All The Way

by Tricia Jones

  “Can’t. But we can do that when I come over for your birthday. I gotta go. See you tomorrow.” She gave Grace a kiss on the cheek, another hug. “I love you, Gracie. You’re the best ever.”

  Oh God, Grace thought as she watched Leah walk through the shady interior and out of sight. She’s just a baby and I’ve let her go.

  She turned, stumbled into a couple about to enter the restaurant. The pavement was a blur as she all but felt her way along the street. What had she done? Had she done the right thing? Had she said everything she possibly could to persuade Leah to really consider what she was doing?

  No. Grace stopped. She couldn’t let her go like this. In a strange country, where Leah knew nobody but Pavel. She should have insisted that she meet with Pavel before agreeing to let Leah stay.

  What kind of bloody fool was she? Not even first insisting to meet with Pavel.

  Her feet barely touched the pavement as she hurried back to the restaurant and wove her way through the plethora of tables. She couldn’t see Leah, or Pavel. He’d have changed, Grace thought, remembering the tall, darkly handsome man with the sly eyes and sultry expression, but he wouldn’t have changed that much. She’d recognise him. He was the kind of man who’d stand out. The kind to attract female attention. He was hard to miss. Like Nikolai.

  A waiter stepped forward. “May I help you? You are meeting someone?”

  “No.” Grace scanned the restaurant. “No. I’m looking for my sister. She was here a minute ago.”

  Ignoring the curious looks from patrons, Grace weaved between tables, peeked around shaded corners. The waiter hovered. “You must have seen her. She was wearing a red top and white jeans. Short, dark hair. Pretty.”

  “She left.” Another waiter had joined them. “A moment ago, with an older man.”

  “Thanks.” Grace hurried toward the street but there was no sign of them. “Did you see a couple leave a minute ago?” she demanded of a young couple sitting outside. “Dark haired girl. White jeans, red top?”

  The couple shook their heads and Grace went with instinct and headed in the opposite direction from which she’d approached.

  She went down lanes, peeked into restaurants, checked doorways, shops. Nothing. No sign.

  Thinking maybe they’d gone back to the house, she tried to remember directions, street names, landscapes, but by then she was hopelessly lost. She didn’t even know the address. She’d even been too stupid to get Leah’s address.

  Get a grip, she told herself as she stopped by a small florist shop and caught her breath. There was a simple enough reason they’d left the restaurant. Plans change, people make different choices. Maybe the restaurant was too busy for them. Maybe they wanted something that wasn’t on the menu. Maybe the friends preferred another place to eat.

  So many bloody maybe’s…and I’m losing it, Grace thought. Acting far too emotional and unreasonable for my own good. She asked directions from the florist assistant and made her way back to the hotel.

  As she walked, she reasoned that Leah was okay and in a few short hours they would be reunited. Then Grace would see for herself that all her fears were unfounded.

  Yet as she neared the hotel, she couldn’t quite shake the sense of apprehension, the feeling that all was not well. And the overwhelming prospect that she’d lived up to her parents’ low expectations of her and screwed up the one responsibility they’d entrusted her with.

  The welfare of her sister.

  Chapter Seven

  The foyer was blessedly cool but Grace took little pleasure in the chill of the air conditioning as it brushed along her flesh. She felt like crap and so damned irritated with everything, all she wanted was to hide herself away and wallow in her stupidity.

  Nikolai stormed toward her. “What in God’s name do you think you’re playing at?”

  “Long story. And don’t take that tone with me.”

  “Save it.” He gripped her arm and steered her toward the side of the entrance hallway.

  With an irritated jerk, she freed her arm from his grasp. “If you manhandle me again you’ll be sorry.”

  His eyes flashed. “What did you expect to accomplish? You should be thankful I put a man on her.”

  “You put a man on her?” Well, of course he had, why hadn’t she thought of that? Then she wouldn’t have walked around like a mad woman trying to find her sister. “You could have told me.”

  Through the annoyance, both with herself and now with him, she determined that maybe he had a right to know what she’d decided. “We had a good, long talk and I’ve agreed she can stay with Pavel.”

  His face paled, visibly, his sharp cheekbones standing out like blades against the pallor. “You what?”

  Okay, so his tone endorsed what he thought of her decision. She couldn’t argue, seeing as she’d come to the same conclusion.

  “What else could I do? She put up a good argument.”

  Nikolai turned away, ran his hand over his short crop of hair. “Christ. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

  “Yes, I do. She’s in love with him and it sounds like he cares about her. They’ve asked me to join them for breakfast.” She glared at him. “You’re not invited.”

  He didn’t acknowledge the inference or her snippy tone. “I need a drink.” With a shake of his head, he took the cell from his pocket. “Order me a whisky, double. I need to make a call.”

  Tempted to tell him to get his own bloody drink, Grace admitted she could do with one herself. Perhaps it would calm her conflicting emotions: one minute worried, the next relieved, then worried again. As if that wasn’t enough, she had to deal with her feelings for Niko. He could piss her off like nobody else she’d ever known and yet he could make her want him at the same time.

  Why was one of her life’s great mysteries. He still thought he knew all the answers, was the only one worthy of making decisions. There were times she’d actually wondered if he considered her capable of rational thought. It was always “sit in the corner, my willing, compliant little lover of the moment, and do what you’re bloody well told.”

  Was that the pattern of her life? Her parents hadn’t expected anything of her. To them she was mostly invisible, and Leah didn’t seem to mind a damn thing she said. Was it any surprise Niko had picked up the baton?

  Sucking in a cleansing breath, Grace stepped out onto the terrace and ordered their drinks—tempted to ask the waiter to put a dose of something nasty in Niko’s. Another damn call…to Vadim? Pavel? She wouldn’t put it past him to march right over there and drag Leah away, if only to get back at Pavel. Leah, of course, would think Grace had put him up to it, which would destroy the tenuous truce they’d established.

  Yet Nikolai would never jeopardize Grace’s relationship with her sister. It wasn’t his way. His way was to stand back and let people do what they wanted as long as he wasn’t inconvenienced.

  Which was unfair of her. He was pretty inconvenienced right now, wasn’t he? Heading off to Greece to help her when he no doubt had myriad business deals to negotiate.

  A thimble of guilt nudged at her conscience. She hadn’t given much thought to how all this had affected Nikolai’s life and what it was costing him business-wise.

  Damn. Why couldn’t she turn her mind off for a while? All this contemplation and making up scenarios was driving her crazy. She felt off balance with the constant self-questioning.

  Hadn’t she always been levelheaded, steady, reliable? She’d had to be. Her parents had barely agreed on anything and she’d been the one in the middle trying to keep the peace. She’d taken some comfort in playing peacekeeper, as it was only during those times that her parents actually seemed to notice her. Yet, during the worst of those arguments, her main concern had been protecting Leah from the fallout. It was all too frequently that Leah was used as a pawn, with either one of her parents threatening to leave the other and take Leah with them. On those occasions, Grace had tried to be the voice of reason and had sheltered Leah from whatever s
torm was currently blowing until it was over.

  If she could do all that, why couldn’t she be levelheaded and steady now? She knew the answer, of course, and when he joined her on the terrace, Grace realized she’d already downed her wine. Nikolai signalled the waiter to top up Grace’s glass, then he picked up his own drink and drank half the contents.

  He seemed calmer, Grace thought. The hard edge around his jaw had lost its sharpness; his eyes seemed softer but no less intense. He’d always had the most amazing eyes. Compelling. Smoldering. Sexy.

  “Tell me what your sister said.”

  At his brusque tone, Grace narrowed her eyes. “That she was old enough, mature enough, to make her own decisions.”

  He contemplated what remained of his whisky. “You believe that?”

  “No. But what could I do? She thinks herself in love with him. She knows her rights.”

  “What else?”

  “Said that if I tried to stop her going back she and Pavel would get married, which would mean I’d no longer have a say in what she did.”

  “Married?”

  The stunned look cut through her concerns for Leah and went straight to the place she felt most vulnerable. Nikolai didn’t do commitment to one woman, nor did he understand how other men could. For him, marriage was a veritable death sentence.

  “Don’t worry.” Carefully, she put down her wine. “She’s just trying to put the frighteners on me.”

  He aimed a warning look at her. “Pavel’s not the marrying sort.”

  “I know that. It’s all bluster on her part. Manipulation. Funny, but I never gave her credit for being quite so bright. Maybe that was one of the ways I went wrong, because it seems she’s really thought all this out. Knowing her rights, legalities, that kind of stuff.”

  “She was always a handful.”

  Looking at him, Grace angled her head. “She said you liked to paint a black picture of Pavel, and Pavel thought he’d be better keeping out of your way.”

  Nikolai sipped his whisky and when it became apparent he wasn’t about to respond, Grace asked, “Why don’t you and Pavel get along?”

  He gave her the familiar Kernov shrug. “He was resentful of his father’s interest in me, which is common and natural enough.”

  “Wasn’t Viktor close to Pavel?”

  “Da. But Pavel didn’t see it that way.”

  “Families.” She smiled, feeling a little sad for both of them. “They’re not easy to negotiate, are they?”

  “Pavel is not my family.” He almost growled out the words. “He’s the ungrateful son of an exceptional man who—”

  His cell rang. He excused himself and stepped into the bar to take the call. In his absence, Grace sat back and perused the pretty gardens. It was quiet on the terrace and only one other couple sat enjoying their drinks in the afternoon sun.

  Grace wondered about Pavel. He’d been very young when Nikolai joined his family and with Viktor’s interest in Nikolai it was hardly surprising the little boy resented Nikolai’s claim on his father’s time. Knowing he had to compete for his father’s attention would be a challenge for any child.

  In many ways, Grace could sympathize with Pavel. For almost twelve years she had been an only child and while she might never have had her parents’ undivided attention—knowing she was an inconvenience at best and a weight around their shoulders at worst—she was their only offspring.

  Grace had tried to get their attention by excelling at her studies, winning prizes and eventually going into law to please her father. It never worked. Nothing did. They never noticed her. Never made her feel she was special. Then Leah came along and Grace loved her from the moment she felt those precious baby fingers curl around her thumb. Her besotted parents treated Leah like a precious jewel and there were moments Grace wished for some of that attention, but she idolized Leah and it was difficult to feel resentful of her baby sister.

  Was it different for Pavel? Had he enjoyed his parents’ undivided love and attention until Nikolai came along? Unlike her, had he rebelled? Fought for attention by getting into trouble?

  Nikolai returned and took his seat next to Grace.

  “Everything okay?” She asked out of habit, not expecting a verbose response and not getting one.

  “For now.”

  He placed his cell phone on the table, indicating there would be more calls, more disruptions. It was foolish to be disappointed, but a small part of her always wished things might be different between them. That for once, just once, he’d switch off that bloody phone and she’d have his undivided attention.

  In the absence of that possibility, she resurrected the conversation they’d been having before they were interrupted again. “What was Viktor like?”

  He looked at her as if she’d grown two heads.

  “It’s a simple enough question, Niko. You don’t have to skirt too close to the personal. A simple he was six feet tall with green eyes and a hunchback will do.”

  His mouth curved into a smile and her heart lurched, stupidly, when the humor reached his eyes. Then he sobered. “He became a father to me. Next to my own father, he was the best man I knew.”

  It was Grace’s turn to stare. “Do you realize you’ve shared more with me in those two sentences than you did in the six months we were together?”

  “You exaggerate, surely.”

  “No. I don’t. You never told me anything remotely personal.”

  He sat back and traced his finger around the rim of his glass. “There’s nothing of interest to tell.”

  “No, of course there isn’t. But why don’t you tell me about your parents. Were you close?”

  “Da. We were close.”

  “How did they die?”

  He took his glass, threw back the last of the whisky and snapped the glass onto the table. “They were murdered. Shot.”

  She moved back, stared at him. “What?”

  “My father was a journalist. He was to receive an award for exposing a highly regarded member of the political elite. We were driving to the ceremony when the road we were travelling along was blocked. Two men came to the car, one either side. One shot my father and his driver, the other shot my mother and my sister.”

  “Oh God.” Grace pressed her hand to her throat. Never a word about his past, and now this? She tried to feel the terror, the pain of losing loved ones in such horrific circumstances, but it was too dreadful to contemplate. She didn’t know what to say. There were no comforting words to offer him, only platitude, which he would scorn. “Did they find out who was responsible?”

  “It was never confirmed.” He pointed to his empty glass as he caught the waiter’s attention. “They wore masks, so I couldn’t identify them. I don’t remember who found me, what happened, until Viktor came to get me from the hospital.”

  “I didn’t know you had a sister.”

  “Marika. She was older than me.” He traced the rim of his glass again, the hollow look in his eyes alerting Grace that he’d been propelled back to that awful time and was reliving the horror.

  Unable to hold back, Grace laid her hand over his. “I’m so sorry.”

  He shrugged. “It was a lifetime ago.”

  But still as fresh as yesterday, Grace thought as she watched him. “They were your family,” she said gently. “It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened, their loss will never go away.”

  The waiter came over and refilled his glass. When the man moved away he turned to her. “You still miss your parents?”

  She drew her hand from his, recognizing the adept change of focus. He’d bared a little piece of his soul to her, perhaps the most devastating piece, and she wasn’t about to push. She wanted desperately to comfort him, to let him unload, to share his grief. But he’d probably shut down again, and she might never find a way back in. It was better to let him decide when he was ready, if ever, to share more of his past with her. She simply had to accept that, difficult as it was.

  “I miss my parents every day
,” Grace said softly. “We weren’t especially close, but somehow that makes it worse. I think of all the times we might have shared, times when we might have grown closer. All the lost opportunities to make things right.”

  “Why were you not close?”

  “Hard to say. They were professional people. My mother was a forensic scientist, my father a barrister—strict, distant and regimental. Sometimes it felt like living in a courthouse, but I don’t think he knew any other way to behave.”

  His eyebrows drew together in a fearsome scowl. “He was cruel?”

  “No. I was well cared for but…” When she remained silent, he raised his eyebrows. “I was never good enough for him, for either of them. I felt in the way. Apparently, I came along a few months after their wedding, unplanned. They probably viewed me as the first mistake of their marriage.”

  The scowl deepened. “What about your sister? Another mistake?”

  She smiled at his scathing tone. “They were a dozen years into their respective careers by then and were probably ready for a child. They adored her. We all did. She was bright as a button and smart as anything. Pretty, too. She had them eating out of her hand and was their most precious possession. I couldn’t believe they made me Leah’s guardian.”

  He was silent for a moment, looking out to the pretty gardens, and when he responded his voice was barely audible. “Maybe they cared for you, but were unable to show it.”

  “Maybe.” She watched him from the corner of her eye, wondering, hoping, that he spoke from experience. “Some people are like that, unable to show their true feelings.”

  Still he looked into the distance. “People carry shadows inside them. It’s nobody fault. Simply the way it is.”

  “It’s a lonely life.”

  How she’d like to dig deep for those shadows he carried, help him bring them into the light, but she wouldn’t push any further. They were talking in a way they had never talked before. She valued, relished, the closeness and would no sooner drive him back than fly to the moon.

  He looked as if he had disappeared to some dark place, Grace thought as she continued to watch him. Visiting with those shadows.