Mischief and Mistletoe

by Matthews, Lena

  It would be sad if it wasn’t so funny.

  “Babe,” Russell said, suddenly at her side. “Was that another contraction? Your breathing changed and you stopped moving.”

  It took everything in Tamara not to roll her eyes. Heaven forbid she stop moving. “No. That was me breathing.”

  “Are you sure?” Ty’s asked. “Because your breathing definitely changed.”

  Russell nodded. “Yes definitely.”

  Tamara gave in and rolled her eyes while praying for divine intervention. “I think I know what a contraction is.”

  “Okay.” Russell nodded in a satisfied manner. “I just want to make sure you remember to breathe. In and out. In and out.”

  Tamara cocked her head to the side and stared at her husband in wonder. “You do realize I know how to breathe, right?”

  “Don’t get irritated with me. The Lamaze coach sai—”

  “I was there,” she snapped. “You don’t need to recap it for me, but like I said, that wasn’t even a contraction. That was just me giving you proof of life.”

  “Well, keep doing that. But slower. Like this.” Russell demonstrated in the most dramatic manner that Tamara could not resist laughing.

  In the midst of laughter another contraction hit, cutting her off midstream. Clenching, Tamara placed one hand on her stomach and the other on the back of the couch. She rose on her tiptoes and rocked back and forth, trying to work through the contraction while doing her best to breathe calmly and steadily. It was painful, not bad-period-cramp pain, like her lying, stupid Lamaze coach had said, but more like someone-was-stabbing-her-over-and-over-in-her-side-and-back painful, and it seemed like it was taking forever for it to end. But just when she thought she couldn’t handle another second of it, the pain thankfully subsided. She let out a deep breath when it was over much in the way Russell had just mimed only seconds earlier, which caused her to laugh again.

  “What is so damn funny?”

  “You.” She knew from the length the contractions were coming that she would have a few minutes before the next one hit and wanted to put the time to the best use. Grabbing Russell’s hand, she pulled him to her then wrapped her arms around his waist. “Everything is going to be okay. This is natural. Women have been having babies for thousands of years.”

  “In the hospital.”

  “Well, technically no.”

  “Do you really think I give a fuck about technicalities right now when you should be in a hospital?”

  “Sweetie, we weren’t ever going to be in a hospital. Even if it wasn’t snowing.” She’d purposely chosen a midwife because she wanted a more natural, personal experience.

  “A birthing center is like a hospital. They have medical stuff there and Juniper has degrees and licenses and a stethoscope and…stuff.” His face got redder and his eyes grew wider with every word. “Lots of stuff. She’s done this before. That’s why we’re paying her money…because she’s done this before.”

  “I think you’re the one who needs to breathe before you have a stroke. In and out,” she mockingly mimicked his earlier movements. “In and out.”

  “Not everything is a joke, Tamara.”

  “It can be if you say it right.”

  Russell laid his forehead against hers and sighed. “How are you so calm?”

  “Because you’re not.” She laughed. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

  “You can’t make a promise like that. No matter how much I wish you could.”

  Tamara wanted to reassure him but before she could think of something witty or soothing the pressure began to build again.

  Crap, that wasn’t good. This one was coming on faster than the one before it. Grimacing she pulled away from Russell and reached for the couch once more to use it as an anchor to bounce through the pain. Russell began to breathe again but this time not in the annoying manner he did before, but more in time with her own, which allowed her to anchor herself and focus her energy. When it ended, she brightened once more. “I’m thinking we’re beginning to get the hang of it.”

  “I’d rather we’d get the hang of an emergency room.”

  “I’d rather we were pushing it out of your penis instead of my vagina, but we don’t always get what we want.”

  “Oh hell no.”

  Tamara bit her bottom lip to quit from grinning at the disgusted look on his handsome face.

  “Okay,” Charlotte said as she came back into the room. From the overly happy look on her face Tamara knew the shit was about to hit the fan. “Do you want to hear the really bad news, the bad news or the let’s look for the silver-lining news?”

  Tamara groaned. Normally she liked being right but she would have been okay if she was wrong in this instant.

  “All of it,” Russell growled.

  “I called 9-1-1 and your midwife. Neither had good things to say. Apparently the not really a storm has turned out to be a big fucking storm. There are several electrical poles down, which has resulted in some parts of town losing electricity. The roads that are clear are packed and the ones that are empty of cars are filled with snow. The emergency room is completely filled, not that that matters though because at this present point they have no means of getting out here to get her. But there is an upside to that.”

  “How is that even possible?” Russell said, speaking the exact words Tamara was thinking.

  “Because both the 9-1-1 operator and the midwife said the best place for Tamara to be is exactly where she is. Indoors, in a house with heat, lights and running water.” Charlotte smiled sympathetically at Tamara. “The operator did say though that they will be sending an available unit as soon as possible, but she did state they would be doing the calls not in order of who called first, but by severity level. Consider this triage.”

  Tamara rubbed her hand on her stomach and let out a nervous breath. “Oh well, better to have the baby at home than in the backseat of a car in the middle of a snowstorm.”

  Charlotte nodded. “Exactly.”

  “Fine,” Russell said stubbornly. “And what about Juniper? Is she going to try to get to the birthing center and prep it for when we do get there?”

  “She’s stuck at home like the rest of us, so even if you went to the birthing center she wouldn’t be there. But she said they’re already working on her road so as soon as it’s clear she’s going to come to where you are, be it the hospital or this house.”

  Some good news was better than none at all. Sure this wasn’t part of her birthing plan but it was something. “Wonderful.”

  “Exactly.” Charlotte grinned. “Juniper said if you go into active labor before she or the ambulance arrive, then we’re to call her back and she’ll walk us through it as best she can.”

  “Walk us through it!” Russell had that stroke look on his face again.

  “But she’s going to get here as soon as she can and she promised to keep calling to check on you.” Charlotte held up the paper she’d been writing on with a nervous smile. “And she gave me a list of things we should gather in case they can’t be here in time.”

  Russell frowned. “A list for what?”

  “Things to have so we can deliver the baby at home.”

  “Oh hell no.” Russell threw up his hands and stormed from the room.

  Tamara shared an “oh fuck” look with Charlotte before following behind him to the front door where, to her surprise, he was pulling his coat out of the closet. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to go shovel the cars out and drive you to the hospital myself.”

  “Are you going to shovel all the way up to the hospital? Because it’s just not these back roads that are snowed in.”

  “If I have to.”

  “Do I need to explain to you in small words how that’s not going to work for me.”

  “I have to do something!” he yelled. “I can’t just sit in here boiling water.”

  “Then don’t. Hold my hand instead. Tell me I’m doing great. Rub my back. Curse
and spit and rail against the man. Do one of a million things that don’t involve you walking out their door.” Tamara closed her eyes for a brief moment and prayed for the strength to go on. “Be in this moment with me right now. I got this. Okay? But that doesn’t mean I still don’t need you in here with me. I need— Fuck! Another contraction.”

  Russell dropped his coat and rushed to her side. Tamara grabbed hold of his shoulders and held on for dear life. This one was harder than the last one or the one before that, and despite her epic speech and promise of bravery, Tamara was beginning to feel scared. A matter that wasn’t helped by images of Russell shoveling his life away.

  When the pain subsided, she pulled back and looked at him, ready to go in again. “I need—”

  “Shh…” Russell placed his fingers on her lips. “You win. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not sure if that was a real contraction or a fake one, either way you got me. I’m here.”

  “It was real, but I’ll keep the option to fake one on hand in case you flip out on me again.”

  “You don’t fight fair.”

  “All’s fair in love and war…”

  “And labor apparently.”

  “Exactly.” Tamara let go of Russell and placed her hand on her stomach. “I think I want to try laboring in the tub for a bit because this is really beginning to hurt.”

  Russell paled a bit but he didn’t waver. “I’ll get that started.”

  “And I’ll get the men up. Between the five of us we should be able to make a little leeway so it will be easier for the ambulance to get here. I can also call Ressingler,” Ty said, referring to a neighboring rancher. “He’s got a tractor and I’m sure we can get him to clear the street down to the main road for us.”

  “And while you’re in the tub, I’m going to get the stuff on the list together,” Charlotte glanced warily over at Russell. “To have just in case.”

  Tamara didn’t believe for a second anyone was going to get here in time, but if Russell needed a “just in case”, to help him deal with it, she was more than happy to play. “I like it. Nothing wrong with being overly prepared.”

  “You guys realize I do know you’re playing me, right?”

  “Whatever do you mean?” Charlotte asked innocently.

  “Yep.” Ty came up behind Charlotte and placed his hand around her waist. “They are totally playing you.”

  “I would never…” Tamara let the sentence trail off. No point in continuing a lie no one was buying anyway. “I’m going to go upstairs now. But before I do, I would like to point one thing out.”

  “What?” Russell asked.

  “If I hadn’t come over this afternoon like I did, we would be doing this at home. Alone.” Tamara had been waiting awhile to throw that little factoid into the mix, but from the look of irritation on Russell’s face she was beginning to think maybe that was something she should have kept to herself. Nervous, she glanced over at her friend who was shaking her head. “Too soon?”

  “Yes.” Charlotte frowned and shook her head at what Tamara could only surmise was her boldness. “Way too soon.”

  Tamara took one look at her husband’s face then fled the room. It had been said time after time that she didn’t know when to shut up, but no one could ever accuse her of not knowing when to run away. Tamara was many things, but stupid wasn’t one of them.

  Of course since she was a billion-years pregnant and in active labor, she barely got ten feet before her husband caught her, but when he did, he didn’t toss her over his lap as he had been known to do in the past, instead he just pulled her in close to him and held her tight for a few seconds. When he pulled away, she could see the worry clouding his eyes.

  Concerned, Tamara reached up and caressed his cheek. “It’s all going to be fine. I promise you.”

  “If something horrible happens and you die…” His voice cracked on the last word. “I will kill you.”

  Tamara didn’t even try to fix the crazy in that sentence because she knew exactly what he meant. “I love you too.”

  “We can do this.” Russell’s voice lacked conviction but held strength.

  “Yes we can.” And because she didn’t want him to overthink it too much, she for once just shut up and took his hand in hers. Sometimes not saying anything was the best thing to say.

  Despite what he said earlier, Russell was far from sure that they could really do this, but when Juniper walked in the room almost an hour later, all of Russell’s stressed walked out. Yes, he was still nervous for his wife and child, but he was no longer worried that Ty was going to be the most knowledgeable person in the room when it came to delivery.

  While Juniper checked Tamara out, Russell and Ty unpacked the tractor that Juniper ended up riding in on since the street wasn’t all the way cleared yet and hauled everything up to the guest room. When they were done, Ty headed back downstairs to wait for the ambulance, but Charlotte stayed to help Juniper out. She was standing a little bit behind the midwife with a towel at the ready to take the baby once he was born.

  And from the way Tamara was moaning, that was going to be at anytime. Climbing up beside her, Russell focused all of his energy and love on her and willed Tamara every ounce of strength he could. Not that she needed it. Like with all things, his wife faced this with grace and determination. She just amazed him. Women amazed him. Russell couldn’t imagine how the civilization continued on with what women had to endure in order to reproduce. If his mother were still alive, Russell would have called her right then and there and thanked her from the bottom of his heart because seriously…he would rather the world die off than go through what Tamara was doing right now.

  “I have to go to the bathroom,” Tamara said suddenly out of the blue.

  The midwife chuckled and scooted the footstool they’d grabbed from downstairs closer to the bed. “No, sweetie. The baby is just crowning. It feels like you have to go potty.”

  Great, Russell thought to himself. Now he was going to associate the birth of his son to taking a big dump for the rest of his life.

  “I can see the head, Tamara,” Charlotte said excitedly.

  “Good, great. Grab him and yank his little ass out.” Tamara groaned, oh so obviously ready to be done with the whole thing.

  “Listen to me, Tamara,” her midwife said soothingly. “We’re at the end of the line, sweetie. Time to do this, are you ready?”

  “Uh-huh.” Tamara nodded.

  “With the next contraction, I want you to bear down and push but stop when I tell you. Understand?”

  “Yes,” Tamara said as she pushed with all her might.

  “That’s it, baby. Push. Come on.” He held her steady as she pushed, all the while feeling completely helpless. His wife was in the fight of a lifetime, birthing their child, and all he could do was rub her shoulders and offer flat platitudes. He wished he could do more. Take the pain. Blink and put the baby in her arms. Anything and everything to be of some use. But the only thing he could do was be there for her and be damned if he let her down now. “You’re doing great, babe. I love you. I love you so much.”

  “Oh God, oh God, oh God.” Tamara bucked up and screamed at the top of her lungs. “Ted Nugent.”

  It was so unexpected that it startled a laugh out of Russell and funny looks from their friends. “Did you really just use our safe word?”

  “Yes,” Tamara groaned. “Because I don’t want to do this any…more…”

  “Tamara, I want you to stop now. Just hold for a second.”

  “Fuck.” Gasping for air, she slumped back against Russell, who was rubbing his hands up and down her arms and muttering words of encouragement and love in her ear.

  “All right, Tamara, let’s finish this up and get him out.”

  “Okay.” Tamara bore down. “Okay, okkkkkayyy.” And with that last push, their son slid safely out and into this new wild world.

  Juniper placed the baby on Tamara’s belly and proudly proclaimed, “It’s a boy.”

  “Oh my
God!” Tamara exclaimed as she stared down in wonder at her son.

  The first sight of his son did things to Russell he couldn’t put in words. Even gross and covered in yuck, their baby boy was still the most beautiful thing Russell had ever seen…and also the loudest because the first thing he did once he was out was test his freedom by crying at the top of his lungs and waving his little hands about. This was one disgruntled customer and he was demanding to be treated as the royalty he so obviously was.

  “He’s so beautiful.” Tamara’s voice was filled with her awe and her eyes were filled with tears.

  “That’s because you’re his mother.”

  Without even asking if Russell wanted to cut the cord, the midwife severed the last tie from the baby to Tamara and then took him off Tamara and handed him to Charlotte who had been waiting patiently with a towel. Charlotte held him still for a moment as Juniper quickly checked his pulse and responses. “Looks good,” she said before turning her attention back to Tamara.

  Charlotte looked over at Tamara and winked then took the baby into adjoining bathroom while the midwife finished delivering the afterbirth. The pain that had been rocking Tamara’s body for the good part of three hours seemed all but gone as he stared down at his peaceful wife who was focusing her gaze on the bathroom.

  “You okay?”

  She turned her gaze from the door and up to him. Her eyes were filled with tears. “I’m so much better than okay. We did it.”

  “No, love, you did it. You are a god!” All the stress he’d been holding inside since the second her water broke just flowed from his body. It was going to be okay. No, scratch that. It was okay.