Yearning Absolution (Yearning Series)

by Rachael Orman

Cole came in the room and sat on the couch at her feet. He lifted them into his lap and without a word, started rubbing them. Gwen rolled onto her back, putting an arm under her head and one across her unhappy stomach. Cole looked back at her with a tender smile on his lips. “You know I can’t wait until you are feeling better because I still have plans that we never got to finish on our date night.”

  “I just bet you do.” Gwen laughed softly. But she felt her stomach roll as she laughed. She jumped up from the couch and ran to the kitchen where she proceeded to empty her stomach in the sink, right in front of Alina.

  "Here, Ms. Gwen." Alina handed her a wet wash cloth. Gwen wiped off her face, now red with embarrassment. "Go lay down Ms. I will bring you some special tea we use in Russian to help settle ones stomach. I didn't realize you were still quite so ill or I would have made you a very nice soup for dinner."

  "Thank you, Alina." Gwen slowly made her way to Cole, who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. "Sorry. This is getting so old. I don't normally get sick... Not to this extent anyway."

  "It's ok. I like being able to be home and help take care of you. But I do want you to feel better too." Cole pulled her into his arms. He ran his hands through her hair. "Well, let’s get you down again before you get sick again."

  "I wish I could laugh at that, but it really is a good idea." Gwen frowned. When Alina entered the living room, Gwen was laying on the couch with her head resting on Cole’s muscular thigh. "Thank you, Alina." Gwen sat up to take the cup of tea from Alina. She took a small sip. The warm fluid instantly soothed her throat and stomach. "Mmm, it is very good. Already I can feel my stomach settling. What's in it?"

  "Ginger. I will make some extra so you can have it during the night if you should like." Alina quietly crept from the room, leaving Cole and Gwen alone.

  After a more sips of the tea, Gwen laid her head back on Cole's thigh. He had his phone in his hand tapping out something with his thumbs but once he was done, he gently ran a hand through her hair over and over, lulling Gwen to sleep.

  Chapter 17

  When Gwen awoke it was completely dark in the living room and she was all alone. She sat up a bit disoriented. She walked through the darkened house, only the moonlight coming through the many windows leaving just enough light for her to navigate her way through the halls. She walked to Cole’s room since it was closest. She could see light filtering from under the door so he had to be in there. Then, she padded her way down the hall to McKayla’s room. To her surprise, McKayla was lying in bed fast asleep.

  Gwen would’ve expected McKayla to wake her when she got home, since that is why she had been laying on the couch instead of in bed. Gwen made her way back to Cole’s room. She lightly knocked on the door and after a moment, Cole opened the door. He was wearing only a pair of black silk pajama pants that hung low on his hips.

  “Hi.” Gwen’s lips tugged up on one side. “I was hoping you were still awake. McKayla is already asleep. Did she say anything to you when she came home?”

  “We talked a bit. I had to take a phone call so I came in here and figured she would’ve woken you up so you could go to her room with her. I told her you were sleeping on the couch waiting for her.” Cole’s eyebrows pulled together.

  “I think she is mad at me. But she is refusing to really talk about it and mostly avoiding me ever since she got back from her trip. Being sick really isn’t helping but I am trying to spend as much time as I can with her.” Gwen shrugged as Cole opened the door wider so that she could enter his room. “But we seem to miss each other or one of us is sleeping when the other is around.”

  “Well, I won’t miss the chance to have you in my bed.” He smiled warmly at her. Cole turned down the lights as he moved towards the bed. Pulling back the covers on one side and motioning with his arm for Gwen to get in. She climbed up into the massive bed and he pulled the covers back over her. “I have some work that I have to finish, but I should be only a few more minutes.”

  “Take your time. I just didn’t want to sleep on the couch or accidently wake up McKayla and have a fight in the middle of the night.” Gwen snuggled deeper into the covers. She knew she needed to catch McKayla and have a long conversation with her about the way things were going. It was obvious McKayla was upset over something ever since she came back from her trip, but Gwen wasn’t exactly sure what it was.

  When Gwen woke in the morning, Cole was in the shower already. She didn’t even remember him coming to bed last night. As frustrating as it was to be as tired as she was all the time, it was even more frustrating to feel like hours and days were just slipping by.

  She walked to the kitchen. Alina was in the kitchen, as usual. Gwen smiled at her. She was sure she looked horrible. She hadn’t brushed her hair or teeth yet. Not to mention that she hadn’t showered in at least 3 days. She just didn’t have the energy to do it.

  “Would you like a cup of tea?” Alina asked when she noticed Gwen standing in the doorway, running her hands through her disheveled hair.

  “That would be great. I slept so great last night. First night in weeks where I didn’t wake up at least once sick.” Gwen covered her mouth with the back of her hand as she yawned. She ran her hands through her hair once more as Alina brought her a mug of tea. “Thank you so much. Maybe after a day of drinking this I’ll feel halfway human again.”

  “I will make sure to have plenty ready for you.” Alina nodded her head gently before turning back to the vegetables she was cutting on the counter.

  Gwen walked back to Cole’s room. He was standing in the room with just a towel around his hips. He looked over at the sound of the door opening and closing. Seeing it was Gwen, he smiled.

  “Good morning. How did you sleep?” Cole asked as he pulled a pair of boxers out of the dresser he was standing in front of.

  “The best I have in a while. This must be magic tea.” Gwen held up the mug she was holding with both hands wrapped around it.

  “I guess so. I’m glad it seems to be helping. Guess we should have asked Alina sooner if she had anything up her sleeve that might help.” He spoke to her as he slipped his boxers over his legs and up under the towel. Then he pulled the towel off and scrubbed at his hair with it.

  Gwen stood there and took in the all the sculpted muscles of Cole’s chest as he moved. They tensed and relaxed as he was moving. She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow as a smiled tugged at her lips.

  “What are you smiling at?” Cole threw the towel in the basket just inside the closet. He stood watching her, his hands on his hips. His feet spread just slightly.

  “You. I swear you have to be the finest piece of man meat I’ve ever seen.” Gwen let her eyes once again roam all over his body before meeting his eyes again.

  “I can tell you are feeling much better. You’re getting that gleam in your eye that says you need to be ridden hard.” Cole shook his head at her slightly. “Too bad I don’t have time this morning. I have a meeting that I absolutely must go in for.”

  “I don’t think I’m ready for all that you have to give, but it sure is nice to stand and appreciate it.” Gwen took a sip of her tea. “Plus, I am going to go see if McKayla is up yet.”

  “Ah, yes. Well, I do hope everything goes well with that conversation.” Cole moved into the closet and came out with a suit on a hanger.

  “I’m sure things will be fine. You get ready and don’t be late. I’ll call you later.” Gwen walked over to get a kiss before searching out McKayla. She found her still in her room, sitting on her bed playing with her phone. Gwen knocked softly on the side of the door frame as she peered in. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure. I’m kind of surprised you remembered how to get here.” McKayla spoke without even turning to look at Gwen.

  “I think we need to talk.” Gwen sat in a chair that was in the corner and folded her legs in front of her with her mug resting on her crossed ankles.

  “I suppose if you want.” McKayla rolled her eyes and set her phone down in her
lap. She finally looked up to meet Gwen’s eyes. “What is it that you want to talk about?”

  “This. This is exactly what I want to talk to you about. Why are you throwing so much attitude at me?” Gwen put her hand to her chest. “You act like I can’t find my way to your room but I was sleeping in her just yesterday. I thought you would have lain down with me. Instead, I wake up to you being gone. I lay on the couch, once again waiting for you to come home. But then when I wake up alone in the living room, you had come home and went to bed without waking me.”

  “Oh, so I have to wake you up if I want to spend time with you? You can’t even convince yourself to stay awake to spend time with me? I’m pretty sure you can keep yourself awake for all the talks you seem to be having with Cole. Hell, even Alina seems to get more conversations with you than I do.” McKayla let her annoyance with Gwen fill her voice. “I hate living here. I feel like I am just here in your life. Doing whatever it is you want me to do even though you don’t make any time to spend with me.”

  “I didn’t make you move here. You agreed when we moved that it was the right thing to do. The safer thing to do.” Gwen was surprised at the way McKayla was talking to her. She felt like McKayla was wanted pick a fight.

  “Yeah, well, what happened to that threat? So far only you have supposedly seen this guy and only that one time. He only called you supposedly that one time. Right now I feel like you made it all up just so that we could move in here with Cole and you could put me in the corner of the apartment away from you and Cole’s life together. Like you only wanted me to come with so you wouldn’t have to break up with me when that is really what you wanted to do.” McKayla stood from the bed. She grabbed her purse from the nightstand and slipped on flipflops. “You know if that’s what you wanted, that’s all you had to say because right now this sucks for me.”

  “What are you saying?” Gwen tried to keep up with what McKayla was saying. “I didn’t lie about any of that stuff! I don’t know where the hell he is. I don’t know when he is going to pop up again. It scares me all the time.”

  “It scares you? Really? You haven’t been acting scared? You’ve been going to parties without me, making me go on trips alone so that you and Cole can go to fancy hotels and fuck all night. Then since I came back from my trip, you have barely even acknowledged that I’m here. I don’t know why I continue to bother.” McKayla walked to the door. “I’m leaving.”

  “What? What do you mean you are leaving?” Gwen stood up rapidly from the chair.

  “I’ll be back… whenever.” McKayla called out as she walked out of the room, never glancing back at Gwen.

  Gwen held a hand up to her head that was spinning. Her vision closed in until she could barely see anything. She quickly sat back down into the chair again and closed her eyes. Her heart was pounding as she breathed rapidly. “What the hell?” Gwen spoke softly to herself. Finally her vision returned and she slowly stood again. This time nothing happened so she carefully made her way down the hall.

  Cole’s door was wide open, which was generally a sign he had left for work. Gwen moved towards the kitchen. The living room was empty and the kitchen was empty too. She thought about going to the other side of the house but she doubted Cole or McKayla would be over there as it was only the spare room, spare bath and Alina’s living quarters.

  Gwen sank down on the couch in the living room. She wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened. Had McKayla broken up with her? Had she really been that absent minded in spending time with McKayla? Gwen didn’t think so. She had been sick the last couple weeks and before that she had really tried to make sure she spent time with McKayla. The relationship with Cole was new and exciting and Gwen wanted to get to know everything about him while the relationship with McKayla was steady and true. They still have a great time together but they mostly knew everything about each other after being together for over 10 years. It was more comfortable, but she didn’t take it for granted.

  Gwen would do anything to make sure McKayla didn’t leave her life. But what if McKayla was past caring what Gwen wanted?

  With that thought, Gwen put her face in her hands and started bawling.

  Chapter 18

  It had been a week since Gwen had seen McKayla. While Gwen was slowly starting to feel better, she was still quite weak and nauseated often but not half as often as she had been.

  Gwen was going to attempt to return to work for the first time in almost a month. She was surprised she still had a job. Here she had just started and was already out for quite a while. However, she had been trying to stay in contact with Coral Lyn, who was still making progress on the designs.

  Cole had already showered and left for work for an early meeting so it was just Gwen at the apartment. She walked into her closet after showering herself. She pulled out a pant suit that was her most comfortable work outfit she owned. She pulled the pants off the hanger and pulled them on over a pair of black satin panties. As she went to button them, she couldn’t even pull them closed. Not even close to being able to button them.

  “What the hell?” Gwen said looking down. She turned and looked in the full length mirror. She looked a bit bloated, but she figured that was just from her lack of eating normal food and drinking all these high nutrition drinks. She had been living in sweat pants and jammies the last few weeks since she got sick.

  The talk with the doctor flashed through her mind. Dr. Pau saying that she could be pregnant. “Not possible.” Gwen said out loud as she stared in the mirror. She took off the pants and pulled on a sundress that was loose around her waist. Her breast hadn’t gotten any bigger or more tender. She wasn’t overly emotional like most pregnant women were. It’s just not possible. Plus, pregnancy doesn’t make you so extremely exhausted, just nauseated.

  Gwen decided she would just swing by the store and pick up a pregnancy test so that she could prove to the doctor and herself that she was indeed not pregnant. She quickly pulled her hair back in a ponytail and slapped on a little eye makeup before heading for the door. Just as she was about to open the front door, it swung inward. She jumped back out of the way to avoid being hit.

  “Oh, you are here. Well, I’m here to get my things. I’m moving out.” McKayla didn’t even wait a beat. She simply turned and headed down the hall.

  “Wait, What?” Gwen couldn’t say that she was fully surprised but she thought McKayla would give them more of a chance to work things out.

  “I told you. I’m done.” McKayla spoke over her shoulder as she moved quickly through the hallways.

  “Why? Why won’t you stop and talk to me about this?” Gwen followed after her. Her heels clicking on the tile.

  “Because. You so obviously don’t even care about me anymore.” McKayla swung around to face her right in front of the door to her room.

  “How can you even say that? I’ve called you numerous times every single day asking that you come back, that you answer your phone so we can talk things through.” Gwen’s eyes filled with tears.

  “And yet, here you are all dolled up, ready to go out, looking like nothing is bothering you at all.” McKayla snapped at her. “You don’t want me around, you are just so used to me being there. I’m tired of being the fall back plan. Now leave me alone so I can get my shit or I’ll just leave and wait until you are gone to get my stuff.”

  “McKayla, absolutely none of that is true. I love you. I want you in my life. I didn’t bring Cole into our lives to upset you. I don’t love him more than I love you. I don’t know how I can prove that to you. Please, don’t leave. Please let me try to make you believe that I love you just as much as I always have.” Gwen pleaded as McKayla grabbed a suitcase from her closet, threw it on the bed and started throwing clothes into it.

  “Ok. You want me to stay with you?” McKayla stopped and looked at Gwen.

  “Absolutely. Tell me what I have to do. I’ll do anything.” Gwen didn’t even have to think as the words left her mouth. They were completely true.

&n
bsp; “Leave Cole. Come back to the apartment with me. Just us.” McKayla locked eyes with Gwen’s. Gwen broke the eye contact.

  “I can’t. Anything but that. You know it’s true. We can make this work. Damn it! I love you. I love him. Why are you making me choose? You are the one that said you were ok with this. You encouraged this.” Gwen had tears falling fast down both cheeks. Her heart was being torn from her chest.

  “That was before you chose him over me. Never did I think you would chose him over me. Not after everything we have been through.” McKayla spat at Gwen. She was throwing everything she could in the bag. She quickly zipped it up and walked past Gwen. “You did this. You are the one that pushed me away. I hope you are happy.”

  She roughly pushed past Gwen and stormed down the hallway. Gwen was hit with nausea and raced to the bathroom, barely making it before the tea she had drank early left her body, followed by a stint of dry heaves that lasted so long she could no longer even sit on her knees in front of the toilet. She fell back against the wall, head in her hands as tears poured out of her eyes.

  Gwen could hear her phone ringing somewhere in the apartment. She didn’t even know where she had dropped her purse in her pursue of McKayla. The ringing eventually stopped but then started again. She took off her heels and threw them out the door yelling for the phone to stop between sobs. She knew it wasn’t the one person she wanted it to be. McKayla.

  When the phone started up again, she shoved to her feet angrily. “Whoever wants to call me so many damn times is going to get an earful.” Gwen growled as she finally got to her feet but just as quickly her world went back and she passed out.

  When Gwen opened her eyes again, she was looking at Alina’s worried face.

  “Ms. Gwen, you scared me. You must have passed out.” Alina said as she helped Gwen sit up.

  “What happened?” Gwen rubbed the back of her head where it was aching.