The Vampire Memoirs

by Mara Mccuniff

  "Hooooe!" she said. "Terry, is that—? Mare, what's wrong? You're spilling my stuff!"

  "Trying to calm down…" I growled, and worked at calming myself, and therefore the apartment, down. Eventually her walls stopped shaking, and nothing fell or broke, thank goodness. Theresa was trying to hide her fear, but I knew better. I stood and grabbed my purse. "I'm sorry," I said to Jackie. "I'll—I'll go now."

  "What happened? Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked. I forced a smile and shook my head.

  "No, no, I'm fine now," I said. "I'm going home."

  "I'm sorry," Theresa said almost inaudibly.

  I ignored her and addressed Jackie again. "I'll call you." I said. "Or come by, or something. Is that OK?"

  "Yeah, sure," she said quietly. "OK."

  I had daymares for four straight days after Jim threw me out of his place. Most of them were like being trapped in a vampire movie: cobwebbed castles, graveyards, ghastly undead creatures, and even one vampire blood-drinking orgy. I was usually the observer of all of this, only in the worst dream I was the one being sacrificed in the orgy. That was the last one.

  I woke up screaming and felt the sweat on my face. I didn't know how much longer I could take this; I missed Jim so much, and I knew my guilt was causing all those dreams. But he hated me; I had to force myself to stop thinking about him or go mad.

  After getting dressed and grooming myself, I decided to take a walk to clear my thoughts. I had just shut the front door behind me when I saw a man in the shadows. I started to scream, when he stepped forward.

  "Jim?" I said.

  "Hi, Mara," he said. "Hope I didn't scare you or anything."

  "I—no," I said. "I just didn't see you. Jim, what—what are you doing here?"

  "I dunno," he said. "I guess, um… well, were you going somewhere?"

  "Oh, just… just a little walk. Um… would you like to join me?"

  "Uhhhh, no," he said. "I just thought I'd come by, see how you were doing…"

  "Oh," I said. "Well… not too well, to be honest."

  "Oh. Sorry to hear that. Anything serious?"

  "Uh, well, actually," I said, then stopped and looked down, fidgeting. "Um, listen," I continued. "Would you like to come in?"

  "I thought you were taking a walk."

  "I changed my mind. Too cold, anyway. Maybe you could have some coffee?"

  "Uh—sure," he said. "OK." I opened the door again and stepped inside. Jim followed slowly, stopping at the threshold to look around, and then stepping through. I waited for him in my living room.

  "I—I don't have much to offer, actually," I said. "Just… coffee, and…"

  "Coffee's fine," he said.

  "Fine," I said. "Um… have a seat?" Wordlessly he sat at the edge of one of my couches. I went into the kitchen.

  "I was going to call you, you know," I said. "Just, uh… just to see if you were still angry with me."

  "Oh," he said. "No, that's OK. I mean, I'm not mad anymore. I don't think."

  "Oh, good," I said. "Because… well, I was very upset that you wouldn't let me explain. In fact, um… well, that was why things haven't been so good for me lately."

  "Me, neither," he said. I always had coffee brewing in my house, so I had fresh cups for us right away. I carried both mugs from the kitchen and handed him one. Then I sat on my other couch across from Jim.

  "I forgot to ask how you like it," I said. "Did you want sugar? Cream?"

  "Nah, nah, I… I take it black," he said.

  "Oh, all right," I said. There was a long silence while we drank. I broke the silence.

  "I missed you, Jim," I said. "I'm really glad you're hare, now."

  "I couldn't sleep," he murmured. "I haven't been to work for two days now."

  "You—you look much better than you did before, though," I said. "Your color's come back."

  "And I feel like shit," he said. "Nightmares every night. It's like I've been stuck in all these old vampire movies every night. You know I even dreamed about an orgy? Only everyone was a vampire. Oh, God, it was disgusting."

  "Uhhh… Believe me, I—I know what dreams like that are like," I said. Jim sat staring at the ground for a minute, and then looked up at me suddenly.

  "How long's this gonna take, Mara?"

  "H-how long is what going to take?"

  "You know what I mean," he said. "How long is this gonna take?" he asked, gesturing to his face.

  "I still don't know what you mean."

  "How long will it be until I'm a vampire?" he cried. "How long until I'm like you?"

  "Uh—But you're NOT going to become a vampire," I said. "I—I didn't take enough—enough blood."

  "Then how come I'm not getting any better?" he asked. How come I'm sleeping in later and later, and need sunglasses just to go outside? I must be turning into a vampire!"

  "No, no, Jim, believe me, you're not," I said, rising to go over to him. I sat at the edge of my coffee table and took both his hands. "You're not," I continued. "You'll get better, believe me you will. Right now it's—it's as though you had the flu or something. Eventually you'll heal, and—and get better. Do you believe me?"

  "I dunno," he said. "I dunno what the hell's going on. What's happening to me, Mara? Am I becoming a vampire, or what? I don't know!" I leaned forward to hug him, and held him tight while I spoke.

  "It's OK," I whispered. "I know how you feel, believe me I do. The same thing happened to me so very long ago. I was drained slowly, you see, and didn't know what was happening, and I became sicker, more miserable, more—"

  "Gee, thanks," he said. "Thanks a lot."

  "Oh, no, no, I—! I'm sorry, that was the wrong thing to say. No, you're not going to die slowly, or miserably; you won't die at all. What I took that night was—It was just carelessness. Stupid, irresponsible carelessness, and you can't imagine how very sorry I am for that. Will you forgive me? Please forgive me, Jim. I—I love you, Jim. The last thing on earth I'd want is for you to be like me, for you to become a vampire. I love you."

  "I'm scared."

  "So am I," I said. "I'm afraid for you, for me; afraid of fucking up again like that. You don't have to love me, too, right now, but—I'd like you to forgive me. Will you?"

  "Sure," he whispered after a silence. "I forgive you."

  And the rest of the night we spent making up, as they say.

  Chapter 37

  After a month's time I figured that Jim was used to me enough to handle our Hallowe'en party. No, we don't hold human sacrifices then; it's just that most of the folks there would be vampires, and I told Jim that. He actually seemed rather excited about it, then.

  The party was at Michael's place, which was customary, although sometimes it was at Theresa's (which I'd never been to). They have big enough houses to hold big bashes like that, although anyone who doesn't help pay for the Hallowe'en party isn't allowed to go. We can bring guests, however. It's never officially a costume party, but a lot of people wear strange outfits anyway. I always go as a vampire, meaning as myself.

  Michael answered the door, I introduced Jim, and then he led us upstairs to where all the fun was. He had the biggest living room, and all the furniture moved against the walls made it look like a ballroom. He had a huge buffet table off to one side, plus a free bar. Well, mixed drinks were one dollar, but no vampire drinks those anyway. Jim and I headed for the snacks, and soon Jackie came up behind me and covered my eyes. Then the little creep took my picture as soon as I turned around. I snatched for the camera, but she laughed, and kept it out of reach.

  "I don't have enough pictures of you!" she laughed. I glared at her. "I promise I'll let you have one."

  "No! I don't want one; you always take the worst pictures of me," I said.

  "They're natural shots," she said. "But anyway, when are you going to introduce me to him? I'll bet this is Jim."

  "Hm? Oh oh, yes, this is Jim," I said, putting an arm around him. He stuck his hand out. "Jim; my friend Jackie; as you can see she likes t
o sneak pictures of people."

  "Nice to meet you," he said, and they shook hands.

  "You know I'm going to avoid you all night if you don't put that away," I said.

  "I promise, no more shots of you," she said. "I swear on the ancient blood of my ancestors, who fought in the Great War of the Ancient Enemy, who passed their tales through the ages to—"

  "All right, all right, I believe you!" I said. Somehow I knew she and Jim were going to end up being great friends; they had the same bizarre sense of humor. Then Jim put his arm around me and smiled a food-filled smile.

  "Well, just take one picture of us together," he said.

  "Oh, you look so photogenic, too," I said. "Put that camera away, Jackie! Put that—!"

  In another room, a little smaller than the living room, Michael had hired a DJ, complete with rotating light show. Jim wanted to dance, but I wasn't up to it quite yet and wanted to take in the scenery first, so to speak. I knew early on that Theresa was at the party (of course), but she seemed to be ignoring me as much as I was ignoring her. Jim and I were together for most of the evening, but as it wore on, we started drifting away and "exploring" on our own. I was at the bar getting some coffee, and was planning on rejoining him among some chitchatters, when I was tapped on the shoulder. It was Jim, and who was he with but Theresa!

  "Mare?" he said. "Do you know Theresa? She asked if I'd dance with her for one song. OK with you?"

  "Wh—Wh—"

  "He won't be stolen for long, dear," Theresa said, slipping her arm into his. "I just wanted a partner, that's all."

  Jim leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "I'll be right back, babe. Love ya," he whispered, and they walked away toward the dance room. I was completely speechless. That—that hussy! I could tolerate him dancing with someone, but her—! She knows perfectly well how I feel about her, and—and she was still doing things like this to me, always pushing me to the limit, trying to—

  My thoughts were interrupted by yet another splitting headache, this one far worse than any of the others. I cried out and almost dropped my coffee, but managed to set it down before doubling over in pain, trying to keep my throbbing skull from splitting. Why? I thought. Where are they coming from? Am I sick? Is someone actually doing this to me? The pain was too great to tell what was causing it, or why, until—as all the others had—it stopped. Just like that. As though I'd never felt a thing. I groaned and rubbed my nose, and then looked up to see…

  My mind wasn't even allowed to register who it was I saw, only I remembered that I knew him—in fact it was—!

  I heard a loud noise, and I was in my car. The keys were in the ignition, but I was still parked where I'd had the car earlier. What the hell? I thought.

  "Jim?" I said, looking about. Not next to me. Not in the back seat, either. I looked out the window and saw Michael's place, where it had always been, and saw someone who might have been Jackie walking toward it. I got out of the car slowly and looked around some more. Seeing no one, I shut and locked the door and walked back to Michael's.

  Again he answered the door, but didn't look very happy to see me.

  "Oh, you," he cried. "Calmed down by now?"

  "Calmed down—? Um—Michael, have you—have you seen Jim? I mean, the man I came in with. Is he still here?"

  "I don't know. Haven't seen him since you stormed out of here," he said. "Maybe he took a taxi."

  "Wh—what did I do?" I asked. "Er, uh—well, do you think I could look for him? I just had the… strangest experience."

  "Umm—" Michael said. "I suppose if you go fetch him. But—I'm sorry, Mara; I really can't have big scenes like that anymore. I think you and your friend need to go somewhere and talk."

  "Big scene?" I said, following him up the stairs. "Was I involved in something? I just had the strangest experience…"

  "You said that," he said, and left me as soon as we arrived upstairs. I stood where I was and looked about the room. The party was going on as before, only I couldn't see Jim. Jackie sauntered up to me, though.

  "So…" she said, sipping a soft drink. "Changed your mind, huh?"

  "I don't know; what was my decision before?" I said. "Look, did something just happen, Jackie? I was in my car, but I don't know how I got there. Was that you I saw coming back here?"

  "I guess, I don't know," she said. "So, uh—you're OK now, then? Not mad anymore?"

  "Um—I guess not, no," I said. "But—really I thought I would find Jim. He wasn't in the car with me. Oh, he didn't leave, did he?" '

  "I just got here."

  "The last thing I remember, he was… dancing with someone," I said. "Dancing with… Theresa! Jackie, he was dancing with Theresa!"

  "Yeah?"

  "Where is she?? I don't see her, either!"

  "Check the music room," Jackie said, and hit me on the arm. "Catch you late—" was the most I heard, because I immediately rushed for the dance room at her suggestion. I didn't mean to be rude, but my imagination was going crazy. Yes… I was remembering things. Theresa was dancing with him, and I was upset, and—and another headache… I had another, and then… and then what??

  A scan of the room revealed no Jim or Theresa. And another, and another. Nowhere. Now I did have good cause to be worried. But where to look? Which room? Were they even here at all?

  I hated doing what I decided to, but I could think of nothing else at the time. I took a deep breath, and concentrated on Jim. On his name. On his thoughts. On his soul…

  I could feel him now. He was near, in the very building, in fact. Another room somewhere, but where? I felt him obeying the call, starting to come to me, when something topped him. He was being held back—physically and mentally—so I concentrated harder. Someone was trying to "outcharm" me, and I had a damned good idea who it was. She didn't have a chance.

  There was more resistance, so I concentrated harder, and was about to break Theresa's hold by giving her a good mind blast, when I felt a scream, and my mind was assaulted by horrible, frightening images. There was blood and death everywhere, a ghastly stench, shadowy things groping, pulling, tearing off body parts, clawing and biting, and all this was happening to me (I think?), and I yelped and broke off contact with Jim.

  My God, what was that? I thought. What on earth was I doing, I was tearing his mind apart! I knew where Jim was now, but I was yet to figure out what I had just experienced, and where those images came from (him?).

  I discovered them in a bedroom, on the bed. Theresa lay on top of Jim (fully clothed, thank goodness), her teeth closing in slowly on his throat. The next thing she knew she'd been hefted to her feet by the scruff of her neck, and I held her before me by the throat. Theresa dared not struggle, or get her neck snapped. Objects in the room were shaking, including the bed. I have seen what a vampire looks like when beyond rage; the eyes become pure black, the voice begins echoing, and the body begins to glow. Let's just say that I became the source of light for this room.

  "M-Mara," Theresa said, "Y-you'd probably like an explanation."

  "NO," I said, and slugged her full in the face. She flew fifteen feet across the room and slammed into the wall, crumpling to the floor into a formless heap. I went immediately to Jim, who was coming out of his trance, and helped him up, meanwhile doing everything I could to make my features go back to normal. He groaned, and I slung his arm around my shoulder and lifted him up.

  "Hey," he said. "What—? Mare? What are you doing?"

  "TAKING YOU HOME," I said.

  "Whoa, what's with your voice?" he asked. "Hey, isn't that—?"

  "DON'T LOOK AT HER, JIM," I said, opening the door now. "I'M TAKING YOU HOME."

  "She looks hurt—!" he said, but we were out of the room now, and I helped Jim across the room toward the downstairs. It seemed as though all eyes were upon us—I still had a slight glow—but we made it to the stairs without incident. Jim kept trying to protest, but I wasn't rational enough to explain things to him, not without making small objects start exploding. He had to be p
atient with me once again.

  Finally we reached the car, where I unlocked the door first.

  "Get in," I said.

  "Will you at least tell me what the hell's going on first?" he demanded.

  "I will, love," I said in my calmest voice. "I promise you, the minute we get home I'll explain everything. But please; right now I'm—we just have to get out of here. But as soon as we're home…"

  "You promise."

  "I promise," I said. "As soon as I get you home."

  He got in reluctantly, and I unlocked my side and climbed in. I shut the door, I had the keys, I stuck them in the ignition, started the car, looked up, and screamed.

  Agyar! Just like at Jim's, just like… like at the party! He'd been at the party, and I remembered him looking me in the eyes, and then Jim and I got into a terrible fight for no reason, and I'd stormed away!

  I threw the door open, rushed out onto the street, and… nothing. No one there. Not even a trace, not even residual magic, if he'd used that to disappear. Jim got out of the car, also, but had no idea what had happened.

  "What is it?" he asked. "What did you see?"

  "I—I—" I started. "Get in the car, Jim. Get back in the car. Now I really have to get you home."

  "Mare, what—?"

  "Please!" He obeyed, and I climbed in and started the car again, and sped away from the curb.

  "Hey, easy on the jump-starts there," he said. "Come on, slow down."

  "I—I have to get you home," I said.

  "Well, come on, let me drive if you're gonna be like this. Watch it!!"

  I slammed on the brakes as a pedestrian ran across the crosswalk.

  Jim gripped my right arm. "Calm down, Mare, what'd you see?" he asked. "Come on, what made you freak out back there?"

  "I—I saw someone," I said. "Someone who's dead. Supposed to be dead. Was—I don't know, Jim. I have to get you home, fast. I don't want you hurt."

  "You can go now," he said, so I moved on. "You saw someone who's dead? Who? I didn't—Come on, slow down! Look, let me drive, OK?"

  "I don't want to waste time changing places! God, I've been such a fool! All the signs, clues hitting me on the head—literally!! And I ignore them, I—I don't even think about them!"