With Honor

by Rhonda Lee Carver

  Shawn went to the refrigerator and opened the door, wanting a beer. He found chick food. “Carrots? Milk? Juice?” Taking out a clear bag of what looked to be a shriveled green rock, he held it up for her. “And what’s this?” He pushed on it. His fingers left an indent.

  Grabbing it, she shook her head. “This is an avocado. It’s high in protein and good for you. I read that it’s great to eat while you’re pregnant.”

  His stomach rolled. “Let me take you to dinner.” Shutting the refrigerator door, he wanted to forget about the thing she called avocado.

  “Take me to dinner?” Confusion marred her expression.

  “You do need to eat. Something besides rabbit food.”

  “You don’t have to feel obligated to me, Shane,” she said.

  “I don’t feel obligation. You have to eat. I am starving. So let me take you out and introduce you to the best burger this side of the country. Anyway, if you weren’t here I’d be in the gym for the next hour.”

  “You came home because I’m here?”

  “Sure. I’m not used to having company, but I think I can get used to it.”

  A smile lit her features. “Let me go freshen up.” She turned the stove off and walked away.

  He couldn’t help himself; he liked having her around already. And unfortunately, he was headed into trouble.

  * * * *

  Thirty minutes later, Jasmine and Shane walked into the restaurant. She’d changed into a simple white sundress, but the lightweight material was no barrier to the heat from Shane’s large hand on the small of her back as he led her toward the booth in the back. They slid onto the red vinyl seat. Shane ordered a beer, she ordered iced tea, and they both decided on the house special, a garbage burger platter.

  Jasmine’s mouth watered at the promise of a juicy burger with the works. She couldn’t wait to sink her teeth into it, considering she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast and her stomach rumbled in protest.

  The crowd grew in the restaurant as people got off work. Interestingly, she felt comfortable with Shane, like they’d sat together many times for dinner.

  “I hope you feel at home in Lackland.”

  “I’m sure in time I will,” she said. “I worried that I wouldn’t find another doctor, but my old obstetrician, the doctor you spoke with, recommended a doctor here. I called today, and thankfully they were accepting new patients.”

  “I guess I didn’t think how difficult that must be to leave your doctor. You said he was also a good friend.”

  She appreciated his sincerity. “I’m sure it’s for the best. I’m already scheduled for an ultrasound with the new doctor.” She waited.

  He didn’t respond.

  “Do you know what an ultrasound is?” His blank expression answered her question. “An image of the baby in the womb.”

  His eyes widened. “Is there something wrong?”

  “No. This is normal procedure. The doctor wants to know how the baby is growing. You and I will see the beating heart and get a definite due date. I’ll have several more ultrasounds done throughout the pregnancy.”

  “You and I, as in us?”

  “I assumed you’d go with me.” Her chest tightened. Maybe she shouldn’t have assumed Shane would want to go. “It’s okay, Shane. You don’t have to go.”

  “I want to go. Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” His smile brightened the room.

  “Then I’ll remind you a week before,” she said.

  The waitress brought their drinks and Jasmine looked at Shane as she sipped through her straw. Lowering her glass, she said, “I’ve started reading a book about what a parent should expect during pregnancy. There seems to be a lot involved. I’m overwhelmed. This can get very difficult.”

  “And I haven’t handled difficult before? I’ve fought in Iraq. I’ve served in Afghanistan. This should be a piece of cake.”

  “Serious?” Maybe he was tough enough, but she didn’t have the same certainty. “I meant there’s a lot of obligation–”

  He held up his hand. “Stop right there. Lose that word. You’ve got to stop feeling this way, Jasmine. We’re in this together. Our duty is to the baby, whatever that includes over the next months. We’re both new at this, but how many other people have done just fine being a first-time parent? I bet my mom and dad freaked out before they had us.”

  “Us? You have a brother or sister?” She remembered him saying that he had no family members.

  There was a long hesitation. “My mother had given birth to a stillborn baby before they had me. Then I have a brother too. He’s younger than me. We’re not close right now.”

  “Oh my. That must have been hard for her to lose a child.” She thought of losing her own baby. Tears formed in her eyes.

  He reached over and laid his hand on hers. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. Nothing is going to happen to the baby. I promise.”

  All of her doubt and insecurity slipped away. She’d never have guessed Shane could be this committed, and sincere. Fighting an urge to slide across the table and kiss him on the cheek, she took a breath. Co-parents–not intimate partners.

  They shared easy conversation as they ate. When Shane became quiet and stared out the window, the dark planes of his face made her wonder if he was okay. “Is something bothering you?” she asked.

  He blew out a long breath and scrubbed his forehead as if to smooth the worry lines. “You gotta know that I’m a military man through and through. This is who I am. Sensitivity and communication aren’t my strong points.”

  She nodded. Where was this leading? “Yes, I get that.”

  “I want to be a good father, but–”

  “Shane Conner? Is that you?” A woman’s shrill voice rang through the restaurant.

  Jasmine looked at the woman as she wove her way over to the table. The woman’s low-cut shirt showed off melon-sized breasts and tanned skin that accentuated her assets. She carried a beer in hand and had a smile on her red lips, and pointed a finger at Shane. “I thought you were off in the desert again.”

  Shane’s expression remained blank. “No, my orders were changed.”

  “Where have you been hiding, then?” She reached out with a taloned hand and squeezed his arm. “I’ve missed you.” The woman made a sweeping glance toward Jasmine.

  Jasmine sipped her tea, pretending she didn’t notice the familiar touch on Shane’s arm or the questioning look the woman gave her. Jasmine suddenly felt like a third wheel…or maybe a stone wheel. Why wasn’t Shane introducing them? Her discomfort level rose.

  “Well, Shane, who do you have here?” The woman blatantly asked. “Is this what has kept you busy?”

  Shane remained quiet.

  Jasmine reached out a hand. “I’m Jasmine.”

  “I’m Denise.”

  They shook hands and Jasmine put on her best smile. “Nice to meet you, Denise.”

  “I won’t keep you from your dinner.” Denise looked down at Jasmine’s partially eaten burger and wrinkled her nose. “You’ll want to take care of that before the grease thickens. You still have my number, Shane?”

  “No,” he answered without hesitation.

  The woman’s bottom lip puckered in dramatic effort. “I have my card.” Reaching into her zebra print bag, she withdrew a handy business card. She probably went through them like breath mints.

  Jasmine paid close attention to where that business card landed after Miss Big-boobs-bling vanished. Shane crumpled it up and tossed it onto the table. At least he didn’t stick the woman’s number into his pocket. Most men wouldn’t turn Denise down. Her respect for Shane Conner grew at that moment, even if he’d tossed the number for her benefit.

  Back to polishing off her burger, a load of fries, and a piece of chocolate cake. She was content until she didn’t feel so well. On the drive back to the house, Jasmine started feeling worse. Her stomach churned and she had a strong urge to throw up the two-thousand calorie dinner she’d just pounded away.

/>   Shane kept looking at her across the seat on the drive home. She wondered if he was more concerned about her health, or the possibility that she could vomit all over the clean leather seat of his Jeep.

  When they stepped through the front door of the house, Shane said, “I think you should lie down. You look ill.”

  Dizziness washed over her and she leaned against the wall for support. The next thing she knew, Shane was lifting her into his powerful arms and carrying her down the shadowed hallway into her bedroom. She didn’t give him one peep of objection. With careful tenderness he lowered her to the middle of the mattress. Once he started to move away, and before logical reasoning kicked in, she touched his arm. He looked down at her in question.

  Reaching up, she grabbed his shirt, tugging him down next to her. She wasn’t sure what had come over her, but she wanted to be close to him. “Stay,” she whispered.

  “Jasmine, I–” He steadied himself on elbows above her.

  No doubt a refusal was coming, but she didn’t give him a chance to voice it. She cut his words off with her lips, slipping her tongue past them. He tasted of beer and a hint of mint–an exhilarating combination. Seconds seemed to crawl by and he wasn’t responding. She thought he’d move away, but he didn’t. Then his hand came up to the back of her neck, and he threaded his long fingers into her hair. He plunged his tongue deep into her mouth.

  He covered her body with his, pressing her into the mattress. His chest pressed against her tender breasts and their hips connected. Jasmine rotated her bottom, circling them, arching to meet the growing bulge behind his zipper. He moaned and it sent tingles all over her body. Hearing his sweet groans of need excited her–empowering her. This was a kiss that she’d never experienced before.

  Wrangling his fingers deeper into her hair, he moved himself between her inner thighs. Rewarding him, she wrapped her legs around his waist and tugged him closer. The thick seam of his jeans rubbed her clit and prickles of heat consumed her moist center. On fire and full of need, she felt ready to explode. She wanted skin contact. Reaching underneath his shirt, she smoothed her hands across his toned stomach and over his broad chest. With a tip of one nail she flicked a hard nipple.

  In the growing darkness, she couldn’t see his expression but she felt his body tighten. He pulled back.

  “Shane? What’s wrong?”

  He lifted himself completely away from her and sat on the edge of the bed.

  Jasmine reached over and clicked on the bedside lamp. His face was buried in the palms of his hands. “Talk to me” she said.

  “We can’t do this.” He didn’t look at her.

  Laying a hand on his shoulder, she felt him flinch. “Why? We’ve done this before.” Confusion clouded her mind. He’d been as turned on. She’d felt it.

  Jasmine watched his profile. His eyes were steady on the wall. He looked like he carried the world on his shoulders. She removed her hand and laid it in her lap. Her fingers were trembling.

  “I can’t let this happen,” he said.

  Painful emotion climbed her chest. “If it’s that you don’t want me–”

  “It’s not that.” He brought his gaze on her. “That’s not it at all.”

  “Then what?”

  “You’re a beautiful, sexy woman. And you’re pregnant.” He got up and moved across the room.

  “By you,” she said.

  “I’d be taking advantage of you if I did what I’m aching to do right now.”

  Awkward reaction, but she laughed. “Too late to get all gallant on me.”

  He paced the floor, back and forth, until he finally stopped in front of her on his fifth run. “What if I hurt you?”

  “You’re, uhhh…built, Shane, but not like a horse. I think we’re good.” She was still smiling. His concern was cute and an utter turn-on.

  The look he gave her reminded her of a man who expected doom. “I didn’t ask you to move here for this reason.”

  “I believe you.” Did he forget that she made the first move?

  “There’s a lot about me that you don’t know.”

  “No worries. I’ll still have respect for you. I promise.”

  Crossing his arms over his chest, he glared at her. “You don’t understand.”

  All humor left her. “What is it? Help me understand.”

  He appeared to be fighting an internal battle. He finally asked, “Are you feeling better?”

  Disappointment raged within her. She couldn’t help him if he didn’t trust her enough to explain. Yet, she couldn’t force him. “I’m fine.”

  “I’ve got to go,” he said.

  His mind was made up, so she’d have to let him go. If he didn’t want her, then she needed to accept that.

  Chapter 6

  Finishing two hours of PT, Shawn slid off his shoes, stripped off his sweaty tee and shorts. As he climbed into the cold spray of the shower, the pressure of the water felt good against his taut, heated skin. He just wished he could find relief for his mind, and his balls. With vigorous strokes he scrubbed his body, paying extra close attention to the area of his body that begged for comfort. Unfortunately, it craved a woman’s touch…and that’s where he couldn’t give in, at least with one in particular.

  Body less tense, and mind preoccupied with momentary release, he turned off the water. His cell was ringing. Grabbing a towel, he caught his phone on the fourth ring. “Conner here.”

  “Hi, Mr. Conner.” He didn’t recognize the woman’s voice, but he did identify the intercom of a doctor’s office or hospital in the background. “This is Nurse Stevens at Dr. Freedmon’s office. I am calling regarding Jasmine Sinclaire.”

  “What’s wrong?” He tightened his grip on the phone. The plastic cracked, so he loosened his hold. He began to dress.

  “Ms. Sinclaire wanted me to call and ask if you could be here within twenty minutes.”

  “I’ll be there. Where are you located?” There wasn’t a second to waste. Once the address was out of the nurse’s mouth, he pushed his feet into his boots in record speed.

  Shawn was used to break-neck speeds in an airplane, but on the streets he had to share the roads with others–and it pissed him off. He was the only one in a hurry. He sped around a slow driver then hung a right onto the highway. His mind raced faster than his Jeep.

  What the hell happened to Jasmine? Or the baby?

  His stomach twisted. If he allowed something to happen to her, or the baby, he’d never forgive himself. His brain hurt with fear. His speedometer rose to seventy, and he pushed the gas pedal. If a cop wanted to chase him, that was fine, but they wouldn’t catch him until he pulled into the doctor’s office parking lot.

  The fifteen-minute drive turned into only ten minutes. He tore into the lobby of the office.

  The receptionist eyed him as he stepped up to the counter.

  “I’m here for Jasmine Sinclaire.”

  “You must be Shane?”

  “Yes.” He found it hard to speak through the tightness in his chest. Damn, he wasn’t out of shape, but the fear made him winded.

  The young woman stood up and came out from behind the cubicle. She pointed down the hall. “Room 3A. They’ve been waiting for you.”

  Nausea rushed over him. “Is Jasmine okay?” The child she carried was all the family he had left…possibly all he had left of Shane.

  The receptionist nodded and offered him another smile. “You better hurry.”

  With an agitated sigh, he followed the wide hall and found 3A. Throwing open the door, he found Jasmine sitting on the examination table, flowered gown on and a bright smile on her lips. She didn’t look hurt. In fact, she looked pretty damn good, even in the ugly examining robe.

  “You’re fast.” Her smile grew wider.

  “I drove like a maniac. I had to outrun a patrolman, but it’s all good.” He dragged in a breath and exhaled slowly. His heart rate finally slowed.

  “Really?” Her smile weakened.

  “No.” Strolling into t
he room, he glanced over her from the top of her head to the tips of her feet encased in blue booty socks. “I hope you didn’t call me here just to see how cute you are in those socks. I’d be seriously miffed.”

  With laughter and a dramatic wriggle of her toes, she shook her head, sending her ponytail swinging. “No, not the socks. But the baby.”

  “Baby?” He threw up an eyebrow. Maybe all wasn’t well. His heart pounded.

  She gave a quick nod toward the monitor to her right. “I came here because I had spotted blood. Dr. Freedmon decided we should take a look at the baby just to make sure all is okay. I thought you might like to see our baby on television too.”

  “Blood? Television?”

  “Are you okay? You didn’t hit your head on the way here, did you?” Her eyes slanted.

  “Are we ready?” A voice from behind him interrupted his answer.

  Shane turned as the doctor shut the door on his way into the room.

  The gray-haired man offered Shane a smile. “You must be the proud father. I’m Doctor Freedmon.”

  Shane shook his hand, although he was still in shock.

  “We’re ready, Doctor Freedmon,” Jasmine offered.

  “Well then, let’s get you laid back here and your feet into the stirrups.”

  Shawn stood at the end of the bed, feeling like a fish out of water. Doctor Freedmon tapped him gently on the shoulder. “Son, would you like for me to give Jasmine the ultrasound, or would you prefer I give you detailed instructions so you can give it to her?”

  Pulling himself out of his worried cloud, Shawn realized he was standing in between Jasmine’s legs, blocking all access. With an apologetic expression, he moved. “Better let you do your job, Doc.”

  The doctor pulled a tool-like long apparatus from the machine and proceeded to slip a condom-like sheath over its length.

  Shawn eyed the contraption. “Wow, that’s an interesting looking gadget.”

  Doctor Freedmon smiled. “We hear that a lot from first-time fathers, until they realize where it inserts into.”

  “Huh?” Shawn’s mind raced. “Inserts where?”

  “The baby is too young yet to get the best visual with old technology so we use a vaginal probe to get the pictures.” The doctor sat down onto the swivel chair, rolled up between Jasmine’s legs and stuck his hand between her knees.