All The Way

by Tricia Jones

  You are so right, Grace thought as she made herself look up at him. I’m not dealing, but it has nothing to do with Leah. “I’m getting there.”

  His fingers dug gently into her flesh. “Let me help you.”

  She moved her shoulders, in the vain hope he’d take the hint. “I said I’m fine.”

  “No. You’re not. Neither am I. We need each other, Grace.”

  The declaration tore at her heart, but she couldn’t allow herself to start hoping again. Nothing had changed. He hadn’t changed. Reaching up, she removed his hands from her shoulders and slowly drew them away. “We have nothing of substance, Niko. At the heart of it—”

  “You don’t trust me.”

  “That’s not fair. We’ve been through this, you know I trust you.”

  “With your life? With Leah’s? Maybe. But with your heart, milaya?”

  “With my heart?” Myriad emotions morphed into simple fury as she bit out the words. “What the hell do you know about my heart, Niko? What the hell do you care?”

  “I care—”

  “What do you want me to say? That you’ve broken it? That I cry myself to sleep over you? Okay. You did and I do. Happy now? Not that I intend spending one more bloody day thinking or caring about you, you arrogant, self-important jerk.”

  She stormed to the door and flung it open, propelled by the frustration that spewed from her like red-hot lava. “You’ve wasted your time coming here. Go find some other woman who’ll trust you with her heart. See how she likes being in love with a man whose own heart is impenetrable.”

  Her face burned, her limbs trembled and she took a few calming, cleansing breaths. Idiot, she thought. You’ve just told him you love him. Grace held her breath as he came toward her slowly, but he stepped past her to retrieve the briefcase he’d placed on the chair.

  All the blood seemed to drain from her veins as conflicting emotions warred. Was that it? She’d admitted she loved him and he was leaving?

  She tightened her grip on the handle of the door. His leaving only confirmed that she’d made the right decision. She wouldn’t settle anymore. Wouldn’t be pushed into a corner when it suited and treated as if she were invisible. She certainly wouldn’t give her heart to someone who didn’t reciprocate. It didn’t matter how much she loved him, if he didn’t love her back and refused to share his life—his whole life—with her, then any further contact between them was futile.

  She deserved more. So very much more.

  As she stood gripping the door handle, she realized he’d walked back into the room and had placed the case on the dining table. As he unfastened the clasp, he glanced over his shoulder at her. “I want to show you something.”

  Grace wanted to snipe back that he had nothing she could possibly want to see, but curiosity took over. Intrigued, she closed the door and moved hesitantly toward the table as Niko pulled out files of papers and placed them on the table.

  Contracts, Grace realized. Legal documents, folders and pads.

  “What are they?”

  “Details of my current business transactions, the major ones at least. If you want to see more, I can arrange it.”

  Grace glanced down at the documents. “Why would I want to see them?”

  “You wanted to know about me. Everything, you said. Well, here it is. Everything.”

  His meaning came like a flash and pushed her temper into orbit again. “Pieces of paper?” She reached out and flicked the edge of a file. “You think this is what I want?”

  His thick, dark brows drew together.

  Frustrated, she shoved the papers across the desk. “I don’t want pieces of paper, Niko. I wanted pieces of you.”

  When his frown only deepened, Grace shook her head. “How can you be so dense? God. For an intelligent man, you have no idea. You really have no idea.”

  “I’m currently working on a deal to build a series of refineries across northern Europe.” He still looked perplexed, but drew back his shoulders. “One of the partners may renege as there’s rumors of cash flow problems. If that happens we have a backup eager to step in. On the surface this is acceptable, but I’m pissed. I don’t do business with people I can’t trust and who hold back on important information that may affect the outcome of the transaction. This whole thing has made me question my own instincts.” He looked straight at her. “That’s how I feel about this deal.”

  Grace wanted to laugh at the way he said it—as if every word had been squeezed through his throat by an invisible cord—but she was too busy sifting through the implications of what he was doing. He was trying to give her what she’d asked for. Telling her about his business, about how he felt, what was in his heart.

  “There’s also a newly registered charity of mine I need to take hold of. My other interests have meant that it’s taken a back seat and has perhaps lost its way because of my lack of direction for it.”

  “Niko… I don’t—”

  “There are other minor deals going through right now, and like I said, if you want more information about those, I can arrange it.”

  “I don’t want to read about your life, Niko. I don’t want to sift through paperwork to find out what I want to know.” She started to gather the files and folders and picked up the briefcase. “I really appreciate that you thought to do this, but—”

  “I still have nightmares about the night my family were murdered.”

  She jolted, as if a lightning bolt had torn through her. From his expression, she wasn’t the only one hit by the current.

  “They come less frequently now, but are no less vivid.”

  She dropped the folders and case back onto the table. “I’m so sorry.”

  He held up his hands as if dismissing her apology, but pain flashed briefly in his eyes. “I was sitting between my mother and sister in the back of the car. A man came to the window where my father sat in the front, while the other came to the driver’s side. My father was hit first. I remember the flash as the bullet was fired. At first he didn’t move, then he slumped to the side. I watched the man who’d shot him walk to the window where my mother sat. As he raised the gun, my mother pushed me down, then my sister fell on me, covering me with her arms. I heard the sound of the gun being fired, then another. I heard my sister whimper, felt the brush of her breath against my ear. The weight intensified as my mother fell on us both.”

  He stopped to draw in a breath and Grace realized she’d covered her mouth with her hand, hardly daring to breathe as he spoke. Only when Niko reached out to her did she realize she wept as he spoke.

  “I remember trying to push myself up, but they were too heavy. Some instinct told me my father was already dead, but I called for my mother, tried to rouse Marika. She was still alive, I could hear her breathing, feel the rise and fall of her chest against my back, but she didn’t answer me. I could smell the blood, feel the warmth of it on my neck.

  “After a while, her breathing stopped. I kept calling her name, tried to shake her awake. All I could smell was the blood.”

  Unable to bear any more, Grace reached out to him and touched his face.

  He laid his hand over hers. “I dream of them, Grace. Still grieve for them. But the dreams and the grief are easier with you in my life.”

  “Niko…”

  “I was afraid to let you matter, afraid of losing you. In Marseilles, when I saw the blood on you, when I held you close and smelt the blood on you...”

  It took her a moment, but then she gave her head an emphatic shake. “I was fine. It was a few minor cuts.”

  He went on as if he hadn’t heard what she said. “I couldn’t lose you. Wouldn’t put myself through it. Not again.”

  “So instead you pushed me away.”

  “It was easier to let you go.”

  She ran her fingers over his face, hardly daring to hope. “And yet here you are.”

  “Here I am.” He took both her hands in his and linked their fingers. Slowly he brought her hands to his mouth and lightly k
issed her knuckles. “You alone know what I am, what I’ve done. What I’m capable of. How is it that you could care for me, love me, knowing that?”

  She shook her head, wanting to reassure him more than she wanted oxygen right then. “I understand the need for justice, Niko. I wanted Pavel put away for life for what he did to Leah. I still do. I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt going through all you did, but I don’t and never will hold you accountable for it.”

  Gently, almost reverently, he kissed her hands again. “That morning you came to ask for my help, I considered it my chance to exact revenge for what you had done to me. I wanted justice for it, and that need for justice was as potent as wanting it for my family.”

  Dear God. How could she have realized she’d hurt him that much? “I feel like I need to apologize, but I know you don’t want that.”

  He smiled then and a shadow lifted from her heart.

  “You’re right. I don’t want that. I want you, Grace. All of you. And in return you’ll have all of me.”

  The last of the shadows lifted until only joy remained, filling the empty spaces of her being. “You can promise me that whatever happens, we’ll share it all? The good and the not so good? You have to know, and accept, that I’m strong, Niko. I can handle just about anything. You need to realize that keeping even a small part of yourself from me only serves to diminish me and make me less than I am.”

  “This I understand, and making you feel that way was never my intention. I never meant to hurt you, Grace, only to protect you in the best way I knew how.”

  “But now you know better, so you can make that promise?”

  “Da. I can make that promise.” He drew her close. “I love you, Grace, with every piece of my impenetrable heart.”

  She smiled as he tossed back her own earlier accusation. Now she had the words, the ones she’d dreamed of hearing but never dared expect, and the excruciating beauty of them made her sigh.

  “It’s not impenetrable. Not any more.”

  “No. Not any more.” He kissed her, softly at first, then with more intensity as their arms banded around each other. It was, Grace thought, as if in that kiss they tried to capture every lost moment, every missed chance.

  “We’re good together,” Nikolai murmured against her mouth. “We always will be, milaya.”

  Grace smiled. “We have our moments.”

  “I want more than moments.” With his gaze on hers, he raised her left hand and touched his lips to her third finger. Her heart thumped once, stopped, then raced off like a train. “Viydi za menya zamuzsh.”

  “What?” She grabbed for the meaning, trying to isolate the words as her brain turned to mush. She came up blank, but still her pulse thundered and her legs went weak. “English,” she demanded.

  He gripped the hand he still held and she thought, vaguely, that she’d never seen him look less sure of himself than at that moment. “Take me on, Grace. Marry me.”

  “I…” Her head spun, her stomach somersaulted. God. She couldn’t think straight. Had she heard him right? “I-I need to think. I can’t get my bearings.”

  “Your bearings are with me, angel, as mine are with you. Know that I’ll care for you until my last breath.”

  She did. She knew that more than she’d ever known anything. “Yes,” she managed as her breath hitched. “Yes, I know that. God. Niko. Yes. I’ll take you on. Marry you.”

  Was it possible for a heart to burst from happiness? Possible to simply explode with joy?

  “We’ll build a life together, milaya. And when our children come along—”

  Lightheaded, she felt the room spin. “Our children?

  He looked almost as stunned as she felt. Then he smiled down at her. “Da. Our children. If you want them.”

  Until that moment, she hadn’t realized how much. “Oh, I want them. I definitely want them.” She looped her arms around his neck and sighed as her heart simply filled. “You’ll probably drive yourself crazy trying to protect us all.”

  His own sigh was theatrical. “Ah, such is my path in life.”

  She laughed as he did, then poured everything she felt for him into the kiss. When they broke free, Grace held his face in her hands. “I’ll try my hardest to take away those shadows I still see in your eyes and what I don’t manage our children will.”

  He drew her closer. “There are no shadows, milaya. No longer any shadows. There is only light when I look at you.”

  And as Grace moved into his arms again, she vowed it would always remain that way.

  A word about the author...

  I enjoy writing contemporary romance with strong, sexy heroes who like their own way and savvy heroines who make them fight to get it.

  The settings for my stories are often real places—although names have been changed to protect the innocent—and I like nothing better than checking out those places first hand, especially if they happen to be in France or Italy. If I’m inspired to check out potential hero types amongst those Mediterranean males while I’m there, well, a girl’s only human.

  I always love to hear from readers, so feel free to contact me at my website:

  www.triciajones.com

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