “I spent months trying to get you to talk to me, but no, you wouldn’t waste your time. Now you want to talk? When did you decide that? When you realized you’re not getting any?”

  “Govno. You drive me insane.” He ran his hand over his head, frustration ripe in the action, then turned back to her. “I want you and you act as if you want me. You heat up, moan my name and then you call it off.”

  “What? And there’s a name for women like me?”

  His head jerked back. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Wasn’t it? So what did you mean? I heat up, moan your name, and you’re happy I call it off? God, Niko. You really are amazing. You have no idea.” For want of something to do with her hands and a release for the frustrated energy pulsing through her limbs, she poked a finger at his chest. “I’ve got news for you, buster, I need more from a man than a satisfying romp between the sheets.”

  “You want commitment.” He ground out every syllable as if it were poison on his tongue. “So, if it makes you happy, move in with me.”

  Struck speechless, Grace huffed a laugh and threw her hands into the air.

  “Then what?” Niko raised his own hands along with his shoulders, seemingly genuine in his bewilderment. “What the hell do you want?”

  “How about I start with wanting a man who considers that commitment is something more than offering to make me his live-in mistress.”

  “You want marriage?” The word commitment gave him pause, but marriage obviously terrorized him. “I can never give you that.”

  She felt the slice to her heart but powered through it. “If you think that’s what I want, you really are deluded.” When the statement didn’t seem to worry him unduly, the cut scored deeper.

  “Then what, for pity’s sake?”

  His brow creased in confusion and Grace felt a ping of sympathy, of sadness, and sighed for everything they might have had together. She felt drained of energy, of hope. “I wanted to share your life, Niko, in all the ways that mattered. I wanted you to confide in me, to know I could confide in you. For you to tell me what mattered to you, how you felt about things, share the things that were happening in your life. I wanted you to take a real interest in my life, to care enough to do that. Mostly I wanted us to be a couple, for our relationship to mean something.”

  His frown deepened as he slipped his hands into his pockets.

  Grace crossed her arms over her chest, wanting to stamp her foot in frustration. Why was this so difficult? Why was he making it so difficult? “Look, let’s just forget it.”

  They both stood facing each other in the silence, looking away in opposite directions. Which seemed to sum up their relationship, Grace thought. They were opposites, poles apart, each carving out their own cours
e in life, wanting different outcomes, different futures.

  “You could have come to me, Grace.” He said it so quietly, so softly, she held her breath to make sure she’d heard him right. “You could have told me what you were worried about, what they’d asked you to do.”

  Tears smarted as his words pushed into her heart.

  He was right.

  She could have done that.

  Should have done that. “It all happened so quickly.”

  He reached out and caught her chin between his forefinger and thumb, gently turning her head until their gazes met.

  “You want to know why they released me so soon?” There was no blame in his tone, no recrimination in his eyes. “I made a deal.”

  She swallowed. Well, she’d wanted to share his life hadn’t she? That meant all of it, good and bad. Part of the risk meant having her fears about his covert business transactions confirmed. “What sort of deal?”

  “My company had been working on several high profile government contracts. We knew some of the figures weren’t adding up and were keeping a close watch on an employee. We suspected other shadier dealings involving this person, but didn’t have the hard evidence to back it up. All we could do was watch, wait and bait.

  “Some bright spark in the government got wind of the discrepancies too and started making his own enquiries. Then Lawson got involved.”

  “Didn’t they come to you first? Ask you what was going on?”

  He shook his head. “Wouldn’t have mattered. Like I said, we had no hard evidence. Da, we could have given up what we had, but the man we were watching had been careful to implicate someone else. Someone who had been with me from the start and who I trust implicitly. He has a wife, four small children, I wouldn’t chance his being dragged through the press and even worse, that he’d go to jail if I couldn’t clear his name. We needed time to unravel the intricacies of the set up.”

  “But the government official had other ideas.”

  “Da.”

  Nausea swam as she considered what part her own actions had played in the matter and how they had made things blacker for Niko.

  “What happened to the man? The one you were keeping tabs on?”