The Vampire Memoirs

by Mara Mccuniff

  "Mara, for the love of God, please let me drive!" he said. "I don't know about you, but I know I can die in a car accident!" I didn't answer for a while, my mind too preoccupied with what I knew I had to do, and Jim hit my arm lightly.

  "Huh?" I said.

  "Please let me drive, Mara. You're gonna get us killed!"

  "Urn—Um—" I said, trying to sort everything out, "Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. You drive."

  I was just about to pull over when my body suddenly became rigid, and my mind was on fire, and I felt an overwhelming urge to… to go. Go south. Head south. Then I could move again, and my body sat up and started working the car's controls again.

  "Hey, I thought you were gonna pull over! Pull over!" Jim said, but his words meant nothing.

  "I'm—being—called!" I said. "Help—me!!"

  Jim cried out and leaned over to wrestle me for steering control.

  "Mara, why are you doing this? Do you want us both killed?"

  "Help me!"

  "Well, let me, then!! Quit driving like a maniac!! The cops'll be after us any second now!!"

  "Can't—stop!" I cried. "Help me! Put me out!"

  "Oh, right, I'm supposed to bash you over the head?" he said. "Come on, you're scaring the shit out of me!" He managed to bring his foot over to my side, and started pushing on the brake while I was pressing the accelerator. The car started squeaking and lurching all over the road, and I was trying to work with him, but calling cannot be resisted. No matter how long ago it was last used, I found. I did manage to calm myself, not much, but at least it became a little easier for Jim to steer and brake.

  Eventually it appeared that the car was being driven normally, even if it took two people to do so. The closer we got to our destination, the stronger the calling became, and the more frightened I became. Soon I was so terrified that I could function no longer, and Jim was forced to drive from the wrong side while I mumbled directions.

  Finally we reached the place: Theresa's house. But it wasn't Theresa who'd sent for me. Jim parked the car for me and turned it off and handed me the keys. I took them without looking at him.

  "Is this the place?" he asked.

  "Yes," I said, not turning to look at it. I did face Jim, however. "Jim," I said, "I want you to go home now. Leave me here and drive home; don't even look back."

  "Huh?"

  "Don't question, just drive away," I said. "I was trying to get you home, but he called me, and—and I couldn't stop. Go home, Jim."

  He stared at me a long time, and then smiled slightly. He reached out for the scruff of my neck and squeezed it—hard.

  "You're gonna tell me what the hell is going on here, Mara," he said in a very low growl. "I am sick of this bullshit."

  "Jim—"

  "Tell me!" he said, and I reached back to take his hand from my neck.

  "You know I could make you leave, Jim," I whispered.

  "By hypnotizing me, right?" he said. "But you won't. I know you."

  "Jim, please—"

  "No, you listen," he said. "Whatever's going on here is scaring the crap out of you, and I'm—"

  "I—I've already lost somebody to him, Jim…"

  "Who? Who is this guy you're so afraid of?"

  "An old enemy," I said. "Please; that's all I'll say. Now you have to get out of—"

  "No."

  "I don't want you hur—"

  "No!"

  "Jim, you're not being—"

  "NO!" he roared. "Now goddammit, Mare, we're going in there; all right?"

  "Wait!" I cried. "Wait. All right, Jim. I won't stop you. But—please promise me this. It's a compromise."

  "What—"

  "I want you to stay in here and wait for me to go to the door, and—"

  "No."

  "Please listen," I said. "I want you to wait for me to go to the door, and if nothing happens, if I'm not attacked, or… I don't know, if things seem OK, then you can follow me. But—if something should happen, then I want you to get home immediately! Do you promise?"

  "Oh, right, if something happened, then I'd be coming in after you—!"

  "Do you promise?" We stared at each other for a long time, and then Jim sighed loudly.

  "Yeah, sure," he said. "I promise." I kissed him long and deep and then got out of the car. Theresa had a huge front yard, so I had a decent distance to go until her front door. I looked back once at Jim, who had his face pressed against the glass, and then continued.

  Why can't I feel him? I thought. Can he really hide his presence so well? I can't tell where he is, or even if he's here at all. But the calling led to here…

  I reached the front door, and knocked. I'd never been inside this house; I couldn't have broken in if I'd wanted to. But Theresa's at the party, still, I think.

  A moment later the door opened, and Theresa peered out.

  "Mara," she said.

  "Theresa," I responded. "Is—"

  "Come to finish the job, eh?"

  "No, I—look, I was called here," I said. "And only one person can call me. Where is he? Here?"

  "Why, I don't know who you mean."

  "You know exactly who I mean," I said. "Your precious First, that's who. Now he called me here, and almost killed me and Jim in the process. Now you let me in there, and let me deal with him once and for all!"

  "Not if you're going to take that tone with me," she said. I took a step forward, but then remembered the barrier. Theresa was enjoying herself.

  "All that great power of yours, and you're stopped by an old wives' tale, eh, Mara?" she said.

  "Look, um—Theresa—you're not the one I want to see. It's him. He's inside your house right now, I know this, and—"

  "Do you?"

  "I was called—here," I said, losing patience. "Now where else would he be??"

  "Behind you," a voice said, and I whirled around just in lime to be shoved through the doorway. A flash of pain struck me as I passed through the barrier keeping me outside, and felt all of my strength leaving me. By the time I hit the floor in a crumpled heap, I was helpless. But I was on my back and was able to watch Agyar stepping over the threshold, Jim's unconscious form held up by the neck. He loomed over me and smiled.

  "Hello, Mara. Did you leave something behind?" he asked, and tossed Jim to the ground next to me. I tried to reach out to him, to check his pulse, his breathing, but could not. At least his aura was still there, but weakened. Agyar stepped all the way through and shut the door behind him, and then knelt down in between Jim and me. He took my chin in his hand and moved my face around.

  "Hmm," he said, "Haven't changed much, have you? Same old wounded puppy-dog look. Same old hair. Same Stupidity. Right, Mara?"

  I couldn't answer. Then he stood and kicked me in the gut. I doubled over only from reflex and coughed.

  "Right, Mara??" he roared, then knelt down again and held my head up by my hair. "You stupid bitch!" he hissed. "What did you think you could accomplish by coming here? Did you think you could kill me? Eh? And who is this… thing next to you? Your dinner? Your pet? Or perhaps your lover? Oh, wipe that look off your face, he's only asleep. Who knows, he might actually serve some purpose tonight."

  He let go of my hair with a yank, making my head hit the floor quite painfully. Agyar stood up to full height again.

  "You make me sick," he growled. I looked at Theresa, who stood beside him. She was looking at me, too, but her expression was blank.

  "Let's go," Agyar said, and bent over me again and grabbed the back of my sweater. Theresa carried Jim in her arms, and Agyar started dragging me down the hall, Theresa following. Up and down the halls we went, Agyar dragging me all the way. Then there was a painful trip down some stairs, and finally I was dragged into what must have been Theresa's library. Bookshelves lined all four walls, and the furniture within had been pushed up against the wall. Agyar dragged me to the center of the room and left me mere while he stepped back to one of the walls. Theresa laid Jim, who was still unconscious, onto a small couch. I
could not look directly at anyone, but could hear them speaking.

  "So, Theresa," Agyar said. "Aren't you going to invite our guest in?"

  "Hmm? Oh, yes, of course. Now, Mara; you know you are always welcome in my home." Instantly my strength returned, and I did not hesitate to roll onto my feet and leap straight for the exit. Then Agyar clapped once, and I was thrown back into the center of the room. I stood up, wide-eyed, until I saw the glowing lines on the ground. I turned around slowly to see that I was in the middle of a huge heptagram. Ten feet in diameter, and its lines were glowing faintly. Agyar had activated it.

  "You won't be going anywhere for a while," he said. "This is too important to let you get away."

  "What is this," I growled. "Release me!"

  "Oh, you've never seen one before? Why, this is—"

  "I know what it is, Agyar," I said. "I said release me!"

  "Not bloody likely."

  I concentrated on his mind, and looked deep into his eyes. "I mustn't be here, Agyar… You must reLEEEEEEEEE!!" My mind turned inside out, and I doubled back in pain and covered my eyes. Meanwhile I could hear Agyar chuckling quietly.

  "I thought you said you knew what this was," he said. "But obviously you didn't know you can't use your powers to escape."

  "What the bloody hell do you want with me?" I roared. "So like you, isn't it; keep them helpless while you sit back and torment. Just like a coward, isn't it? Or don't tell me you're still trying to make me your wife?"

  "Oh, God, no," he said. "Don't make me sick. No, I've come to my senses about that; you were hopeless then, and always will be."

  "I'm hopeless. You kill my husband. Make me a widow, make my children orphans, and you thought I'd learn to love you after all that?? You make me sick."

  "You're going to die tonight, Mara!" he spat. "You, and your—your pet! Both of you are going to die slowly, and miserably, but not before I've gotten what I need from you."

  "You think I'm actually going to give you something?" I asked. "You are sick."

  "Oh, you will," he said. "Believe me, you will. I did learn something about you after 153 years, you know."

  "I could say the same thing of you."

  "Good," he said. "Then you know my methods."

  "As cowardly as they are, yes, I do."

  "Ohhhh," he said. "You hurt me."

  "Theresa, is this what you expected from your First?" I asked. "Did you think he'd be some sort of god, who was wise and noble? Look at him, Theresa! Look at how he is!"

  "She is," he said, putting an arm around her. "But it doesn't matter what she sees."

  I looked more closely at her. She wasn't in a trance, I knew that, but—well, what was it, then? I looked at him, confused.

  "A little something I should have done with you, when I converted you," he said. "But like a fool I thought you'd make a better wife with your will completely intact. It's not charming, not quite. But during conversion I placed a… well, sort of a mental block, in her mind. Now she can certainly go about her business, and live a perfectly normal life, but then, when I so wish it, her will completely shuts off—and she can hear, think, speak normally. But will do anything I say. Anything. Isn't that right, Theresa?" he said.

  "Yes," she said. Then he left her side, but I couldn't help staring at her still. Her eyes seemed to be almost begging me to help her. Or were they? A chill crept slowly down my spine.

  "But enough fun and games," Agyar said. "Now to the favor you owe me."

  "I owe you nothing," I murmured, my gaze still on Theresa.

  "That's beside the point, actually," he said. "You're going to give me what I need."

  "You should be dead," I said. "I killed you."

  "Well, thank you," he said. "You should be dead, too. But obviously I didn't die, and you don't deserve to hear why not."

  "If you converted Theresa…" I began, "why didn't she know your name?"

  "She didn't know me as Agyar," he said. "I was Antonio back then. But it's so much more appropriate this way, nicht? You, me, her—a true family in blood—reunited at last. Say hello to your little sister."

  "I hate you," I murmured, which only amused him. "I despise you more than anything else on this earth."

  "Well, whatever makes you happy," he said, and pointed to Jim. "But meanwhile; see your pet there? Cute, isn't he?"

  "You even think of touching him, and I'll—"

  "You speak as though you were actually in a bargaining position, Mara," he said. "Is that what you thought? If I did anything, do you really think you could stop me?"

  I said nothing.

  "Well??" he roared, but then laughed. "Ohhh, you are something," he said. "Oh, I know you; just threaten some wretched loved one of yours and you're on your knees, begging for mercy. I must thank you for bringing your pet along."

  "He is not my pet!"

  "Yes, I know," he said. "He's your boyfriend, no doubt. Humans as lovers. Have you no pride? And I suppose you've promised never to convert him."

  "Have you learned nothing of compassion in three thousand years, Agyar?"

  "Five thousand years," he corrected. "But yes; believe it or not, I have learned something of compassion. For instance—the human there. I've decided to let him go."

  "Yes, right now!" I said. "Harm or change him in any way and I won't help you! That's a promise!"

  "Picky, picky," he said. "I'll let him go, keep your airhead on your shoulders. But not until I've finished with him…"

  "Don't you touch him!" I cried. "I told you I wouldn't help if you did!"

  "Oh, but you will…" he said. "And he's the one who'll make certain you do."

  "What?"

  He didn't answer, but gestured toward Jim, who suddenly began to stand up; only his eyes were still closed. He reached his full height, and started walking toward me, until he passed over the lines and into the circle. I backed away and looked at Agyar. His eyes were shut and he seemed to be deep in concentration.

  "What are you doing to him?" I asked. "Stop this, now!"

  "Mara…" I heard Jim say, and I looked at him, and into his eyes. Into his… smoldering eyes… So lovely…

  Jim, I thought. I love you so much. I'd do anything for you…

  He smiled and took both my hands. I smiled back. I wanted to do something for him. Anything, if only he'd tell me…

  "Thaaaat's a girl," he said, "Look right at me…"

  "Yes…" I said, "Wait. You… you can't… hyp-hyp—"

  "Of course I can," he said. "I always could."

  "Yes…" I said, now remembering, "Yes, always…"

  "Now I want you to do something for me, Mara," he said. "I want you to think back. Think back to the night you first took my blood."

  "I… remember…"

  "Gooood," he said. "You remember it well, don't you?"

  "Yes…"

  "You remember how it tasted," he said. "What it felt like."

  "I… tried to forget," I said.

  "No, no, no, you mustn't forget, darling," he said. You must remember. You must remember what it was like. You must remember what it tasted like."

  "Tasted…" I said, "No, I…"

  "Tell me, Mara," he said. "Tell me how much you liked it."

  "No, I… tried to forget…"

  "But you can't forget good blood, can you? Noooo, of course not. Not when it tasted as good as mine…"

  I started shaking, and tried to look away from him and at Agyar. Jim took my chin and made me look at him again.

  "No, no," he said, "You have to look at me. Only at me."

  "Yes… only at you…"

  "You know it tasted good, Mara," he said. "You know you enjoyed the feeling it gave you to take it from me. Admit it!"

  "I—! I can't—!"

  "You can, Mara!" he said, grabbing me, "Tell the truth, Mara! Tell me how much you loved it!"

  "Stop! Please!"

  "Not until you admit the truth, not just to me, but to yourself!" he cried. "Tell me how much you loved my blood
!"

  "I—! I loved it!" I cried, breaking down into tears now. Why was Jim trying to hurt me? I didn't understand; I loved him, why was he hurting me? But he held me just as tightly as before, and kept on relentlessly.

  "What did it feel like to drink from me, Mara?" he said. "Did it make you feel good? Powerful?"

  "Stop…"

  "Look at me, Mara! Look!" I obeyed. "Do you love me?" he asked.

  "Yes…"

  "Do you want me to die?"

  "No…"

  "Do you want me to be yours forever?"

  "Yes…"

  "Then take me!" he cried. "Make me yours, Mara! Claim me for eternity! You know how to do this!"

  "C-can't…" I whimpered. "P-promised…"

  "Yes, a promise to me!" he said. "But I want you to break it now! You can't have me forever if I can't live forever."

  "Not… fair…"

  "Not fair? What isn't? That you want me forever, and I want you forever, yet you'll do nothing to bring this about? Is that fair?"

  "Please…"

  "Is it fair that I'll die of old age, and you'll stay forever young, forever strong and beautiful? Is that fair, Mara?"

  "No, please… S-someone… someone make you…'s-say this…"

  "I say this for myself!" he cried. "I want to be immortal, Mara! And if you love me, you want me to be, too!"

  "P -price to pay…"

  "Price?" he said. "Insignificant compared to what's gained!"

  "S-sun burns… Blood…"

  "Yeeeees, the blood," he said. "The best part of all, wouldn't you say? You remember, don't you, Mara? How hot… and thick… and sweet it was?"

  "Stop…"

  "Do you remember…" he continued. "Do you remember that—that rush of warmth, and power, that flows through you as you drink, that dizzying, intoxicating rush of hot, thick lifejuice as it—"

  "Please—!"

  "—As it flows past your throat, into your belly, warming every part of your being, filling you with such life as you'd never known before!"

  I had no strength to stand anymore. Jim held me up completely. I couldn't even raise my head to look at him, and could only listen, and shake from fear.

  "You'd do anything to get that feeling again, wouldn't you, Mara?" he asked. I felt my head nodding itself. "And here I am! You can have that feeling again, Mara! Take me! Take all of me! Make me immortal!"