The Shibari Knot

by Eliza Master

  Renata did her best to take photos focused on Nima, but also on her knots. She texted all of the photos to Nima, and two of the best ones to Dmitri. Renata could see that Nima’s arms were starting to strain, noting that this shibari could only be used for a short time. She untied Nima while praising and thanking him. Renata had learned her shibari etiquette while studying in Japan and was always careful to honor her helpers.

  Nima changed and returned Renata’s shorts. “Goodnight and thank you,” he said. His eyes were glued to the photos on his phone. “Oh, that’s a good one,” Nima purred, as he left the theatre.

  “Nice work,” said Dmitri. Now Renata was really alone with Dmitri. She uprighted the chair and sat across from him at the small table. Dmitri lifted the teapot and filled Renata’s teacup.

  “Those were your original knots?” he asked.

  “Yes, yes they were. Did you like the flowers?” she asked.

  “Very much. They are…” Dmitri hesitated. “Cute.”

  That was not the kind of impression she had been trying to present tonight. But then again, thinking about the knots, their magenta color and their placement, she admitted they had been a little ‘cute.’ Still, it was one thing for her to think that; another for Dmitri to say so.

  “They’re playful,” Renata corrected. “Do you create your own knots too?” She threw the words at Dmitri. He blinked up a grin, enjoying the competition.

  “I do, but they’re not for looking at.” Dmitri paused, thinking for a moment. “My knots are only for making things happen, to hold someone or accentuate them. Sometimes to fasten or connect to props or even other knots.” He cleared his throat. “Yours really are flowers, Ms. Renata.” Now he smiled openly with praise. “They speak without a useful purpose; their own form is their purpose. For you, they are the object. I use knots to travel as a road for creating living art.” He rubbed his forehead. “I’ve not thought this out before,” he said softly.

  Renata sipped her tea, waiting for him to finish, but Dmitri didn’t say anything more.

  A wave of desire rose up from Renata’s navel. She looked at Dmitri’s thigh in the soft gym pants he had on. He was strong and developed there. She wondered if he were a runner; he had the build for it. Gorgeous legs, she thought. Renata’s curiosity wandered to what lay between them.

  “Perhaps our skills are compatible.” Renata raised her gaze to Dmitri’s face.

  She watched Dmitri’s eyes wander over her body. It was like he was touching her. Then she remembered her black leggings and their snugness. She only hoped she didn’t have camel toe. She fidgeted in her chair.

  “What pretty hands you have,” said Dmitri. He lifted her right hand and pretended to examine it, but Renata knew his desire had already gone beyond her hands. Dmitri moved behind her and placed her hand between her legs. She liked his dominance, but resisted him at the same time.

  “That’s a good spot for that pretty hand. Could you part your knees three inches?” It was the same request as last week. As if a rope were holding her knees together, Renata struggled to pull them apart. Her tension was escalating. Dmitri placed her teacup between her thighs and moved the table so he could stand right in front of her.

  “Hold this tight,” he commanded.

  The ginseng tea shivered. Renata brought her right hand out from against her cleft.

  “Let’s keep that there.” Dmitri placed her hand back firmly.

  Now Dmitri lifted her left hand and tickled the palm, saying, “Don’t break my teacup, pretty lady.”

  She didn’t know if she would drop the cup or crush it, but something was bound to happen.

  “Do what I do.” Dmitri said. He dipped the fingers of her left hand into the warm tea. Then he crouched beside her, wiggling her pointer finger back and forth. The tea was wet and Dmitri was strong. Renata moved her right pointer finger against her pussy with the same motion used Dmitri to guide her left finger. Her spandex leggings were the only barrier. She was hot, very hot, and moist too. She watched the teacup sandwiched between her thighs. Suddenly Renata came undone. She threw her head back and lost control. Only after her orgasm did she open her eyes.

  Dmitri stood watching from above. Gingerly he removed the teacup from between her thighs, and it hadn’t spilled a drop.

  13

  Gayle’s Problem

  Gayle turned her chair to the office windows. Thick fog obstructed the view of the bay. She reviewed the status of her sildenafil project again. The yohimbe powder was working, according to the Renata’s saliva tests. Gayle had had to buy a case of new mugs, because she had left so many of Renata’s at the lab. Fortunately the virus was doing its job to contain the compounded sildenafil in Renata. The problem was that on no-powder days, the sildenafil concentration in each cell went down. But perhaps it was still working over time, Gayle thought. Compared to the levels from three months ago, Renata’s DNA had a twenty percent higher concentration of sildenafil. She would have to ask Dr. Bayer from the lab for more information.

  Gayle was also wrestling with how to monitor Renata during her time in Brazil. She knew that Renata was a relative of the governor, and that she would probably spend time with him. Perhaps she could place a new staff member there in the governor’s mansion. But it was unlikely they would hire an American. Then she remembered the sperm donor. Why not give him a call and see if he wanted to go on an all-expenses-paid vacation?

  As if that weren’t enough to deal with, Black Lotus in China was breathing down her neck. She had told them she would have something big in six months. By then Renata would have given birth; or maybe she could count on Katrina’s surrogate. And she still had to run the everyday Agri-Gen business, even though she had only accepted the position to get near Renata. A deep yawn slipped out. She had started to rely on Ambien nightly to sleep, which sometimes left her groggy.

  14

  Complications

  She couldn’t finish the cheeseburger. Nausea and heartburn were punishments Katrina hadn’t anticipated, but she told herself it would all be worth it in the end.

  Katrina had just moved to a bigger apartment, with modern fixtures and claw foot tub. The kitchen cabinets had glass doors, and Katrina had purchased a new set of dishware and an espresso machine. Then she’d bought a large dinner table and six chairs. Since her back had been hurting – and after all, she was pregnant! – she’d splurged on a fancy mattress as well. Now her account had only six hundred dollars. But it was the end of the month, and she would get her next $5000 just three days. Katrina wasn’t worried about money anymore.

  What she had eaten of the burger wasn’t sitting right. Fearing she needed to throw up, Katrina hobbled into her new bathroom. She knelt on the floor and tried to retch, but nothing came up. She had bad menstrual cramps, and felt wetness in her underwear. Checking, she saw a spot of blood about the size of a pill. Katrina lay down on her new mattress. Should she call someone? The only person she could think of was Gayle.

  Instead, she searched pregnancy and bleeding online. One article said that blood spotting early on was common and not serious. As well, heartburn and nausea in the first three months were expected. The treatment was to eat bland food. Katrina spent the evening and night in bed watching videos on her computer. In the morning she had morning sickness, but nibbled some plain crackers, which made her feel better. The spotting had stopped.

  15

  Nima is Herself

  OMG! I love the pics! Thx! Renata read Nima’s text when she got home. He had sent along a selfie with a goofy smile. She smiled into her phone. The night had gone well. She couldn’t have tied so well without Nima’s enthusiasm.

  “He’s a good guy,” Renata told Kamber, adding, “and you are the world’s best dog.” Kamber looked at Renata with love. “I need to find someone to take care of you,” she told her big dog.

  On an impulse, she texted Nima. Do you dog sit?

  Would love to. I love dogs!

  The next night, Nima came over. Renata put
out some cheese and crackers with a couple of natural root beers. This last week she had been constantly starving, it seemed.

  “Hungry?” she asked, as Nima entered the apartment.

  “Not really. Plus I’m watching my figure.”

  Renata laughed out loud. The idea seemed preposterous. “Why? You look good the way you are.” She was hoping she hadn’t offended her new friend.

  “Girlfriend, I’m watching my weight because it’s what we women do.”

  Women? He wasn’t a woman, was he? Renata hadn’t given much thought to his small breasts. She had assumed they were man boobs, and had tied over them as an innocent instinct. She had been so concerned with impressing Dmitri that she hadn’t given Nima’s appearance any serious attention, and she did know from the shibari that he had all his male parts in the usual place. The spandex she had loaned him hadn’t left much to the imagination.

  “I was born as Nimon, but I was supposed to be me. Nima, a girl.” Nima rolled the paper napkin into a line and was making a paper ring on his middle finger. Renata noticed his clean, buffed fingernails; they were small and feminine. “I’ve always known that I’m a woman, and when all this junk grew” – he (or rather, she) gestured at her jeans zipper – “where it wasn’t supposed to, I’ve had to make the best of it.” Nima’s eyes darted to Renata’s face and then back to the napkin on her finger.

  “My parents freaked when I told them. There are trans people born in Iran too, I said. But they told me to never say anything about it again, so I left home. I went to a shelter for teens at first, then worked in bars.” Nima frowned, as if reliving a bad memory. “And then Dmitri hired me as his assistant. I finally got enough money for hormones. They are so expensive! And I’m saving up for surgery.”

  “Wow,” said Renata. Nima had told her more than she’d asked for, but she appreciated her openness. Perhaps she had guessed that Renata was secretly pregnant, and felt like she could trust her. Or maybe she told everyone her story. It didn’t matter to Renata whether her new friend was male or female. But it mattered to Nima; that was obvious.

  Nima clearly felt like a woman, even though she was trapped in a man’s body. How difficult that must be! Renata sighed, her heart filled with empathy.

  “I’m okay with you as a woman; okay with Nima.” Renata wrapped her fingers around Nima’s wrist and squeezed gently.

  “So can we be girlfriends then?” Nima asked. “And please call me by she and her, because that is me.”

  “Of course,” replied Renata.

  “You gonna drop that package off when you leave town?” Nima pointed at her stomach. “That’s what I’m talking about, girlfriend. Don’t deny it.” Was Renata’s pregnancy open for discussion? She wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening, but gave in.

  “Yes. I’m going to go to Brazil to have it. But please don’t tell anyone, okay?” It did feel good to talk to someone.

  “Why not just have it here?”

  “Because I don’t think I’d be a good mom, and I don’t know who the father is.” Renata mumbled the last line. Kamber lay down under Renata’s chair, flicking her broomy tail at Nima, who stroked her back and said,” This pup the one you need me to watch?”

  “Yeah. Don’t worry, she’s very gentle. You can stay here , if you like, and I’ll give you enough money for dog food and some extra. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone, though. Is that okay?”

  “Of course, my darling, your place is way sweeter than mine, and I promise I’ll take good care of it. And your dog.” Kamber put her face in Nima’s lap as she petted her. “When are you due?”

  “I…don’t know exactly.” Renata was embarrassed. She didn’t dare confess that she hadn’t been to a doctor yet. Worries about the pregnancy crowded her. She’d planned on taking care of all that in Brazil with Miguel. Renata trusted that he would help her, no matter what.

  “Want to tie me up?” Nima said, trying to cheer Renata.

  Renata felt stressed, but it was early. “Okay, sure. Something simple?” Perhaps the shibari would relax her.

  “I’m all yours.” Nima raised her hands in the air.

  Renata opened her rope trunk and inhaled the scent of fresh linen and leather. The skeins of rope were organized beautifully. She let the colors wash over her and grabbed a bundle of purple silk. The purple was dramatic and soft, a perfect match for Nima and the evening.

  “This time, no chair?” she asked. Nima nodded and smiled. “Are you okay with lying down in the bedroom?”

  “Ooh, la la,” Nima teased.

  “Just for tying, no sex.” Renata’s face flushed. But she wasn’t interested in Nima in that way, and it was important for her to know that. Renata hoped they both had the same feelings.

  Nima followed Renata into her bedroom and lay on the quilt. “I’m all yours. Should I be scared?” She was teasing Renata again.

  “Of course not! I never hurt anyone.” Renata smiled reassuringly. She untied the silk and shifted her focus to knotting. The deep vermillion looked beautiful in her cocoa hand. She planned on using this silk for self-tying next time. Then Renata studied Nima’s physical form, looking for the lady trapped inside. The curve of her hips and full lips were good confirmations. Then there were the male biceps and muscular back. She supposed Nima was very strong from climbing Dmitri’s web and helping the girls down.

  Renata envisioned a unifying tie for Nima. It would be a shibari that would coax out the feminine and soothe her new friend.

  “Just a minute.” Renata grabbed a tank and leggings for herself and changed quickly in the bathroom. Now she could move more fluidly. On the bed, Nima pulled the comforter over her legs like she might nap. Good that she’s comfortable, thought Renata. That would help her get into the zone. Renata decided to tie over Nima’s clothes. She focused on her Zazen training and began to tie.

  Renata used two lengths of the silk, each about fifty feet long. She contemplated adding another color, but hesitated. If she could complete the shibari with just the purple, it would be more dramatic. Broad ties with details added last would be most efficient plan, she figured.

  Renata wrapped Nima like a mummy. She wanted to cover her male shell as completely as possible. She wound the silk snugly but loose around the chest. That way Nima could breathe freely. The body wrap used up a whole skein and only took ten minutes. Then Renata helped Nima roll onto her front so she could tie in the loose end and hide it.

  “Ummf.” Nima’s face was buried in the quilt. Quickly Renata flipped Nima onto her back again.

  She would use the other skein for detail. Renata was drawn to the crotch area. This was the first female knot she had learned, so it seemed like a natural choice. But that didn’t feel right, so instead she focused on the waist, which curved in like her own. She tied a loop on the belly button and kept adding more loops into a cord that stretched onto the floor.

  “Ohh,” Renata said out loud. She had used up the second skein.

  “Oh my god, you gave me an umbilical cord.” Nima looked down at the shibari.

  This was nothing like anything Renata had made before. Had she made it because she was pregnant, or was it a vision of rebirth for Nima? She smiled.

  Nima smiled too. “Can you take some photos?”

  “Of course.” Renata took lots before untying her friend.

  16

  Birth

  Renata worried the X-ray machine might have hurt her baby. And was the pressured plane cabin bad for pregnancy? Probably she was just being paranoid.

  She had recalculated her missed periods and thought she was probably about half way along. She wiggled in the uncomfortable plane seat, while the man next to her snored away. Her trip to Brazil could last for months. What would she tell Gayle? Maybe she should appeal to Erik instead. He would do whatever she asked. She reviewed her plan to give up the child for adoption and return to work. Finally, Renata closed her eyes and slept.

  After landing, Renata dragged her suitcase through the sprawling São
Paolo airport. The elastic of her leggings gripped her stomach uncomfortably. Could the baby have grown on the plane flight? Then she saw Miguel waiting for her. He held her in a long embrace before speaking.

  “You okay, sweetheart?” His face crinkled with worry. Did she look that bad?

  “I’m fine,” Renata replied, sighing deeply. “Just tired from the flight.”

  Miguel pulled her suitcase to the town car he had waiting outside. Renata yawned and closed her eyes as they drove through the city to the Governor’s mansion.

  Miguel wheeled the suitcase into the main house, with Renata following behind. He led her to a bedroom on the ground floor facing the back of the estate. Renata could tell Miguel had had it decorated for her arrival. There was a canopy bed covered in white tulle and a private bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub. French doors opened to a lawn with a view overlooking the estate.

  Miguel had made this sanctuary just for her. How had she ended up with the sweetest caregiver in the world? She had told him the story of her valuable female DNA proteins, but not about the freezer incident or who she suspected might be after her.

  Over the next few weeks, Miguel treated Renata like a rose petal. She took walks on the grounds and stayed home watching TV in Portuguese. Her vocabulary and fluency were almost perfect. Meanwhile, her belly was getting huge. Miguel hired a doctor to come for regular check ups. She measured Renata’s stomach and brought her vitamins, and after one visit, informed Renata that she was expecting a boy. Sarah, Miguel’s housekeeper, prepared big meals with lots of green vegetables. Soon the baby had grown to the size of a small watermelon.

  Renata scrolled through pictures of Kamber from Nima, glad that she was not in the San Francisco chill. She felt a cramp on the surface of her stomach. Muscles she hadn’t known she had squeezed together and then released. She felt kicking from inside. There was another contraction, and a small flood spilled out onto the sofa.